No matter where I go, God is there. He uses anything or anyone for His purposes. I've been desensitized since the election, and for the first time I looked at the world and saw. And I did see. The homeless man, a lady who greeted me with a smile, and the privilege to eat a warm breakfast and not worry about the tab. This is enough to be grateful. And I haven't been. I have taken the ordinary for granted. My thoughts are skewed. We all want to be Donald Trumps' and not enough of you. The boy who would become my Messiah is my example. When I look at myself, I hope you can see Him. If not, change is my answer. I have to trust that God is here with me, He's everywhere. My faith is lacking, my hope depleted because I've put in a source that depletes. Man. In all my attempts at perfection, I have failed. When will I listen? God tells me to be still and know that I am God, but I can't even do that. Stillness. We live in a world that values busyness, and work. I've complicated stillness. I color to keep mentally still and yet physically active. I've equated stillness with boredom or antiquation, or both. The fact that we can grasp a Punnett Square yet can't master stillness tells us what we treasure. Knowledge is great, but what I need is not more computation. What are you worth? Are you worth another man's life? Jesus thought so. He needs to matter, and we have to care. Does the homeless man matter less to Jesus? Do I, a handicapped one matter less to Jesus? No! And I need to say it everyday. And i don't just need to love you in holiday times. No. Christ isn't only in Christmas. He's in everything. And, I need to remember that. Jesus, I owe you an apology, maybe a thousand. Forgive me for I have fallen short of everything you'd like of me. I don't deserve you. But You give me a merciful reprieve over and over again. I have not loved you well. I have not loved Your children well.