Wednesday, January 31, 2024


I was reminded
Of how much I’ve faced
I don’t know
If I’ve forgotten
Or just let it go
I’m getting used
To being in the
Valley of the unknown

I don’t know
If I’m tired
Of fighting
Myself or others
I’m having to be stripped
Of the trappings
Of my wants

I’m lain bare
To the only eyes
Who see my heart
For where it is
In need of repair

Tuesday, January 30, 2024


 This is not my typical post. I have a follow up to see how I’m adjusting to the “liquid gold”. I was thinking.  The doctors who care for people like me have a heart. Caring for me is not profitable. It’s a calling. A calling I’m grateful for. In my medical journey, God has always provided. It leaves me in tears. As much as I doubt, I know He is there. I just get frustrated with how He works. I want things, and He says not yet. 

God uses me

Even when 

I wonder why

This is my gratefulness

That I’m deemed worthy

to be loved

In spite 

Of myself


 You want my heart

No hiding

No cowering

Just truth

Pure and honest

No lies

Or deception

You want me

As I am

Not some

Phony fake

Monday, January 29, 2024


 You already

Have redeemed

My soul

And yet

I can’t forgive myself

For being human

I’m trusting

That You will

Make wholeness

Contentment and peace

Become real

Not a wish

Upon the star

The one

I’ve been

Longingly staring

At every day



I come to you today because I need help that can only come from you. I would love to rejoice with others, as I wait for what you have for me. The fact is I’m not. I’m ashamed of it. I’m not surprised you are using something I never thought I’d admit to strengthen me. You knew I’d admit my sin eventually. You’re not surprised by my sin. You knew where I would struggle. You use sin. You use shame. You use it all to make me the child that lacks nothing. I don’t know what I’m to learn from this, but I trust You know. 


Do what you do

Even if I’m clueless

As to 

What that is

Sunday, January 28, 2024


 Whipping around

Like the wind

On a carousel 

The horse

Your tool

To girlish glee

Where childhood

Is celebrated

And worry

Needn’t enter

The conversation

Out my window

The birds

Are soaring

Riding the wings

Of their creator

And having a ball

As the star

Of the show


 It’s a good day

Because I’m here

To praise



Omnipotent Magnificent 

Give your children

The will to do right

Even when our flesh

Demands otherwise

Love others well

Even if

Your not loved well

Your reward

Comes from God

Not human hands

Friday, January 26, 2024


 As I listened 

To the rain fall

I became calm

Almost meditative

Because even

As I was literally dry

The feeling was 

The exact opposite

A waterfall of emotions

Cascading down 

My spine

Forcing me

To be still

Even when wet

And shivering 

From the cold downpour

Spring forth

My soul

And reclaim

Your freedom

In Christ 



 Favorite meal you cooked this week?

Favorite purchase this week?

What book have you read?

What’s the weather like where you are?

What are your plans for the weekend?

Thursday, January 25, 2024


 Red haired siren

A beautiful smile

That makes mere man

Stand still

And a heart

That lets

You know 

God is

Within her

Wednesday, January 24, 2024


 God can use one person

To turn a frown

Into a smile

That is real and genuine

And it’s the best feeling



The cleaning

And cleansing of

My soul

Is a daily pursuit

Who knew

The soul

Could accumulate

So much dust

Maintain the core

Of who you are

So that who

Your meant 

To be

Can be more

Readily found

Tuesday, January 23, 2024



The petals


Them round

The thumbs


In this sensuous moment

That my mind

Is only

On the moment

In front of me

The scent of sweetness

Is in a pink hydrangea

That screams

Nantucket Sound 


 I’ve always thought God why do you allow me to weather pain. Some say I do it well. Some don’t agree. I wonder if I should take a poll. I happen to come up on an Instagram story that tries to explain what pain does. He said “Pain prepares you for your purpose”.  Since birth God has prepared me for my purpose. I’m no longer denying what I know. I still experience pain, because my purpose needs tweaking. True time under tension as my exercise app says. No tension. No refinement. No reflection. I don’t wish you pain, but if brings about your purpose, bear it. 

Monday, January 22, 2024



You work in the most random of moments. Then I think they’re not random to you. Trying to figure you out is like solving the most complex puzzle. You’re a riddle I can’t figure. All I know is that I know what I thought was waiting, is learning. Learning that my will, will not get me to my goals faster. I’m so focused on achieving the dream, that I’m not enjoying the process. With you, EVERYTHING is a process. I want results quick. You work like weight loss. Slowly. You tell me to ‘be still and know.’  I don’t know which part grates me more:  stillness or knowing. I will get back to you. 

Until the next musing. 



 Half asleep

Eyes almost open

Expectant to see

If the clouds

That surround me

Will clear

I as chase

Fleeting moments

Of quiet calm

Leading to 

Lasting happiness

Sunday, January 21, 2024


 At times tonight 

God is refocusing 

My heart 

On what matters 

My accomplishments 

Mean nothing 

In the end

Was I a human 

Who loved

Gave it


Without motives

That aren’t pure

With no goodness 

Behind them 


 Thirteen and toasty here

Favorite hot beverage

Favorite blanket

Favorite puzzle

Favorite book

Favorite cold day activity

Friday, January 19, 2024

Panama Jack

 Barefoot in the blades

The green

Tickles toes

And I relish

The sensation

Of sunshine

Warming extremities

As I recall days

Of beach days

The scents of 

Panama Jack

And lemon juice

Being my hair’s

Natural highlighter

Followed by a shower

Aloe coating skin

And olive oil

As my conditioner

These days

I take a whiff

Of sunscreen

To see

If it brings

Me back

To a time

I wish

I had savored


 What are you reading?

Favorite quote?

Favorite beauty product?

Thing that made you smile?

Thursday, January 18, 2024


 I was stretching this morning, and something was said that has me thinking. “The source of discomfort is not getting rid of tension”.  I haven’t related to a statement so viscerally in quite awhile. The tension I feel is now more mental than physical. God is using tension to break me. Break me from feeling I’m not enough. That to be admired, I must be known. Break me from jealousy of being normal. Break me from what I want. I feel like I’m being told that what I want would crush me in the worst way. God is protecting me from myself. What a concept. It all comes down to peace. What kind of peace, I don’t know. I’m in an I don’t know state. 

Grace me with the discernment to learn to let go, or just let God be God. 

Thank you so much. 

Prayer requests

 Prayer requests

For my friend CC who has had a rough couple of weeks. 

For me not to compare myself to others

For the joy of the Lord to be mine


For Barb’s MRI results that were much better than expected, and that it continues. 

For a warm home

For the delicious oranges I ate this morning

Your turn?

Wednesday, January 17, 2024


 In the bitter chill

My focus

Is singular

The brain


To maintain warmth

Yet my cold breath


The need

For clarifying

The mission

In which

I’m the 

Only one

Who makes

It occur

Under the guidance

Of the Highest

And most glorious

In the land 

Of milk and honey

Is abundance


She faces tribulation

But never falters

Because of the

Sustainer of her being


I am she

Remain in me

As I abide

In thee

The seams

 Rise up

Unleash the heart



And find

The reason

You live

Seek peace


To free

The You

That is encased

In bubble wrap

Waiting to pop

And scream

While trying to let

The most exuberant 



From the seams

Tuesday, January 16, 2024


 Making the grassy knoll

My catwalk

Owning the blessings

And enjoying

The steps

That lead

My feet

To bliss


To be enamored

By my own backyard

Dreams make 

My world spin

But my reality

Provides the smile

That is not etched

By false hope

Love fearlessly

Laugh hard

And find humor

Even when sadness

May be in your mirror

Monday, January 15, 2024


 Are you content?

If so, at what age?

Thinking on this tonight

Share with me


Sparking my joy

Snail mail

Unexpected gifts

Your prayers

My joy is found

In You

And He uses

All of you

To fulfill

His purpose

In bringing joy

To this heart

Of mine

Sunday, January 14, 2024


 I know my purpose

I just didn’t like it

But I understand it

And that’s okay

For today

Saturday, January 13, 2024

The key


Believing it

Until I receive it

I didn’t realize

When I come here

I have my own

Personal cheerleaders

Lord, let me

Be thankful

Eleven years ago

I felt unlovable

In search of something

Someone to root me on

Help me find joy

Worth and validation 

Each day 

You say hi

You give me

Your heart

You serve me

In the best way

You are Christ’s 

Hands and feet

Whether you believe

Or not

Thank you

The world

Knows not

My name

But you do

And it is 


Eleven years

Over one million

Who knew

My mission field

Would simply

Involve faithfulness

To tap the key

Friday, January 12, 2024



You’re opening up

Pandora’s box


It’s petrifying

But coming undone

Is the best medicine

For this heart

I don’t want

You to see


But God

Is demanding

That I shed

The shield

The coping mechanism

That is now

Becoming the albatross

Inhibiting my ability

To fully serve

The kingdom

Of kindness

This kingdom

Does not serve 

Kings and queens

But ordinary sorts

Royally elevated

In a new capacity


The Godhead

Show me

Who reigns

When my desire



Thursday, January 11, 2024


 How well do you know me. 

Tell me. What do you know about me?



Make me willing


To the call

That is mine

Alone to fulfill

Arm me

Equip me

To fight

What needs


And relinquish

What doesn’t 


Your servant

Life in abnormality

Is what I’ve known

But You are

What I aim

To make

My priority

Wednesday, January 10, 2024

Master and servant


You don’t seek 

My name

In lights

On a marquee

You have me

Right where

I’m meant to be

Behind these keys

Praising Your name

The only name

That prevails

Against every obstacle

I thrive in the currents

Difficulty is common

To me

It’s all I’ve known

And will continue as such

If He wills it

God is the master

And I’m just lucky

To be called servant

The world knows not

What you call me

Unless you make 

It be to just so

Tuesday, January 9, 2024


 Rainy day

Where all

I can see

Is a fog

So deep

And fat droplets

Across the window


Monday, January 8, 2024



To feel better

And be patient

As I recover


The great healer

If I wait

Without complaint

Sunday, January 7, 2024


 Each day

A beginning 

To call your own

Do it

As often

As required

To recapture

The joy

You are seeking

Friday, January 5, 2024



That I may 

Find peace

In the wait

Not grow weary

Or get impatient

Thursday, January 4, 2024


 Settling into 

The new year

Finding joy

In the small

Ordinary pleasures

That are the greatest

Sources of joy

Wednesday, January 3, 2024

Thoughts on thoughts

 I’m learning 




So hard

To break


It needs

To be done

More than

I can say

Tuesday, January 2, 2024


 Be the Rock 

That doesn’t budge

Even when 

Limits are pushed 

And answers 

Are not

Within reach 

Monday, January 1, 2024


 New day

New year

New blessings

One of the best things to come out of the last year has been friendship. One of these new friends text me at five in the morning to text me that they were praying for me. I won’t go into the rest of the message, but for all the anger, sorrow and sadness in the world; this message started my New Year off right. I may not have as much as I’d like, or how I’d like it, but God.  God is teaching me to find the joy, savor it, and treasure the simple notion that you are important enough to be in someone’s heart and mind. 

This friend knows who they are, but what their friendship means is priceless. 

Find people

Who love

The real you

Who see

That you need

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