The spigot

 In the peace

Of turning

Of the spigot

Of the mind 

My soul

Opens to

New possibilities 

Grace

 God

Help me

To be blissfully immune 

To problems 

That my name

Isn’t on

And where

I thought 

It was

Is no

Longer 

To be found 

Pray

 Prayer today 

Focus on you

In the present 

So I can

Enjoy 

The Presence 

That always invites 

His beloveds

Release

 Sweat it out 

All the frustration 

The pain 

Rejection

And disappointment 

Get released 

At the feet

Of the Father 

Worship

 My soul 

Doesn’t need 

A performance 

It needs

Silence

No thought 

No thanks

Just a rest

With no distractions 

Or disruptions

Accepting that

I will never 

Be normal 

Hurts in

A way 

That can’t 

Be explained 

Enclosed in

Those church walls

I took myself 

Back to Assisi 

Where my being 

Felt a special 

Spiritual peace

As if 

The saints 

Reminded me

In the 

Small Southern Church 

How to seek

Simple pleasures 

At the foot

Of a cross

That became 

A talking point 

Not true 

Worship

Peacefully protected

 I’m realizing 

That the 

Father is

The only 

Place I can 

Fully be Present 

At Peace 

And protected

From a world 

I no longer 

Recognize 

Pray 

That joy returns 

To a battered soul

And broken body 

Love yourself 

So you 

Can love others 

Thank you

 When I question 

For what 

Do I 

Have to

Be grateful 

For

The answer is

In a harsh reality 

That has 

Me proving 

My worth 

You all arrive 

To love

Me as 

I am

Without conditions 

It’s the gift

That speaks volumes 

Without a word

Being uttered 

gratitude

 My gratitude for today

Fresh food

Unexpected gifts

New pens

My dogs

God

Any prayer requests or praises?  I miss doing these. Hugs. xx. 

Love yourself and one another

loving grace

 God

Clinging to you

Like a life jacket 

In treacherous waves 

And stormy gales

Do I expect

To walk

On water

No 

But if 

You could still

Those terrorizing

Natural scenes

I’d be

Ever grateful

wednesday wisdom

 In His desire that I slow down, I’m understanding the joy of simplicity. Whether its running barefoot in the grass as I smell the scent of the clothes on the clothesline. It’s looking for lurking critters in the cantaloupes. It’s the sweat that accumulates as I pound the pedals. I’m allowing my senses to work in tandem as I give my overworked brain a rest. 

The answer is Him, but more simply it is to take in my surroundings right now, what I want them to look like. The point is I’m no multitasker. I can’t chew gum and walk most days in equal measure. I read somewhere where the magic of childhood is not being a child, but in the ability to be present. Reading that set my soul ablaze. I got it. Now to hope it stays there. 

Knowing me, five minutes later, I’ll forget and look for something to worry about for the rest of the day. It’s not being hard on myself. It’s the truth. The frequency with which it occurs is not something I share with pride. A lot of us get honest and real when our behinds are behind the eight ball. God has me very uncomfortable right now. If I thought the waiting season was rough, I met this one, and I’m squirming. 

From the valley to this:  the valley almost looks better. There is nowhere to go but up. This here is:  this one has no name. Maybe it’s holding.   I’m in waters I can’t sense. So holding on is where it is. Or where I am locked. I’m into a different kind of silent stillness right now. Where the words of humans can’t console, advise or sympathize. Empathy is a definite. 

God

May I

Be uncomfortable 

If it be

Your will

For me

As it forces

Me not

To flee

Slow

 After a disappointment that rocked me, and had me questioning everything, I now see that I know nothing. Nothing. And maybe that’s the point. God has rerouted me. So wholly. I’m just me. Just living life. Seeking stillness. Thinking my mind and body had to be busy to a ferocity I couldn’t maintain led me to a place I hadn’t seen in a while. 

Rest equals a healthier body, but a stable mentality, and that is without price. The snail and turtles do just fine in the world. The disappointment that crushed my spirit is the catalyst for rebirth and refinement. That’s all I can ask for right at this moment. 

The story took a detour, but now is plotting a course I don’t know where it leads. This is not comfortable, but surrender means I don’t have to know where I’m to follow. 

cool presence

 Guide my heart

And let me

Be silent

In stillness

As I relinquish 

A battle

Not mine

To fight

love

 God 

The center

Of my world

From it

All things flow

In a majesty

I don’t understand

But welcome wholeheartedly 

Joy

 What is bringing you joy 

Eat

 Finding 

Daily joys

Is eating 

The cake 

Without 

The calories 

Unless 

The cake

Makes me

A happy 

Little camper 

goodness

 Seeking the good

Be it sunshine

A good treat

Or an

Unexpected letter

In the mail

From a 

Good friend 

Seeking the goodness

The grace

He provides

harmony

 Finding joy

In a stillness

I again

Need

For my 

Heart and soul

To unite

In harmony

moments

 Taking it

Moment by moment

And let 

The wind

Strengthen my sails

As I take

In a lungful

Of crisp, clean air

Emerging

 After a weekend of rest and time with the Source, I’ve had some realizations. 

The moment I untether from God is the moment my unhappiness begins. 

I saw something that has accurately described my mood recently. ‘My faith was in the outcome, not in Him’ When that happened, I shattered. I still can’t talk about the disappointment, but I’m starting to forgive. I had to be reminded that people may disappoint, but what happens still happens with God’s approval. I’ve wanted this dream so long, I was willing to sacrifice almost anything. God said no. Not no necessarily to the dream, but my request. Which if I’m honest wasn’t a request. It was a demand.  God doesn’t work well. 

I let the world determine my worth. 

I struggle with this. With this dream, I was sprinting to the end zone. My life is a marathon. I do nothing fast. And I mean nothing worthwhile. My doctors have had to be almost like therapists and psychiatrists. As blessed as I am, my body wasn’t meant to run. I’m the turtle. I have to remember the turtle wins. The caveat is they wait. I’m tired of waiting. God mandated I rest. It felt like my body got two full days of rest. When my body rested, my soul did too. 

I had to open up the Bible again, not use the app. 

I can’t explain the difference this has made for my soul. Highly recommend. 

Finally, I had to remember that the Omnipotent One doesn’t want me to settle even when dreaming. I was willing to sacrifice something I couldn’t afford to make it happen. I thought, I’ve got to make it happen. I have to do nothing for Him to make the outlandish dreams of imperfect children possible. I’m returning to myself slowly. I have to forgive others, but first I have to forgive myself. I have to give grace to me before I can give it away. 

Emerging from exile

Regine

joys

 Joys today

Exercise

A new TV show

Word searches

Magazines

Good rest

hoping

 Let me tell you, I’m mentally fatigued, spent, whatever word you want to use. I will keep writing because I need to for my own health. I’m just not going to sugarcoat life. Their is plenty of things to be grateful for, and I will think on those things, I also have to grieve the disappointments. I also know that He is the only Healer for what ails me. 

All this to say is that I don’t know what this place will look like going forward. And for the first time that’s okay. 

Love yourself and one another

control

 I need to 

Let go

Of control

And believe

That I’m 

Not too old

To dream

It’s okay 

To dream big

And hope

Even as 

Man laughs

Please plea

 Lord

Be the instrument 

To peace 

And a joy 

That doesn’t 

Bow to

Circumstance

love

 If I’ve been shown anything this week is that stepping away from connectedness with others, has brought me to charge inward. I’ve enjoyed summer popsicles, reading books over and over again, and seeking childlike joy as if I’d won the lottery. As I’m being retaught daily, Jesus directs. I follow. I no longer have answers. I’m not to seek them. Seeking them is detrimental to my health. 

To question:  Desired. To answer: Insanity

Up

 Have no words 

But a one

Heartbroken 

I’ve learned 

Not to

Ask why 

Even as

The tears

Have no

Place to

Go

But up

The God Way

 Sometimes God you use my pain to teach me. It seems only in my pain am I solely focused on You. The news has left me sick, but that is not where you want my attention. You know the mental and physical anguish I’ve held. You want me to release it. It is the anchor on my neck that paralyzes. I need to trust that whatever man may do, you supersede. Man fails while Your love does not. 

I have no more words. You don’t need them. You desire my heart. And my obedience. Surrender, why is it so hard. Stop doing things the American way. Do it The God Way. 

Love yourself and one another. 

Regine

little joys

 Little joys

Cantaloupe from the garden

Unexpected gifts

Good sleep

Fresh salads

Yoga

Your turn?

the robe

 Lord, 

My soul

Is a broken

Bunch of pieces

I no longer

Know what

To believe

You are the 

Only being

That doesn’t 

Forsake

Even as

I question

As I doubt

As I rage

At a world

I no longer

Understand

Remind me

Of Who

You are

As I continue

To cling to

The robe

That changes lives

WB

 Stars and stripes 

Red 

White 

And blue

Lord

Be with her

As you are

With me

Love

 What is

My job title

Is it

Blogger

Writer

Or author 

What is

My job title 

Because 

Money talks

Yet the

World

Doesn’t listen 

What is 

My job title 

Child of God

Flawed human 

Living life 

In need of 

Heavenly compassion 

And an

Empathy 

Rarely exercised

Change my heart 

As you work

And show

That wisdom 

Still reigns

Waves

 Finding self

Is an 

Emotional rollercoaster

I must ride

To rid myself of

Of the things 

That no

Longer serve

Me