Cinq

 Five things

Even since the social media cleanse, I realize how addicted I’d become. The desire for stuff, and the perfect lives of people had made my depression eat me from the inside out. I still have those desires, but with time I hope it subsides more. I spend less time on my phone, and in the real world. What a blessing. 

I actually stare out my window, and wait for today’s story to come to fruition. It’s so different from how I would normally try and craft my narrative. 

The pressure I put on myself to be productive was insane. My health is still recovering from my self imposed need to stay busy. Because busy is good apparently. 

Birthday is coming up. Don’t know how I will celebrate. I don’t know what I want. 

My favorite gift already came. It’s a birthday card from my friend Borqna. My Bulgarian friend knows how to cheer me up while reminding me of my worth. 

Have a beautiful day. 

Love yourself and one another. 

Regine

Questions

 What are you reading?

Will you will be watching the Olympics?

Any summer vacations?

What are you cooking lately?

What are you baking lately?

Terra firma

 I had the first cantaloupe of the season. It was a small one. One I could play catch with. I had to rub it. Feel between the grooves. I lifted it up to my nose and smelled. I couldn’t smell anything. That didn’t stop my joy. I walked to the patch, and my happiness didn’t dim. I felt ease in my soul. Day two of no social media at all has been interesting. I’m immersing myself in letting the land speak to me. Speak it will. 

I’m enjoying just feeling free from consumerism and comparison. The more I was on social media, the more I wanted things. I wanted what others had. Right now, I’m taking Hemingway’s cue with my computer and its keys. It’s just us. Nothing else. I don’t know if I will miss the friends I’ve made through Instagram, or if I will return. 

I’m returning to my roots. The land is feeding my mind, body and soul right now. Walking to the line in Old Navy flip flops to hang out clothes. Letting the sun be my clothes dryer. Letting the wet grass sink into my toe beds. Smelling the freshly cut grass. Let’s call it eau du jardín.  I’m taking out the old hula-hoop and taking it for a spin. Never got the hang of it. I still like to twirl it on my arms pretending to be a circus performer. A little chameleon in my own mind. 

Letting childhood pleasures take hold. When I started taking life too seriously. Forget how to laugh. My face took on a permanent scowl. I’m not saying I won’t have days where I may feel like I’m missing something, but sometimes God does for us, what we are unable to do for ourselves. My own search for joy in what is already mine not in what is sought. 

R and G: an internal dialogue

 As my dogs are sacked out on couches with just some morning tunes on, I’m learning several things. I can’t force the process. Writing or otherwise. The words come at unexpected times. Sometimes its at 3 in the morning when sleep is a mirage. Or it is when I’m watching Netflix. Creativity is a not a process. A process that takes time. I’m not very patient. I know it. Known it for years. It’s where God and I come to a head most days. My internal dialogue with Him looks a lot like this:

R: Why again?

G: Child, this is your favorite question. 

R:  It is. You haven’t answered yet. 

G:  How many years have we had this chat?

R:  Too many

G:  You don’t trust me. It’s not a question. Your prayers are the same. 

R:  I’m just tired of waiting. 

G:  As long as I have you living, you have all the time in the world.

R:  I know, but…

G: But what?

R:  The world makes me feel like I’ve wasted time. Time I can’t get back. 

G:  Time is infinite for me. Nothing is ever wasted. Those years are preparing you for greatness. The world doesn’t determine your worth. I do. 

R:  I know. It’s hard. 

G:  You are in the world, but not of this world. I’ve been faithful. Now show me yours. 

R:  Okay

So folks, this journey is not easy, but I’m on it. 

Love yourself and one another. 

Regine

New York days

The redhead

In a DVF wrap

Strolling the

Upper East Side

In a Chloe satchel

Clutching a coffee

From Ralph’s

While her 

Manolo’s clack

Against the sidewalk

At a breakneck pace

That makes me dizzy

Just being the casual

Observer I am

I’m headed 

To another borough

To catch

The Bronx Bombers

Show the 

Rest of 

The American League

How it’s done

Too bad

I reminisce 

About

The past

When it 

Was the Jeter show

And a closeout

By Mariano

To seal the deal

Released

 Spark the flame

Shine the light

Find the joy

Listen for 

The quiet

Sign

That you’re 

On your way

To fulfill

The promises

That lead 

To prominence

Love yourself

For when it’s done

The world

Opens up

To become

The fruit

Of your labor

Nothing is hidden

Nothing is held back

Freedom finds

The slave

Whose bonds

Have been

Released

Horse

 Riding the horse in the early morning underneath the shadow of the trees, I take in the solace of your silent words. I guide the horse underneath the tree to pluck an apple. One for me and one for my friend. Taking a few moments to pet this divine animal who makes me euphoric. Animals are God’s gifts to us human who make simplicity seem so difficult. 

Run wild 

And free

My fierce

And regal

Companion

You love

As I caress

Your mane

And rub

Your ears

As you lean

Back

And find delight

In my touch