Monday, July 31, 2017

Would you rather

Eat crab or linguine
Drink Cabernet or iced latte.
Drum or play percussion
Wear tanks or turtlenecks
Visit Italy or be a nomad

Friday, July 28, 2017

Faith

I'm trying to stretch my faith, and not fear. I'm doing one thing a day that scares me. I'm putting my feet in the water. It's scary. I'm doing it, because if I don't I won't grow. That's all I have for today. Any more would be disingenuous.

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Personal post.

As I evaluate certain things about myself, I realize some things I need to work on. It's ok to be deliberate. It's okay not to have the answers, or the right ones. I don't have to feel guilty because others may not understand or accept you. Most of all, it's okay to be human. I haven't given myself the benefit of the doubt. I haven't been kind to self, and that is not okay. I'm so afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing. I worry about others' feelings and not my own. I wonder when I will have the confidence to stop apologizing for who and what I am, and believe in.   Lord, let my faith be strong enough that what you think and say about me is the only thing that matters. It shouldn't be hard, but it is.

Pick

Mexico
Myanmar
Madagascar

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Would you rather

Take a power nap or sleep at night
Eat berries or brats.
Drink water or coffee
Sing oldies or spoken word
Live in Maine or visit Vietnam

Thoughts.

I need to give myself grace everyday.
I have no control over others thoughts of me
I am no longer fighting battles I can't win.
Change is gradual, it takes years
Sometimes chocolate and champagne are a good thing.

Monday, July 24, 2017

Would you rather

Eat apricot or drink a smoothie
Have your ears pieced or a tattoo.
Wear sweats or a bikini
Run on a treadmill or climb a mountain.
Visit Hamburg or live in Tulum

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Mom

This post is not about me.  It's about someone I love. She doesn't know I'm writing this. I wasn't there to witness it, but I am proud nonetheless. My parents went to Wal-Mart yesterday, for what exactly I cant describe. When in a small-town you are destined to see someone you know, or think you know. That's exactly what happened to my mom yesterday. I may not retell the story here as accurately, but I will try. In the sporting goods department of the Wal-Mart, two grown men came up to my mom, asked her if she was Ms./Mrs. so and so. These grown men happened to be two or her former students. What happened next is the stuff only God can do. These men told their sons that my mom was the best teacher they ever had. "The hardest in terms of discipline, but they learned their math."  To have others heap such effusive praise on someone you love puts it all into perspective. Our struggles are rewarded. It makes me realized how blessed I am that I still get to be taught by her. I'm a part of her great legacy. I think it was Maya Angelou who said "People won't remember what you did, but how you made them feel."  Present and future generations would be wise to remember this. Accomplishments are great, but character is forever. My late grandfather would always tell me you're either good or bad. I would always seek a more complicated answer. It can't be that simple. Pop Pop, if you can read this:  You were right. "Oh Lord Forgive Us."  Lord, Forgive Me. I am so profoundly blessed. Love others as if that's the only gift you can afford to give them.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Pick

Have health
Have wealth
Have faith

Getting to know you.

How do you take your coffee?
Favorite band in high school?
What is your dream job?
Guilty pleasure?
What is your middle name?

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Love

Just a heads up. Emotional post. This blog started as a way for me to get out of my own head.  I had too much pain, enough anger and resentment that could last a lifetime that was a ticking time bomb. If you are disabled, a disclaimer should be issued. If you thought childhood was a rough time, wait until you get older, to face a world you're not prepared to meet. Great parents help, but they can't shield you from blunt force trauma to your psyche. There is good in the world, but you may meet wolves in sheeps clothing. Back then, I was an uber-idealist. The world was roses and coffee beans. I had blinders on. Those years hardened me, and frankly I haven't dredged them up until now. Until I finally decided to address this elephant. Cerebral Palsy, how, I have detested you. I hated you. Now I just deal with you. People now know of this space, and its success and now don't question my abilities as much. It's flattering, but I had to prove it. Maybe I didn't. God just said:  Watch. God does for me more than I could ever dream to ask. I'm glad my best friend was persistent that day.   I've heard it said, God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called.

Would you rather

Eat at a restaurant or home cooked meal
Drink alcohol or Kool-aid
Cardio or weights
Buy clothes or candles
Visit St. Barts or live in Costa Rica

Monday, July 17, 2017

Thank you.

Thank you for all your well wishes following my hospital visit. Every time I think of things as routine, it is not. The anxiety of it all is not fun. There is something about a hospital that puts your ego in check, your nerves on alert. Nothing about a hospital to bring out all human emotions. There is nothing like it. I would describe the procedure, but it's almost too visceral. Maybe one day. Right now, it's too real. Thank you. When you have health, you have it all.

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Hospital

Had a long day at the hospital yesterday. Cerebral Palsy is no joke. Tired

Monday, July 10, 2017

Would you rather

Eat shrimp or drink V8
Swim in the Bahamas or hike the Alps
Pet a cat or own a dog
Play baseball or watch tennis
Live in Canada or visit Cuba

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Grateful for the reminder

I just read a blog comment that made the light bulb go off. "I'm handicapped, but my mind is clear" and folks what a blessing to be able to articulate my hopes, fears, dreams and aspirations. I've taken that for granted. I haven't taken proper stock. My value is not in a dollar bill, a principality or societal norm. Cerebral Palsy is allowing me the greatest gift. Not giving a darn. When you go under the knife more times than you can count, and consider having needles inserted into your abdomen as no big deal or routine, what others think of you is no big deal. My body is high maintenance, so what. I'm grateful for every doctor, everything. I'm learning what it is to love self without fear of reprisal. Thank you Sheri. "The mind is a terrible thing to waste" or take for granted.

Thursday, July 6, 2017

Would you rather?

Eat a date or drink Perrier
cuddle a dog or pet a snake
Swim laps or run them
Emmanuel Macron or Ted Cruz
Visit Chaing Mai or live in Germany

The tongue

I was reading a blog post at Mix and Match Mama, and it got me thinking. Not a good thing. I have three other siblings. One older brother, and two sisters. We are triplets. I will preface this by saying this. They all are very successful. I am happy for their success, and I love them very much. All this to say, I've had to find myself apart from them. I've been compared to them and their success. I couldn't deal. I couldn't deal with being the only "defective" one. I could handle being asked what I would do with my life. I could help feeling like a "problem" child. I couldn't handle life. I couldn't handle my own questions. It's been said I "preach". Folks without God...I can't. It's just too painful. God is the reason I rise out of bed. The only thing worse than a battered body is a broken mind and soul. I can't explain it, and for the first time, I'm letting the tears fall. I have feared weakness so long. I am not my siblings. I can't duplicate their success. What is my contribution to society?  That question has haunted my soul for years. I can't be a politician, as I once wanted. No deep pockets, too many skeletons and I'm not a good liar. Words hurt, and I've tried to erase them. I can't. The tongue destroys. Now I know the words used to hurt me, God uses to redeem me. I am scared and worried to publish this.

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Happy Birthday America.

Happy 4th to all. I'm proud to be an American.  I can pray. I can complain. This country allows people like myself to thrive. Have fun. Be safe. God Bless.