Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Fear

Life can shock you, amaze you. God is laughing right now. I always have what ifs in my mind. It's fear. I've been ruled by fear for so long, I don't know freedom. I'm embracing the fear. That may be the only way I taste freedom. I haven't embraced fear, because I haven't wanted to accept its existence. I hide. I don't want you to see the pain. I've locked it all up for safe keeping. I want to control everything even when I don't have it.   I'm a prideful, private person. Here I try to let it go.

Pick

French fries
Hash browns 
Home fries

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Saved

Am I living a life that says I got saved as the title of Selah's song says?  I'm thinking.

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Would you rather

Eat snails or calamari
Do a reality show or run a 5k
Cupping or oil pulling
Tracksuit or jumpsuit
French Open or PGA

Friday, May 26, 2017

Real

Today is not my best day. I'm a little sad, wondering if I did anything wrong, said the wrong thing. My heart is somewhere else. My head is too. I'm sorry.

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Faith

My heart aches. I struggle to have faith in humanity. In goodness. We don't love. We don't care. I know there is good, but I question. I have to faith in God to give me peace.

Pick

Unexpected gift
Smile
Hug

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Pick

Sweet tea
Green tea
Chai tea

The truth hurts

The truth hurts why?  Because I'd rather be in denial. It's hard to admit that what we need, is most of the time what we want. Cerebral Palsy has taught me that I am like the tortoise. I hate to be slowed down. I want to appear as if nothing's wrong, but that's a lie. I can't live in a lie. I'm learning I don't have to cultivate perfect. I'm ok as I am. I'm not the mistake I thought God made. God can use me.

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Would you rather

Ski the Alps or drive a Maserati
Drink beer or wine
Sing or Dance
facial or manicure
Wear heels or fishnets

Monday, May 22, 2017

Survey

I have some things on my mind.
I've joined it. I get it.  It's fun, but I get the fear of missing out already. I've got a serious question though. As a believer, I have this nagging question.  What bothers you about Christians?  Honestly, I want to know. As a follower of Christ, I could use suggestions on how we're perceived. I want to truly live a life that you know Christ resides here.

Pick

Dog
Cat
Rabbit

Sunday, May 21, 2017

would you rather?

Soak in a hot tub or ice bath
Wear jeans or leather pants
Eat pretzels or ice cream
Drink greens or tea
See Thailand or live in Montreal

Saturday, May 20, 2017

News

Joined the world of Instagram. Not very tech savvy, so I will attempt to learn.
Who should I follow? Are you on Instagram?

Friday, May 19, 2017

More truth

After writing my watershed post, I'm realizing some things. Not everyone will celebrate you. Not everyone will give you praise. You will realize that when you get real, you will make people uncomfortable. We all long for comfort, comfort is a recipe for stagnation. Cerebral Palsy allows me no physical comfort, but it allowed me mental comfort.  I'm coming clean. Life is no picnic. I'm learning that to follow God's call, I'm having to be as uncomfortable as the mounting callouses on my feet. I used to say I didn't wish CP on anyone. Maybe I had it wrong. Anybody want to take a walk in my shoes?  Get ready for a wild ride. Change requires a total loss of what you want. The only One who can give me what I want is God.  And that can be painful. My friend Allen always told me, you don't know how beautiful you are.  I miss you friend for showing me who Christ was and forever will be. You loved people as Jesus would. Sometimes we love people based on what they provide us. I can give Jesus not a thing He doesn't already have, yet He loves me anyway.

Would you rather

Sing the national anthem or public speaking
Eating snails or drink wine
Meghan Markle or Kate Middleton
Taj Mahal or Rialto Bridge
Miniskirt or Romper

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Would you rather

Eat pasta or pizza
Drink beer or La Croix
Climb Kilimanjaro or visit Disneyland
Win a Nobel or Academy Award
Run or jog

Pick

Beatles
Rolling Stones
Pink Floyd

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

would you rather

Eat ramen or drink sake
Visit Paris or live in Provence
Swim with sharks or run with the bulls
Truth or dare
Fight or flight

Pick

Chocolate chip
Oatmeal raisin
Macadamia nut

Monday, May 15, 2017

Beautiful confession

After my much lauded post thanks to God and my mom, she requested I write the post., I've decided to get honest.
I've always known my calling, it's not the one I wanted, so I decided to find another one.
You see it didn't work. God finally brought me to the place where denial would lead, and still my mom pleaded for the post. What I thought would cost me, has finally given me the courage to claim the calling I never wanted.  
I'm having to be the change.

Pick

China
Maldives
Thailand

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Sunday

After yesterday's post, I am going to do something God's put on my heart for years. I didn't want to be the Cerebral Palsy girl, but I will take, if that's what it takes to be treated with respect and dignity. I've been ashamed of myself, and of God for making me this way.  I realize I can't change it, so maybe embrace it?

Saturday, May 13, 2017

The unvarnished truth.

This is a post I really hoped I didn't have to write. You wanted to hear my take on Cerebral Palsy, and not censor my thoughts. I realize I may lose followers, but I must. I was born with a mild case of Cerebral Palsy. Mild in that if I didn't tell you, you wouldn't know. Cerebral Palsy is an "brain disorder which affects movement and fine motor skills"as defined by reputable sources.  Doesn't seem bad, you'd think. Well to keep up the charade of looking normal is expensive as heck. Eight to ten surgeries, plus two more for a baclofen pump, not forgetting years of Botox injections in my legs, and nerve blocks in my shoulder blades, should I continue?  The years of physical and occupational therapy to learn to do so called things like brush your teeth.   Years of work in a therapist's chair to repair the damage of others' words and my OWN.   What you don't see are the bruises from falling, the countless hits to my pride as I ask for help to tighten my bra straps, among many other examples. Fighting for my right to an education, because, since you look normal, you should be able to meet our requirements without accommodation. I won't elaborate on how painful that experience was, because thinking on it, it still is. Why you ask, am I doing this?  A nice little health care bill passed the House that says, you don't matter. I have infantile Cerebral Palsy, one of those pre existing conditions.  My representative voted for it. Now, here it is folks, if you don't want the truth STOP READING.

This was a bill voted for by conservative Christians who ascribe to being pro life. The unborn is sacred, but if you're born with a medical issue, screw you. For God, who knit me in my mother's womb, and I'm fearfully and wonderfully made, Republicans said scratch that. When it says to give up all you earthly wealth, and follow me. Republicans say, nope, I don't subscribe. When God implores us to love the least of these, no, I don't need to apply that.   This tells me I better pray all unborn children are born with disease or defect. I am glad I found Christ before now, because even now as a Christian, I wonder if we read the same Bible. I have little regard for policing of either political stripe as I tired of being told, "I can't do any good if I'm not in office."  I'm tired of being told you're net worth is tied with your self worth.

I'm so tired of folks who use God to justify their actions. Maybe I  should've at least prayed to asked to  have born with a silver spoon if I had to born with this disorder according to this bill. I pray the Senate has better judgement.

Mahatma Gandhi once said, I like your Christ, I don't like your Christians. I'm paraphrasing.   Would those who love Christ, please show it.

Pick

The Amazing Race
Survivor
The Voice

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Burst

I went to the funeral for my dear friend, and I found hope. There was a quote that spoke to me. "God uses His best soldiers in the highlands of affliction. The dam burst, and my tears flowed. I don't know if I have to explain this, but God used one sentence to push me.

Pick

Oatmeal
Eggs
Avocado Toast

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Pick

Belle
Ariel
Elsa

RIP

I came home yesterday and decided to check Facebook.  I got a sad shock yesterday. A pastor who has given me so much love and support over the years passed away from a car accident. I am just can't believe he is no longer here. RIP sweet friend. I will never forget how well you loved Jesus and others.

Monday, May 8, 2017

Truth

I have been thinking lately, and much as I dislike doing this I must. I will have to talk about Cerebral Palsy, and how it affects me. Many people have no idea what CP, and in this political climate I feel I must. I don't want keep teaching, but if I don't educate people don't know. Look I really don't want to get into a political discussion. I won't change your mind, but I need to speak the truth I have.

Mondays

Children can make you feel old and young at the same. Had a great weekend with my niece and nephew.

Friday, May 5, 2017

Thursday, May 4, 2017

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Pick

Christina Aguilera
Britney Spears
Selena Gomez

My heart

Honestly, it took going on vacation to get me to enjoy life. I'm so focused on what could go wrong, why things I earnestly want haven't begun to appear, that I forgot to enjoy the now. I constantly live in what could be, and get upset when what I want doesn't happen when I want it to.   I actually took time to savor food, friendship and the world around me. I will have days where I go back to my thinking, but I want to enjoy the now.