Sunday, May 28, 2017

Saved

Am I living a life that says I got saved as the title of Selah's song says?  I'm thinking.

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Would you rather

Eat snails or calamari
Do a reality show or run a 5k
Cupping or oil pulling
Tracksuit or jumpsuit
French Open or PGA

Friday, May 26, 2017

Real

Today is not my best day. I'm a little sad, wondering if I did anything wrong, said the wrong thing. My heart is somewhere else. My head is too. I'm sorry.

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Faith

My heart aches. I struggle to have faith in humanity. In goodness. We don't love. We don't care. I know there is good, but I question. I have to faith in God to give me peace.

Pick

Unexpected gift
Smile
Hug

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Pick

Sweet tea
Green tea
Chai tea

The truth hurts

The truth hurts why?  Because I'd rather be in denial. It's hard to admit that what we need, is most of the time what we want. Cerebral Palsy has taught me that I am like the tortoise. I hate to be slowed down. I want to appear as if nothing's wrong, but that's a lie. I can't live in a lie. I'm learning I don't have to cultivate perfect. I'm ok as I am. I'm not the mistake I thought God made. God can use me.

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Would you rather

Ski the Alps or drive a Maserati
Drink beer or wine
Sing or Dance
facial or manicure
Wear heels or fishnets

Monday, May 22, 2017

Survey

I have some things on my mind.
I've joined it. I get it.  It's fun, but I get the fear of missing out already. I've got a serious question though. As a believer, I have this nagging question.  What bothers you about Christians?  Honestly, I want to know. As a follower of Christ, I could use suggestions on how we're perceived. I want to truly live a life that you know Christ resides here.

Pick

Dog
Cat
Rabbit

Sunday, May 21, 2017

would you rather?

Soak in a hot tub or ice bath
Wear jeans or leather pants
Eat pretzels or ice cream
Drink greens or tea
See Thailand or live in Montreal

Saturday, May 20, 2017

News

Joined the world of Instagram. Not very tech savvy, so I will attempt to learn.
Who should I follow? Are you on Instagram?

Friday, May 19, 2017

More truth

After writing my watershed post, I'm realizing some things. Not everyone will celebrate you. Not everyone will give you praise. You will realize that when you get real, you will make people uncomfortable. We all long for comfort, comfort is a recipe for stagnation. Cerebral Palsy allows me no physical comfort, but it allowed me mental comfort.  I'm coming clean. Life is no picnic. I'm learning that to follow God's call, I'm having to be as uncomfortable as the mounting callouses on my feet. I used to say I didn't wish CP on anyone. Maybe I had it wrong. Anybody want to take a walk in my shoes?  Get ready for a wild ride. Change requires a total loss of what you want. The only One who can give me what I want is God.  And that can be painful. My friend Allen always told me, you don't know how beautiful you are.  I miss you friend for showing me who Christ was and forever will be. You loved people as Jesus would. Sometimes we love people based on what they provide us. I can give Jesus not a thing He doesn't already have, yet He loves me anyway.

Would you rather

Sing the national anthem or public speaking
Eating snails or drink wine
Meghan Markle or Kate Middleton
Taj Mahal or Rialto Bridge
Miniskirt or Romper

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Would you rather

Eat pasta or pizza
Drink beer or La Croix
Climb Kilimanjaro or visit Disneyland
Win a Nobel or Academy Award
Run or jog

Pick

Beatles
Rolling Stones
Pink Floyd

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

would you rather

Eat ramen or drink sake
Visit Paris or live in Provence
Swim with sharks or run with the bulls
Truth or dare
Fight or flight

Pick

Chocolate chip
Oatmeal raisin
Macadamia nut

Monday, May 15, 2017

Beautiful confession

After my much lauded post thanks to God and my mom, she requested I write the post., I've decided to get honest.
I've always known my calling, it's not the one I wanted, so I decided to find another one.
You see it didn't work. God finally brought me to the place where denial would lead, and still my mom pleaded for the post. What I thought would cost me, has finally given me the courage to claim the calling I never wanted.  
I'm having to be the change.

Pick

China
Maldives
Thailand

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Sunday

After yesterday's post, I am going to do something God's put on my heart for years. I didn't want to be the Cerebral Palsy girl, but I will take, if that's what it takes to be treated with respect and dignity. I've been ashamed of myself, and of God for making me this way.  I realize I can't change it, so maybe embrace it?

Saturday, May 13, 2017

The unvarnished truth.

This is a post I really hoped I didn't have to write. You wanted to hear my take on Cerebral Palsy, and not censor my thoughts. I realize I may lose followers, but I must. I was born with a mild case of Cerebral Palsy. Mild in that if I didn't tell you, you wouldn't know. Cerebral Palsy is an "brain disorder which affects movement and fine motor skills"as defined by reputable sources.  Doesn't seem bad, you'd think. Well to keep up the charade of looking normal is expensive as heck. Eight to ten surgeries, plus two more for a baclofen pump, not forgetting years of Botox injections in my legs, and nerve blocks in my shoulder blades, should I continue?  The years of physical and occupational therapy to learn to do so called things like brush your teeth.   Years of work in a therapist's chair to repair the damage of others' words and my OWN.   What you don't see are the bruises from falling, the countless hits to my pride as I ask for help to tighten my bra straps, among many other examples. Fighting for my right to an education, because, since you look normal, you should be able to meet our requirements without accommodation. I won't elaborate on how painful that experience was, because thinking on it, it still is. Why you ask, am I doing this?  A nice little health care bill passed the House that says, you don't matter. I have infantile Cerebral Palsy, one of those pre existing conditions.  My representative voted for it. Now, here it is folks, if you don't want the truth STOP READING.

This was a bill voted for by conservative Christians who ascribe to being pro life. The unborn is sacred, but if you're born with a medical issue, screw you. For God, who knit me in my mother's womb, and I'm fearfully and wonderfully made, Republicans said scratch that. When it says to give up all you earthly wealth, and follow me. Republicans say, nope, I don't subscribe. When God implores us to love the least of these, no, I don't need to apply that.   This tells me I better pray all unborn children are born with disease or defect. I am glad I found Christ before now, because even now as a Christian, I wonder if we read the same Bible. I have little regard for policing of either political stripe as I tired of being told, "I can't do any good if I'm not in office."  I'm tired of being told you're net worth is tied with your self worth.

I'm so tired of folks who use God to justify their actions. Maybe I  should've at least prayed to asked to  have born with a silver spoon if I had to born with this disorder according to this bill. I pray the Senate has better judgement.

Mahatma Gandhi once said, I like your Christ, I don't like your Christians. I'm paraphrasing.   Would those who love Christ, please show it.

Pick

The Amazing Race
Survivor
The Voice

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Burst

I went to the funeral for my dear friend, and I found hope. There was a quote that spoke to me. "God uses His best soldiers in the highlands of affliction. The dam burst, and my tears flowed. I don't know if I have to explain this, but God used one sentence to push me.

Pick

Oatmeal
Eggs
Avocado Toast

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Pick

Belle
Ariel
Elsa

RIP

I came home yesterday and decided to check Facebook.  I got a sad shock yesterday. A pastor who has given me so much love and support over the years passed away from a car accident. I am just can't believe he is no longer here. RIP sweet friend. I will never forget how well you loved Jesus and others.

Monday, May 8, 2017

Truth

I have been thinking lately, and much as I dislike doing this I must. I will have to talk about Cerebral Palsy, and how it affects me. Many people have no idea what CP, and in this political climate I feel I must. I don't want keep teaching, but if I don't educate people don't know. Look I really don't want to get into a political discussion. I won't change your mind, but I need to speak the truth I have.

Mondays

Children can make you feel old and young at the same. Had a great weekend with my niece and nephew.

Friday, May 5, 2017

Thursday, May 4, 2017

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Pick

Christina Aguilera
Britney Spears
Selena Gomez

My heart

Honestly, it took going on vacation to get me to enjoy life. I'm so focused on what could go wrong, why things I earnestly want haven't begun to appear, that I forgot to enjoy the now. I constantly live in what could be, and get upset when what I want doesn't happen when I want it to.   I actually took time to savor food, friendship and the world around me. I will have days where I go back to my thinking, but I want to enjoy the now.

Sunday, April 30, 2017

Sunday

I got back from vacation and enjoyed it. I found a few things to be true.
My body is more resilient than I thought.
Vacation isn't vacation if I bring the same mindset with me.
I enjoyed more cookies than I care to count.
I'm changing.
And that's ok.

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Friday, April 21, 2017

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Detox

Detox from negativity and ignorance. I used to think ignorance was bliss. How wrong was I?  Lead me Lord.

Pick

Fishing
Hiking
Shopping

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Getting personal

I am feeling scared. Scared of failure, messing up, getting it wrong, and waiting too long because I don't want to face the fear. I know I can't hide forever, but it's comfortable. Why must I crave comfort?  Lord, God I need You to let me face my fear.

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Friday, April 14, 2017

Good Friday

It is Good Friday. And all I can wonder is if I've spread myself too thin. Doubt and worry have got come in. I'm thinking of all that could go wrong, and if it does it will be all my fault. But it's Good Friday keeps coming to mind. All this to say, in seven years of being a Christian, is that I have to remember what drew me to Him and what keeps me there.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Vulnerability

This is my heart. My heart wonders if I will find love. A man to love me, all of me. I realize I must love self first. If it doesn't happen can I still find acceptance and joy in Christ, the deliverer of my soul.
My heart wonders if I will see Paris.
My heart wonders if I can find the beauty in each day.

Pen pals

Are you a fan of pen pals?

Sunday, April 9, 2017

Pain and Peace

I'm learning each day. Learning lessons I wished I fully learned years ago.  Would it have saved me some pain. As I lower expectations of people, do I include myself?  Do I hold on to the promises of who God says I am versus what the world tells me?  An eye opener for sure. How does stay an idealist when seeing harsh realities that unsettle my being.

Friday, April 7, 2017

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Perservere

I'm learning what it is to perservere once again. When I was younger I relished the challenge Cerebral  Palsy forced me to face. Now, not so much. I don't have the desire to fight the battle. Part of me now weighs do I pick that fight back up or lay it down.   Do I fight for justice, or just live, having faith that that alone is enough?

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Pick

Gummies
Sour worms
Hershey kisses

Tuesday

Flipped in my Bible.  I came to Proverbs 11:2. I got humbled quick. My heart and head have been filled with self-pity because I have had my heart on what I wanted, not what I have. Sometimes the only One who can humble you is God.

Saturday, April 1, 2017

Friday, March 31, 2017

Pride

You will learn your pride has to go. I could write a lists to tell of my pride. CP makes you check yourself everyday, this I know. I'd rather do it myself than let go of my pride and ask for help. Not good folks. I hide my pain, my fear everything. I pay prices for my pride.   Pride, not CP will be my downfall. The pride has to go.

Pick

Miami
Chicago
DC

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Lessons you will learn being disabled

Acceptance can take a long time depending how stubborn you are.
You will learn to wait.
You will face reality whether you want to or not.
Blissful ignorance no longer applies
You will battle your faith more than you ever thought possible.
You will learn those who love you versus an afterthought.
You will be blunt.
You will still try to see the world as a good place.
You will try to not get down on yourself.
You will have to choose joy every day.
You will have to face your fears every day.
You will know rejection and pain.
But you will find joy to keep living.

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Pick

Mustard
Ketchup
Mayonnaise

Acceptance

Having a rough few weeks. Accepting who you are while others can't.  Trying to conform to a set of norms. Having to rely on the One who never fails, and Trusting His timing is testing every bit of faith I have.
God, lead to a place where Your Grace is sufficient.

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Dwell

Christ loves me. I am not what others think of me. I have to dwell on His Goodness.

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Friday, March 17, 2017

Thursday, March 16, 2017

Pick

Corned beef
Cabbage
Soda bread

Blessings.

Worshipping with Jesus.
I am blessed with a family that loves me.
A warm, cozy home.
A pantry that is beyond full.
Dreams.
Being able to travel
Calloused feet that tell me I'm walking
Hope in Jesus. I hope You find Him too.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

What I want.

Living with Christ is hard
for I am selfish
I want what I want
With Christ
You live for others
Deny self
Our desire is not His
To love Christ
I must love other.

Pick

Anguilla
Greece
Sochi, Russia

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Suffering

I've read several blog posts discussing joy in suffering. I flatly said no, but I was thinking of happiness.  Happiness in suffering I haven't found. Joy, I will see. When I immerse myself in who He is, let myself worship, my heart can appreciate His Love and Sacrifice.  So I will honor His suffering by finding joy in mine.

Pick

Germany
France
India

Monday, March 13, 2017

i need You

Lord, I need you
For what I see
I do not like. 
When I see you
I must trust 
Even when the world 
Says not

Pick

Tim Tebow
Alex Rodriguez
Roger Federer

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Friday, March 10, 2017

Vulnerable

The vulnerability I feel right now is like an open wound that won't close.  Open to feel everything I once repressed. Wonder if what I want if not an option. Waiting on God is hard. Waiting is hard period. Trust is hard. Having faith is hard. Wonder if it's me. I'm trying to love self, and I wonder if it's me.

Pick

Shortbread
Pecan
Oatmeal

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Denial

I've been thinking which for me can be not good.  I once thought it was great that you couldn't see my disability.  I'm finding that thinking wrong. Denial has caused me more pain than I can say.   Truth is one hard cut, but denial is a festering sore. I have to forgive myself.  I realize I haven't. Writing this last sentence has me in tears thinking of what I've done to myself.   I can't undo the pain, but I can try not to repeat it. Right now, I have to let the anger go. Not all anger is bad, but this is right now.

Pick

Tulips
Roses
Daisy

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Pick

Monaco
Spain
France

Faith

Let me have faith. Faith that demonstrates belief. A belief that doesn't waver.  That needs no proof.

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Grace

Finding you in that place. When I am face to face.  Knowing that my mistakes are not disgrace. I trust in the sovereignty of the One who took the blame. For life began when I called your Name. I come to You today seeking forgiveness for what I cannot change.

Friday, March 3, 2017

Cerebral Palsy

I'm realizing normal isn't possible. Peace, yes. I've dreaded dependency, giving it to negativity, but that may not be so. It takes strength, Grace and courage to admit you need help even when it bruises your ego.   I have an ego, and Cerebral Palsy breaks it.

Pick

Hermes
Chanel
Wal-Mart

Thursday, March 2, 2017

Cerebral Palsy

I didn't want to talk about Cerebral Palsy because I didn't want to deal with it. The pain, the agony, the shame over not having acceptance over what I have never been able to control. I didn't think people would love me because I couldn't love myself. I struggle with accepting love because I question its authenticity. I didn't want to accept the elephant in the room. As much as I said I did, I didn't. I wanted from people what I was unwilling to give myself. Truth, the one thing that doesn't lie. The scars one sees are not the bad ones. I want to trust, to love and let Truth guide me.

Shop

a sale
Vintage
Consignment

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Pick

Iced Tea
Mimosa
Martini

Free to find

The truth does set you free. It's painful. It's a bit of letting go. I haven't fully done so, and I feel ashamed. To admit you have trouble trusting Christ is embarrassing and shames me. I have fear.
Faith.  I'm seeking the Only One who completes me.
God Bless

Monday, February 27, 2017

Truth

Last week, I had a post discussing my grievances, and I got a response I didn't take well at all. Then I looked at it differently. The comment was probably meant for good. We can't interpret words, when we don't know the intent. I don't know how many of you are new readers, so I will give a reintroduction. I've avoided doing this because I realized I would open up the one wound I never really like to discuss. I'm ripping off the band-aid. I'm Regine. I'm 33. And I have Cerebral Palsy. I typed that without tears. I was told it doesn't get worse as I get older, with age though comes inconvenience. And most humans hate that word. Inconvenience brings a necessity of waiting, something I may be used to, but don't like much. You don't fix CP. The only thing you control is your mind's decision to redirect your thoughts, actions and reactions. And it requires those traits of which are lacking.   I say this in truthful acceptance. I have to make a choice to look at things in another way.
Thank you for reading, and giving feedback. It's the way we learn.

Love

Praying for Manda's family and friends. Praying for all who need them.

Friday, February 24, 2017

Afraid

I realize I'm afraid. I'm afraid of the unknown. Afraid of what I can't fix. I want to fix myself. Knowing I can't is something I have to accept. My problem with acceptance.

Friday

Having to have faith to live everyday, and keep positive.

Monday, February 20, 2017

Friday, February 17, 2017

Thoughts

My heart is all over the place. Here are my thoughts.
I don't think I've ever prayed this much for God to lead me. I don't think to think I ever wanted acceptance so badly. And I've just lost my train of thought.
Blessings.

Faith

Having faith right now is hard.

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Pick

Bread
Cheese
Wine

Waiting

My faith is having to stretch. Waiting is painful. I know He desires the best for me, but lately I think I know what's best, and I know that's not true. I'm tired of waiting, but know I must.

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Break

Getting back to Jesus. I realize how I fail Him, and He still is merciful.  I realize things about myself, and I can't hate myself. God wouldn't like it. My heart breakers for how much He loves me, and how much I don't. If truth sets free, Truth is needed. Truth is absence of indecision.

Pick

Twix
Milky Way
3 Musketeers

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Honestly

Honesty, truth, love and life. Can we handle?

learn

With disappointment comes revelation. I can't tire of doing good, believing the best. God is revealing Himself if I am willing. I spent enough time of not willing. I'm coming around. Learn from me.

Monday, February 6, 2017

Tired

I'm realizing CP is kicking my butt.
I realize I'm tired mentally and physically.
I realize I need to stop thinking.
I realizing Paleo suits my body best.
Jesus, I need you

Thank God

Sometimes, you just thank God for the good days.

Thursday, February 2, 2017

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Grace

I am on a news detox. I don't know when I will return. I listen to Christian music all day. I am in constant need to pray. I can't deal. My heart hurts. My soul cries. I no longer speak.  I love God, therefore I am to love people, but I struggle.  We no loner can have conversation, and so I cease. It's His job. I'm having to lean on who Jesus is. What would Jesus do?  Jesus is no illusion for which I give thanks.

Pick

Chocolate
Vanilla
Strawberry

Monday, January 30, 2017

Monday, January 23, 2017

Grace with Faith

I have chosen to only post good things, not because I ignore the bad, it is because you can find that elsewhere.  I fight my flesh enough to think on such things of which I have no control. I was walking just now, and how much a blessing it is for me. I was thinking on all my blessings.  I won't complain. I have to look to Jesus. I have to pick battles.
With Christ, I'm great
Without, not so much

Pick

Diamond stud
Ruby ring
Sapphire bracelet

Friday, January 20, 2017

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Monday, January 16, 2017

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Fight

Learning to love me is a battle I fight.  Wish I didn't fight this so much, but I do. With all this faith, you would have thought this would no longer bother me, but it does. Lord, let me love me

Pick

Grace Kelly
Jane Fonda
Natalie Portman

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Pick

Paris
London
Venice

Great God

God knows when to speak to me. He uses my own words. I need to have faith over the fear I have. It's a struggle I know daily. I need to ask for help, receive it with humility. God works.

Pick

McQueen
Prada
Nike

Monday, January 9, 2017

Thank you

Thank you God for loving me. I'm thankful for Your lovingkindness toward me. Why you love me I know, but can't understand. Thank you for loving me.  I don't deserve it. Thank you.

Pick

Paris
Montevideo
Myanmar

Pick

Skyscraper or farm
Hunt or museum
Avocado or soy

Friday, January 6, 2017

Thankful

I read a blog that just spoke to me, and now I'm thinking.  I'm frustrated. The news saddens me.  It angers me. And yet I thank God. I'm waiting to meet the right guy.  It's frustrating. When will I travel more overseas. And in the midst, I thank God. It's hard to believe and wait. So many questions.

Pick

Greenville, SC
Tulum, Mexico
Dubrovnik, Croatia

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Pick

a SAG
An Oscar
A Tony

Realize

I'm realizing that for my health, I must be in constant prayer. I'm realizing that I'm must be forced to do new things. I realize that I must listen to God for my own good.   Me without God doesn't cut it. Waiting on God is frustrating, but necessary.

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

My favorites

I am loving a good sale
I am loving good sweets
I'm loving good movies

Favorite

Favorite unusual place to shop?
Favorite healthy activity?
Favorite bar?

Monday, January 2, 2017

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Pick

Castle in England
Overwater bungalow in Bora Bora
Yurt in Ulan Bator