This is not my typical post. I have a follow up to see how I’m adjusting to the “liquid gold”. I was thinking. The doctors who care for people like me have a heart. Caring for me is not profitable. It’s a calling. A calling I’m grateful for. In my medical journey, God has always provided. It leaves me in tears. As much as I doubt, I know He is there. I just get frustrated with how He works. I want things, and He says not yet.
God uses me
Even when
I wonder why
This is my gratefulness
That I’m deemed worthy
to be loved
In spite
Of myself
You want my heart
No hiding
No cowering
Just truth
Pure and honest
No lies
Or deception
You want me
As I am
Not some
Phony fake
You already
Have redeemed
My soul
And yet
I can’t forgive myself
For being human
I’m trusting
That You will
Make wholeness
Contentment and peace
Become real
Not a wish
Upon the star
The one
I’ve been
Longingly staring
At every day
Lord,
I come to you today because I need help that can only come from you. I would love to rejoice with others, as I wait for what you have for me. The fact is I’m not. I’m ashamed of it. I’m not surprised you are using something I never thought I’d admit to strengthen me. You knew I’d admit my sin eventually. You’re not surprised by my sin. You knew where I would struggle. You use sin. You use shame. You use it all to make me the child that lacks nothing. I don’t know what I’m to learn from this, but I trust You know.
Lord
Do what you do
Even if I’m clueless
As to
What that is
Whipping around
Like the wind
On a carousel
The horse
Your tool
To girlish glee
Where childhood
Is celebrated
And worry
Needn’t enter
The conversation
Out my window
The birds
Are soaring
Riding the wings
Of their creator
And having a ball
As the star
Of the show
It’s a good day
Because I’m here
To praise
You
Your
Omnipotent Magnificent
Give your children
The will to do right
Even when our flesh
Demands otherwise
Love others well
Even if
Your not loved well
Your reward
Comes from God
Not human hands
