Thursday, July 6, 2017
I was reading a blog post at Mix and Match Mama, and it got me thinking. Not a good thing. I have three other siblings. One older brother, and two sisters. We are triplets. I will preface this by saying this. They all are very successful. I am happy for their success, and I love them very much. All this to say, I've had to find myself apart from them. I've been compared to them and their success. I couldn't deal. I couldn't deal with being the only "defective" one. I could handle being asked what I would do with my life. I could help feeling like a "problem" child. I couldn't handle life. I couldn't handle my own questions. It's been said I "preach". Folks without God...I can't. It's just too painful. God is the reason I rise out of bed. The only thing worse than a battered body is a broken mind and soul. I can't explain it, and for the first time, I'm letting the tears fall. I have feared weakness so long. I am not my siblings. I can't duplicate their success. What is my contribution to society? That question has haunted my soul for years. I can't be a politician, as I once wanted. No deep pockets, too many skeletons and I'm not a good liar. Words hurt, and I've tried to erase them. I can't. The tongue destroys. Now I know the words used to hurt me, God uses to redeem me. I am scared and worried to publish this.