Monday, January 14, 2013

Not a proud moment

This morning I had to have my baclofen pump refilled.  This happens every several months, so I am not unaware of what happens.  The baclofen pump is located at my abdomen, and is used to alleviate spasticity.  I always get so anxious about these visits.  It doesn't matter how many times I have the pump refilled, my anxiety hits the roof.  Making matters worse, a new doctor, was to refill the pump.

I was so worried about the pump refill, doctor and getting on that darn scale, that I couldn't focus on all the good in life.  The weather was beautiful outside, I am walking, I am relatively pain-free and I have access to some of the best healthcare a girl could ask for in this world.  Fear consumed me.  What if this, what if that.  I realized I have no faith once I walk into that waiting room.  My weight will fluctuate.  And the baclofen pump will be with for a while.

I was reading a Max Lucado book where it said:  "Pray first and then exercise 'gratitude'."  After the appointment, I felt terrible for having the anxiety I had.  The new doctor is very nice and competent.  I could stand to lose a few pounds, but my weight stayed the same as the last time.
I need to exercise Philippians 4:6-7 every day.
"Don't worry about anything, pray about everything."
If I believe as I say I do, I need to let God do His job.
I am home now.  I am a bit weary and tired, but nothing a good nap can't fix.
God Bless,
R

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