Thursday, January 17, 2013

Dashed Pride

I realized the other much to my dismay that I had to write this post.  Monday, the nurse in the doctor's office pleaded with me to use my walking cane as much I hate it.  She said, "I'd rather you use it than fall."  She said:  "I know it's not sexy to use it."  It is not, but having bloodied hands and knees isn't either, I later thought.  The kicker came yesterday when my mom pleaded with me to read that day devotional in the Journey magazine.  It spoke of a girl who didn't use her cane, and almost missed her stop because the driver didn't announce her stop.  Her teacher pleaded with her to take her cane the next time, she did, and with a much different result.  Upon seeing the white cane, the driver, made a point to help her.
I am learning to cross intersections among other things, and like this girl, I hate to use my cane.  The cane for me is associated with weakness and not very attractive.
This last portion has had me thinking.  "I forced myself to trade the assumption that people saw me as helpless for the reality that I was simply letting them see the truth."  This statement has hit me like a ton of bricks.  I have felt that as far as I have come, I would resign myself to using a cane.  It would be a sign of backward progress.  Not many people can tell that I have Cerebral Palsy or that I have severe visual impairment.  As long as that was the case, I could perpetuate the notion that I was "normal".  Normal is what I have dreamed of for so long.  I have to accept that "normal" is not in the cards for me.  Don't even get me started on whether I would think that the opposite sex would find me attractive with a cane.  That's another story for another day. If the truth sets you free, the truth is what you shall receive.
This has been one post that has been hard to write.  Truth is hard, but necessary.
When God calls, I must respond.
Pushing the publish button will be difficult, but here we go, readers!
R

12 comments:

  1. Glad you decided to post this. It's great to share the truth and this will just make something more unique about you and not like others.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm glad you decided to publish, it's never easy to share something personal and I applaud you for it. I think you're much stronger than you believe and a cane cannot take that away from you.
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  3. I know of at least one very sexy person with a cane. Just sayin.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Nice to meet you. I too have recently had to use a cane though for different reasons. I had some similar thoughts about it but would rather not fall flat on my face or overtax my muscles any more. I hope the cane works out well for you. xx

    ReplyDelete
  5. My thoughts that are someone with a cane is very courageous, and extremely competent. Being sexy has nothing to do with a cane, that comes from the inner person. Use that cane and stay on your feet, I would admire you for using it.

    You sound like a really nice person to me and I hope to get to know you better as I follow you on your journey. Take care Diane

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm enjoying your blog. Blessings to you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Regine, Kudos for having the bravery to accept yourself. What is normal? We all have insecurities. How big or small are only but our own perceptions and it is our own demons we have to fight. That is normal. That we are all dysfunctional on some level whether others can see it or not. That we all struggle with our image and self-confidence at some point of our lives. That we're all afraid of being judged. That's normal. To seize our doubts and overcome them is one of the hardest things we can do, yet we must. For only when we learn to love ourselves can others see our worth too.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Good for you! Dealing with truth is not always easy but as God's people we must. Have a very blessed day!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thank you for this post, and for your courage to click the 'publish' button. I'm so glad you did! I am in awe of you - you inspired me, and I believe, others out there too! You ARE a blessing and a gift :)

    ReplyDelete