Sunday, April 14, 2024

Me

 Love me

As you do

Even if

No one knows

You are my audience

If anybody knows me

Let it be

Because of

My proximity

To you

The lover

Of my soul

We look

To fame

And wealth

To define

Our worth

And we fail

Every time 

Because our hearts

Need new focus

Not a judgement

Or indictment

Of others

Just a necessary reminder

Of what

You desire

Of me

Praise

 I don’t understand

The why

Beyond your motives

But I trust

Because 

You’ve proven

To be worthy

Of all my praise


Please pray for someone near and dear to my heart. May He provide healing and His providential Power. 

Sunday love and blessings

Saturday, April 13, 2024

Protect

 Protect Your people

Lord

Your will

Not mine

Be done

On Earth

As it is

In Heaven

Friday, April 12, 2024

Trois

 Friday

Three things I’m grateful for

Being honest and not lying to myself. If you’ve been in denial for any length of time, I don’t need to explain this. 

The grace and mercy of God are allowing me to be honest. There is nothing perfect in my life, but Him. I’ve struggled mentally for years, and couldn’t get out of my own head. I finally got so physically tired, I surrendered without knowing that’s what I was doing. 

I’m grateful to wake up without pain most days. I’m grateful medical advancements allow me to stretch and exercise. You don’t get to choose much in this life, but you choose how to modify to your ability. 


Second

Any prayer requests?  It doesn’t matter if you believe or not, I will still intercede. I believe enough for you and me. I plant seeds, he waters them. 

Third

Anything that made you smile

Thank you CC at Couture Carrie for a wonderful book that arrived in my mailbox. If you know anything about me is that I love unexpected gifts. Love you friend. 

Thursday, April 11, 2024

Cause

 I’ve come

To terms

That my worth

Doesn’t come

From what

Is thought of me

I’m not a star

No athletic talent

Not loud 

Introverted

A little stoic

I have masks

For each emotion 

I’ve hidden

Everything

But my heart 

Knows the lie

Must end

I have Cerebral Palsy 

I’m just learning

How to not

Let the truth

Of my condition

Determine the health

Of my happiness

Late blooming

Takes on different meanings

And I’m finally

Surfacing for air

Clawing from 

Obscurity

To proudly declare

I don’t know

Who I am yet

But I know 

Who I’m not

I’d given up 

Hope when 

My hopes

Seemed

To become

Old wineskins

And then 

I realized 

I was trying

To pour new

Experiences

Into old vessels

It doesn’t work

It’s taken

40 years

To want 

To get acquainted

With myself

It’s only

Because

What I wanted

Needed most

Was healing

It wasn’t going

To happen

Until I gave

Forgiveness

To self

For something

I didn’t cause

Wednesday, April 10, 2024

H2O

 When your being 

Is fully aligned

To who you’re 

Meant to be

Your soul

Will feel

Like 

The heavens

Have opened up

Ready to douse 

You in a rush

Of refreshing

H2O

Tuesday, April 9, 2024

Finally delivered

 Rainy day here

For the first

The desire

To flee

My current location

Isn’t as rampant

Because for me

To appreciate

What I have now

Will increase

His confidence

In me

That my 

Dreams 

Will elevate me

Instead of causing 

Inner warfare

I’ve been told

This for years

I’ve had to

Experience this

With great delicacy

And be attuned

To how this lesson

Would finally hit

My stream of consciousness 

Eclipse greatness

 To the 

Ends of 

The earth

I encounter

The I AM

In contrast

To the who

I am

It’s a 

Most humbling

Experience

To be a speck

A mustard seed

Among the galaxies

Looking up yesterday

I wasn’t able

To see the eclipse

But I reveled

In the knowledge

Of how

He made

Darkness descend

Upon daylight

For millions

To see

Erasing doubt

For throngs

Of cynical

Humans

Monday, April 8, 2024

Solar eclipse

 Lord

I was wrong

Not in

The path

Of totality

But in totality

Watching 

You work

Your magic

With the evidence

Of your Hands

Leaves me

Going back

To the days

Searching 

For you

To save me

From myself

I no longer

Look on 

The past

With bitterness

But with appreciation 

For what you’ve

Forced me 

To conquer

In my loneliness

Thank you

Solar eclipse

For the light

To look back

Without shallow indifference

But absolute awe

And what 

You do

When my 

Attention

Is elsewhere

Years ago

The mention

Of God

Would leave

Leave me

Running

For the hills

And right now

God and

His grace

Is the only reason

I rise

To fight

Another day

Even when

My understanding

Of the why

Is mired

In the knowledge 

That what 

I’d like to know

Most

May never

Be answered

Learning

To be okay

With that reality

Is what

I try not

To ponder much

Living in the present

And not the 

Presence 

Of what

I don’t know

Is the biggest obstacle

To my happiness

Or sanity

Or both

Keeping it 

Honest

No perfect lives

Here

Just hard knocks

Disability

Will shove 

Perfect 

Down the 

Drain

Faster

Than I can utter

Coherent thoughts

Today

 Giving it all away

The fear

The pain

The uncertainty

Is allowing me

To sleep

In peace

Without waking

At midnight

In a cold sweat

I don’t know 

If you want

To be able

To visualize

This one

The solar eclipse

Might be 

The star today

But a happy soul

Is mine today

Sunday, April 7, 2024

Baseball

 Ball caps

And baseballs

Dirt and grass stains

On those pants 

Of spring

That send 

My heart a flutter 

Saturday, April 6, 2024

White shorts

 White shorts

Tees

And a

Lot of green

To get

My eyes

Seeing

That

Spring is here

Friday, April 5, 2024

Redirection

 A smile

And a walk

Seem to give

My anxious thoughts

A pause

One I’ve never

Been more grateful for

Simple steps

In redirection

Finally seeing

The fruits

Of gentle instruction


Love yourself and one another

Thursday, April 4, 2024

Finish

Finish what you start
It’s what was said
No lie detected
Truth hit the target
Now to do
What is instructed
The battle commences
Between the talent
And the doubt
Rise up faith
Topple the fear
The insecurity
That lies within
And show the strength
That is known
To every soul
But your own

Wednesday, April 3, 2024

Dreaming

 Dreaming of

A vacation

In a place

New to me

Where my soul

Feels like

It’s been cleansed

By living water

Where thirst

Doesn’t exist

Any longer

Tuesday, April 2, 2024

Cede

 Lord

You never fail

To put me

In the places

Where 

I am meant

To be

And not

In spaces

That lead

To dismay

Remind me

Of your

Power

So I may cede

My own

Let me 

Love you

As you

Have loved me

Not that 

It can be matched

Anyway

Monday, April 1, 2024

Green

Grounded
Into the blades
Yoga mat
Used as 
A beach towel
As Vitamin D
Beckons me
Before
Yellow 
And filmy
Pollen
Takes over

Questions

 Some fun Monday questions

Where is your next vacation going to be?

Last song you listened to?

Best book you read last week?

Best meal you made last week?

Best meal someone made you last week?

Sunday, March 31, 2024

Happy Easter

 You rose

And are 

Always there

To remind me

Of Your Presence

Even if

Or when

I’m blinded

By earthly falsehoods


He is alive

Within me

More than

Enough

On any day

Especially today

Saturday, March 30, 2024

Peace

 Anxiety 

Is the beast

I’m fighting

Right now

It’s not

Something

I’d be

Seeing again

So soon

Peace

Come find me

Please

Thursday, March 28, 2024

Results

 I saw something on Instagram last week, and its rocked me to my core. I wish I knew who said it. It said “instead of being well known, strive to be someone worth knowing”  I’ve had a preoccupation with the former and not the latter. Maybe my therapist and I will have a chat about it, but a simple sentence is reshaping how I want to live. My soul is undergoing renovation. Maybe we as humans need a total gut job or just some minor tweaks. 

Reno work

Is an ongoing process

I may actually enjoy

Now the my brain

Is receptive

To realignment

The smallest realization

Yields the biggest result

Country days

 Sunshine

Come say hello

So I can enjoy

A long walk

Through the grass

In the trees

And around 

The meadows

Let me see

If I find

The daffodils

Popping up 

In unexpected places

Wednesday, March 27, 2024

R and R

A little 
R and R
In a place
That brings
My mind
A peace
That can’t
Be manufactured 
Foggy covered peaks
And cool rain
Provide
The backdrop
Outdoors
And a fire
Roars indoors

Tuesday, March 26, 2024

Joy

 My joy for today

Rainy days

Lazy days

Word searches 

Good books

Waffles


Your turn?

Monday, March 25, 2024

Motive

 Holy Week

May I appreciate

And understand

A sacrifice

I’m glad

I’ve never

Had to contemplate

God

Thank you

For what

You do

Even when

I fail

To comprehend

Your motives


Love yourself and one another

Saturday, March 23, 2024

Appreciation

 God determines

When I bloom

When I prosper

And when

My bum

Needs to be

Sat down

I used 

To despise

Correction

Now I welcome

Its presence

With a newfound appreciation

Thoughts

 Lord

I don’t know if you’re teaching me more or if I’m just listening. I’m not fighting. I’m being still, and letting your dominion be my haven. I’ve known more pain in the recent months, but I’ve known more peace too. I’ve shared some here, but not gone into detail because right now I don’t have answers. That is okay for now. Discovery is a process. I don’t know if God gives us more than we can handle. All I know is as long as He is with me, I will not ask. 

Oneness with You

Is enough

More than enough

Even when

My humanity

Takes hold

And runs amuck 

Of center

And serenity

Friday, March 22, 2024

Sorbetto

 A sunny day

To greet me

A hearty breakfast

To savor

And a friendship

Of twenty years

To treasure

Finding the joys

Of life

While the 

Tangy sorbetto 

Lavishes

My tongue

With otherworldly bliss


I’m getting better daily. I thank you for your love. Could you intercede for a friend in need of love and support right now. Thank you. 

Wednesday, March 20, 2024

Look

 In your light

Darkness is no longer

A damper

To the soul

Your goodness

Is the warmest

And coziest throw

The chill

And icy nature

Of outside forces

Is no match

For the power

Exuded in 

One look

Tuesday, March 19, 2024

Rest

 Learning how to rest

Even if I don’t want to

Lord I’m listening

But my 

Follow through

Is missing

Monday, March 18, 2024

Love you all

 I may be out of commission for a bit. Medical procedure today. If you’d grant me intercession in your prayers, I’d appreciate it. Love you all. 

Regine

Sunday, March 17, 2024

Selfless

I’m learning 
How to give
Forgiveness
To self
As much as
I give to others
I decided to 
Grant it to
The one
Who needed
It most
To survive
How to be
Selfish
To be selfless

Friday, March 15, 2024

Sleep

 A long nap

Rest

It’s what

I needed 

The body

Finally said 

I’ve got you 

And take care 

Of me

As much 

As you 

Do others

Thursday, March 14, 2024

Cherry blossom

 The cherry blossoms

Call me to grateful reflection

Signifying the change of seasons

And differing outlooks

That implore me

To breathe deeper

Seek truth

And grant forgiveness

Whether it is warranted

As the child of God

And a disciple

To the Son

My judgment 

Is not in humanity

It’s in

The triumphant 

Glory of The Deity

Who claimed my soul

For His own

Unanswered

 Lord

The gift you are giving me now

Is this

I no longer

Want to know why

The one word

That caused more pain

Than can be said

Why I’m the way

I am

Is no longer relevant

It just is

I accept it

For what it is

And questions

If there

Are left unanswered 

Because that 

Is answer enough

Right now

Wednesday, March 13, 2024

Glow

 Out the door

The sunshine

And green grass

Mix to make

An early spring parade

Where the early blooms

Arrive to display

Growth and grace

In a sturdy vase

Known as 

Mother Nature’s

Early birthday wishes

To a frosty world

Needing a warming glow

Pray

 I haven’t done of these in awhile. 

Life is hard

Life is great

Because amidst the pain

Is purpose

The silver lining

That glimmers

In darkness


How may I pray for you today?

Tuesday, March 12, 2024

Precision

 Playing in the dirt

Picking rocks out

Of hard clay

Teaches about

Character

It burns

The muscle groups

Into subliminal bliss

Masked as popcorn

Cracking 

Providing relief

It arrives

With such

Accurate precision

Monday, March 11, 2024

Equip

 Equip me

To find joy

In the spaces

You provide 

Soften my heart

Amenable 

And willing

To be a willing participant

To the purpose

That is made

For me

Sunday, March 10, 2024

Before

 Exhaustion

And in pain

Is where I’m at

Right now

Don’t feel bad

For me

In this place

God is teaching

Me how

To be grateful

In spite

Of what I 

Feel right now

It’s a gift

I’ve never fully 

Understood

Or have

Appreciated

Before

Friday, March 8, 2024

Magic

 I never thought

I’d be envied

But I’ve gotten

So many compliments 

On the writing gift

It’s as if

I just pluck words

Out of thin air

And make magic

Happen when

The thoughts

Collide

The ratty tees

And sweats

Are my uniform

And it is

A blessing

To call the shots

A privilege

I never 

Imagined 

I’d possess

Thursday, March 7, 2024

Honest

 Lord

Give me strength

To continue

To use the gift

The courage

To be honest

Even when

I hurt 

My own feelings

Determination

To push past

Disappointment

And joy

When my life

Doesn’t look

Like I’d imagined 

Crafting

 Lord,

You’re remaking me

In your image

And I’ve not realized

When pride is laid down

Work is done

In crafting perfection


I never understood what Your purpose was, but now I start to see what is happening. Your desires for me are bigger than I have for myself. I need to trust that I’m capable to do what you see for me. And you’re doing it while I’m clothed in old sweats and a Longhorn t-shirt.  I don’t need my legs to write. I just need a willing spirit and the talent that has always been there. I doubted the talent. I still do. I’m writing because it’s what you demand. 


Love yourself and one another

Wednesday, March 6, 2024

Love

 The vessel

Of truth

Love

Kindness

Joy

Where

The spirit

Is alive

And active

Within my being

Tuesday, March 5, 2024

Answer

 Had a doctor’s appointment yesterday. 

Here’s what I learned

I need the hard truth. 

I need the facts

Answers will come when I need them

CP is static. That’s great. I can’t reverse the damage it did.  It did damage. The amount, I will never know. I really don’t want to know. When the doc said, at least you can walk. He’s right. Walking is a privilege. I may tire easily, but that’s okay. I just want to be grateful for what I can do. I compared myself against a world I can’t identify with. 

Acceptance comes when you don’t know it will. 

Love yourself and one another. 

Monday, March 4, 2024

Faith

 Peace is here

When my heart

Can’t understand

The delays

In what 

I wish

In what

I desire

Questions come

But I won’t fret

Fearing what

Is unknown

Is antithetical

To faith

And faith

In You

Is reason

Enough

To stand down

And bring the knees

To kneel

Sunday, March 3, 2024

Singing

 Singing into the 

Sabbath

Worship

In silence

My voice

Is heard

When movement

Is initiated

By you

Friday, March 1, 2024

Thank you

 Thank you all for your prayers and love. Right now I’m in a cycle of exercise followed by sleep to alleviate the discomfort. I may not reply to all. I’m grateful for all of you. 

Tell me something good that happened this week?

Favorite purchase?

Any good books?

Thankful for you

R

Wednesday, February 28, 2024

Temple

 Lord

Nourishing

The temple

That is mine

Is an exercise

I’m attending to

These days


Please pray my body holds. Fighting some issues I can’t really explain. Trying to stay grateful. Patient in affliction takes on new meaning each day. 

Love you all. 

Tuesday, February 27, 2024

Coffee

Coffee

Wake me up

Infuse caffeine

And mix it

With some 

Happiness

And gratitude

Monday, February 26, 2024

Trust

 What I need 

From you

Is peace

What you want

From me

Is trust

Who moves first

Determines the result

That means

I trust

Even when

I’m towing

The line

Sunday, February 25, 2024

Sunday

 Taking the time

To savor the coffee

Smell the roses

And revel

In the frivolity

Of a good book


Friday, February 23, 2024

Gills

 Let my words

Not merely be words

What you see

Is what is gotten

Not some carefully

Crafted creation

Tried conforming

Lost myself

Off the cliff

Of indifference

Which left

Me reeling

Like a flapping

Fish hooked

In the gills

Thursday, February 22, 2024

Reality

The greatest regret

Squandered talent

Denied or otherwise

Words become real

As You give

Me license

To create

A world

Only dreams

Could have

Made me believe

Nothingness

 Distraction

Is deception

And I’ve 

Been the master

Of my own

For too long


What price

Have I paid

For my own

Foolish ambition


I have not

Valued my soul

Well at all

Destroyed my peace

For an earthly possession 

That couldn’t keep

My heart happy


Friends

Revel

In your nothingness

For when its done

You’ll have everything

Wednesday, February 21, 2024

Ground

 Lord

When the rope

Is at its end

You tug

It back

To center

Knot it up

And anchor 

It on steady ground

Tuesday, February 20, 2024

Flavor

 The richness

Of savory gnocchi

Surrounded by spinach

And butternut squash

Melt in a combination

Of food saturated

In a flavor

That radiates

Warmth

Of an evening

Where the wind

Whips around

The mountain

With a chill

That shears 

Man 

With impunity

The wind

Is You

Where you display

Dominance

With a flicker

Of an icy fire

That roars within

Fire

 The mountain

Covers me

Protects and shades

Me from harsh realities

Until

I’m able

To face

The fire

Rest

Learning truth
Is best 
No matter what
No regrets
As sleep
Is peaceful
And deep
Mind and soul
Align in rest

Saturday, February 17, 2024

Promise

 Lord,

You are teaching me to not be afraid to ask. No is not a rejection. No is a not yet. It’s I have better. It’s not in your best interest. I’ve been drowning, and now I’m surfacing. That alone is a blessing. 

The pain

Not wasted

Not in vain

All a part

Of the process

To get out of me

And into

The present

Where

The promise

Is alive and well

Friday, February 16, 2024

Receive

 What you learn

When you’re not looking 

Is the most magical gift

I’m now willing 

To receive 

Joys

 What are you reading?

What is bringing you joy?

Favorite purchase this week?

Tell me something good that happened to you?

Give a compliment to a stranger

Thursday, February 15, 2024

Norm

 Flexing the toes

Up and down

Around and around

Activating flexibility

And strength

Within the body

Letting joy 

Through quiet

Become the norm

Wednesday, February 14, 2024

Present

 Shifting into

Seas of grace

Where I’m cocooned

In a love

That cascades

From spine

To metatarsal

And massages

The membranes

With soothing caresses

Though the ocean roar

Calm is present

Where presence

Meets the present

Unwind

 Walking down

The drive

Dreaming

As my soul unwinds

Finding the time

To take my pup

For a walk

And a respite

For my restless

Mind as well

It might be cold

But the shiver

Is worth it

If my mental state

Is given time

To be still

In a world

That only delivers

Noise

Tuesday, February 13, 2024

Satisfy

 Let the wind

Carry you

The waves 

Buffer you

The rock

Be the buttress

Be at peace

If not

Find creation

Until your own

Can satisfy

Monday, February 12, 2024

Agua

Taking a stroll
Down the mountain pass
Seeking the birds flying
High above
In majestic formation

In the heights
Worry melts
And peace
Is as readily available
As the living water
He has 
For his beloveds

Love

When the words
Don’t come
Let my heart
Be the compass
To the thoughts
I cannot speak
Lead me to the place
Where Your love
Is all I find
As I seek forgiveness
And acceptance
In the Hands
That formed
What I see


In the torrent of rain
Reawaken my soul
To the joy
That comes
When I’m 
Wholly reliant
On Your Power
To allow me
Peace
To see life
As it is
Even if
I struggle
To grapple
With its goodness

Search me
Find me willing
To love others
Even when
I question
The benefit

Sunday, February 11, 2024

Distorted distraction

 God,

You’re speaking. Am I listening?  You keep telling me to guard my heart. What I want is not in line with who you are. Yet my self will is running like a cheetah at full speed. The songs I’m listening to on repeat are reminding me that what I want will not satisfy me. I know it, and yet I still desire what is so unhealthy. This habit is one of the hardest to break. As my therapist has advised, I’m human. Habits don’t break in days. It’s a choice to put one foot in front of the other, list my gratitude, and take breaks from worldly influences. If you must, turn off the tube, blast music and write until the keys cease working. Nourish the soul, cultivate your creativity and know that no one is you. The prism in which you see yourself must shift so patterns are broken. 

Lord

It’s me

My thoughts

Must be altered 

So my view

Is not 

A distorted distraction

Sink

 Sink into the arms

That won’t let

Me sink

But float

Until

I’m ready

To swim

And face

The sharks

Racing the tides

And undercurrents

Friday, February 9, 2024

Carbohydrates

 Coiffed

And cute

The chocolate melts

As the tongue

Takes in

The delicious

Buttery and flaky

French pastry

Taking a mental holiday

Relishing the joy

That can be found

In carbohydrates

Thursday, February 8, 2024

James

 The gravel

Hits my sneaks

And I sink

In silence

As the soundtrack

Is a James Taylor

Playlist in rewind

As I revisit

A favorite artist

Whose voice

Puts me

In a melodic state

Seek that 

Fuels the fire

Within

Enough

To know 

When to 

Savor the rain

Dog day

Lessons

From the dog

Eat 

Sleep

Repeat

Look cute

Be loved

And treat 

Every empty space

As a new place

To make

Your luxurious oyster

What a life

Run 

Dart around

As if the cat

Is your prey

Have your master

Praise you

And then find

The biggest oak

To be your reprieve 

From a warm

Winter day

Wednesday, February 7, 2024

Amen

 The shadows illuminate

The light

The vision

That is

The image

Of the deity

In me

Imploring my soul

To let in

The aroma

Of strength

And purity

In refinement

I’m where

I need to be

Disability

The vehicle

He has chosen

To make 

His omnipotence

Known to billions

In using this human

Who finds her being

Lackluster

Yet God

Says otherwise

Worthy 

Cherished

Loved

What a privilege

An honor

That exceeds

A lifetime

Hits

 Stripping

Off the scraps

Of sugar

Being truthful

Is the only 

Way to authenticity

And honesty

With the deity

How many lies

Have I told you

We have this 

Conversation

Too often

It seems

Getting real

Is costing me

Sleep and sanity

Forty

The year

Life decided

To teach me

When to take

The hits

And when

To give them back

Tuesday, February 6, 2024

Sought

 Singing

The sweet song

Of surrender

Arrives

When the act

Of being comfortable

In your own company

Is all that is sought

Lessons’ blessings

 Lord,

Every time 

I say never

You say

Think again

What I 

Thought

Was in 

The rear view

Is in

My permanent

Periphery

And acceptance

That life

Is never fair

Rules

Don’t apply

To all

Is a teachable moment

I now think 

On daily

As I take

The lesson

As a blessing

Monday, February 5, 2024

Strawberry

 Sitting

Willing stillness

To seep

Into veins

Like the sweetest

Strawberry

Wrapped

In whip cream

Reflection

 Talent

In these bones

Is there

I just deny

The obvious

Every day

Because

I still question

If ability

Is enough

In a society

That craves

Notoriety

The struggle

Is to not

Doubt

The mirror’s

Reflection

Sunday, February 4, 2024

The deity and the child

Just on the phone with a friend who was imploring me to celebrate myself for all my accomplishments when I said “I’m just me, and I don’t even know who me is.” I’m starting to think I’ll find her when I stop searching for her. 

Searching for Regine
Only leads
To malaise
Finding her
Joy
Is only
Found
When she embraces
The mystery
Within 
Her very 
Mind
Which holds
Keys that 
Unlock
The handcuffs
She’s allowed 
Disability 
To hold
Captive 
The thoughts
That slowly 
Diminish
The spirit
Deity
Placed
In the innermost location
Not known
To ordinary man
The world
Corrupts not
The enemy 
This child 
Faces
Is her own self

Saturday, February 3, 2024

Thirteen

 Taking it back

Paper and pen

To a girl

Of thirteen

Who saw

Life as an adventure

To be shared

Bring back

Me at thirteen

To show

A forty year old

How to believe

In miracles again

Soul

 Finding hope

In each day

Is the journey

I’m now on

Because

Hope

Is the road

To joy

Joy

The destination

To contentment

The desire 

Of my very

Elemental soul

Friday, February 2, 2024

Love

 Acceptance

Is a daily choice

A decision

To champion

The creation

That is me

If all humankind

Can find

Me lovable

I need to find

The desire 

To do

The same


Song of the day

Consumed by Fire  First Things First

Questions

 Tell me something good that happened this week?

What made you smile?

What’s on your heart?

What are you praying for?

What is making you peaceful?

Thursday, February 1, 2024

Sorbet

 Vitamin D

Came to visit

And the depression

Festering in my soul

Took a detour

And now

I am

Following my nephew’s lead

And eating sorbet

Straight from

The bucket

For lunch

Lord

 Lord,

What are you doing to me?  All I see is the sin that makes me so ashamed, and yet you show me that not all is lost. Every day someone comes here to remind me that they cherish the beauty in me. They see what I won’t. What do you want me to see?  What is it that is so important?

Show me

Let me be

Willing

To follow through

With your command

Wednesday, January 31, 2024

Repair

I was reminded
Of how much I’ve faced
I don’t know
If I’ve forgotten
Or just let it go
I’m getting used
To being in the
Valley of the unknown

I don’t know
If I’m tired
Of fighting
Myself or others
I’m having to be stripped
Of the trappings
Of my wants

I’m lain bare
To the only eyes
Who see my heart
For where it is
In need of repair



Tuesday, January 30, 2024

Grateful

 This is not my typical post. I have a follow up to see how I’m adjusting to the “liquid gold”. I was thinking.  The doctors who care for people like me have a heart. Caring for me is not profitable. It’s a calling. A calling I’m grateful for. In my medical journey, God has always provided. It leaves me in tears. As much as I doubt, I know He is there. I just get frustrated with how He works. I want things, and He says not yet. 

God uses me

Even when 

I wonder why

This is my gratefulness

That I’m deemed worthy

to be loved

In spite 

Of myself

Fake

 You want my heart

No hiding

No cowering

Just truth

Pure and honest

No lies

Or deception

You want me

As I am

Not some

Phony fake

Monday, January 29, 2024

Day

 You already

Have redeemed

My soul

And yet

I can’t forgive myself

For being human

I’m trusting

That You will

Make wholeness

Contentment and peace

Become real

Not a wish

Upon the star

The one

I’ve been

Longingly staring

At every day

Lord

 Lord,

I come to you today because I need help that can only come from you. I would love to rejoice with others, as I wait for what you have for me. The fact is I’m not. I’m ashamed of it. I’m not surprised you are using something I never thought I’d admit to strengthen me. You knew I’d admit my sin eventually. You’re not surprised by my sin. You knew where I would struggle. You use sin. You use shame. You use it all to make me the child that lacks nothing. I don’t know what I’m to learn from this, but I trust You know. 

Lord

Do what you do

Even if I’m clueless

As to 

What that is

Sunday, January 28, 2024

Birding

 Whipping around

Like the wind

On a carousel 

The horse

Your tool

To girlish glee

Where childhood

Is celebrated

And worry

Needn’t enter

The conversation

Out my window

The birds

Are soaring

Riding the wings

Of their creator

And having a ball

As the star

Of the show

Praise

 It’s a good day

Because I’m here

To praise

You

Your

Omnipotent Magnificent 

Give your children

The will to do right

Even when our flesh

Demands otherwise

Love others well

Even if

Your not loved well

Your reward

Comes from God

Not human hands

Friday, January 26, 2024

Waterfall

 As I listened 

To the rain fall

I became calm

Almost meditative

Because even

As I was literally dry

The feeling was 

The exact opposite

A waterfall of emotions

Cascading down 

My spine

Forcing me

To be still

Even when wet

And shivering 

From the cold downpour


Spring forth

My soul

And reclaim

Your freedom

In Christ 

Jesus

Favorites

 Favorite meal you cooked this week?

Favorite purchase this week?

What book have you read?

What’s the weather like where you are?

What are your plans for the weekend?

Thursday, January 25, 2024

Lovely

 Red haired siren

A beautiful smile

That makes mere man

Stand still

And a heart

That lets

You know 

God is

Within her

Wednesday, January 24, 2024

One

 God can use one person

To turn a frown

Into a smile

That is real and genuine

And it’s the best feeling

Ever

Found

The cleaning

And cleansing of

My soul

Is a daily pursuit

Who knew

The soul

Could accumulate

So much dust


Maintain the core

Of who you are

So that who

Your meant 

To be

Can be more

Readily found

Tuesday, January 23, 2024

Memories

 Plucking

The petals

Twisting

Them round

The thumbs

Wishing

In this sensuous moment

That my mind

Is only

On the moment

In front of me

The scent of sweetness

Is in a pink hydrangea

That screams

Nantucket Sound 


Yes

 I’ve always thought God why do you allow me to weather pain. Some say I do it well. Some don’t agree. I wonder if I should take a poll. I happen to come up on an Instagram story that tries to explain what pain does. He said “Pain prepares you for your purpose”.  Since birth God has prepared me for my purpose. I’m no longer denying what I know. I still experience pain, because my purpose needs tweaking. True time under tension as my exercise app says. No tension. No refinement. No reflection. I don’t wish you pain, but if brings about your purpose, bear it. 

Monday, January 22, 2024

Lord

 Lord, 

You work in the most random of moments. Then I think they’re not random to you. Trying to figure you out is like solving the most complex puzzle. You’re a riddle I can’t figure. All I know is that I know what I thought was waiting, is learning. Learning that my will, will not get me to my goals faster. I’m so focused on achieving the dream, that I’m not enjoying the process. With you, EVERYTHING is a process. I want results quick. You work like weight loss. Slowly. You tell me to ‘be still and know.’  I don’t know which part grates me more:  stillness or knowing. I will get back to you. 

Until the next musing. 

Regine

Calm

 Half asleep

Eyes almost open

Expectant to see

If the clouds

That surround me

Will clear

I as chase

Fleeting moments

Of quiet calm

Leading to 

Lasting happiness

Sunday, January 21, 2024

End

 At times tonight 

God is refocusing 

My heart 

On what matters 

My accomplishments 

Mean nothing 

In the end

Was I a human 

Who loved

Gave it

Freely 

Without motives

That aren’t pure

With no goodness 

Behind them 

Cold

 Thirteen and toasty here

Favorite hot beverage

Favorite blanket

Favorite puzzle

Favorite book

Favorite cold day activity

Friday, January 19, 2024

Panama Jack

 Barefoot in the blades

The green

Tickles toes

And I relish

The sensation

Of sunshine

Warming extremities

As I recall days

Of beach days

The scents of 

Panama Jack

And lemon juice

Being my hair’s

Natural highlighter

Followed by a shower

Aloe coating skin

And olive oil

As my conditioner

These days

I take a whiff

Of sunscreen

To see

If it brings

Me back

To a time

I wish

I had savored

Questions

 What are you reading?

Favorite quote?

Favorite beauty product?

Thing that made you smile?

Thursday, January 18, 2024

Grace

 I was stretching this morning, and something was said that has me thinking. “The source of discomfort is not getting rid of tension”.  I haven’t related to a statement so viscerally in quite awhile. The tension I feel is now more mental than physical. God is using tension to break me. Break me from feeling I’m not enough. That to be admired, I must be known. Break me from jealousy of being normal. Break me from what I want. I feel like I’m being told that what I want would crush me in the worst way. God is protecting me from myself. What a concept. It all comes down to peace. What kind of peace, I don’t know. I’m in an I don’t know state. 

Grace me with the discernment to learn to let go, or just let God be God. 

Thank you so much. 

Prayer requests

 Prayer requests

For my friend CC who has had a rough couple of weeks. 

For me not to compare myself to others

For the joy of the Lord to be mine


Praises

For Barb’s MRI results that were much better than expected, and that it continues. 

For a warm home

For the delicious oranges I ate this morning


Your turn?

Wednesday, January 17, 2024

Being

 In the bitter chill

My focus

Is singular

The brain

Needs

To maintain warmth

Yet my cold breath

Reinforces

The need

For clarifying

The mission

In which

I’m the 

Only one

Who makes

It occur

Under the guidance

Of the Highest

And most glorious


In the land 

Of milk and honey

Is abundance

Because

She faces tribulation

But never falters

Because of the

Sustainer of her being


Lord

I am she

Remain in me

As I abide

In thee

The seams

 Rise up

Unleash the heart

Love

Heal

And find

The reason

You live

Seek peace

Within

To free

The You

That is encased

In bubble wrap

Waiting to pop

And scream

While trying to let

The most exuberant 

Exhale

Release

From the seams

Tuesday, January 16, 2024

Catwalk

 Making the grassy knoll

My catwalk

Owning the blessings

And enjoying

The steps

That lead

My feet

To bliss

Courage

To be enamored

By my own backyard

Dreams make 

My world spin

But my reality

Provides the smile

That is not etched

By false hope


Love fearlessly

Laugh hard

And find humor

Even when sadness

May be in your mirror


Monday, January 15, 2024

Contentment

 Are you content?

If so, at what age?

Thinking on this tonight

Share with me

Heart

Sparking my joy

Snail mail

Unexpected gifts

Your prayers


My joy is found

In You

And He uses

All of you

To fulfill

His purpose

In bringing joy

To this heart

Of mine

Sunday, January 14, 2024

Purpose

 I know my purpose

I just didn’t like it

But I understand it

And that’s okay

For today

Saturday, January 13, 2024

The key

 Grateful

Believing it

Until I receive it

I didn’t realize

When I come here

I have my own

Personal cheerleaders

Lord, let me

Be thankful

Eleven years ago

I felt unlovable

In search of something

Someone to root me on

Help me find joy

Worth and validation 

Each day 

You say hi

You give me

Your heart

You serve me

In the best way

You are Christ’s 

Hands and feet

Whether you believe

Or not

Thank you

The world

Knows not

My name

But you do

And it is 

Enough

Eleven years

Over one million

Who knew

My mission field

Would simply

Involve faithfulness

To tap the key

Friday, January 12, 2024

Trumps

 Lord

You’re opening up

Pandora’s box

Mine

It’s petrifying

But coming undone

Is the best medicine

For this heart

I don’t want

You to see

Vulnerability

But God

Is demanding

That I shed

The shield

The coping mechanism

That is now

Becoming the albatross

Inhibiting my ability

To fully serve

The kingdom

Of kindness


This kingdom

Does not serve 

Kings and queens

But ordinary sorts

Royally elevated

In a new capacity


Jesus

The Godhead

Show me

Who reigns

When my desire

Trumps

Sanity

Thursday, January 11, 2024

Me

 How well do you know me. 

Tell me. What do you know about me?

Priority

 Jesus

Make me willing

Receptive

To the call

That is mine

Alone to fulfill

Arm me

Equip me

To fight

What needs

Battle

And relinquish

What doesn’t 

Serve

Your servant

Life in abnormality

Is what I’ve known

But You are

What I aim

To make

My priority

Wednesday, January 10, 2024

Master and servant

 Lord

You don’t seek 

My name

In lights

On a marquee

You have me

Right where

I’m meant to be

Behind these keys

Praising Your name

The only name

That prevails

Against every obstacle

I thrive in the currents

Difficulty is common

To me

It’s all I’ve known

And will continue as such

If He wills it

God is the master

And I’m just lucky

To be called servant

The world knows not

What you call me

Unless you make 

It be to just so

Tuesday, January 9, 2024

Fog

 Rainy day

Where all

I can see

Is a fog

So deep

And fat droplets

Across the window

Screens

Monday, January 8, 2024

Complaint

 Praying

To feel better

And be patient

As I recover

Time

The great healer

If I wait

Without complaint

Sunday, January 7, 2024

Day

 Each day

A beginning 

To call your own

Do it

As often

As required

To recapture

The joy

You are seeking

Friday, January 5, 2024

Pray

 Pray

That I may 

Find peace

In the wait

Not grow weary

Or get impatient

Thursday, January 4, 2024

Joy

 Settling into 

The new year

Finding joy

In the small

Ordinary pleasures

That are the greatest

Sources of joy

Wednesday, January 3, 2024

Thoughts on thoughts

 I’m learning 

Idols

And

Thoughts

So hard

To break

But

It needs

To be done

More than

I can say

Tuesday, January 2, 2024

Rock

 Be the Rock 

That doesn’t budge

Even when 

Limits are pushed 

And answers 

Are not

Within reach 

Monday, January 1, 2024

Modification

 New day

New year

New blessings


One of the best things to come out of the last year has been friendship. One of these new friends text me at five in the morning to text me that they were praying for me. I won’t go into the rest of the message, but for all the anger, sorrow and sadness in the world; this message started my New Year off right. I may not have as much as I’d like, or how I’d like it, but God.  God is teaching me to find the joy, savor it, and treasure the simple notion that you are important enough to be in someone’s heart and mind. 

This friend knows who they are, but what their friendship means is priceless. 

Find people

Who love

The real you

Who see

That you need

No modification