Forty observations continued

 9.  After a tearful therapy session yesterday, I have some things to think on. I’ve had unrealistic expectations of self. I can’t meet them. It does make me less of a person. It makes me a real one. A person who needs to let some fears go. I can’t expect perfection, even if I know it doesn’t exist. 

10. I’m brutally honest with self and not others. That needs to change. I’m downright disrespectful to self. How can I demand love from others when I treat myself like pond scum. Kindness is to be directed at the women whose sad countenance I too often see in the mirror. 

11. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished. I often focus on what I’ve not done, that I don’t take the time to acknowledge my achievements. I am proud that I show up here every day, and leave it all here for the world to see. I a beautiful yet flawed being on a journey to acceptance from self whether or not I ever receive it from the world. 

12. I defy expectations every day. It’s time I take time to appreciate how far I’ve come. Let me say intellectually and medically, I wasn’t supposed to graduate college or by thirty I’d be in a wheelchair. At almost forty, I use a cane, but I walk. The college degree is framed on the wall. I look at it every so often. I’ve walked across Italy and Canada. I’m seeing a world many like me don’t have access to it. I’m grateful. Blessed is not a strong enough word for the access I’ve had, that is denied to so many. 

13. Life may not be fair, but it can still be good. It’s been better than I could explain. I have a lot of issues, but if I were to make a pros and cons list, the pros would take it in a landslide. Find the good. Actively seek it. Please. Take it from me, your mental health may depend on it. I wish I were kidding.