Any holiday weekend plans?
What are you reading?
What foods are you making?
These are my thoughts for today
You are using physical therapy as a way to excise the mental demons that invade my soul. As my body strengthens, my soul releases the agony of what it cannot do. I’m looking squarely at the problem. The one between the ears. For all I can do, my focus is on what I cannot. And that has to change. I will never truly be happy if I don’t come to acceptance. Every time I think I’ve come to acceptance, life comes to show me how wrong I am. I’m starting to accept that acceptance is a daily practice in surrender. Acceptance right now is surrendering my need to have it all figured out. Not every issue can be fixed on my timetable. I’m chewing on that right now. It might be a long swallow. I’m also realizing that my issues are deeply rooted. As long as I’m living I will come in daily contact with them. That is okay. Maybe the problem is that I’m fighting the wrong thing. God hasn’t got rid of the problem. Maybe it’s because this lifelong issue drove me to Himself, and keeps me seated there. I’m under no illusion that God may not rid me of what ails me, if He keeps receiving glory through my life. Love each other and yourself
It’s a new week. A new mindset. A day for physical therapy. I don’t know whether or not my body or mind needs more preparation. Physically, I know my body is in for a journey. One I’m equipped for. The question is this: Can I get my mind in shape. My knee will get worked for six weeks, but will my mind cooperate. I pray I can keep a joyful spirit as I embark on an adventure. Mending body parts has become an adventure. It’s one I don’t enjoy, but appreciate its necessity. Lord, may you show yourself through the sweat, the clenched teeth, the struggle and the discomfort. For six weeks, I will be uncomfortable. And Lord that is when You shine. Use my pain for Your pleasure. Love oneself and one another.
To a place
What I know
Is that joy
In a Savior
And be seen
In a world
That wouldn’t appreciate
The devoted deity
Coming to Earth
To be in community
With all of us
And reminding us
That our status
In the Kingdom
Is not measured
In dollar bills
Or good works
Yesterday marked one year since my trip to Nantucket. It’s one of my favorites I’ve ever taken. The ferry rides, ocean breezes, and lobster rolls. I’m taking myself back. I realize most of my domestic vacations take place in New England. It’s the place my heart is set free. It’s ironic as I start physical therapy today, I push on so that I can continue to travel. Travel helps me release the burden of who I am. I get to meet new people who don’t know my story. I get to explore. I get to see the places that books have only been described to me. Right now, I’m in the process of digging deep to unearth why it is I have a desire to escape. Escape my reality. Create a new one. Even if it’s only temporary. To be free requires a work I’m only now truly seeking. Eventually the truth is this: No one can free you, but God working through you to accept facts not facades.
So as my memories bring me happiness, my present is working so my reality desires acceptance. A reality I can embrace not despise.
It’s me. I’m here. I’ve been asked to examine my thought patterns. It’s not been a very pretty picture. I’m a negative thinker. It’s been a truth not easy to swallow. The thing of it is I’m glad it’s been brought to my attention. You can’t fix what you don’t see. That’s the silver lining. And I’m grateful for that. Thank you. Love yourself enough to admit you can’t do it alone.
It’s your child. The one who needs you. The one who wants to want you more than I need you. It comforts me that as I write this, You know my thoughts, and what I write. When I’m speechless, You give words. You are the giver. The hope of my soul. In you, I’m whole and complete. Give me what you desire I have. May I be content with your gifts. Love each other.
I’m here this morning to thank you for what You reveal in the quiet spaces and hidden places of my heart. I realize I’m not a lost cause. I’m misunderstood. And I’ve never taken the time to correct the record. I’ve stayed silent, and it’s not served me at all. Why must I sink into the background to make others feel comfort at the expense of my own. To be honest, I’ve not felt comfort for awhile. When I said I reside in struggle I meant it. This weekend swimming in the rain was a boon to my spirit. I figured I’m already wet, I may as well embrace it. Maybe I’ve looked at life the wrong way. Get wet, laugh, rest and reset.
Thoughts from the weekend
Swimming in the rain is highly underrated
A nap after said swim provides the best rest
Acceptance comes when we least expect it
Children will humble you and love you at the same time
Tea time and Barbie’s will bring you back to childhood
I enjoyed an Oreo for the first time in years
Some thoughts today
I’m realizing I’m having to give myself grace and understanding. As part of surrender and acceptance, I’m tackling unsavory truths about myself. Being special and different means I don’t conform to the world. As much as I’ve tried, it’s not happening. I don’t check boxes or fill in spaces. It is exhausting to fit a mold not meant for me. I’m trying to lower my expectations for what I expect from others and myself. I would rather take cold plunges in the Arctic than sunbathe in the Caribbean. My soul craves glacial perfection and a view that strips me of sensation. It’s in the fog, that I focus. Struggle is where I live. It’s what I know. It’s what I’ve known. I don’t expect that to change. I just seek to change my reaction to said predicament. God meets where I am. Even when I’m nowhere to be found. Love each other