Here is my life. I truly didn't appreciate life before I met you. I was consumed by what I considered my demise, Cerebral Palsy. I blamed Your Father. I blasphemed Your Father's Name, His creation, me. I cursed everything I could. I felt denied, cast out. If you loved me, why did you make me with this visible demarkations and scars. I often wondered what love would be, seeing as I couldn't love myself. I blamed self for something of which I couldn't change. Right now, I weep. I grieve the loss of never truly understanding that my life will never be what I thought. I grieve the loss of knowing that my life will always know pain in some way. I accept this.
I have Jesus as the greatest example.
He came to Earth as a man, knew he would be loved, then scorned and bled out for those "they know not what they do."Could you do the same?
This saint is a sinner.
I've heard it said- "Love the sinner, hate the sin."
I came into the world not know Cerebral Palsy would afflict me. It did. It has. If Jesus can heal the any and all afflictions in the Bible. I know He can heal me.
The thing is I don't think I will be cured from this affliction. I serve Him better in affliction. I firmly believe this.
Do I still get frustrated that certain things require help? Yes. But my need for help from others, also requires my need for Him. I shouldn't say need. When God uses other for your benefit, no matter their intent, my proud heart wants God to guide me in dealing with others. I want what I can't have. In my shoes, instant gratification doesn't exist.
I can't hope in a car and just drive away.
I can't run and hide.
I have to face the music.
I have a good idea why you chose me this way. Most days, I can deal.
Some days it's not happening.
Paris, one day you and I will meet.
But for today, I thank you for the people you put in the path.
Joy is knowing that my nephew, Mason, wrote about me in a sentence for his class, and I'm just grinning.
Jesus, Thank you for this post. Your Sacrifice.