Church

 This topic may not be a fun one, but I should want to return to church, but my heart isn’t there. I find the church now resembles politics and a hierarchy. Church used to fill a void, but now I’m sour. I have faith. I don’t know if Christ resides in the church. If you go, please help dispel what I now think. 

Will

 God

It’s me

You teach

Even when

I’m not

In a mood

To listen

Soften my heart

To your Will

Thoughts

 You’re here

With me

And that’s enough

Lord for me

Pt chronicles

 PT chronicles. 

6 more weeks 

Ankle is taped

Slight swelling 

I’ve lived in a static state. I’ve been scared for years. Anxiety doesn’t leave. You fight the fear. Every day. Love you all. 

Today

 Send some motivation

And discipline 

My way

Tell me something good. 

Hopeful prayer

 I’m learning. I’m growing. It’s a most painful process. My pride is going. Lord, I’m battling. The body is listening. Now if I could get the heart to follow. This is a challenge. I need discipline and prayer. Show me what you want. Lead me. You know I want control and right now it’s not what I need. Acceptance. Is this what this is. Hope is real. Love you all. 

❤️

 Muscles 

Burn and sore

Mean 

Soaring 

Is next

Stay

 I saw something on Instagram about discipline is more important than motivation. It’s true for me. PT is all about discipline. Some days I’ve lacked motivation to keep the new way of life going, but discipline keeps me going. For the first time, I’ve loving my body enough to fight for it. Do I look better?  Yes. More importantly, I’m feeling better. I never trusted that my body could work for me, if I worked for it. Let me honest.  This is the first time, I’ve truly worked for it. I just expected my body to hold up. Sustaining means working. I still don’t like working. I’m doing it nonetheless. My body deserves it. I’m finding when I take care of my body, my mind follows. My problems don’t cease, but I no longer let the problems stop me. Love you all. 

Soulful

 Sunday 

Your day

Where my heart 

Is hopeful 

For Your Word

To feed

My soul

Contentment my friend

 Lord

It’s me

Body aches

Soul rejoices

What a concept

A little pain

Leads to contentment

Friday

 What are you grateful for?

PT is reviving me. I hate doing it, but I can’t argue with the results. Thank you for your support. I love you all. 

Love

 I’m proud of my body. Never thought I’d write that. It feels good. PT has stretched my body and strengthened it, but it has done wonders for my mind. And that is the blessing I feel most for. Who knew a physical injury would start to heal my fractured soul. I’m facing the pain, and it’s been the best thing to happen in a long time. Love you all

Sustain me

 PT lesson

Rest and perfection

I’m learning what it is to rest. Fully rest. I enjoy peaceful sleep. I haven’t in a long time. As my body heals, my mind does too. I needed this. I needed what I despise. I’m learning in PT, that my body may not achieve perfection. It doesn’t need to. I just need to sustain and improve. It’s a concept so foreign to me. To sustain. God, sustain me. Love you all. 

The PT thought

 PT lessons

You will face your fear

You will be too tired to think

You will discover muscles you never use

All of these are great, but the second is the most important. I don’t have energy to wallow. I complain about PT, but it lifts my soul.  I realize I am capable, and that is what I need daily reminders of. I need to be reminded to love the body I have. I have two arms and legs. And that is a blessing. I needed PT to remind me of God’s goodness. Who knew when I hurt my ankle weeks ago, it would be a gift. When you think God is through teaching or using you, He makes Himself known. Love you all

Questions

 Last thing you made?

Last book you read?

Last vacation you took?

Last snack you ate?

Last thing you bought?

Pt

 PT lessons

The past will reappear. It’s worked a number on my psyche. It’s brought out the mental blocks. If you don't address your past, it will come back. And mentally my brain and I are doing battle. This has been exhausting. I’m learning that strength training is not for the weak. My body experienced fully puddled sweat. I’ve never taken cold showers. I did this morning. My ankles and feet are weak. My PT almost heard me shout expletives today. I almost shouting them now. Epsom salt baths are my friend now. Love you all

Thoughts

 Thoughts

Trying to get gratitude back at the center

I’m sore

I’m cranky

But I’m alive

Renew my heart

And change my

Attitude

Friday

 Friday evening

How was 

Your week

My friends

Grateful

 What are you grateful for today?

What is making you smile?

I’m grateful for the simple pleasures. A good chat. A smile. A good meal. 

Love you all

 Thank you for your comments yesterday. You all gave me an attitude adjustment. One I needed. It’s a privilege that someone is able to whip me into shape. I woke up sour. And now after reading your comments I realize my mistake. I’m blessed that lovely human beings are invested in my success. Thank you dears for giving me what I needed even if you didn’t know I needed it. Love you all. 

PT thoughts

 PT thoughts

It will take time. 

I will get frustrated

I will continue

This isn’t a race

If I thought I would hold a plank for 10 seconds. I did

This isn’t a search for perfection

I will have PT thoughts for awhile

PT

 PT this morning. Physically I’m okay. Mentally, it’s taking time. Everything is a process. I’m realizing this will now be a part of daily life. My body has never felt better. Why is it we fight things that are good for us. I’m fighting what I know I need. I’m not fighting it outwardly. I’m warring on the inside. I’m fighting what I can’t have. 

These are my daily thoughts. 

Are

 Love me

As you have

And remind me

Of Who 

I am

Within the

Arms

Of who

You are

Letting

 God

Your child here

Transform me

Remind me

Of your Will

Your timing

And letting go

And letting

You in

Rest

 PT lessons

I’m learning to rest

I’m learning my body

I’m loving my body

I’m not cursing what my body can’t do, but amazed at what it can do

In almost forty years, I’m learning and cherishing. What a gift. 

heart

Thank you for your prayers. I covet them. Pray I continue without complaint. Thank you. 

What’s on your heart?

PT

 After a few days of PT, here are my thoughts

The body can do amazing things. Even mine. I am being taught. My ego has been emptied. 

Let people help you. I will say it again. Let people help you. 

Pride will leave you as soreness replaces it

I’m exhausted but content knowing hope isn’t lost. 

I’ve never slept better

Depression and anxiety are still present. Lessening daily. 

I’m having to take on less. I can’t multitask. I shouldn’t be ashamed of this. 

Mind and body have become my sole focus

God sees me even when I don’t see Him. He is present. 

I hate being selfish, but again I can’t multitask. It takes almost all my energy to tend to my body right now. 

Love you all. 

Selfish

 Started PT yesterday. My body has never been so sore. I’m exhausted. After almost 15 years of solely working to keep my body flexible, I’ve now moved to strength training. It’s progress. Something I never thought I would be able to do. My left ankle is very weak.  Pray I can keep improving. I may not get to all of you right now. My focus is on my body. I’m having to be selfish. I love you. I’m having to love me. 

Believe and updates

 Control

Don’t have it

Want it

But God

Says no

It brings

You to much

Power

Too much anxiety

To rest

You must trust

And let go

Of what you’ve 

Thought

Believed

And held dear

Eye update. No change. Letting God take it. Pray that I can accept His guidance, His love and what I can’t see. He does. 

Thoughts

 Sometimes

What you need

Is not 

What you want

Great day

 It’s a great day

To be thankful

Grateful

And humble

For all 

My blessings

That you 

Are so 

Willing 

To give

Renewal

 Taking in

A warm day 

Filled

With hope

Renewal

And promise

Seek

 Thank you Lord

For being

What I need

When I need

If you could teach

Me to forgive

Myself

The key

To the healing

I seek

Questions

 What is making you smile?

Last thing you read?

Last dessert you ate?

Last thing you bought?

Last thing you did?

You all

A romance novel

Apple pie

Lemonade

Stretch

Cards

 Yesterday, for the first time, I was truly honest at the doctor. My body needs to be checked out. I don’t have the luxury to put it off. Part of being honest is to tell people what I need. What I’d like. I’m slowly learning that I need to acknowledge the fear that consumes me daily. Today is a day that I’m fully resting. I’m basking in silence. And it’s quite a joyful experience. 

Jesus

C’est moi

I’m here

To say

I have fear

Whether

It be rational

And help me

Not dread

Its presence 

Trust

 Rest

Relax

And 

Trust

My new mantra

Lord

Help me

Accomplish

This new goal

Love

 Working out 

Sunshine

At my back

Basking

In the beauty

Of the Creator’s 

Creation

Love

 It’s been 

A good

Good day

In my neighborhood

Family

Books

And love

Thought

 Learning to rest. I’m learning what it is to be quiet. I’m learning to be brutally honest. I no longer have the drive to lie. Hide the undeniable truth. And it’s exhausting and cathartic to lay my cards on the table. Honesty is freeing, but tiring. Set yourselves free. 

Thinking

 I’m going to address this. A commenter said you didn’t need to be disabled to need mental health. Very true. I’m just saying that if you find yourself disabled since birth, you will need mental health. You better have a therapist on retainer. You will never know normal. And now at almost forty have I come to terms with that knowledge. I give strangers a basic medical overview to not answer more intrusive ones. I shouldn’t have to at all. Self-preservation is essential.  Anyone can suffer, but if you start behind the eight ball even with all the love in the world, just be ready to bare your soul to another human being and be medicated. 

Yes

 Jesus,

Thank you

For loving me

Enough

To die

A death

I still

Can’t understand

Thank you

For showing up

You show up

In private

You show me

In the secret stillness

That you 

Hold me up

When my body fails

And my soul lacks

Even when

I don’t think

I have more

To write

You say 

Get to work

As long

As you live

You will type

Because when

You share

You live

You shine

The glimmer

The shimmer

Appear 

You will not

Let me fall

Into depression

The constant battle

I have 

To be content

In the body

You’ve given me

As soon as you learn you are disabled, you learn you will need help. Mental health help. It’s not an option. It’s a necessity. As much as water, I need help and medication. I won’t apologize for it. Get help if you need it. 

Love

 What are you learning these days?  What have you been taught lately?  I am being reminded daily that I can’t force time. I realize my flesh is rearing its head regularly as to what it wants. I’m realizing I need to focus on just being. I’m exhausted trying to figure it out. That’s not my job. I keep taking on God’s job. That is a problem. A big one. It’s a blessing to just breathe in. Letting God do His work is my main focus right now. Love yourselves. 

Thank you

For the love

You provide 

Sustains

My weary soul

And gives hope

When all

I feel

Is fear and dejection

Lift my eyes

Don’t fear 

The wait

Embrace

The anxiety

And fuel

The passion

That is 

Within me

Pray I do just this. Thank you

Fix

 I look on this day differently these days. I will trust God that every desire will be met. I thought for so long I had to be fixed or normal to be loved, but I’m realizing that’s not the case. What needs to be fixed is my attitude. I believe in God, but I don’t trust Him to fulfill the deepest wants of my heart. Am I ashamed to admit this?  Yes. I’ve learned that admitting the less savory parts of me lead to progress. I need that more than my pride. Real authenticity will bring results not stupid lies. 

Beautiful

 It’s a cold morning, but my heart is warm. The love you give is a blessing I’m ever grateful and humbled by. It’s a beautiful reminder that God gives miracles as freely as He gives grace. I’m learning to let others love me, as I learn to give myself love. Happy Valentine’s Day lovelies. May love find you and give you a big hug. Love you. 

Failure

 Failure

The greatest teacher

The best motivator

The way

To show

You

That 

You’re 

Never too

Old

To be taught

Failure

The tool

In which

Humility 

Is earned

Bless you my friends

Thought

I never thought I’d be so open, letting you in. I’m shattering the glass. I’m tired of hiding the pain. I’m tired of not be authentic. I’m tired of pretending. To heal I’m doing things I thought I’d never do. Never say never. I’m discovering who I am within the confines of knowing that God holds the keys. I need healing. God Bless you all. 

About me

 A little about me

Floridian by birth, Carolinian by choice

Regine means Queen Mother. I used to hate my name, now I love it. 

Travel feeds my soul, books feed the mind

I blog to music everyday. 

I gotten hooked on protein bars with coffee for breakfast each morning

I love blankets. I can never have enough

I blast worship music as I walk on the treadmill

Yes

 It’s a great day

Because I’m here

With your Grace

And a knowledge

That I’m eternally

Yours

Thursday

 How are you my friends?

‘What is on your heart?

Any prayer requests?

Les yeux

 Eyes

God

I took them

For granted

I did

I didn’t appreciate 

The gift

Now I understand

The error 

Of my ways

A few weeks ago I went to see an ophthalmologist. My vision is not great. My brain and eyes are not in sync. I can’t really explain the issue. It doesn’t matter. Right now, I’m just trying to accept this. I don’t know what the future holds, I’m hopeful that I’m His canvas on which miracles happen. I trust that I’m in capable in both human and Holy Hands and that’s all I can desire. Just pray that my journey with acceptance is one that continues. If you’d honor me with your prayers, you’d give me the gift I most desire. 

When you pray for me, I understand your love for me. 

Braces

 Walking with braces is a daily experience. Sometimes it’s painful. Sometimes it’s a nuisance, but it’s always necessary. I wore them as a wee one, and for a few years now I’ve returned. My pride took some blows. My pride is nothing compared to weak ankles. Without these implements, I fell constantly. I learned how to fall correctly. My doctors gave me a stern warning. I was to do everything not to fall. I turned ankles as much as I love candy. These braces are my access to the world.  This is priceless. I had to understand that I won’t wear anything but these braces and sneakers, but that’s okay. I had to learn that it’s not a badge of honor to be black and blue. So if you meet me, you will see me sporting men’s Nike’s and white AFO’s. 

Have a blessed day. 

God

 God,

I come to you today amazed that you use me. Use my words to make a difference. Words that aren’t hollow and empty. I doubted your ability to make my life matter. I doubt and you show up everyday to prove Your point. You have a purpose for me. I acknowledge what I no longer deny. To know people read my words not simply to make me happy, but because it’s valuable is beyond my wildest dreams. I always have wondered if people humored me or looked at me with pity, but I am held by the One and Only who gives me what I need. Acceptance is a daily journey. It’s a process in humility. I’ve said it once, but I’m grateful that He doesn’t give as the world does. It makes life worth living. 

Sunday beauty

 On Your Day

Lord

Thank you

For my life

How you

Are the fortress

The rock

The sustainer

And lifter

Of my head

Guide us

And may we cede

Our need to know

And control 

Our destinies

Love each other and He has loved you. 

Therapy

 The therapy session

Exercise and this blog are essential for my health. The body needs to move. Cerebral Palsy wreaks havoc on my muscles. The condition isn’t supposed to worsen as I age, but my body seems to disagree vehemently. The baclofen pump helps this too. I’ve had it about 15 years. It’s one of the best decisions besides Jesus that I ever made. Science and faith intertwine in my story everyday. I owe my quality of life to their interconnectedness. Writing this blog has opened me up, gotten me out of my shell, and given me a community I didn’t realize I desired. Disability is very lonely. I never knew my place, and haven’t felt comfortable in trying to locate it any longer. You are all a collective of wonderful humans who restore my faith, and give me hope. I need a daily dose of hope almost as much as my daily medicines. So thank you. I’m grateful you continue to bless me with your presence.  Love you all. Be the blessing and you will be blessed. 

Friday musing

 Some recent things

I’m missing my niece and nephew. They bring joy. 

I have so many clothes in my closet, but wear the same pieces every day. 

I love gummy bears. Thankfully I found a healthier version

I read so many books that I need new suggestions

I forgot how good cheese grits were

Sometimes you must create your own joy

Tell me your wins and joy

Face

 In this rainy day I’m grateful for my faded sweats and Martha’s Vineyard sweatshirt that remind me of memories that make me so joyful. If you’ve had told me that I’ve had the opportunity to see God’s beauty in so many places, I don’t know if I would have believed you. God gives and I’m grateful to be a recipient.   It’s the small things that become the moments you don’t remember. Some of the places I’ve experienced the most anxiety are the places I think of with the fondest love. Do I wish I didn’t have so much anxiety, yes, but I’m starting to see that anxiety is correlated to my amount of fear. So I need to channel the anxiety, face the fear that eats me.  Love you all. May you all have a blessed day. 

Please

 Guide 

Where

My feet land

My heart beats

And let 

My soul

Not hastily retreat

Pray for me my precious friends.  

Today

 Regine 

Be grateful 

What you desire 

Will come

Striving 

Doesn’t cut it

Faith does 

His

 This weekend I saw my family in Charleston, and I learned some things

Disability has many shades and for as far as society’s come, it shocks me how much hasn’t.  We are all God’s children. We’ve got to be better humans. I’ve learned that I can’t birth children, nor have the stamina to raise them, but I can love them. And that’s enough. I have to believe. This weekend I’ve had to face fears and shove away pride, but I was blessed because I let myself do just that. Thank you Lord, for letting me love others, and have them love me back. I saw a purpose in my disability, and that’s everything. I just remember that the Lord doesn’t give like the world does and I’m appreciative of the fact. 

Let others love you

And love them back

Love

 Love

Where it begins

And never

Ever ends

Sunday

 It’s been 

A great weekend

Checking in 

With all

Of you

How are y’all doing my loves?

Friday

 How are you today?

What is on your heart?

You are loved

Closed

Wanted

Needed

Who I am

 Faith 

Rise up

May Your strength

Be my strength

I prosper

Because

Of who

You are

Get up

And praise

For my joy

Is not contingent

On what

I can’t control

But on who

I am in

You

Love you friends

Questions

 What is on your heart?

What is making you smile?

What are you making?

Last thing you bought?

Last book you read?

Blessing

 Some days

It’s a struggle

To be light

And love

It’s the way

I know 

To get out

Self-pity

So I will smile

And be the blessing

He’s made me

To be

Dream

 How may 

I serve you

Today Lord

I need to believe

To keep dreaming

And keep joy

And hope alive

Pray that it’s more than possible

Sunday

 Sunday

Good afternoon friends 

It’s rainy here

But I’m happy

To be blessed

With the best

Love it

 Lord

Let my heart

Not be dismayed

Trust in You

And let me

Filled with

A joy 

Circumstance

Does not

Have a say

Questions

 What is on your heart?

Last thing you cooked?

Last person who made you happy?

Last thing you bought?

Last person you prayed for?  If you don’t want to answer that’s okay. 

Jesus

 Trying to rein 

In my thoughts

Is one of

The hardest things

I do 

Every day

It all 

Comes back

To the heart

Of who

Trust

Myself

Or

YOU

Lord

Help me

Cede my desire

To control others

When it’s difficult

To police 

My own emotions

Facing fear

 Fear

Drives or deceives

Face it

Or flee

I’ve fled

For so 

Many years

Now I’m 

Fueling 

The fire

To see

That fear

Can do 

Me good

If handled appropriately 

About me

Some things about me

I love a good romance novel

I love candy

My favorite fruit is a peach

My favorite vegetable is spinach

I love a cozy blanket

My favorite language is Spanish or French

I collect lip balm

Unite

 Be love

Be light

Shine

Unite

Divide

And 

Conquer

Is not 

In my lexicon

At the moment

💕

 What 

Is on

Your heart

Today

Remove 

What you will

Add what 

Is necessary 

And hold

Me in 

Your Grace

Friday

 It’s a good day

Happy Friday

My loves

May it be

Sweet and fruitful

Full of many blessings

Questions

 What are you reading?

What are you buying?

What are you cooking?

What is making you smile?

How are you?

Dance

 Jamming out

To Nashville’s best

Belting it out

Like I’m Reba

I know

I’m Regine

But I’m happy 

To let loose

Sing a little

And let 

Arms flail

Like I’m having

My own dance party

This morning

Enjoy the mundane

For it’s what 

Becomes the memories

You don’t want to forget

Please pray for a friend’s child who is dealing with a possible cancer diagnosis. If you have a prayer request, leave it here. Power in prayer. 

Love you all

 Smile wide

For you 

Are awake

To seize 

The day

And shine

Like the

Shooting star

You are

Blessed

Redeemed

And chosen

God’s child

The inheritance

Of eternity

That is yours

Should you

Accept

Fog

 Peering out

Settled fog 

Outside

But my heart 

Is clear

Thanks

To the love

I receive

💛

 It’s Sunday night

And you 

Do it again 

Use a soul

I don’t know 

To speak

To my own

When I start

To doubt

Or wonder why

You show up

In darkness 

To show me

Light

Questions

 What are you cooking?

Favorite Christmas gift?

What are you reading?

Merci

 Thank you God

For this gift

And these people

Who speak 

Life and love

Into this vessel

That is never alone

Pray

 Any prayer requests?

Mine are for my friends Barbi, and Sheri. 

Healing for Damar Hamlin

Peace and hope for myself. Not rushing the process. 

What are yours?

Thoughts

 Acceptance

I denied my need

For you

I squandered years

My stubbornness

Was a problem

I knew

The issue

I refused to face

I wanted answers

That weren’t mine

To receive

I wanted the facade

Reality 

Was a burden

Or so 

I thought

Once

I stopped

Seeking ease

Did truth

Set me free

Truth is 

Perfection

The illusion

That destroys

Immense beauty

Breath

 As I look

At myself 

I’m proud

To say

I keep 

Writing 

Because 

IT’s therapy 

For a soul

That still questions 

Even if

I’ve known 

The answers 

For a long time 

Exercising the doubts 

Out physically 

So mentally 

I can breathe

Lord

 Lord

It’s your child

Regine

Intercède 

On the behalf

Of those

You call Your Own

And let the

Work of Your Hands

Shine

Hi

 What is your word for the year?

Enjoying reading good books and eating delightful treats. How are you?

Any prayer requests?

Blessings

 May this year

May I not 

Live in fear

But expect

Goodness

And mercy