This topic may not be a fun one, but I should want to return to church, but my heart isn’t there. I find the church now resembles politics and a hierarchy. Church used to fill a void, but now I’m sour. I have faith. I don’t know if Christ resides in the church. If you go, please help dispel what I now think.
Tuesday, March 28, 2023
Monday, March 27, 2023
Saturday, March 25, 2023
Thursday, March 23, 2023
Pt chronicles
PT chronicles.
6 more weeks
Ankle is taped
Slight swelling
I’ve lived in a static state. I’ve been scared for years. Anxiety doesn’t leave. You fight the fear. Every day. Love you all.
Wednesday, March 22, 2023
Tuesday, March 21, 2023
Hopeful prayer
I’m learning. I’m growing. It’s a most painful process. My pride is going. Lord, I’m battling. The body is listening. Now if I could get the heart to follow. This is a challenge. I need discipline and prayer. Show me what you want. Lead me. You know I want control and right now it’s not what I need. Acceptance. Is this what this is. Hope is real. Love you all.
Monday, March 20, 2023
Stay
I saw something on Instagram about discipline is more important than motivation. It’s true for me. PT is all about discipline. Some days I’ve lacked motivation to keep the new way of life going, but discipline keeps me going. For the first time, I’ve loving my body enough to fight for it. Do I look better? Yes. More importantly, I’m feeling better. I never trusted that my body could work for me, if I worked for it. Let me honest. This is the first time, I’ve truly worked for it. I just expected my body to hold up. Sustaining means working. I still don’t like working. I’m doing it nonetheless. My body deserves it. I’m finding when I take care of my body, my mind follows. My problems don’t cease, but I no longer let the problems stop me. Love you all.
Sunday, March 19, 2023
Saturday, March 18, 2023
Contentment my friend
Lord
It’s me
Body aches
Soul rejoices
What a concept
A little pain
Leads to contentment
Friday, March 17, 2023
Friday
What are you grateful for?
PT is reviving me. I hate doing it, but I can’t argue with the results. Thank you for your support. I love you all.
Thursday, March 16, 2023
Love
I’m proud of my body. Never thought I’d write that. It feels good. PT has stretched my body and strengthened it, but it has done wonders for my mind. And that is the blessing I feel most for. Who knew a physical injury would start to heal my fractured soul. I’m facing the pain, and it’s been the best thing to happen in a long time. Love you all
Wednesday, March 15, 2023
Sustain me
PT lesson
Rest and perfection
I’m learning what it is to rest. Fully rest. I enjoy peaceful sleep. I haven’t in a long time. As my body heals, my mind does too. I needed this. I needed what I despise. I’m learning in PT, that my body may not achieve perfection. It doesn’t need to. I just need to sustain and improve. It’s a concept so foreign to me. To sustain. God, sustain me. Love you all.
Tuesday, March 14, 2023
The PT thought
PT lessons
You will face your fear
You will be too tired to think
You will discover muscles you never use
All of these are great, but the second is the most important. I don’t have energy to wallow. I complain about PT, but it lifts my soul. I realize I am capable, and that is what I need daily reminders of. I need to be reminded to love the body I have. I have two arms and legs. And that is a blessing. I needed PT to remind me of God’s goodness. Who knew when I hurt my ankle weeks ago, it would be a gift. When you think God is through teaching or using you, He makes Himself known. Love you all
Questions
Last thing you made?
Last book you read?
Last vacation you took?
Last snack you ate?
Last thing you bought?
Monday, March 13, 2023
Pt
PT lessons
The past will reappear. It’s worked a number on my psyche. It’s brought out the mental blocks. If you don't address your past, it will come back. And mentally my brain and I are doing battle. This has been exhausting. I’m learning that strength training is not for the weak. My body experienced fully puddled sweat. I’ve never taken cold showers. I did this morning. My ankles and feet are weak. My PT almost heard me shout expletives today. I almost shouting them now. Epsom salt baths are my friend now. Love you all
Thoughts
Thoughts
Trying to get gratitude back at the center
I’m sore
I’m cranky
But I’m alive
Renew my heart
And change my
Attitude
Friday, March 10, 2023
Thursday, March 9, 2023
Grateful
What are you grateful for today?
What is making you smile?
I’m grateful for the simple pleasures. A good chat. A smile. A good meal.
Wednesday, March 8, 2023
Love you all
Thank you for your comments yesterday. You all gave me an attitude adjustment. One I needed. It’s a privilege that someone is able to whip me into shape. I woke up sour. And now after reading your comments I realize my mistake. I’m blessed that lovely human beings are invested in my success. Thank you dears for giving me what I needed even if you didn’t know I needed it. Love you all.
Tuesday, March 7, 2023
PT thoughts
PT thoughts
It will take time.
I will get frustrated
I will continue
This isn’t a race
If I thought I would hold a plank for 10 seconds. I did
This isn’t a search for perfection
I will have PT thoughts for awhile
Monday, March 6, 2023
PT
PT this morning. Physically I’m okay. Mentally, it’s taking time. Everything is a process. I’m realizing this will now be a part of daily life. My body has never felt better. Why is it we fight things that are good for us. I’m fighting what I know I need. I’m not fighting it outwardly. I’m warring on the inside. I’m fighting what I can’t have.
These are my daily thoughts.
Sunday, March 5, 2023
Friday, March 3, 2023
Rest
PT lessons
I’m learning to rest
I’m learning my body
I’m loving my body
I’m not cursing what my body can’t do, but amazed at what it can do
In almost forty years, I’m learning and cherishing. What a gift.
Thursday, March 2, 2023
heart
Wednesday, March 1, 2023
PT
After a few days of PT, here are my thoughts
The body can do amazing things. Even mine. I am being taught. My ego has been emptied.
Let people help you. I will say it again. Let people help you.
Pride will leave you as soreness replaces it
I’m exhausted but content knowing hope isn’t lost.
I’ve never slept better
Depression and anxiety are still present. Lessening daily.
I’m having to take on less. I can’t multitask. I shouldn’t be ashamed of this.
Mind and body have become my sole focus
God sees me even when I don’t see Him. He is present.
I hate being selfish, but again I can’t multitask. It takes almost all my energy to tend to my body right now.
Love you all.
Tuesday, February 28, 2023
Selfish
Started PT yesterday. My body has never been so sore. I’m exhausted. After almost 15 years of solely working to keep my body flexible, I’ve now moved to strength training. It’s progress. Something I never thought I would be able to do. My left ankle is very weak. Pray I can keep improving. I may not get to all of you right now. My focus is on my body. I’m having to be selfish. I love you. I’m having to love me.
Monday, February 27, 2023
Believe and updates
Control
Don’t have it
Want it
But God
Says no
It brings
You to much
Power
Too much anxiety
To rest
You must trust
And let go
Of what you’ve
Thought
Believed
And held dear
Eye update. No change. Letting God take it. Pray that I can accept His guidance, His love and what I can’t see. He does.
Sunday, February 26, 2023
Friday, February 24, 2023
Great day
It’s a great day
To be thankful
Grateful
And humble
For all
My blessings
That you
Are so
Willing
To give
Thursday, February 23, 2023
Wednesday, February 22, 2023
Tuesday, February 21, 2023
Cards
Yesterday, for the first time, I was truly honest at the doctor. My body needs to be checked out. I don’t have the luxury to put it off. Part of being honest is to tell people what I need. What I’d like. I’m slowly learning that I need to acknowledge the fear that consumes me daily. Today is a day that I’m fully resting. I’m basking in silence. And it’s quite a joyful experience.
Jesus
C’est moi
I’m here
To say
I have fear
Whether
It be rational
And help me
Not dread
Its presence
Monday, February 20, 2023
Sunday, February 19, 2023
Saturday, February 18, 2023
Thought
Learning to rest. I’m learning what it is to be quiet. I’m learning to be brutally honest. I no longer have the drive to lie. Hide the undeniable truth. And it’s exhausting and cathartic to lay my cards on the table. Honesty is freeing, but tiring. Set yourselves free.
Friday, February 17, 2023
Thinking
I’m going to address this. A commenter said you didn’t need to be disabled to need mental health. Very true. I’m just saying that if you find yourself disabled since birth, you will need mental health. You better have a therapist on retainer. You will never know normal. And now at almost forty have I come to terms with that knowledge. I give strangers a basic medical overview to not answer more intrusive ones. I shouldn’t have to at all. Self-preservation is essential. Anyone can suffer, but if you start behind the eight ball even with all the love in the world, just be ready to bare your soul to another human being and be medicated.
Thursday, February 16, 2023
Yes
Jesus,
Thank you
For loving me
Enough
To die
A death
I still
Can’t understand
Thank you
For showing up
You show up
In private
You show me
In the secret stillness
That you
Hold me up
When my body fails
And my soul lacks
Even when
I don’t think
I have more
To write
You say
Get to work
As long
As you live
You will type
Because when
You share
You live
You shine
The glimmer
The shimmer
Appear
You will not
Let me fall
Into depression
The constant battle
I have
To be content
In the body
You’ve given me
As soon as you learn you are disabled, you learn you will need help. Mental health help. It’s not an option. It’s a necessity. As much as water, I need help and medication. I won’t apologize for it. Get help if you need it.
Wednesday, February 15, 2023
Love
What are you learning these days? What have you been taught lately? I am being reminded daily that I can’t force time. I realize my flesh is rearing its head regularly as to what it wants. I’m realizing I need to focus on just being. I’m exhausted trying to figure it out. That’s not my job. I keep taking on God’s job. That is a problem. A big one. It’s a blessing to just breathe in. Letting God do His work is my main focus right now. Love yourselves.
Thank you
For the love
You provide
Sustains
My weary soul
And gives hope
When all
I feel
Is fear and dejection
Lift my eyes
Don’t fear
The wait
Embrace
The anxiety
And fuel
The passion
That is
Within me
Pray I do just this. Thank you
Tuesday, February 14, 2023
Fix
I look on this day differently these days. I will trust God that every desire will be met. I thought for so long I had to be fixed or normal to be loved, but I’m realizing that’s not the case. What needs to be fixed is my attitude. I believe in God, but I don’t trust Him to fulfill the deepest wants of my heart. Am I ashamed to admit this? Yes. I’ve learned that admitting the less savory parts of me lead to progress. I need that more than my pride. Real authenticity will bring results not stupid lies.
Beautiful
It’s a cold morning, but my heart is warm. The love you give is a blessing I’m ever grateful and humbled by. It’s a beautiful reminder that God gives miracles as freely as He gives grace. I’m learning to let others love me, as I learn to give myself love. Happy Valentine’s Day lovelies. May love find you and give you a big hug. Love you.
Monday, February 13, 2023
Failure
Failure
The greatest teacher
The best motivator
The way
To show
You
That
You’re
Never too
Old
To be taught
Failure
The tool
In which
Humility
Is earned
Bless you my friends
Sunday, February 12, 2023
Thought
Saturday, February 11, 2023
About me
A little about me
Floridian by birth, Carolinian by choice
Regine means Queen Mother. I used to hate my name, now I love it.
Travel feeds my soul, books feed the mind
I blog to music everyday.
I gotten hooked on protein bars with coffee for breakfast each morning
I love blankets. I can never have enough
I blast worship music as I walk on the treadmill
Friday, February 10, 2023
Thursday, February 9, 2023
Wednesday, February 8, 2023
Les yeux
Eyes
God
I took them
For granted
I did
I didn’t appreciate
The gift
Now I understand
The error
Of my ways
A few weeks ago I went to see an ophthalmologist. My vision is not great. My brain and eyes are not in sync. I can’t really explain the issue. It doesn’t matter. Right now, I’m just trying to accept this. I don’t know what the future holds, I’m hopeful that I’m His canvas on which miracles happen. I trust that I’m in capable in both human and Holy Hands and that’s all I can desire. Just pray that my journey with acceptance is one that continues. If you’d honor me with your prayers, you’d give me the gift I most desire.
When you pray for me, I understand your love for me.
Tuesday, February 7, 2023
Braces
Walking with braces is a daily experience. Sometimes it’s painful. Sometimes it’s a nuisance, but it’s always necessary. I wore them as a wee one, and for a few years now I’ve returned. My pride took some blows. My pride is nothing compared to weak ankles. Without these implements, I fell constantly. I learned how to fall correctly. My doctors gave me a stern warning. I was to do everything not to fall. I turned ankles as much as I love candy. These braces are my access to the world. This is priceless. I had to understand that I won’t wear anything but these braces and sneakers, but that’s okay. I had to learn that it’s not a badge of honor to be black and blue. So if you meet me, you will see me sporting men’s Nike’s and white AFO’s.
Have a blessed day.
Monday, February 6, 2023
God
God,
I come to you today amazed that you use me. Use my words to make a difference. Words that aren’t hollow and empty. I doubted your ability to make my life matter. I doubt and you show up everyday to prove Your point. You have a purpose for me. I acknowledge what I no longer deny. To know people read my words not simply to make me happy, but because it’s valuable is beyond my wildest dreams. I always have wondered if people humored me or looked at me with pity, but I am held by the One and Only who gives me what I need. Acceptance is a daily journey. It’s a process in humility. I’ve said it once, but I’m grateful that He doesn’t give as the world does. It makes life worth living.
Sunday, February 5, 2023
Sunday beauty
On Your Day
Lord
Thank you
For my life
How you
Are the fortress
The rock
The sustainer
And lifter
Of my head
Guide us
And may we cede
Our need to know
And control
Our destinies
Love each other and He has loved you.
Saturday, February 4, 2023
Therapy
The therapy session
Exercise and this blog are essential for my health. The body needs to move. Cerebral Palsy wreaks havoc on my muscles. The condition isn’t supposed to worsen as I age, but my body seems to disagree vehemently. The baclofen pump helps this too. I’ve had it about 15 years. It’s one of the best decisions besides Jesus that I ever made. Science and faith intertwine in my story everyday. I owe my quality of life to their interconnectedness. Writing this blog has opened me up, gotten me out of my shell, and given me a community I didn’t realize I desired. Disability is very lonely. I never knew my place, and haven’t felt comfortable in trying to locate it any longer. You are all a collective of wonderful humans who restore my faith, and give me hope. I need a daily dose of hope almost as much as my daily medicines. So thank you. I’m grateful you continue to bless me with your presence. Love you all. Be the blessing and you will be blessed.
Friday, February 3, 2023
Friday musing
Some recent things
I’m missing my niece and nephew. They bring joy.
I have so many clothes in my closet, but wear the same pieces every day.
I love gummy bears. Thankfully I found a healthier version
I read so many books that I need new suggestions
I forgot how good cheese grits were
Sometimes you must create your own joy
Tell me your wins and joy
Thursday, February 2, 2023
Face
In this rainy day I’m grateful for my faded sweats and Martha’s Vineyard sweatshirt that remind me of memories that make me so joyful. If you’ve had told me that I’ve had the opportunity to see God’s beauty in so many places, I don’t know if I would have believed you. God gives and I’m grateful to be a recipient. It’s the small things that become the moments you don’t remember. Some of the places I’ve experienced the most anxiety are the places I think of with the fondest love. Do I wish I didn’t have so much anxiety, yes, but I’m starting to see that anxiety is correlated to my amount of fear. So I need to channel the anxiety, face the fear that eats me. Love you all. May you all have a blessed day.
Wednesday, February 1, 2023
Please
Guide
Where
My feet land
My heart beats
And let
My soul
Not hastily retreat
Pray for me my precious friends.
Tuesday, January 31, 2023
Monday, January 30, 2023
His
This weekend I saw my family in Charleston, and I learned some things
Disability has many shades and for as far as society’s come, it shocks me how much hasn’t. We are all God’s children. We’ve got to be better humans. I’ve learned that I can’t birth children, nor have the stamina to raise them, but I can love them. And that’s enough. I have to believe. This weekend I’ve had to face fears and shove away pride, but I was blessed because I let myself do just that. Thank you Lord, for letting me love others, and have them love me back. I saw a purpose in my disability, and that’s everything. I just remember that the Lord doesn’t give like the world does and I’m appreciative of the fact.
Let others love you
And love them back
Sunday, January 29, 2023
Friday, January 27, 2023
Thursday, January 26, 2023
Who I am
Faith
Rise up
May Your strength
Be my strength
I prosper
Because
Of who
You are
Get up
And praise
For my joy
Is not contingent
On what
I can’t control
But on who
I am in
You
Love you friends
Wednesday, January 25, 2023
Questions
What is on your heart?
What is making you smile?
What are you making?
Last thing you bought?
Last book you read?
Tuesday, January 24, 2023
Blessing
Some days
It’s a struggle
To be light
And love
It’s the way
I know
To get out
Self-pity
So I will smile
And be the blessing
He’s made me
To be
Monday, January 23, 2023
Dream
How may
I serve you
Today Lord
I need to believe
To keep dreaming
And keep joy
And hope alive
Pray that it’s more than possible
Sunday, January 22, 2023
Saturday, January 21, 2023
Love it
Lord
Let my heart
Not be dismayed
Trust in You
And let me
Filled with
A joy
Circumstance
Does not
Have a say
Friday, January 20, 2023
Questions
What is on your heart?
Last thing you cooked?
Last person who made you happy?
Last thing you bought?
Last person you prayed for? If you don’t want to answer that’s okay.
Thursday, January 19, 2023
Jesus
Trying to rein
In my thoughts
Is one of
The hardest things
I do
Every day
It all
Comes back
To the heart
Of who
Trust
Myself
Or
YOU
Lord
Help me
Cede my desire
To control others
When it’s difficult
To police
My own emotions
Wednesday, January 18, 2023
Facing fear
Fear
Drives or deceives
Face it
Or flee
I’ve fled
For so
Many years
Now I’m
Fueling
The fire
To see
That fear
Can do
Me good
If handled appropriately
Tuesday, January 17, 2023
About me
Monday, January 16, 2023
Sunday, January 15, 2023
Friday, January 13, 2023
Thursday, January 12, 2023
Questions
What are you reading?
What are you buying?
What are you cooking?
What is making you smile?
How are you?
Wednesday, January 11, 2023
Dance
Jamming out
To Nashville’s best
Belting it out
Like I’m Reba
I know
I’m Regine
But I’m happy
To let loose
Sing a little
And let
Arms flail
Like I’m having
My own dance party
This morning
Enjoy the mundane
For it’s what
Becomes the memories
You don’t want to forget
Please pray for a friend’s child who is dealing with a possible cancer diagnosis. If you have a prayer request, leave it here. Power in prayer.
Tuesday, January 10, 2023
Love you all
Smile wide
For you
Are awake
To seize
The day
And shine
Like the
Shooting star
You are
Blessed
Redeemed
And chosen
God’s child
The inheritance
Of eternity
That is yours
Should you
Accept
Monday, January 9, 2023
Sunday, January 8, 2023
💛
It’s Sunday night
And you
Do it again
Use a soul
I don’t know
To speak
To my own
When I start
To doubt
Or wonder why
You show up
In darkness
To show me
Light
Friday, January 6, 2023
Thursday, January 5, 2023
Wednesday, January 4, 2023
Thoughts
Acceptance
I denied my need
For you
I squandered years
My stubbornness
Was a problem
I knew
The issue
I refused to face
I wanted answers
That weren’t mine
To receive
I wanted the facade
Reality
Was a burden
Or so
I thought
Once
I stopped
Seeking ease
Did truth
Set me free
Truth is
Perfection
The illusion
That destroys
Immense beauty
Breath
As I look
At myself
I’m proud
To say
I keep
Writing
Because
IT’s therapy
For a soul
That still questions
Even if
I’ve known
The answers
For a long time
Exercising the doubts
Out physically
So mentally
I can breathe
Tuesday, January 3, 2023
Lord
Lord
It’s your child
Regine
Intercède
On the behalf
Of those
You call Your Own
And let the
Work of Your Hands
Shine
Monday, January 2, 2023
Hi
What is your word for the year?
Enjoying reading good books and eating delightful treats. How are you?
Any prayer requests?