Thursday, November 21, 2013

On my mind

I'm listening to Britt Nicole's song "Stand", and all I can think is I must STAND UP to this battle with anxiety that is plaguing my mind.  i have left the word anxiety all in lowercase, because capitalizing it gives that word power to me, and I believe that my GOD IS BIGGER than my battle with anxiety.  I think for the most part I am battling God's will for my life.  I am battling everything i have ever known.  i am coming back to the thing that is most natural for me.  Writing.  I stopped.  I quit it, didn't think i needed it anymore.  God is telling me to use the gift He has given me.  See, i doubt everything about what God says when it comes to me.  it's the truth, it hurts.  I don't like what i see in the mirror.  Never have.  have always felt less than in my own mind.  having to train my brain otherwise.  am i ashamed to admit this...so much so that i am crying knowing i am typing this, for the first time, publicly admitting my shame, my truth.  Do I want to erase this....Yes....I feel like I have been a bad girl this year, as if this year Santa won't bring me gifts this year.  Don't know whether to publish this.  Emotionally spent, physically swept.  If I publish this, it's because I am listening to this song called Redeemed by Big Daddy Weave.
"I am Redeemed, You set Me Free"
Having to remind myself of that fact every second of every day.
God Bless,
r

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