Saturday, November 30, 2013

A Season of Thanks

For the first time in a long time, I am seeing thankfulness in a new light.  I am seeing A Father's Light in the heart of mine that has been lost.  I haven't treasured the greatness that comes from the unexpected.  The simple pleasures, the small victories.  I haven't lived life.  I haven't enjoyed life.  I want the destination, not the journey.  I want, want, want...and I don't like waiting.  To wait...whether it be in the waiting room, or for the desires of my heart.  His way is The WAY and I need to trust it.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Prayer request

I am asking for help, for prayers.  There is a lot on my mind.  Pray for hope, endurance, a willingness to be willing.  Any prayer requests? Or praise reports?

Friday, November 22, 2013

Weekend plans

Any weekend plans?  So tired.  Wanting some cookies and milk!  Any guilty pleasures?  Mine are peppermint Lamont bark and the family feud game show

Have a good weekend!

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Hope's what we crave. it's a line in a song by For King and Country.  Hope is what we crave.   i can't keep thinking about that statement.  When i think about it, it's a true state.  we have a true desire or craving for hope, something we can't quantify, but ultimately need.  Honestly, when i write these days, i look forward to your comments most of the time because they give me hope.  I have gotten comments that are well meaning, but step on my toes, and sometimes I need that.  Sometimes, I am looking for your comments to give me validation, and as much as I hate to admit this, sometimes it is best when nobody comments.  I say this because I need to look to God, my personal Savior, Jesus Christ.  The only way to satisfy my desire or craving comes from them.  I need to spend time with them today.  I have been lazy, and putting it off.  No more...

On my mind

I'm listening to Britt Nicole's song "Stand", and all I can think is I must STAND UP to this battle with anxiety that is plaguing my mind.  i have left the word anxiety all in lowercase, because capitalizing it gives that word power to me, and I believe that my GOD IS BIGGER than my battle with anxiety.  I think for the most part I am battling God's will for my life.  I am battling everything i have ever known.  i am coming back to the thing that is most natural for me.  Writing.  I stopped.  I quit it, didn't think i needed it anymore.  God is telling me to use the gift He has given me.  See, i doubt everything about what God says when it comes to me.  it's the truth, it hurts.  I don't like what i see in the mirror.  Never have.  have always felt less than in my own mind.  having to train my brain otherwise.  am i ashamed to admit much so that i am crying knowing i am typing this, for the first time, publicly admitting my shame, my truth.  Do I want to erase this....Yes....I feel like I have been a bad girl this year, as if this year Santa won't bring me gifts this year.  Don't know whether to publish this.  Emotionally spent, physically swept.  If I publish this, it's because I am listening to this song called Redeemed by Big Daddy Weave.
"I am Redeemed, You set Me Free"
Having to remind myself of that fact every second of every day.
God Bless,

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Long day

Long day but wanted to check in.  Favorite Christmas tradition?  Will share mine tomorrow!

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Thanksgiving traditions

Thanksgiving is almost upon us, any tradition you'd like to share?  Special foods or activities?  Are you a Black Friday shopper?

Monday, November 18, 2013


Lately things have been difficult, and I have forgotten to count my blessings.  I have what 99 percent of the world would love to have:  I have my health, my family and so much more.  It continues to amaze how much my family loves me.  To know you are loved but not fully understand the true depth of it warms my heart.  It's amazing!
Any heartwarming goodness?

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Does God use our pain for a purpose

These past few months have tested every part of my being.  I have been filled with a laundry list of emotions...lust, envy, jealousy, anxiety  and fear among many others.  if you can think it, i've probably thought it.  is writing this painful...Hell yes!  Right now, i feel i have an incapacity to lie, or do it well.  Is my introverted self having second thoughts...Oh God, do I want folks to see my flaws, my desire for male companionship, to be successful in a quantifiable I feel like I could God's job better....well maybe....honestly yes...  God is humbling me in a way I couldnt have seen.  i really wonder if the saying's true...God doesnt called the qualifited, he qualifies the called!

Friday, November 15, 2013

Any good news?

Anything bringing you joy today?  Any good weekend plans?  Listening to Christmas music before Thanksgiving?  What's making you happy?

Thursday, November 14, 2013

A reason

My friend Delvalina commented on my brutal honesty post that gave me pause.  "Everything happens   For a reason, even if we happen to know not the reason". Would I like to know the reason?  Sure I would.  It would be a lie if I answered any differently.  For somebody who wants concrete answers, right now is very difficult, because I don't have what I want.  Right now, if feels like God wants me to be married to him, before I can marry the man of my illustrious dreams.  God wants me to know it's not about me and my dreams.  The Trevor Morgan song:  "Fall Down" I am listening to right now as I type is speaking to this sentiment right now.  Philippians 2:1-11, my Bible verse of the day speaks to this as well.  Starting in verse 5 where it starts to detail how Jesus came as a man who would be obedient to death on a cross!"  I will not lie, when I saw the exclamation point, I thought at once, what's the big deal, why the need for the !.  Then I thought about the crown of thorns, his nailed hands, and I got it!  As it says "He did not consider his equality with God to be used to His advantage." What a Savior we have.  I may be selfless with others, but I have missed the point.  He wants me to practice and perfect being selfless with Him.  Love you Lord.  I have to practice selflessness with God so I can perfect selflessness with my future mate.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

What's on your mind?

Any questions for me?  Any prayer requests or praises?  Share with me
God Bless,

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Brutal honesty

This may be one of the most painful posts, I have ever written.  I have been struggling with taking life as it comes.  I want instant gratification.  I want everything on a silver platter or so it seems.  I want the guy to want me like I want him.  I want Paris on the private plane.  I read on Jessica's blog about contentment, and all I can think is that I don't have it.  Or it comes in spurts.  I am riddled with anxiety about finding the male of my dreams, and fulfilling all the desires of my heart.  I wonder about my faith, and how it waves like the ocean until Jesus calmed the seas.  I am trying to not delete every word.  The perfectionist in me is alive and well.  I am trying to reclaim the me I knew three months ago.  They say God doesn't give us anymore than we can handle.  I am starting to doubt that.  That statement might be sacrilege.  Right now, i am trying to follow the advice in "Finding Forrester" which goes something like this:  Don't think, punch the f---ing keys.
so right now i am punching the keys pardon the pun...i don't think i will proofread for fear i might just scrap this entire post...i have deleted entire posts at least twice because i didn't like them...then hated myself....if they say you are close to your destiny when the devil works overtime...then maybe i am close...i don't want to jinx can't jinx God though.  I am think i might be scared of success more than a concept hard to ISFP self is in overdrive....i wish i had a switch to turn this damn brain off....sorry for the language...another thing i do to much....the doormat I am...the first part of the problem is admitting you have problem and I admit it:  if there could be a fear for anything i could find a rational explanation to find it.  I am anxious pure and simple.  My stepdad really my dad told me I could write a bestseller with all this anxiety I am having.  If that's so the private plane to Paris may be a reality.  Maybe the groom too...who knows...
Praying i have the courage to press publish...
here we go

Monday, November 11, 2013

Happy Veteran's Day

Thankful to all those who have served, are serving or will serve.  God bless you and keep you.
Love and blessings to all.
God Bless,

Friday, November 8, 2013

Friday Five

Vinegar or mustard BBQ
Vogue or Bazaar
Spanish or French
Style or substance
You give me one and I will answer in the comments

God Bless,

Thursday, November 7, 2013


What's on your mind today?  My mind is jumbled and I have become what I don't like:  an anxious worry wort.  Please tell me I'm not alone!
Any relaxing techniques you can share?
It would be very much appreciated.
God Bless,

Friday, November 1, 2013

The Container Store or BBY
Google or Yahoo
Hermes or Lucky Brand
Thanksgiving or Christmas
November or December