Friday

 Friday thoughts

Therapy again today. May my spirit rejoice and be glad in it. My wallet may not be full, but my heart is. He’s never cared about dollars and cents, but with my heart. My heart has been on a roller coaster full of what ifs and regret. Wondering if at 42, I let opportunities go, thinking I had time. Right now, I’m getting better, but at a much slower rate. I have to trust, that all I’ve done past and present, He knew would happen. And He’s not surprised, even if I recoil in shock. I have to trust the Author. I just know I’m not Him. 

I love you all if you didn’t know. 

Regine

Self

 Breathing out

Exhaling

As I

Realize

That nothing

Is hidden

From you

Even as

I try to hide

Less of me

More of you

Seems so simple

Yet its execution

Is beyond me

Right now

Flawed

And taking

The time

To do

The hard work

Which is

To look within

At self

Not at others

Externally

My soul is yours

I just never

Really ceded authority

And I’m not

The Author

And finisher of

My faith

Loving

 Loving

Trying new hair products’

Cherry chapstick

Thrifting

Seeing old friends

Eating good food

Your turn?

pray

 Yesterday in therapy was a challenging day. Let’s just say working on my balance left me highly inbalanced. And it didn’t feel too good. I saw old apparatus and equipment that left me shaking inside. I was conquering the fear in real time. My fear was not hidden. My face showed it all. My discomfort and my fear were on full display.  I will say that the others in the office watch me with great awe or craziness. Who pays people to whip them into shape like this. I sometimes wonder if sometimes I’ve lost my mind. 

Please pray that I can stay the course, as I continue to be very uncomfortable, with no end in sight. 

Love you all

Regine

Anyway

 Every day

I’m returning 

To a version 

I recognize 

Yet still is

So foreign to me

I’m letting 

The disappointment

Roll off me

I’m doing

The things

That petrify me

I’m finding joy

In places

Formerly marked

With disdain

I’m not taking

On unnecessary pain

Taking on discomfort 

Is not a 

Badge of honor

Unless he 

Ordains it

Or allows it

I’m fully aware

That my problems

Will never cease

I just no longer

Give them

The power

To overwhelm me

To topple me

I’m strong

Yet very fragile

I’m the contradiction 

The exception 

To every rule

And there 

Is grace

In accepting 

What was once

So vehemently 

Denied

Denial

The river

In Egypt

No longer

Resides there

God says move

This isn’t your home

Not anymore

Anyway

Lord

 Lord Jesus

Focus on You

Not on worldly

Desires and wishes

May me heart

Be warmed

By your faithfulness

Not the deception

Of man’s crudeness

Be mine

Be ever mine

Heart and mind

 Lord,

Guard my tongue

Guard my heart

It really needs it

As much as 

I need air

My Sunday prayer