Cinq

 Five things

Even since the social media cleanse, I realize how addicted I’d become. The desire for stuff, and the perfect lives of people had made my depression eat me from the inside out. I still have those desires, but with time I hope it subsides more. I spend less time on my phone, and in the real world. What a blessing. 

I actually stare out my window, and wait for today’s story to come to fruition. It’s so different from how I would normally try and craft my narrative. 

The pressure I put on myself to be productive was insane. My health is still recovering from my self imposed need to stay busy. Because busy is good apparently. 

Birthday is coming up. Don’t know how I will celebrate. I don’t know what I want. 

My favorite gift already came. It’s a birthday card from my friend Borqna. My Bulgarian friend knows how to cheer me up while reminding me of my worth. 

Have a beautiful day. 

Love yourself and one another. 

Regine

Questions

 What are you reading?

Will you will be watching the Olympics?

Any summer vacations?

What are you cooking lately?

What are you baking lately?

Terra firma

 I had the first cantaloupe of the season. It was a small one. One I could play catch with. I had to rub it. Feel between the grooves. I lifted it up to my nose and smelled. I couldn’t smell anything. That didn’t stop my joy. I walked to the patch, and my happiness didn’t dim. I felt ease in my soul. Day two of no social media at all has been interesting. I’m immersing myself in letting the land speak to me. Speak it will. 

I’m enjoying just feeling free from consumerism and comparison. The more I was on social media, the more I wanted things. I wanted what others had. Right now, I’m taking Hemingway’s cue with my computer and its keys. It’s just us. Nothing else. I don’t know if I will miss the friends I’ve made through Instagram, or if I will return. 

I’m returning to my roots. The land is feeding my mind, body and soul right now. Walking to the line in Old Navy flip flops to hang out clothes. Letting the sun be my clothes dryer. Letting the wet grass sink into my toe beds. Smelling the freshly cut grass. Let’s call it eau du jardín.  I’m taking out the old hula-hoop and taking it for a spin. Never got the hang of it. I still like to twirl it on my arms pretending to be a circus performer. A little chameleon in my own mind. 

Letting childhood pleasures take hold. When I started taking life too seriously. Forget how to laugh. My face took on a permanent scowl. I’m not saying I won’t have days where I may feel like I’m missing something, but sometimes God does for us, what we are unable to do for ourselves. My own search for joy in what is already mine not in what is sought. 

R and G: an internal dialogue

 As my dogs are sacked out on couches with just some morning tunes on, I’m learning several things. I can’t force the process. Writing or otherwise. The words come at unexpected times. Sometimes its at 3 in the morning when sleep is a mirage. Or it is when I’m watching Netflix. Creativity is a not a process. A process that takes time. I’m not very patient. I know it. Known it for years. It’s where God and I come to a head most days. My internal dialogue with Him looks a lot like this:

R: Why again?

G: Child, this is your favorite question. 

R:  It is. You haven’t answered yet. 

G:  How many years have we had this chat?

R:  Too many

G:  You don’t trust me. It’s not a question. Your prayers are the same. 

R:  I’m just tired of waiting. 

G:  As long as I have you living, you have all the time in the world.

R:  I know, but…

G: But what?

R:  The world makes me feel like I’ve wasted time. Time I can’t get back. 

G:  Time is infinite for me. Nothing is ever wasted. Those years are preparing you for greatness. The world doesn’t determine your worth. I do. 

R:  I know. It’s hard. 

G:  You are in the world, but not of this world. I’ve been faithful. Now show me yours. 

R:  Okay

So folks, this journey is not easy, but I’m on it. 

Love yourself and one another. 

Regine

New York days

The redhead

In a DVF wrap

Strolling the

Upper East Side

In a Chloe satchel

Clutching a coffee

From Ralph’s

While her 

Manolo’s clack

Against the sidewalk

At a breakneck pace

That makes me dizzy

Just being the casual

Observer I am

I’m headed 

To another borough

To catch

The Bronx Bombers

Show the 

Rest of 

The American League

How it’s done

Too bad

I reminisce 

About

The past

When it 

Was the Jeter show

And a closeout

By Mariano

To seal the deal

Released

 Spark the flame

Shine the light

Find the joy

Listen for 

The quiet

Sign

That you’re 

On your way

To fulfill

The promises

That lead 

To prominence

Love yourself

For when it’s done

The world

Opens up

To become

The fruit

Of your labor

Nothing is hidden

Nothing is held back

Freedom finds

The slave

Whose bonds

Have been

Released

Horse

 Riding the horse in the early morning underneath the shadow of the trees, I take in the solace of your silent words. I guide the horse underneath the tree to pluck an apple. One for me and one for my friend. Taking a few moments to pet this divine animal who makes me euphoric. Animals are God’s gifts to us human who make simplicity seem so difficult. 

Run wild 

And free

My fierce

And regal

Companion

You love

As I caress

Your mane

And rub

Your ears

As you lean

Back

And find delight

In my touch

Learning

 It’s foggy and drizzling. A perfect reprieve from the heat. Learning about oneself is a brutal task, but necessary. 

I’m learning that I love seeking out the birds. I love to see creation soar. Maybe I could learn some lessons from the smallest birds who know that the birdfeeder is always full. They know God will provide through my faithfulness. 

I love to see the fish swim around in the pond wild and free. Maybe I could swim wild and free not worrying about the next task that needs to be completed. 

I’m learning that the dog wants constant love and affection. It has to be touching me. Maybe I need to be reminded that God will provide that for me if I ask. 

What are you learning?

Shore days

 I stare up at a Parisian landscape, and imagine myself there. Until I make it, I will continue to marvel at the scene and think of the person who it belonged to before me. The worldly woman who danced to her own beat. The one who understood to joy of living. Who was a creature of habit. Who ate a bowl of cottage cheese topped with pineapple. 

Never stop telling stories. They last beyond lifetimes. I look at their possessions, and imagine what brought them a smile. I’ve never met most of these people, but their not merely names. They come alive in my soul. I can imagine my great-grandmother making her son her favorite meal. The aunt who took each moment to wear pearls or her favorite brooch. I can imagine summer days at the shore dancing to Elvis or Sinatra. 

So tell me all the stories. It’s what is remembered. Trust me. I tell my mother each day that these people may be no longer here, but they’re alive in me. 

Alive you’ll 

Always be

Because of 

Your faithfulness

To build

Those I love

Into wonderful

Human beings

Rosy

 Taking a walk on the wild side. An early morning sweat as I walk down the driveway. Worship music flowing as I say not one word. Sometimes being still is being silent. I don’t need to ask anything. Simply be one with what is seen. The gravel moves along with my cadence. The sound as sweet as the music in my ears. I look around and see cut limbs that will dry out and maybe become firewood. I take a look at the trees swaying in the breezes that my hair get brushed by with every move. 

I look for the lone rose or the lone weed that shows me both are needed. The rose has its outward. The weed not so much. The weed teaches more than the rose. The weed is resilient no matter how much of a nuisance it is. I’m the weed. I may be told I’m as pretty as the rose, but to live with CP, becoming the weed is imperative. 

Being pretty gets me nowhere most days. The exterior is just the door opener. To keep the door open, the feisty weed you must morph into. The truth isn’t so pleasant sometimes. Sometimes you have to be honey, and others vinegar. I don’t like confrontation, but push come to shove, you must return punches. Learning to soar on wings not known to me before. My kindness to you is a gift from above. Don’t take it for granted. 

Lord

As you morph me

Into the creation

I’m to be

Let me fierce

When needed

Yet still 

Being soft

When necessary

Loving myself

Is the journey

I’m on

And if it

Means

Detaching

Or disconnecting

To be brought

Back to center

Rebuttal

 It’s late at night. The music is my only partner tonight. Life is what you make it. Finding reasons to smile. Unexpected blessings pop up when nothing is expected. I’ve had to learn that kindness can be exploited and manipulated. Will I stop being kind. No. Will I be more careful to guard my heart. Yes. 

Right now I’m just enjoying sitting in darkness. In its presence, I practice stillness. 

Pay attention 

To your soul

It will speak 

When you get 

Ready 

To listen

Without 

Needing

Rebuttal

Saturday

 Saturday good things

Pizza day

Crazy Rich Asians movie

Old James Perse shorts 

Name yours

Questions

 What is your win for the week?

What is making you smile?

Best recipe you made?

Book you read?

Thing you bought?

Gift

 It’s a true blessing

To trust God 

When everything

Makes no sense

But your calm

Knowing

It’s not 

Your job

To figure

It out

Not every day

Is this good

When it is

I just accept

The gift

That it is

Carats

 Took a little ride around the property. Needed to gaze at the rolling hills and green grass. Nature really clears the thoughts. Feel small sometimes. Let something be bigger. Be present. Be available to wonder. 

Listening to Luke

And Morgan

Croon about

Country living

Makes me feel 

Alive and well

Because they 

Realize the joy

That comes

From living

This reality

Where net worth

Is not a thing

To celebrate

The dirt 

Underneath

My toes

Is the gem

The diamond

Carats upon carats

Is covered

In red clay

Reality

 As I pick the tomatoes off the vine. I swirl them in my hand. I feel its texture. It’s firmness. I examine its bright hue. I look for the sights around me. I listen for the bees. I smell for the flowers. I look for the hose to keep them watered. I seek the things that keep me fed. The grass grounds me to the earth. In your domain what am I?

I’m the apple of your eye

The gelato to the cone

Baseball to the American psyche

The truth is never pleasant

But it frees you

From your own prison

The enslavement

You created

Trying to be

The embodiment 

Of perfection

That is an illusion

Because its not 

An attainable reality

Love yourself and one another

Thoughts

 I had a different post I was going to write. The Lord put on my favorite song, and said no ma’am. I’m taken back to a sermon yesterday taking about being fruitful in the place of your suffering. This one statement has thrown me for a loop. I don’t know what it looks like to be fruitful right now. What I’m realizing is that every ninety days I get a reprieve from my suffering. It lasts for sixty. The next thirty, suffering and I are reacquainted. So right now, I’m on the every day is a gift. I don’t like suffering, but I’m intimately aware of its presence. 

Right now, I’m in a holding pattern where I don’t know what comes next. Life is a mystery. I get to unwrap it each day. Each day I wake without pain is hitting the lottery even when I look at my checkbook, and there aren’t many zeroes. I’m honestly convinced my current state is because God wants my undivided attention. I don’t need things. I need Him. I don’t need the world to tell me a sale will complete me. 

So right now. Pain free means taking meds, stretch and get on my bike. Sweat and let the world fall away. Your health dictates for you that social media is not your friend. All you find is a fantasy not based in reality. Take a walk later, and say hi to my creatures. Marvel in creation. Go back to basics. I love you. 

Love yourself and one another

R

Sunday story

 Got a scare this morning. All due to a cricket. I can laugh now. Not much then. I wake up and walk to the kitchen ready to get some joe going, check on last night’s laundry and take out something to thaw for dinner. Nothing out of the ordinary. It must be said I thrive on routine. I’m walking around in my own world for a moment. It takes me a moment for me to fully coherent in the mornings. 

As I’m meandering around, I start to hear a sound. A might loud one. I think I must be hearing things or delusional. A few minutes later, the sound is back. I try to disregard it. It goes away. I go off to start the coffee, and hear we go again. I abandon the thought of coffee making. I go around the kitchen in a tizzy. I’m seeking that noise like a honing beacon. I walk in to the laundry room. The washer isn’t on. I check the pantry for a pesky rodent. Thankfully I don’t find one. I check the fridge out of sheer frustration. Maybe rotten cheese is playing tricks on me. 

I go to sweep up the house. Farm living means once a week vacuuming doesn’t do the trick. As I’m sweeping the noise is my neighbor. I just give up. I’m on edge. No tea kettle is whistling. And I’m in the process of wondering what is taunting me. My mom then decides to come in the house. I relay this morning’s adventures. I ask her if she knows the origin of this noise. 

Without hesitation she says:  “my crickets”.  Your crickets, I say. She shows me what she has them in, and now I don’t know what to feel. Relief that I’m not going insane. Crazy that a cricket can drive me wild. Mom says I couldn’t let my crickets get hot. Pet parent of the year. Now I laugh. Farm life keeps you grounded while making you laugh. 

Enjoy your Sunday, and find the little miracles

Sit

 Relish the quiet

May the outward break

Will be one

For your body

I’m giving

What you’re not 

Getting

Sit

That’s it 

Sit

Keep

The little miracles

Are you texts

That cheer 

Me up

Even when

I didn’t know

I needed it

Speaking life

And positivity 

Into this being

With a hardened 

Heart at the moment

Stillness

Find me

Available

To your call

Don’t abandon

Your child

Who goes

Astray

More than

Usual

These days

Finding the voice

That is mine

In an honesty 

That holds back

Nothing at all

Raw and unfiltered

Right now

Is my mental state

Seeking the truth

No matter 

The cost

We as humans

Forget freedom

Isn’t free

In any form

Keeping my

Mouth shut

Is what 

Is best

For me

Unless

Under duress

Trust

Hardest to gain

Easiest to lose

Be careful

Friends

The circle

Kept

Is a representation

Of its importance

Jesus

Make me

A proud representative

Of the circle

You died to secure

Change

 Lord,

I’m aiming for 

The still 

Small voice

Revel in eccentricity

The odd ones

Change the world

Instead of becoming

Changed 

Refine

Clarify

And give me

Strength

To remain

As I am

Until

The change

I undergo

Is at

Your Hands

Thank you to one of my new friends who is teaching me to love me. You know who you are. 

Questions

 What is making you happy today?

What healthy snacks or meals are you making?

What are you reading?

Any purchases that brought joy?

Whose blog do you always visit?

Thank you

 Thank you for all your love and support after yesterday’s post. I’ve reread it, and I’ve laid all my burdens out. I’ve laid the shame so that the world can see. Yet it taught me something. As much as I feel alone sometimes, I’m not. I guess its not so normal to put some of your innermost struggles for all to see. This morning a friend text me to ask how my spirit was. I’ve never felt so seen. She got it. My spirit needs living water. 

I was reminded that He loves me. Because He loves me. He desires His best for me. I’m just not a patient child. I want that candy now. I want that reward now. Faithful in small things leads to more. More of what I want. Lord, it all comes down to The Serenity Prayer. It all comes down to You. I’m not in control. The world says I am. You say no ma’am. Life teaches me how wrong the world is. 

My road to healing is going to take time. I can’t make it happen overnight. I come back to the hymn of trust and obey. The first is hard. The latter is more of a struggle. I don’t know why, but honestly I don’t have the words to explain it. 

So right now my joy for today is that I’m here to write. I’m here to continue the work that He has for me. And I’m grateful for people who give me the desire to go on this journey. 

Remain

 Lord,

Sometimes it’s so hard. To be happy for others. To cheer them on. It feels like years of waiting. Help me find joy in the waiting. Help me be happy for others. I don’t know what to ask anymore. I know that as much as I can hope life were different. It isn’t. Help me accept my reality. Help me be joyful. Because I’m not. It’s exhausting. Letting you see this. Letting you see there is nothing perfect in me. There is nothing easy. Not everything shimmers in gold every day. Letting it all out before it eats at me. If this is too depressing, skip this post. Some days are just rougher than others. Some days I try to put a smile on my face. It’s a choice made even if it is not felt. 

So Lord, remove the bitterness from my soul. I have too many blessings. Remind me that no tear, no disappointment is ever wasted. I only pray that what you have for me is so beyond the wildest dreams I’ve ever had. 

Waiting in

The valley

Is not 

A pleasant place

But if

That is

Where I’m

To remain

Right now

Love me

Well enough

That I 

Lack for 

No thing

Love me

Even if

I find 

It hard

To love

Others

Or myself

Going back

To saying 

I love me

In the bathroom mirror

Repeat after me

I love self

Enough

To not settle

For second best

Crumbs

Because

I was to impatient

To trust 

The Creator

Beach

 On the beach

As I scan my view

The high rise

Behind me

The turquoise waters

In front

As I lather

SPF

And shake

My head

That for today

My reality

Is utterly glorious

God

What you made

Is making me

Very happy

And for that

I say thanks

With grateful appreciation

Georgetown

 Heard the Dan and Shay song Bigger Houses this morning. It’s slowly becoming a favorite, if only to hear my favorite lyric.  Something to effect or learning that happiness isn’t always found in bigger houses. I used to believe the what if’s. If I wasn’t born with CP, life would be easier. Now, as I look on it, I’m not so sure. I wanted the fairytale that most girls dream of. Now I realize fairytales don’t exist in real life. We want them so bad we write books to give ourselves the illusion of what we want. 

I bought a shirt in the Georgetown, DC neighborhood that says not broken. It’s from Bitty and Beau’s. Please look them up. Being in there at first was uncomfortable. Just being honest. Then I realized these were my people. They loved working. They loved being helpful. They loved life. And frankly the twenty five dollars I spent that day, I more than got my return on investment. Literally and figuratively. I wear it whenever I have a bad day, or just need to smile. 

A physical and emotional memory I don’t want to forget. So when I want the finer things, I remember that day when a t-shirt and peppermint bar brought delight to a face that hadn’t seen in too long. Do I still have days where I wonder what could have been. You bet. Won’t lie. I’m just trying to have more days with genuine happiness and where there are no questions that need asking. 

Face

 Some thoughts

Need some rain. Heat index to 107 degrees. Lord, make it happen. 

Online shopping is my jam right now. 

Sitting Indian style while I work is a new joy. 

The dirt underneath my feet makes me happy

As you get older, you will change. Your hopes, your dreams. Maybe expectations. 

Everyday I read for pleasure. Pick up a book, put down the internet 

Looking out the window

My soul smiles

My body dances

My world is rosy

Because following

The heart

Has been

The medicine

For the ailment

Plaguing me

I’m eccentric

I admit it

Give me Yo-Yo Ma

Over the latest beats

Give me my sister’s cooking

Over fast food

Give me long dresses

To being scantily clad

Give me a nice wine

Or Perrier

Over pop

And my mouth

Waters in anticipation

Love your now

Appreciate it

Grateful is 

The best perfume

While I await

The dreams

Of the deepest realms

To sit

Until ready

To show

Its face

Flag

 In the land

Of the free

And the home 

Of the brave

Under the flag

Of the red

White and 

Blue

So honor

Those 

That make us

Truly beautiful 

And blessed

Pop ups

 God,

I took rest for granted until it’s the only thing that would fix the problem. Sometimes trying to fit into the box is more harmful than anticipated. I actually attempted to meditate. Lasted five minutes. Letting my breath be the only thing I hear was more challenging. Being still with myself was harder than I thought. I did it. Pumping the brakes is what I need. Not what I’d want. Needs are eclipsing wants these days. It’s a wonder anxiety lifts when we listen to what our bodies are not so silently telling us. 

Eating a slice of thin crust supreme pizza, reading a good book or checking out a good sale is bringing me joy today. Joy isn’t manufactured. It’s created in the moments we don’t realize are special. Fairy tales are nice, but reality is where I reside. It’s in the dog’s whimpers and cries to go explore. It’s in the country song that rattles my cage. Those lyrics are too darn true for my liking. It’s in my two dollar Old Navy flip flops covered in grass stains already. It’s in my twenty year old watch that still tells time. 

So today, I will eat cut up watermelon, spit the seeds and let summer simplicity be my guide. The season of heat isn’t teaching when to strike. When to sit. When to savor. When to relish the taste of a refreshing popsicle after hours in the chlorine. 

Here’s to pop ups, fireworks and independence from our own minds. Mine needs a hiatus. Love the life you live. It’s the one chosen for you to enjoy. 

Storm

 God, 

Grant me peace

Serenity

A desire

To look inward

Not want 

What the world

Tries to sell

Don’t react

Live in harmony

With self

And find

That what

I want 

Isn’t anything

That I can hold

Yet holds me

Let me not

Become an explosion

Upon detonation

But a calm presence

In the storm

Stretching

 As I was stretching this morning, i came to a few conclusions. My mind and body are not where I’d like them to be. My mind and body needing watering and pruning daily. Missing a day is not optional. I’ve striving too much for an answer. Would I like God to just deliver like Domino’s Pizza. I sure would. It doesn’t happen that way. What if there was a satisfaction guarantee for those who wait. My therapist suggested that instead of worrying about what I write, just write. Write because it makes you happy. Write because the frustration has somewhere to go. Write because it’s what you do. 

The point is to have fun. Even if the finished product is crappy. The fact is you didn’t delete your thoughts. You let them stand. It is proof that what is shared is your heart. Raw and unfiltered. You’re job as a writer isn’t to paint a picture full of rosy fluff, but truth that isn’t crude or rude. It’s as honest as you can be without revealing your innermost fears. The ones you share with God and me. 

I need you to see that glass houses can only shield us for so long. The lies we tell ourselves will shatter faster than the cup that slips from fingertips. Growth is that acknowledging that acceptance is a daily activity. Acceptance isn’t a permanent gift, but a daily practice that is practiced daily. Acceptance isn’t finding or placing blame. It’s a learning curve. 

Life is not mastered or something to be mastered. Life isn’t a game to win. Life is what it is. It is a process of gratitude for opening eyeballs to start the journey once again. 

So honestly, I’m writing right now to keep putting words to paper, and let them sit there. Whether I like what I’ve written. Writing to restore joy to creating what is in this hard head. 

Love

 I was listening to a sermon talking about when God was at His best. And this sermon is on repeat in my head. I need it imprinted on my heart. The greatest thing this pastor’s words did for me was give me initiative. Initiative to think about when I was at my best. 

Was I at my best when I took my first step?  Was I at my best when I fell down, and got back up, and tried it again?  Was I at my best when I climbed the mountain or swam in the sea in rough waters?  Was I at my best when I welcomed obstacles?  If you’re on the outside, the answer may be yes. Honestly, I may say yes, even if I know that’s not the answer. 

Was I at my best when I learned to harness my power?  When I learned at accept love?  I don’t know if that’s the correct answer. I don’t know the answer. It’s a question that will drive me. It’s a question that I want to explore. It scares me to answer it, but I look forward to the journey. Maybe the best of me is yet to be uncovered. My best isn’t what I done or who’ve met, but in what is to come. 

The best in me is to come because of who God is, and what He needs me to see. So He can give me what He desires for me. 

My own

 The mountains beckon me

Year round

In summer

My nephew

Climbs the trees

Skips rocks

Uses stumps

As an obstacle course

And finds flowers

To pick

Enjoying 

His antics

Makes me 

Feel like

A kid again

Where joy 

Is made

Not found

I see God 

In the laughs

Emitted

Committed 

To memory

For contentment

Is a commodity

Taken for granted

And not appreciated

As the gift

That is without 

Price

Recounting memories that bring peace and joy to restore my contentment in creation. My own. His. 

Trust

Obey

It starts

And ends 

There

Lover yourself and one another

R

Use it

 God, 

I’m uncomfortable. You know why. I’m pushing past the fear. The insecurity that has plagued me. Something my sister said to me made me mad, but it was the truth. I’ve let my attitude towards Cerebral Palsy govern my life, but You given me a talent many want, but don’t have. So while I do suffer with doubt that I can do it, deep down I know it’s a lie. I’m more than able to do this. I just won’t have instant success or gratification.   Learning to deal with that is where I’m at in the moment. I have to trust and use the gift.  Water it. Like you water me. 

Water me Lord

My life

Your Will

Your Way

Finally surrendering

My need

To know

The if and when

And trust

In the Name

That reigns

Supreme

Diary

 Dear Diary,

I haven’t visited you in awhile. You’ve collected dust bunnies upon dust bunnies. I decided I needed to return to my roots. I don’t know if I have any secrets left to keep. No crushes on boys I’d like to keep secret. Unless there is a Peyton Manning clone in my future. Got to love Southern boys who can throw a tight spiral. Anyhow, I digress. I’m here because I would like to reclaim my joy. It seems I loved the contentment it brought to my soul. 

Writing my deepest thoughts knowing you kept my innermost thoughts hidden. You had my back. To think a journal had such powers. What we believe as kids. I don’t know if I was gullible, but it was my guide. I could do doodle. I could color. You were my sounding board. Your pages were a lifeline until I lost the key to the lock. 

I still haven’t found that key. I wonder what secrets I wrote in there, but it gets me thinking. Thinking that maybe I should get another diary. Or just channel the mystery those pages could inspire. Now Lord, if it is Your Will speak to me like that diary did. If my problems could be solved by returning to the joys when. When I tore a page out of the note, and drew heart from corner to corner so happy with my creativity. 

Drawing hearts. What a thought. Draw my heart to be like Yours. Bring me joy that is hidden there. That I find when I’m on the edge. The precipice of despair. Or just needing a pick me up that doesn’t involve ice cream. 

Five

 Friday questions

Any 4th of July plans?

Any summer vacations?

Favorite healthy summer recipe?

Favorite restaurant near you?

Have the dreams you dreamed come true?

Stick

 A few of you have asked how the project is going. It’s going is all I can say. It’s harder than I can say. I feel the pressure to make it great. It’s a new genre for me. That is scary. So every day I write scared. Maybe if I keep doing it, it will become less scary. Right now I’m straddling two different themes in my writing, and it’s forcing me to stretch. So right now, this is writing looks like. Writing, then deleting. Repeat. Fighting my need for perfection. Fighting my own self-doubt. My writing journey resembles real life a little too succinctly. 

Writing is the one thing that can bring me joy, and yet have me let out ear-curdling screams. Again, this is mirroring my life right now. If you’re told life is now become easy and unicorn and rainbows, I need to visit you stat. My job title should read:  Regine:  the woman who complicated life while trying to simplify. I pull no punches. I’ve heard I need to give myself grace. It’s true, but so hard to do. I need a manual. A handbook on how to give myself what I so freely give to others. The Bible comes to mind. It always does. It seems like I have a hard time following instructions. 

God needs to spell it out like a child for me because if anyone can complicate God. Here I sit. And I’m writing this to you all. Because you’re my emotional support people. Giving tough love while being kind. So here is an update. I’m staring at a blank page praying something will stick. 

Treasure

 European soul

American heart

Latin flair

Caribbean joy

The joy

Of the world

Is mine

Because

The splendor

At the work

Of your hands

Is mine

To treasure

You give my mind

The privilege 

To explore

Places 

That capture 

My attention

Without leaving

The personal oasis

That is mine

Getting back

In the exercise 

And stretching groove

It feels so good

To move with freedom

Again

Captive

 Some days you act. Some days you stay still. Some days you just dance. Some days you stuck. It all has a season. A reason for the feeling. Some days you lose. The losses sting. Then God makes an appearance through a friend, and the loss has a purpose. Community and commiserating feels like a win. When you realize you’re not alone in the thoughts that rattle the brain at three AM. 

You count sheep. Praying for sleep to come as the eyes close. I’m taken back to the here and now as said friend sends a message reminding me of the rare gem I am. It’s what I needed to hear. Lift people up. The ones with the perfect life struggle too. We just mask our pain and plaster smiles on our faces. Nothing like some sunscreen, rich cream and some rouge to perpetuate the ruse. 

The truth is I want the truth. I don’t need my bottom kissed. I need a love that isn’t a bargaining chip for what can be given to you. The truth is setting the captive free.  The captive is me. 

Love yourself and one another. 

R

Summer

Favorite summer destination?

Favorite summer movie?

Favorite summer outfit?

Favorite summer food and drink?

Reminder

 Finding contentment

In the rat race

That shows

The glimmer and glitz

The show

That looks

So alluring

That chasing it

Seems the road

To take

Until you realize

The path taken

Led to more

Disappointment

Because the world

Stopped caring

About every move

Made

The truth is

Comparison

Never brought

Anything but heartache

Manifesting itself

Inhaling processed sugar

Faster than Olympic sprinters

Dreaming of a day

Snapping peas

With the next door neighbor

As she shares her 

Well earned wisdom

With this young 

Whippersnapper

Fame fades

Money 

A poor substitute 

For love

And youth

Goes faster

Than the dollar

Spent at 

The grocery store

Going out to smell

The lone red rose

As I meander 

Down the gravel drive

Losing myself

In the music

Of Sir Paul

Sunday lesson

 God,

Trading fantasy for reality today. Reality isn’t so bad today. I woke up to a cool house filled with love. A home that you’ve given me to enjoy and set roots. A place with no neighbors for that I don’t see for a mile.   I woke up to more food and drink in my kitchen. I woke up with choices. Isn’t that we all what in life. Savoring the simple. Savoring the blessing of listening to the slow beats of a slow Midland song. 

Thinking of what I want to do today. Listen to church, find a good movie or take myself to St. Barths in my dreams. Choices. Got to love them. I sure do. I’m finding that reality is surpassing my dreams these days. Or I’m just finding new appreciation for all my blessings. Never thought it would happen. Never say never. 

When you’re forced to slow your behind down, you have time to think, even if you don’t want it. And think I do. A little too much. Learning to be still is the biggest lesson I’m still coming to terms with every day.   I take my cup of coffee, sip it slowly and revel in the hope that You answer prayers. I wonder when I’ll be able to wait with contentment until what You wish to grant me. I know you’re smoothing out some rough edges right now. There are some character defects You aren’t happy with at the moment. I know it. I don’t need to be reminded or maybe I do. You know so I cede my will to Yours. Letting go is harder than wanting the last bite of ice cream in the bucket. 

Who knew I’d pick up some Blue Bell banana pudding ice cream hoping it’d taste like the real thing. I’ve been living in the South too long. Nothing beats homemade banana pudding made by the sweetest old ladies. Home is the place where slow is a benefit. Everyone knows my name. They ask how blogging is coming along, even if they don’t read it. I’m given grace. I’m given love. I’m given space to just be. Home is where the only expectation we have is the one we have of ourselves. Home is where the choice can be made to watch the grass grow, and pray for rain. Rain for the farmland. Rain for the animals to cool down. Rain to wash my sins away. Rain to dance in. Freedom in the rain. Freedom in the name. The name that saved my soul once. And keeps saving it daily. 

Joy is good sleep. No pain.  A cup of joe, and sweet Southern sunshine.  When contentment is sought and found in the everyday, everyday becomes the dream.  My younger self couldn’t have imagined how many dreams have become reality.  My current self can’t believe it.  I really am gobsmacked.  Jesus made it happen for a lowly girl like me.  Now as the woman I am, let my faith become that of a child.  The child’s faith has no bounds.  I now know my next mission.  God doesn’t change. I did. With God, everything has a lesson to be learned.  Never stop learning.  Or be willing to learn  

Love yourself and one another

R

Italian memory

 Dancing in the early morning before the century mark hits for heat. In a lime green chiffon number that covers the ankles as I sway unaware of all my problems. The weeds don’t bother me. My phone plays the sweetest melodies as Luke Bryan serenades me. I’m so proud to call this piece of dirt, mud and grass mine. It’s my blessing. One that I look out the window and marvel at everyday. God’s given me a place to call my own. A place that gives me more than I give it. I ride the UTV down to the pond and throw some food to the fishies and watch them scatter. 

I sit on the pier. Watching my dog jump in the water, and I pop open a can of pop, and proceed to drown my worries away. I now contemplate writing, but that can wait. Right now, I enjoy what I see. I see the dog swimming, and I join him. My body is weightless in water. I revel in the sensation. Letting silence be my companion. Wading in the water is my only job right now. No multitasking here. No wifi here either. The only rule is to have fun. It’s something I usually schedule. That’s a sad, yet honest truth. 

Climbing out of the water. Drying off. Laying the towel down to lay out and reapply some Supergoop. Taking a nap in the summer sun. Letting nature be my blanket. And what a blanket it is. Thank you Lord for my little slice of paradise. I ride back up to the house. I get some water, go to the shower and get lost in the hot spray. The shower is my indoor sanctuary. A little raspberry body wash, and I’m dreaming of a little gelato from my favorite little shop. A shop that reminds me of a February day in Northern Italy two decades ago. Taking myself down memory lane. And what a memory it is. As real now as it was then. 

Capri summering

 Right now, I’m dreaming of a vacation my body is not able to take. Take me to Capri or St.Paul de Vence. Take me away to the sea. The craggy cliffs. The azure waters. The dolce vita. The joie de vivre. The raison d’etre. Take me to the place my body unfurls like Garfield after a peaceful snooze. Let my muscles move to Mariah or Pitbull. Let my soul be revived by simple living in extraordinary places. 

Right now though I’d settle for the latest issue of Tatler, that I couldn’t find in Barnes and Noble. Living vicariously through others is my summer mission. Travel, see the world. We don’t appreciate it well anymore. Love your neighbor. Love yourself. Love anything worth being loved. 

Right now I’m grateful to be pain free. I’m just having to be patient. And that is something I struggle with daily. Humor me friends. Have a good day, and be joyful. 

Relief

 Please, I beg you, treasure your health. “Liquid gold” injection was a success, but it comes at a price. Imagine after your done, you lie still, the doctor gives you his gloved hand squeezing yours trying to give you human connection and reassurance. The pain is something I try not to think of, but later that day, it took all the energy I had to eat something, and take a few steps to bed. I don’t need you to feel bad for me. I must endure pain to find relief for the next few months. 

For the next week, I will be moving slowly. No exercise for me. I just want you to enjoy life. Enjoy what I can’t. Relish the fact that needles aren’t needed to bring joy to the body. To use the potty without pain. If your muscles can stretch and not lock, you are blessed. If you can move without strain, do it for me. 

Listening to my muscles on the machine, it sounded like a freight train. It’s not a sound anyone wants to hear. Nobody had to ask about the degrees of my pain. My mouth would lie, the machine wouldn’t. Doctor said why won’t you tell me when you have pain. I said I never have. I never will. I’m used to pain. I know you can provide answers. 

I’m not fighting what I already know. I just have to trust what I don’t understand. The questions don’t serve me. The answers may not either. Right now, I’m headed to the couch to rest. 

Love you all. 

Love yourself and one another. 

Regine

Memories

 While I rest, I remember ferry rides and gelato. Flowers and the sea. Wind whipping my hair in the most delicious way. Sand and turquoise waters. Blending in with the locals. Getting a lobster roll. Savoring every bite. Where am I friends?

New England 

Return to me

Dear friend

As if 

I’ve never

Left you

My heart

Didn’t get 

The message

Hi

 Procedure day is done. I have thoughts. I will share at some point. 

Truth

 Taking the punches. Taking the blows. For the betterment of others. Selfless love. What we get when we give so freely of ourselves. Love conquers the fear. Love conquers doubt. Love covers the insecurity that pervades the soul. When you learn that struggle breeds clarity and hope. Climbing the rungs of your questions is the road to understanding the you within. 

When people get the best version of you, the rewards are endless and overflowing. The best version of you may be messy and unkempt, but it’s the truth. Not a lie that is carefully curated to impress. Take the win the truth provides. 

You in truth

Is in harmony

For their

Is nothing 

Left to hide

Grace in failure

 This body. The one I’m in. The one I hated for years, walked two miles yesterday in miserable heat. I’m learning to work with the body I’m in. I walk through pain and discomfort. My body will always know pain and discomfort. I accept what I cannot change. I can’t change Cerebral Palsy. I can’t change how age changes how this condition affects me. I’m learning to accept exhaustion. I’m learning to welcome sleep. Everything I said I would never do, I now do without apology. 

I walk in the rain. Dance in the streets. Sing in the shower. Yes to all three. Walking downtown yesterday with a friend, I realized I’m an old dog sometimes. Sometimes you can’t teach me new tricks. Sometimes you can. Depends on the day. This truth no longer hurts my feelings. Too old to give a darn. Honesty really is the best policy. The head is finally understanding the assignment. 

Stop wanting the world to understand and validate you. Most times won’t happen. I’m not upset by it. It’s a reality I wanted for most of my life.  That is until found this desire to be futile. My best friend told me she will never understand my pain. My grief. She is only here to empathize. If my best friend can’t understand, how am I to expect the world to do it. 

I got a note today that is helping me to use what is at my fingertips to answer my own questions. God, thank you. You know why. And because you know why, I can rest, not knowing my next moves. I don’t know the meaning of life. I don’t know if what I do makes a difference. Resonates. I don’t know much about much. I just trust that what I do, and who I am enough. Enough for you. Enough for me. Enough for God. 

I’m having to trust in this season, as I embark on a new journey. A new mission. A new direction. That when I don’t understand. I empathize. I give myself the grace to fail and fail again until success is mine. That is my hope for you as well. 

Yesterday

 A little sorbetto

A mocktail

A pizza slice

Some people watching

Friendly chatter

Made my day

Yesterday

Story

 The greatest gift

I’ve ever been given

Is your love

As I discover

Who I am

Again

Lord

Restore

My faith

In the ability

You’ve given me

To tell the story

Inside of me

Sunday blessings

 The mind is returning to the sea watching the sun rise over the horizon as I enjoy its glory before the heat of the day makes it untenable. Walking in the soft sand relishing the feel of serenity. The only sounds are waves as they ebb and flow. Watching Mother Nature is fascinating, calming and rejuvenating. If I want simplicity and calm, I must seek it. Anything worth having is worth the work. That is the playbook. 

Find the joy

Guard it

Then give

It away

Spread like wildfire

The goodness

Of life

That I find

In Your eyes

The sea 

At Folly

The mountains

In Saluda

The peace

Of my home

Is my gratitude 

Today

Birds

 Sitting under

The fan

In a cozy

Summer dress

Listening to 

The birds

As I work

Me

 The feather boa, the beaded necklace and the glass slipper. Playing pretend princess with the tiara of flowers and rhinestones perfecting the wave. Realizing the daydreams of yesteryear are long gone. Reality slaps you in the face as you pull a muscle getting into the car. The pain radiates, but then I think I’m grateful for the pain ironically. I go back in time to the days of Capri-Sun and Fruit Roll-Ups. I didn’t worry about high fructose corn syrup and refined sugars. Now I watch the scale intently ingesting brócoli and kale tricking myself into believing it’s ice cream. 

Inflation is talking about what is a reasonable price for just about anything from remember ninety-three cent a gallon gas or a five dollar combo meal. It’s now three plus dollars a gallon and I haven’t even eaten a combo meal in years to know the price. All I want is a Big Mac, yet I go home and make a kale salad instead. I remember spritzing myself with perfume and now they just sit out on display collecting dust. 

We don’t read the classics, learn Latin or write letters. I had a lesson on how AI works yesterday, and I was at a loss. We don’t do anything ourselves, there’s a program to do it for us. As much as I struggle to come up with what to say, I’m here to say, what I write is all me. 

I’m returning to the day of playing with play doh, drinking tea from a plastic teacup and singing off key. I need to return to the joy of childhood. 

Blessing

 Yesterday’s hydrangeas

Brought me back

To a Nantucket day

That hasn’t left

My soul yet

I pray it never does

Travel

Domestic

Or international

Invigorates the senses

Physically

And mentally 

Leaves me

Joyful and grateful

I’m so happy

To count the blessing

Home

 Home

Where

I can just be

What a privilege

What or where is home for you>

Adventure

 On an adventure today. 

What is making you smile?

Pearson Falls

 Hiking up Pearson Falls, I realized some truths I’d avoided. I’m stronger than I’d ever thought. I had to go slower than a turtle at times. It was a very frustrating truth to accept. Accepting what I’ve always known is still hard for me. But as I took in nature, I felt that everyone was on a level playing field. And for that I’m grateful. Even if it’s considered an easy trail for most people, I just had to be happy that I completed the task. 

Looking up at the waterfall, peace was present in my soul. I couldn’t believe at forty that my body could still do it. It did and can. After the hike was complete, I’ve never felt more joy. Joy in my ability to get out of my own head. Joy in how much I’m loved. Joy in the ability to not downplay the accomplishment. 

Dear friends:  lead in love, rejoice in thankfulness, be joyful and be small in the trees

Words

 Some days

Stillness means

The words

Don’t flow

I await 

Their arrival

Albeit impatiently

Small town America

 Back from a little time away to recharge the batteries. I don’t do it enough. I’m grateful for any time in a new place to help me appreciate how much home means to me. Home. It’s the place where I’m in no rush. No need to schedule. No need to alter who I am. I didn’t know what a privilege that was. I now know. My soul rejoices. This trip, I let the quiet mountain town transport me to a simpler time. Where the cell phone had no signal and wi-fi was spotty. It forced me to catalog my surroundings with absolute focus and attention to detail. It meant getting caught in a rainstorm, and watching kids play in the rain. It was marveling at the rain covering the mountain in what looked like a cloudy fog. It was eating a juicy burger, and not worrying about making a mess. In this life we want the neat and pretty. 

Life is never neat and pretty. If it is for you, I need some tips. Sign me up for the course. I’m learning I can be content in my own company. I always desired the company of others to satiate my desire for community, but when it’s not available, I can thrive. I’m finding whatever state I’m in provides the setting for a story. A story I get the chance to tell. I’m always learning even when it’s not what I seek. It’s amazing that one hour from home is a place that almost feels like home. My soul relaxes. My mind rests. My body finds regulation. I don’t know whether to share this place. Be selfish. Or share this earthly paradise that brings true peace without knowing it. 

Then I think maybe I need to share the place that brings me such joy. The place when you sit on Main Street, buy an ice cream and watch the traffic go by. Small town America at it’s finest. 

Should I name the town?

Mountains

 The mountain as the backdrop never gets old. The freedom to free fall into natural bliss is the best gift. Taking a hike to the waterfall is an endless rush of anticipation. The sights and sounds that accompanies me is the best massage for a weakened state seeking repairs. Thinking of this scene is enough to let me sleep peacefully, and drift off into dreamland. 

As I awaken to a breakfast of grits, bacon and eggs and pastries, I’m reminded to be grateful for every sweet or savory bite. I don’t what to eat first. I just pile on the plate. Getting a cup of coffee, water and orange juice, I take seat on the deck inhaling the fresh air scent that is infused with a hint of Fraser firs. 

Taking a bite out the pop tart, Nutella lavishes my tongue with gooey hazelnut. I find a banana nearby to mix the flavors. I let out a pleasurable moan. I’m in food ecstasy. Breakfast is a feast for the senses. One I fully intend to enjoy. 

The next decision is what to do today. 

Charade

 Charade

Or reality

Find me

In the place

Where reality 

Exceeds the fantasy 

In

 Fog clouds over the mountain as I breathe in and out  Nature brings me back every time.  I wonder when the natural world will cease to amaze me. Now the rain joins in and I’m in a blissful trance. The Earth just leaves me in a place where I’m happy and peaceful.  The quiet drops lull me into meditation where I’m one with my surroundings  it’s one  I’m happy to be in  

Fantasy

 My greatest win is admitting imperfection. To let you see me fail. To see me succeed. Perservering and conquering the mountain that is my mind. In nature, I’m finding creation to be the only measuring stick I choose to have. The sweat that coats every part is wholly divine. My body is in harmony. I feel so small. Never more alive. Sought the world to soothe me. It doesn’t work. The grandiosity of my surroundings is enough to bring me to my knees even as I’m rooted. 

The only thing I’ve ever needed was the one thing I took for granted. Time. Riding with an eight year listening to the pop star du jour was something I won’t forget. The music choice was not my favorite. It made her happy. I leaned into her happiness, it was enough to give me some of my own. 

Learning to let it be. Smile and be grateful for what is yours. Your reality may be someone’s fantasy. 

Birthday

 Joy

Is a birthday 

I love

To celebrate 

Happy birthday 

Mom

Ice cold

 Taking  a walk down memory lane dancing to some Sam Hunt. Finding the groove with two left feet is still fun. Activating the joy within me. Twirling through the fields of dandelions. Singing at the top of my lungs. Letting fear and anxiety go with every move. Letting the sights and sounds be my mate. Putting on some old muddy boots. Reveling in the clay mask I’ve made. The winds of time stand still for no one, but in that moment, it feels infinite. Nature and I are one in tranquility. I’m grounded to the earth. Never more sure of who I am. In this moment, I search for the mustard seed. The anger in me dissipates as I lose myself in Your embrace. The bear hugs, the sweetest kisses and when you see me, you stare in amazement. That You made me. That I’ve chosen You. That I’m nothing without you. That I’m lost without you. I’m wholly dependent on You. 

I’ve come to the end of self. That’s why I amble around the local Tractor Supply. I look to buy a water through to sit and soak in. I need to be one with my pets. Shivering in the cold brings a clarity I couldn’t locate. I submerge myself in the ice and sigh. Peace is a muddy boot, a sports bra and Soffe short covered in ice cubes from the freezer and cold water from a hose. 

I dream of Chanel and a strand of pearls on a yacht in the Mediterranean, and yet the cows and green grass in my own backyard is what brings me back to life. What does that say. The dreams fuel me to continue, but my reality centers me. 

Ping pong

 Ping pong, ding dong. My own little reverie taking place on the table. Andrew is goading me into pretending I’m a professional. A swing and a miss. A thud as the body hits the table with force. His eleven year old self is laughing uproariously with glee at my lack of skill. I go round the table picking sides to better my odds. Nothing does the trick. The little rascal still laughs, falling to the floor in hysterics. My foibles must be something to behold. 

I give it back and up the stakes. Can he do better?  I know this isn’t a bet to make or take. I do it anyway. Anything to shut him up. Funny thing is, the kid has some skill or maybe just the will to prove me wrong. Those prepubescent preteens find any need for competition and I gave him the opportunity for showmanship. 

The kid is now in the zone ready to pretend to be the professional. Paddle to ball, eye to ball ready for action. He smokes an ace. I’m ready to shake my head as it is done over an over again. Blows on his fingers, and goes at it again. I tell him to take it easy on me as the wise elder. He retorts: Not so wise now, really. Got to give it to the cocky kid. He’s right. I hate when I’m wrong. Stinks being shown how it’s done. 

I’m stupid enough not to concede defeat. Must be a glutton for punishment. I attempt another go at it. I now make contact with the ball, but it slams into the net. Throwing rackets, er paddles and screaming “you can’t be serious” come to mind. Just a game. Muttering to self. Toweling off. Blaming sweaty palms for lackluster play is the next excuse. Yet I forget my antics are being mimicked by said chap smirking in bemusement. 

Dang!  Really this is what my embarrassment looks like. Oh my. And now the old lady just chalks it up and laughs at self remembering that life is made up of moments we would like to forget, but never do. I admit defeat. Admitting I’m no McEnroe. Then the boy says who is that?  Now I laugh hysterically. 

Oh wow. Now I know I’m old. Oh well. C’est la vie. 

View

 Good morning from a rainy South Carolina where the soul wakes up to worship. The grass grows, the cows sing as I sit with steaming coffee. The chickens peck insects and scurry for scraps. My little composters. The old man that is my dog lazily comes to my lap. I rub behind his ears as he purrs almost cat-like reveling in the attention. I look out at my own personal piece of earthly heaven, and I wonder how I could be so lucky. 

Blessed that my pasture looks like my own Augusta National. I feel like finding a driver and a golf ball. Let my backyard be a playground for frivolity. Dreams of a Woods-like follow through are in my mind, as swings are made, but not successful. Clearing the barbed wire now becomes my aim. Thirty minutes later, I amble along picking up the balls like the rocks of my childhood. The bucket these days is much lighter, but no more the better. The rocks buried in dry earth so difficult to extricate then provide motivation to seek joy in rolling in hay bales recalling the days of riding, the mustang, Jughead. 

Coming up for lunch is a reprieve for my aching muscles. Recreating the whims of a teenager leaves 40 year old bones yelling for an ice bath. A nice ham sandwich and Sun Chips with some unsweetened tea is just what I need. I consider an audiobook to keep me company, but wondering if silence is the answer. The only soundtrack is chewing and swallowing. I wonder if this is what peace feels like. No need for noise to be my only companion. 

In the farmland that is mine, I’m finding completion. Completion in contentment. I still dream of the South of France in the lavender fields, the Parisian je ne sais quoi, or the seascapes of Capri, but right now my view is a familiar one, but beautiful nonetheless. 

Describe your current view. 

Jesus

 Today I realize a few things. 

God doesn’t forget the dreams of the thirteen year old you. At forty, I’m seeing that. 

This project will gut me. I will be broken down and built back up. Pray for courage. Going to need it more than I can say. 

Please grant me grace as I proceed. 

What needs doing

Isn’t always easy

But easy

Never brought

Peace

Those five letters

The word

Has eluded me

The son

Will restore

Jesus

Three things

 Three things

Starting to work on the project in earnest. If you have a favorite place you haven’t mentioned before. Email me please. 

Grateful for my body. It works/.

Grateful for the mundane things. The coffee brewing. My soul relaxing. Good music. 

Your turn. 

Red

 The flame throwing

Red haired raven

The friend

With fire

In her bones

But kindness

In her soul

Where He 

Makes himself

Known to her

Is a friend

Who prays

And my well being

Is always

On her mind

When God 

Gives you

A friendship

That money

Can’t buy

You lift up

Your praise hands

Favorites

 My favorite trip in the US:  Nantucket

International trip: Assisi, Italy

Favorite recipe: My abuela’s cooking

My favorite authors:  Lucy Sykes Rellie and Plum Sykes

My favorite designers: Oscar de la Renta and Carolina Herrera

Favorite restaurants: The Purple Onion in Saluda NC and Stoneacre Brasserie in Newport, RI

Favorite gems: Emeralds and Sapphires

Watermelon

 Watermelon seeds

An ode 

To warmth

Joy

And 

Sweet memories

Questions

 Some questions for you

Best trip you’ve ever taken?

Favorite recipe?

Favorite book?

Quote that speaks to you?

Best job you’ve held?

Memorial Day

 Covered in

The red

White and blue

Draped with 

The stars

And stripes

At Dover

We reunite

For the 

Last time

For your sacrifice 

Reminds me

I won’t 

See your face

Again 

In the land

Of the Living 

But your heart

Is ever mine 

To treasure 

Tame

 Breathe in

And out 

Release the anger

That simmers

Hot enough

To explode

But be 

Of good courage

And tame

The tongue

Before it

Tames you

Questions

 A few questions

Describe your favorite person?

Describe your favorite place?

Describe your favorite memory?

Want

 Gratitude without expectation

I saw the phrase yesterday

I’m grateful for who  posted it

Because my heart

Was starting to get disappointed

Because my head

Wasn’t in the right place

Some days it takes a lot 

To put expectation down

Of ourselves

Of others

Instant gratification 

Feels good

But doesn’t teach much

And in this life

My need to learn

Is more important

Than my desire

To just want

For want’s sake

Love yourself and one another

Dream

 Thank you for championing the project I mentioned in my last post. Sometimes you have to chase the dream, before you lose it. My hope is to have a product that I can be proud to share. It’s in its early stages so please know it may take a bit before I have anything to show for it. Right now, I’m overwhelmed at the response. This teaches me to ask. For every no I receive, I am rewarded with a yes more and more each day. 

Ask and seek

You said it

I accept

And take 

Your Word

As proof

That no hope

Is too silly

As long

As your hands

Approve it

Project

 I guess it’s time to spill the beans. I’ve got a new project going, and I need your help. 

I’m writing a fictional piece using postcards and trinkets people send me to tell their stories. Their hopes and fears. If anyone would like to send me a postcard or trinket that speaks to them. Let me know. If you’re interested in participating email me at reginekarpel@gmail.com. If you are already participating just say done. 

Love you all. 

Regine

Sunny

 On the cloudy days

I remember

The sunny ones

That warmed

My soul

As much

As my skin

In every element

The joy

Of the 

Lord is present

Rest

 Rain

I welcome you

You come

To cleanse

The dirt

Grime

And general malaise

That had

Inhabited 

The soul

And battered

The mind

Before

The Son

Said 

Come here

And rest

Three things

 Three things

Open heart equals open mind

I’m learning to ask. No is not so scary anymore. Yes may actually be the answer. 

Fear exits as my voice raises

I’m glad you all are willingly here to cheer me on. I’m beyond grateful. Thank you so much. 

What are you weekly wins?

Gracefully

 Running

To the restaurant

As we got caught

In the downpour

Refreshing to 

The soul

The storms

Teach me more

Than sunshine

Ever could

Learning to relish

Seek the joy

Going to 

This new doctor

And seeing patients

In true need

Of relief

Yet being

So happy

Was a sucker punch

And a lesson

Of how

To live

With discomfort

Gracefully

Purple haze

 God answered

Some prayers

After leaving

The doctor’s

Office

I felt

The weight

On my heart

Shatter

I took 

A deep breath

And learned

It’s all in

The attitude

Surrounded by 

Those purple walls

And plants

I felt a calm

That felt 

Too good

I just let

Myself be

Taken with

Grace’s good fortune

Change doesn’t 

Need to scare

It just teaches

That stagnation

Doesn’t serve

My body anymore

Hopeful

 Smelling the scent

Of the deep pink

Roses

Spread on

The kitchen table

The aroma

Takes away

The anxiety 

And trouble

For a moment

As I’m grateful

For the flowers’

Reminder

That with beauty

Comes the thorny 

Issues of life

But it doesn’t 

Detract from

Its utility

To be 

Hopeful

Under stress

New doctor today. Pray that I’ve no fear, and am honest so I can be helped. Thank you. 

Love yourself and one another

Wisteria

 It’s wisteria hysteria

Here

Because the 

Purple hue

Regally regales me

In pure reverie

Because my focus

On what

Is freely given

A beauty

Man tries

But rarely 

Ever replicates

If you want 

To be rich

Look out

The front door

It’s where

It’s at

Every day

Feet in the ground

Fingers around 

The flowers

And look up

Into the starry skies

Author

 Diamonds

Caress the clavicle

As I lounge

On a chaise

With a martini

And a romance novel

In my hands

As I thumb

Through the pages

A little bichon

Comes to lick

My fingertips

Wondering if treats

Are in my tote

None are found

But now

That face 

Has captured 

My attention

I have never

Met a more darling

Creation

Would now

Be snoozing

Between my legs

Sunscreen is 

Best friend

Because I can’t 

Be bothered

The pooch’s

Desires come

Before my own

Funny that’s how

God works too

What a thought

A blissful scene

Brought me back

To the author 

Of it all

You

 Pools of blue

As I float

Through the needle 

Of your soul 

Eyes wink 

Back at me

Twirling tongue 

Laughing 

As I go under

As I’m flipping 

Over the inner tube 

Surfacing as taking 

In an inordinate 

Amount of water 

And I can

Just Imagine 

The story 

That will

Be told 

For generations 

To come 

Mother’s Day

 Happy Mother’s Day 

To all of 

The women 

Who show up

Love and protect 

Support and cherish 

And are 

Strength and courage 

Personified 

I love you Mom. Happy Mother’s Day. 

Saturday

 Sunny day

The clouds part

The joy of 

The Lord

Overwhelms

My fears 

And foes

Gauzy

 A gauzy coverup

Shows a cobalt 

One piece

Toned calves

A product of

Yoga and

A stationary bike

The marked difference

In my body

Is bringing

Stability to 

My mind

Outside in

The transformation 

Is not noticed

Until now

When I’m able

To put pen

To paper

My toes

Are stubbed

And dug

Into the sand

Looking down

I marvel

At something

So simple

That gives

The biggest smile

Knowing

Oneness

With the 

Father’s creation

Is encapsulating

My toe beds

Air

 Tornado warning 

Three AM

Not a great 

Wake up call

Put on a 

Gators sweater

To the closet

I went

To huddle

As I was hugged

Rode it out

Took two hours

To fall back asleep

But in that time

God revealed

Some truths

I’d be struggling

With for awhile

And in that moment

I’ve never been 

More grateful

For early days

When what

Is not wanted

Is what is needed

More than

The air 

That is exhaled

Forest floor

 Standing on

The forest floor

Looking up

Between 

The tree tops

The backdrop

For the photo shoot

Standing in

The green satin

Halter 

With gold chain

And metallic clasp

Around my 

Delicate clavicle

Embracing my own beauty

While relishing 

In His own

Creation

Right

 Took a look

At my body

This morning

And for the 

First time

I smile

Despite my condition

I look good

I feel good

Now to get 

My brain

Mind and soul

To get in alignment 

Because wholeness

Is attainable

Not some 

Far fetched

Fantasy

God

Go to work

Surrendering

My need

To be right

Can you please pray for a special little human very close to me. I’m scared, but know He’s in control as much as my mind would like to fight that very knowledgeable fact. 

Love you all. 

Love yourself and one another

Crystal concoction

 Draped

In the finest silk

A rich red hue

A crown

Of crystals

Adorn the sleeves

A faux fur

Covers the collar

And my head

Is topped

With a tiara

Of diamonds

And rubies

My toes

Are in a ballet slipper

The braces

Are not worn

But a cane

Is by my side

Because beauty

Without stability

Brings ill gotten gains

The scene above

Provides a window

Out outward beauty

What life teaches

That when

The soul

Finds light

The body

Rejoices

For faith

Has been 

Set free

To soar

Melt me

The dirt

My refuge

From my

Own head

The red clay

Cakes into 

Fingernails

Like the sweetest

Scented creams

Sweat is a most

Welcome sensation

And walking

In an impromptu

Rainstorm

Is the greatest gift

The land

Becomes my therapist

On this cloudy day

Soaking in the elements

In a really sublime way

Melts the worry away

Humans

 Lord

Thank you

You know

I don’t need

To elaborate

Spell it out

Revive my heart

To serve

And seek yours

Strength takes

A toll

I don’t often show

But a yoga session

Relaxed me enough

To step back

And look 

Within self

To find

The words

That are Yours

For me 

To share

With my

Fellow humans

Love well

 The shower sessions

Where I let the water

Caress my aching muscles

And spend a few minutes

In repose

And reflection

Some days

Writing 

Becomes

A blessing

And a burden

The feeling

Of needing

To deliver

Has left me

Depleted

And dejected

But then

I have to remember

What or who

Do I write for

Is it my own

Glory or His

If no fame came

To my name

For this gift

Would God

Still be well pleased

With me

And I have to trust

And believe

Without doubt

That He would

Search my heart

And motives

O Lord

Make me 

The creation

The daughter

You know

And love well

Contentment

 A little sunshine

Some new tunes

A little yoga

And my 

Soul sings

Getting out

Of my own head

One move

At a time

Because I’m 

Too blessed

Not to enjoy

The gifts

Right 

In front

Of my face

And I haven’t 

Paid enough

Attention

To holding onto

The joy

Of ordinary

Goodness

That is medicinal

As it is

Fundamental

To daily contentment

Repair man

 Speak

As I sit

In silence

The only

Thing I hear

Are harmonies 

Melodies

And lyrics

Praising Your name

It’s the calm

To the restlessness

That is ever present

What you want

Isn’t something

I’ve been willing

To give you

Until my arse

Has hit the floor

You want all

Of me

Not just 

The parts

That need fixing

Your not the repairmen

You’re  the Heavenly Father

And all of me

Is trusting

That I can

Make amends

For the error

Of my ways

Love

 Trust

Five letters

So much meaning 

Let me believe

That You

Work it all

For my good

And that nothing

Is lost

Please remind me

I’m not too late

To the party

For you to 

To bless me

To grant me

The desires

Of my heart

As the beautiful lady

I see on Saturdays

Tells me

That she has

Shoes in her closet

Older than me

You give me

Living angels

To remind me

Hope is at the corner

Of lost and searching

Love finds me

In the depths

Of what

I’ve yet

To figure out

Hawaiian

 For Your eyes

Have met mine

What is seen

Is not 

For me

To know

Contentment

Means

Riding

The waves

Of faith

As if 

I were 

A female Kelly Slater

On Oahu’s 

North Shore

Ocean’s expanse

Spread out

For infinite measure

Is to remind

This mere human

How much more

Is left to learn

Once the thought

That the answer

Has been found

Until the

Realization hits

Only the surface

Has been scratched

And preconceived notions

Are scrapped

On the cutting room

Floor

The joy of being clueless

Holds an allure

So that I continue

To find joy

In what is

Not known

Eau’s reward

 In the heat

The in the depths

Of the barren land

Of my soul

You are the oasis

No mirage

The truth

Ready to quench

The longing of

The deepest thirst

I never knew 

I had

Came to the eye

Like the strongest gale

And sweetest eau

What you will give

If I only ask

I had to be asked

If I ever petitioned

The Father

For what 

I shared 

With her

I said no

I was instructed

To ask

And watch

As God delivered

With more accuracy

Than the UPS man

When you don’t know

Ask and receive

Let Him fulfill

The promise 

On the inside of you

Then let

The rewards

Of His goodness

Be yours 

To savor

Salvation

My inheritance

Grace my gift

Trust 

The reward

For my obedience

Ingenuity

 Yesterday

I was back at

My usual haunt

It was a pleasant experience

God is granting

My body

A boatload

Of mercy and grace

Thanks to a medical professional

Who sees the potential

When medicinal ingenuity 

And hard work

Bring hope

To a hardened heart

It’s a feeling

I can’t describe

Without the tears

Falling because

I know

Many are 

Not afforded

Such good fortune

And deep affection

Love yourself and one another

Overthinking

 Overthinking 

The crux

Of the problem 

That crosses 

My mind

Each and every day 

So today 

I need

Nature

To be my focus 

Or means

Of redirection 

Yes

 Fighting the rage

Coursing through 

My veins 

Anger doesn’t serve 

My soul anyway 

Channel the fear

If only to

Bring the challenge 

To eye level 

Making what

Is bothering you 

A goal to master

Instead of it 

Becoming your

Master

Farm days

 It’s a good day 

When the sun

Makes an appearance 

And the

John Deere

Ballcap

Fits perfectly 

Three things

 Three things

Practicing gratitude in even the smallest measures is good for the soul. 

Waking up and good coffee is on my list today. 

Been feeling anxious lately. Can’t pinpoint the reason. It’s there. If you would pray please. 

I’m smiling because you my friends are great. 

Love yourself and one another

Libation

 Floating

On the high seas

Of love

Where hope

Is a constant

And joy

Is my ever faithful 

Companion

Find me dreaming

Of pink sands

Cerulean waters

And a fruity libation

Where reality

Is the figment

Of my imagination

Inescapabable truth

 When my mind 

Wanders

Into the depths

Let me be

Reminded

You follow 

Me there

Ice

 The blades

Of the skate

Spray ice

Like flying 

Fairy dust

The punches

Black eyes

And melees

Pitting brawny men

Fighting over

A puck

Make hockey

So fun to see

Right now

Fervor

 The chilly winds

Chaffing my skin

And right now

I’m chasing it

With fervor

Because with 

Cool and collected breaths

Bring serenity

To a soul

In need

Of the stillness

Only He

Can grant me

Tell me something making you smile today?

Still using the gifts given to me by the sweetest blog friend. Every time I use them, I smile. Unexpected gifts pay dividends even months later. Thank you friend. 

Place of worship

 A crisp 

Morning walk

With my old 

Furry and fuzzy friend

Put a pep 

My step

A song in my heart

A peace to my soul

And a dream

I need to 

Continue to chase

God 

And my daily constitution

What a combination

A wise lady

Told me recently

That where

My head and heart

Meet 

Is exactly

The place 

He is

I wasn’t in

A place of worship

But in nature

Was the place

I chose to worship

Faith

 Finding faith

In the silence

I seek

And the noise

I desire

Is to worship

Your face

Sunday

 Sunday fun

Some of my favorite treats

Ginger chews

Gummy bears

Looking forward to the NHL playoffs

And some baseball

Any book or podcast recommendations?

What does your Sunday look like?

His plan

 I forgive you

For expecting

You to fulfill

My every desire

I’m sorry for asking

For more

Than you 

Could give

I took offense

When your words

Harmed my 

Fragile ego

And wounded soul

Now knowing

What wasn’t given

Was not yours

To supply

Forgiveness granted

Because to receive it

I must give it

It is such a gift

To be known

By You

And yet 

So unknown

By the populace

I enjoy it now

Because that may 

Not always the plan

His plan

Love yourself and one another

Northern Star

 Being on the island

Alone

Is better

Than following

A crowd

Where

I may lose

The most precious commodity

Am I willing

To let it slip

To be loved

For all the

Wrong reasons

Lonely

I used to loathe

The feeling

But now

What I 

Couldn’t understand

Has become

The Northern Star

Love yourself and one another

Mundane privilege

 Every experience

A lesson

In perseverance 

And a need

To be in deep

Gratitude

For He is

With me

In the dental chair

The grocery store

And in my

Periphery

When my 

Free will

Runs like a cheetah

With afterburners

Because I’m 

Too stubborn

Or impatient

To enjoy 

The mundane

That the 

World over

Would consider

A privilege

Mind

 When one is still

Listening becomes vital

What I get out

Is what 

Is put in

Being selective

As what deserves 

My attention

No need

To be jealous

Anxious

Or envious

Letting the Creator

Gut me

To rebuild

A person

I can recognize 

With pride

And admiration

Seeking popularity

And notoriety

For human appreciation

About destroyed

My soul

The more one

Doesn’t know

Is winning

These days

It’s not hollow

But an affirmation

That who I am

Is a blessing

One I’ve so 

Deceptively dismissed

At the peril

Of my own 

Mind

Love yourself and one another

Change

 Lessons learned from yesterday

Not every question will have an answer. The secret is how one adapts to change. You didn’t ask me to figure it out, you just ask for trust. 

Do I trust

You enough

To cease fighting

The change that

Will come

Even if 

I’m not ready

Love

 Keep your eyes

On the prize

Christ has 

Set before you

Eyes to see

Hope

The soul

To welcome

The flares

Of fire

My heart

To seek

Love

The body

To find

Effusive joy

Because 

I’m armed

By the King

Of Heaven

Who came 

To Earth

Living fearlessly

Without doubt

Of tomorrow’s outcome

The Son

In me

Within me

To rise

On the wings

Of angels

To lead me

In my efforts

Now and forever

My desire

Is that 

God is present

Ridding myself

Of my own fleshly ambitions

Has been a battle

Not without sin

Here in these parts

I don’t deny it

The fact is 

I need forgiveness

For my wayward thoughts

Stripping my worldly wants

For a faith

Tested and redeemed 

Is taking on

A new level

Of patience

Don’t ask me

To pray for it

I haven’t

And He is 

Still having me 

Seek what

I don’t want

Don’t question

If God 

Won’t do it

It happens every day

Every time

Why 

Is uttered by

My lips

I get

Taught

Another lesson

In what 

It means to wait

Admit defeat

Yet say thank you

Anyway

Procedure

 Lord

Today

I will have 

To confront

The limitations

Of my health

Procedure day

Never gets easier

Peace cover me

As I step

Into unknown places

Me

 Love me

As you do

Even if

No one knows

You are my audience

If anybody knows me

Let it be

Because of

My proximity

To you

The lover

Of my soul

We look

To fame

And wealth

To define

Our worth

And we fail

Every time 

Because our hearts

Need new focus

Not a judgement

Or indictment

Of others

Just a necessary reminder

Of what

You desire

Of me

Praise

 I don’t understand

The why

Beyond your motives

But I trust

Because 

You’ve proven

To be worthy

Of all my praise

Please pray for someone near and dear to my heart. May He provide healing and His providential Power. 

Sunday love and blessings

Protect

 Protect Your people

Lord

Your will

Not mine

Be done

On Earth

As it is

In Heaven

Trois

 Friday

Three things I’m grateful for

Being honest and not lying to myself. If you’ve been in denial for any length of time, I don’t need to explain this. 

The grace and mercy of God are allowing me to be honest. There is nothing perfect in my life, but Him. I’ve struggled mentally for years, and couldn’t get out of my own head. I finally got so physically tired, I surrendered without knowing that’s what I was doing. 

I’m grateful to wake up without pain most days. I’m grateful medical advancements allow me to stretch and exercise. You don’t get to choose much in this life, but you choose how to modify to your ability. 

Second

Any prayer requests?  It doesn’t matter if you believe or not, I will still intercede. I believe enough for you and me. I plant seeds, he waters them. 

Third

Anything that made you smile

Thank you CC at Couture Carrie for a wonderful book that arrived in my mailbox. If you know anything about me is that I love unexpected gifts. Love you friend. 

Cause

 I’ve come

To terms

That my worth

Doesn’t come

From what

Is thought of me

I’m not a star

No athletic talent

Not loud 

Introverted

A little stoic

I have masks

For each emotion 

I’ve hidden

Everything

But my heart 

Knows the lie

Must end

I have Cerebral Palsy 

I’m just learning

How to not

Let the truth

Of my condition

Determine the health

Of my happiness

Late blooming

Takes on different meanings

And I’m finally

Surfacing for air

Clawing from 

Obscurity

To proudly declare

I don’t know

Who I am yet

But I know 

Who I’m not

I’d given up 

Hope when 

My hopes

Seemed

To become

Old wineskins

And then 

I realized 

I was trying

To pour new

Experiences

Into old vessels

It doesn’t work

It’s taken

40 years

To want 

To get acquainted

With myself

It’s only

Because

What I wanted

Needed most

Was healing

It wasn’t going

To happen

Until I gave

Forgiveness

To self

For something

I didn’t cause

H2O

 When your being 

Is fully aligned

To who you’re 

Meant to be

Your soul

Will feel

Like 

The heavens

Have opened up

Ready to douse 

You in a rush

Of refreshing

H2O

Finally delivered

 Rainy day here

For the first

The desire

To flee

My current location

Isn’t as rampant

Because for me

To appreciate

What I have now

Will increase

His confidence

In me

That my 

Dreams 

Will elevate me

Instead of causing 

Inner warfare

I’ve been told

This for years

I’ve had to

Experience this

With great delicacy

And be attuned

To how this lesson

Would finally hit

My stream of consciousness 

Eclipse greatness

 To the 

Ends of 

The earth

I encounter

The I AM

In contrast

To the who

I am

It’s a 

Most humbling

Experience

To be a speck

A mustard seed

Among the galaxies

Looking up yesterday

I wasn’t able

To see the eclipse

But I reveled

In the knowledge

Of how

He made

Darkness descend

Upon daylight

For millions

To see

Erasing doubt

For throngs

Of cynical

Humans

Solar eclipse

 Lord

I was wrong

Not in

The path

Of totality

But in totality

Watching 

You work

Your magic

With the evidence

Of your Hands

Leaves me

Going back

To the days

Searching 

For you

To save me

From myself

I no longer

Look on 

The past

With bitterness

But with appreciation 

For what you’ve

Forced me 

To conquer

In my loneliness

Thank you

Solar eclipse

For the light

To look back

Without shallow indifference

But absolute awe

And what 

You do

When my 

Attention

Is elsewhere

Years ago

The mention

Of God

Would leave

Leave me

Running

For the hills

And right now

God and

His grace

Is the only reason

I rise

To fight

Another day

Even when

My understanding

Of the why

Is mired

In the knowledge 

That what 

I’d like to know

Most

May never

Be answered

Learning

To be okay

With that reality

Is what

I try not

To ponder much

Living in the present

And not the 

Presence 

Of what

I don’t know

Is the biggest obstacle

To my happiness

Or sanity

Or both

Keeping it 

Honest

No perfect lives

Here

Just hard knocks

Disability

Will shove 

Perfect 

Down the 

Drain

Faster

Than I can utter

Coherent thoughts

Today

 Giving it all away

The fear

The pain

The uncertainty

Is allowing me

To sleep

In peace

Without waking

At midnight

In a cold sweat

I don’t know 

If you want

To be able

To visualize

This one

The solar eclipse

Might be 

The star today

But a happy soul

Is mine today

Baseball

 Ball caps

And baseballs

Dirt and grass stains

On those pants 

Of spring

That send 

My heart a flutter 

White shorts

 White shorts

Tees

And a

Lot of green

To get

My eyes

Seeing

That

Spring is here

Redirection

 A smile

And a walk

Seem to give

My anxious thoughts

A pause

One I’ve never

Been more grateful for

Simple steps

In redirection

Finally seeing

The fruits

Of gentle instruction

Love yourself and one another

Finish

Finish what you start

It’s what was said

No lie detected

Truth hit the target

Now to do

What is instructed

The battle commences

Between the talent

And the doubt

Rise up faith

Topple the fear

The insecurity

That lies within

And show the strength

That is known

To every soul

But your own

Dreaming

 Dreaming of

A vacation

In a place

New to me

Where my soul

Feels like

It’s been cleansed

By living water

Where thirst

Doesn’t exist

Any longer

Cede

 Lord

You never fail

To put me

In the places

Where 

I am meant

To be

And not

In spaces

That lead

To dismay

Remind me

Of your

Power

So I may cede

My own

Let me 

Love you

As you

Have loved me

Not that 

It can be matched

Anyway

Green

Grounded

Into the blades

Yoga mat

Used as 

A beach towel

As Vitamin D

Beckons me

Before

Yellow 

And filmy

Pollen

Takes over

Questions

 Some fun Monday questions

Where is your next vacation going to be?

Last song you listened to?

Best book you read last week?

Best meal you made last week?

Best meal someone made you last week?

Happy Easter

 You rose

And are 

Always there

To remind me

Of Your Presence

Even if

Or when

I’m blinded

By earthly falsehoods

He is alive

Within me

More than

Enough

On any day

Especially today

Peace

 Anxiety 

Is the beast

I’m fighting

Right now

It’s not

Something

I’d be

Seeing again

So soon

Peace

Come find me

Please

Results

 I saw something on Instagram last week, and its rocked me to my core. I wish I knew who said it. It said “instead of being well known, strive to be someone worth knowing”  I’ve had a preoccupation with the former and not the latter. Maybe my therapist and I will have a chat about it, but a simple sentence is reshaping how I want to live. My soul is undergoing renovation. Maybe we as humans need a total gut job or just some minor tweaks. 

Reno work

Is an ongoing process

I may actually enjoy

Now the my brain

Is receptive

To realignment

The smallest realization

Yields the biggest result

Country days

 Sunshine

Come say hello

So I can enjoy

A long walk

Through the grass

In the trees

And around 

The meadows

Let me see

If I find

The daffodils

Popping up 

In unexpected places

R and R

A little 

R and R

In a place

That brings

My mind

A peace

That can’t

Be manufactured 

Foggy covered peaks

And cool rain

Provide

The backdrop

Outdoors

And a fire

Roars indoors

Joy

 My joy for today

Rainy days

Lazy days

Word searches 

Good books

Waffles

Your turn?

Motive

 Holy Week

May I appreciate

And understand

A sacrifice

I’m glad

I’ve never

Had to contemplate

God

Thank you

For what

You do

Even when

I fail

To comprehend

Your motives

Love yourself and one another

Appreciation

 God determines

When I bloom

When I prosper

And when

My bum

Needs to be

Sat down

I used 

To despise

Correction

Now I welcome

Its presence

With a newfound appreciation

Thoughts

 Lord

I don’t know if you’re teaching me more or if I’m just listening. I’m not fighting. I’m being still, and letting your dominion be my haven. I’ve known more pain in the recent months, but I’ve known more peace too. I’ve shared some here, but not gone into detail because right now I don’t have answers. That is okay for now. Discovery is a process. I don’t know if God gives us more than we can handle. All I know is as long as He is with me, I will not ask. 

Oneness with You

Is enough

More than enough

Even when

My humanity

Takes hold

And runs amuck 

Of center

And serenity

Sorbetto

 A sunny day

To greet me

A hearty breakfast

To savor

And a friendship

Of twenty years

To treasure

Finding the joys

Of life

While the 

Tangy sorbetto 

Lavishes

My tongue

With otherworldly bliss

I’m getting better daily. I thank you for your love. Could you intercede for a friend in need of love and support right now. Thank you. 

Look

 In your light

Darkness is no longer

A damper

To the soul

Your goodness

Is the warmest

And coziest throw

The chill

And icy nature

Of outside forces

Is no match

For the power

Exuded in 

One look