Life can shock you, amaze you. God is laughing right now. I always have what ifs in my mind. It's fear. I've been ruled by fear for so long, I don't know freedom. I'm embracing the fear. That may be the only way I taste freedom. I haven't embraced fear, because I haven't wanted to accept its existence. I hide. I don't want you to see the pain. I've locked it all up for safe keeping. I want to control everything even when I don't have it. I'm a prideful, private person. Here I try to let it go.