Sunday prayer

 Lord,

These letters continue. And they continue because I’m a human wholly in need of You. I need You to be at the center of who I am. I don’t like who I am without You. I’m a selfish and impatient sort who wants what others have. With You, You remind me that I am not what I feel. You remind me to trust You even if I don’t understand why. You remind me not to ask why. Why leads to a resentment I can’t carry. These past few days have been exhausting. My body has needed rest. It demanded it. Physically I have resisted rest. Mentally, I’ve done the same. God stepped in once again. For the first time, the whole of me let rest call the shots. The best decision ever. 

Pray that

I may trust

You 

To be

The anchor

That holds

My feet

Firmly rooted

Planted

So I can bloom

When ready

Pray for me. Trying to rid myself of worldly desires is harder than I thought. Thank you

Friday

 Be the best 

Be the kindest

And see

The rewards 

You will receive 

Heart

 Letter to God

What I fill my mind with, my heart absorbs.  I’m not in denial of what I struggle with, I just choose not to light the flame. Part of being a part of the human experience is knowing that struggle is a given, but I refuse to add influence that aids the struggle. What I do know if that the refinement of my soul and story are in process. I’m looking squarely at my defects of character without hesitation. I’m proud I can do this today. I’ve spent years in denial. Years. What You have for me:  Prepare me. Stepping into the greatness, God. You’ve made this nobody into a somebody. Claiming victory. When I seek You with all my heart, I will be found lacking nothing, but gratitude. A gratitude I never knew was possible for me. I never truly sought to share my heart. In doing just that, I may have found it. 

Love yourself and one another. 

Regine 

Being

 Six A.M. workout 

Worship music rocking

Spinning in

The dark

Quiet time 

Looks so different 

These days 

I’m loving it. 

No news

No outside noise 

To pollute 

My mind

Happiness happened 

When I 

Put my joy

In something 

The world 

Decries

True rest

Within the confines 

Of my

Own being

Broken

 This morning as I was in the shower, the rain cascading down my back, I put my hands on the wall. I stopped to pray. I was overwhelmed with emotion, that in my nakedness, God was imploring me to speak. Speak to Him. Be wholly open. Be unapologetically His child. The one who isn’t afraid to honest to a fault. Is this was growth looks like. It’s breaking me. Being broken with Him isn’t a bad place to be. 

Break me

To build me

True strength 

Is releasing 

Who you

Thought 

You’d be

Before He said 

Let me

Take over

And show you

What brokenness 

Can yield

In the 

Potter’s Hands

Yes

 I’m having a realization. I don’t think I’ve been granted the desires of my heart, because what I want isn’t in line with God’s will for my life. As much as I want the glory, and therein lies the problem, I’ve been selfish in my desire.  God must be protecting me fiercely. Thank you for thinking I’m amazing. In the past, I would dispute that fact, but today I will accept the compliment. I may not think it or feel it, but I will claim it. Making an effort to change my habits. I’ve been speaking negatively about myself for years. Thanks to a therapist for digging to the roots with me. I’m not cured. I’m not sure I will ever be, but I deserve to love and be loved. Could it be: He hasn’t answered because the creation I needed to love first, is the one I struggle to look in the mirror. Forty, the year I stop bashing the one who least can afford the beating. Jesus, therapy and medicine, the elixir. The reason I still have breath today. 

Love yourself and one another

Regine

Preparing purpose

 Be humble

Not prideful

Let jealousy

Not permeate

Your soul

Your time

Will come

Remember

Not all that shines

Glistens

Be happy 

For others

For when

Joy is given

To others

You will also

Be measured out

A heaping portion

As well

Relish

The stillness

So preparation

Will meet you

With open arms

When you receive

Your reward