New year

 Lord,

Ending it

As I started

Grateful

That even

As all

My goals

Didn’t get met

I’m alive

To try again

Love yourself and one another. 

prayer

 Quiet joy

Quiet strength 

Abundant hope

Great grace

For the 

New Year

That is

My prayer

today

 Winds blowing

Rain swirling

Your power

Is on display

Today

Love

Lord

Teach me

Regine 

Receive 

Instruction 

Question

 What is the best thing you’ve learned recently?

Jesus

 Good morning 

My friends 

Christmas was great 

Because of Jesus 

And unexpected gifts

Merry Christmas

 Merry Christmas 

From 

My heart 

To yours

May I bathe

In the glory 

Of a Savior’s

Birth

done

 Jesus

This Christmas Eve

I await

The birth

That would

Render me speechless 

In a world

Known for confusion

And noisy messes

Thank you

For loving me

And coming

To Earth

To show us

How it’s done

Love

 Lord

Thank you

For teaching me

Being quiet

Is more powerful

Than speaking

Cede the reigns

Because

This year

The lesson

Has been

Don’t doubt

My will

It gets done

And yours

Leads 

To a miserable calamity

For all I want

In the past 

Few days

My body’s ability

To properly function 

Is the gift 

That manages

My physical health

My mental health 

Soars and shines

Without one

The other falters

I will preface this. I am not cured. I’m managed. A privilege not to be taken lightly. Thank you Lord. My desire for the privilege of living is to treasure the temple that is my body. 

Love

 Day of

Rest and reflection

Deep thankfulness

And gratitude 

Lord

Grant me

The discretion

And diplomacy

To love

Be curious

And humble

Myself

And be kind

Radically so

This demonstrates

Who You are

Christians, myself included, I implore you to love, love so well that people start to think the Bible may be a book worth reading, not one meant to judge. 

love

 Thank you for all your well wishes.  I appreciate it. With disability, you are never cured, just managed. And I’m grateful for that blessing. In the past I would not, but acceptance teaches you something. Something that you didn’t want to be taught. So, I rest with the knowledge, of what a privilege that is. I will say it again. Health is the wealth we seek. Without it, I don’t want to imagine. 

Love yourself and one another

Recovery

 Recovering from a procedure. I’m exhausted but grateful. Please treasure your health. I have plenty of thoughts on several things, but right now I’m having to disconnect, and give my body what it needs. To get relief is the best gift. Priceless. The doctor said to me jokingly I might want to rescind my claim of enduring pain the best Christmas gift. I received my Christmas gift early. I will be still for a bit. 

Love yourself and one another. 

Praise

 Lord

I’m privileged 

Please reframe

My mind

See what

You fear

Rather

Than fear

I can praise

Child of God

 Thank you 

Lord 

For 

Those 

Who 

Love me

Without motive

I can’t give 

You much

All I offer 

Is myself 

Reality slaps 

Punches 

And 

I fight

Knowing 

The only

Privilege 

I possess

Is being 

A child 

Of God

You

 Lord

Give me wisdom 

To not 

Argue 

With fellow man

We haven’t learned 

To be civil 

Kind

Or human

And yet

You call

Me to

Greater

Because 

I belong 

To you

reality

 God is working. Yesterday I received some snail mail. Two friends spoke life into me at the right time  I’m not going to share exactly what was said, but my soul smiled. Truly smiled. As if they got me. They may never walk in my shoes, but they had true empathy. As I was rereading their words like a true balm, a salve, I heard a song I’d never heard, and I started to grasp life. 

In 12 to 13 years here, I’m starting to process some thoughts. I may never be renowned, known, famous or rich. I’ve not gotten the fairy tale yet, because some lessons don’t come easy. Billy Graham once said mountaintops are for views, but fruit is grown in the valley. I’m hoping fruit can be grown in me, so I can bear it. 

Maybe my dreams are still that, is that my job right now is to be in uncomfortable places. Growth happens outside of comfort zones. My life was never going to be easy, but a hard slog. When being strong is the only way, you learn to adapt. Silver spoons were never my lot. In the long run, I’m seeing that may be the biggest blessing. 

I’m learning to live with the cards dealt my way. Wholly and fully. If it seems likes I’m sad, I’m sorry. I’m learning to live in a reality that isn’t manufactured to fit a crafted story I want the world to believe. If you need to do that, no judgement.  Reality isn’t pretty. It just is. 

Song of the day. Ben Rector The Richest Man in the World

Love yourself and one another

peace

 Lord

O Lord

Where thine

Peace resides

So may I

Paying

 God is doing retooling in my spirit. I’m chasing my flesh. And I’m in His employ right now. I’m eating crow right now.  Everything I sought this year has been put on the back burner.  Am I happy about it?  No.  I’m learning how painful yet productive the valley can be. The fairy tale hasn’t happened yet. I’m reminded He’s still working. He’s eradicating my need for perfection in myself, in others and the trappings of a world I’m not meant to idolize. And yet somehow still struggle against my flesh. 

I’m reminded that stuff doesn’t equal happiness.  In this season I’m reminded of it daily. My poor soul is learning what it is to be truly rich. A body that is being reworked. A mind under realignment and a soul undergoing reconstruction. 

If you’re looking for perfection, you would find it here. A collection of Hermes or Chanel, sorry. Dripping in diamonds. Nope. I’m just a girl begging her Savior to save her from herself. A girl whose plans got dropped faster than a call in the sticks. 

Honesty is a pill I’m swallowing now because years of pride have me paying prices higher than those at the pump. Learn from me. I don’t know if you want to join me in the valley. 

covered

 Surrounded

By grace

In your words

And deeds

As I’m shown

Everyday

How much

I’m loved

In unexpected ways

I’m covered

By the protection

Provided

Even when

I’m oblivious

To your actions

chained

 Search my heart

Dig in

Root it 

All out

Wash me

Clean me

Leave me

Better than

I was found

Fighting myself

Right now

Lost in

What I want

Knowing that

My wants

Aren’t pure 

And pleasing

Free will

Can set free

Or enslave

And right now

My mind

Is chained

To the 

Very things

I’m trying

To eradicate 

hope

Let me 

Not speak

With malice

Or seek attention 

For doing good

Or look down

On others

If I don’t agree

I’ve no

Story to tell

No angle

To perpetuate

Find you

Have peace

speak

 Speak to me

Through me

And love me

As you

Can do

So well

cozy

 Cozy sweatshirt

Rainy skies

Flying high

On the wings

You provide

pray

 How can I pray for you?

Any praise reports?

Mine

 These past few days 

Showed me

How to love 

People I don’t like

Jesus is working

When I don’t feel it

I wanted to pay back

All the hurt

Then I realized

It wasn’t necessary 

And the only regret

I would have

Would be mine

Restored

 As rain falls

I rest 

Being 

Watered

Cleansed 

And restored 

Sunshine

 Smile

Sunshine 

It’s going 

To be

Alright 

Anxiety

 Anxiety

Is running rampant 

On this brain

And tired

Is an understatement 

Release me

From my

Own thoughts 

soul

Bone chilling cold

Outside my door

Inside

My warm heart

Smiles

Knowing

That my soul

Is being reframed

Retrained

By the love

Provided

Through

People

I’ve never

Met 

Yet admire

Greatly

grace

 Grant me peace

To restrain 

My tongue 

Slow to snap

Filled with

Grateful love

And wonderful mercy

Mine you are

 Each day teaches

If willing 

To pay attention 

And let me

Tell you 

I got to enjoy 

Frivolity

Until reality 

Reminded me

Of its unpleasant aroma

Grateful because 

I got to 

Experience joy

Savor slivers

And remember 

I don’t have billions 

In the bank

Or armies

To defend 

My honor 

Then I step

Back

Look in

The mirror 

And say

Child 

Who needs

Dollars and 

Human praise 

When You 

Say dear girl 

You’re mine

repentance

 Lord

We humans

Need common sense

Humanity

Love

And much more

Coming back

To you

With more clarity

And repentance daily

love

 Love 

It starts

And ends there

Not that

It ever really

Ever ends