Thursday, March 24, 2016

Dear Jesus

Dear Jesus,

Here is my life.  I truly didn't appreciate life before I met you.  I was consumed by what I considered my demise, Cerebral Palsy.  I blamed Your Father.  I blasphemed Your Father's Name, His creation, me. I cursed everything I could.  I felt denied, cast out.  If you loved me, why did you make me with this visible demarkations and scars.  I often wondered what love would be, seeing as I couldn't love myself.  I blamed self for something of which I couldn't change.  Right now, I weep. I grieve the loss of never truly understanding that my life will never be what I thought.  I grieve the loss of knowing that my life will always know pain in some way.  I accept this.
I have Jesus as the greatest example.
He came to Earth as a man, knew he would be loved, then scorned and bled out for those "they know not what they do."Could you do the same?
This saint is a sinner.
I've heard it said- "Love the sinner, hate the sin."
I came into the world not know Cerebral Palsy would afflict me.  It did. It has.  If Jesus can heal the any and all afflictions in the Bible. I know He can heal me.
The thing is I don't think I will be cured from this affliction.  I serve Him better in affliction.  I firmly believe this.
Do I still get frustrated that certain things require help? Yes.  But my need for help from others, also requires my need for Him.  I shouldn't say need.  When God uses other for your benefit, no matter their intent, my proud heart wants God to guide me in dealing with others. I want what I can't have.  In my shoes, instant gratification doesn't exist.
I can't hope in a car and just drive away.
I can't run and hide.
I have to face the music.

I have a good idea why you chose me this way.  Most days, I can deal.
Some days it's not happening.

Paris, one day you and I will meet.
But for today, I thank you for the people you put in the path.

Joy is knowing that my nephew, Mason, wrote about me in a sentence for his class, and I'm just grinning.

Jesus, Thank you for this post.  Your Sacrifice.

God Bless,

1 comment:

  1. Good post my are on your way to over coming...your trials are not in vain and do not go unnoticed by our Heavenly my youth i felt the same as you. HUGS and Blessings