prayer

 Lord

Calm my

Racing heart

As I continue

To trust

In a story

I don’t 

Recognize 

Or understand 

Joy

 Finding the good

In a nostalgic life saver candy

An extra cheesy

Slice of piece of pizza

A refreshing fruit smoothie

A hour at the thrift store

A smile and a fist bump

Exchanged after

Realizing our sports team

Of choice got the win

Joy, I will seek you

As fervently as needed

God knows I need you

Like the air

I’m so fortunate

To breathe

Could use some prayers today. If you’d humble me. Love you all. 

Regine

Questions

 What is making you smile?

What are you baking?

Any favorite cookbooks?

Favorite desserts?

Favorite restaurant?

Summer sonnet

 A walk 

Down the

Sandy lane

Sandals

In one hand

Sarong in

The other

As Southern sunsets

Are on

The horizon

The veranda 

Is calling my name 

After a long day

Baking in

Blissful sunshine

Sweet tea

And my favorite magazine 

Await me 

This evening

As the thunder

Booms overhead

Questions

 What did you do this weekend?

Favorite hobbies?

What are you buying?

What are you reading?

Any new blogs or Substacks to recommend?

Rest

Reading and doodling

Food

Switching between new reads and old favorites

Awaiting your responses

Your turn?

Help me

 Help me

To trust

Even when

Faith is quiet

When my mind

And body seem

To betray me

Harnessing

 Harnessing your peace

For my own

Upward my eyes

Go as

I meditate

On who 

You are

Not who

I am

Plan

 Open mind

Warm heart

Steady hands

Strengthened legs

For the battles

I’m to face

May I 

Have faith

Persevere and trust

That it’s all

A part of

His perfect plan

way

 Lord

I don’t even

Know anymore

But this test

Is testing

My resolve

In every way

Sardines

 Let me tell you

My emotions

Have been all 

Over the place

Gratitude one minute

Bitterness the next

Sadness appears

Then joy appears

As soon as

I step one foot

Outdoors

My soul has

Been on the 

Merry go round

It’s not fun

But today

God gave me

Little blessings

Little miracles

To hold onto 

Until the desires

Of my heart

Become reality

When one of you said in a comment that God keeps blessing me, and I just don’t know it, I didn’t believe you. Now, I’m going to eat crow apparently. The level of my impatience these days is beyond quantifiable.  I’m not proud of this. I have no idea why I’m admitting this. I don’t know if I will ever know why. God is obliterating my timetable with absolute force. Everything is back to basics. I’m going back to the ABC’s of faith. And it’s not fun. I must need a refresher course. Everything is being flipped. I guess God use anything to get my attention. Who knew it would involve a conversation about the tastiest sardines while trying to find them on the shelf in Wal-Mart today. 

Questions

 Favorite food

Favorite drink

Favorite US destination

Favorite piece of clothing

First blog you checked this morning 

Deep dish pizza

Diet Sprite

Nantucket

Jeans

Couture Carrie

Your turn

Flowers

 Let me be

As the flowers 

Of the field

Basking in grace

Rain or shine

Whose aroma

Sweetens with

Each day

Monday questions

 How was your Mother’s Day?

What are you reading?

What are you eating?

What are you buying?

What is making you smile?

Good. Took Mom to Zaxby’s. Small town. Not much open. She enjoyed her salad. Told me it was the thought that counted. I guess fancy doesn’t matter sometimes. 

Kinfolk magazine

Protein bar

Browsing my favorite boutique The House of Ford out of Greenville

A sweet text message I didn’t expect. 

Your turn?

Mom

 Mom

The one 

Who will

Still kiss

Boo boos

Tell the truth

Yet still remind

You everyday

Not to mention

Her idiosyncrasies

They will soon 

Become your own

Happy Mother’s Day

The struggle

 Who am I

I’m still meeting me

These past few years

Are still teaching me

That all the money

And fame 

Might bring attention

But seeking attention

For attention’s sake

Will leave one

With a lonely heart

A starved soul

A warped mind

And a lost sense of self

The numbers on this blog

Leave me speechless each day

Because too often

I’ve let the world

Determine my worth

And when that happens

Turmoil erupts

Like angered volcanoes

I don’t know

Much

But I know this

I must trust God

Over everything else

Even if 

Even when

It’s an hourly struggle

Place

 Lacing up

Those tennis shoes

Freedom in

The feet

In the street

As each step

Brings my body

Back to a place

I can be

Proud of now

And forevermore

Questions

 Favorite hobbies?

Random fact about you?

Favorite magazine?

Favorite author?

Favorite book?

Reading, writing, thrifting

I like to doodle

Vogue or Tatler

Tolstoy

Too many

Your turn?

Hands

 A little smile

A big hug

A joy

That isn’t spoken

In simplicity 

An ordinary life

Becomes extraordinary

Not because 

What we want

Changes

But how

We approach it

Shifts

And we realize

That as

My hands

Are occupied

My mind

Can’t wander 

Down the rabbit hole 

sea of glamour

 Swimming in a sea

Of tulle and jewels

Regal Red

Corseted Back

Diamond Brooch

Pearl studs

Gold slingbacks

The best accessory

The smile 

That steals

The global community’s

Heart

Batting average

 As the sun rises

On this beautiful morning

I’m reminded that

What I thought

Were losses

Aren’t looking

That way

Anymore

I’m still impatient

And want it

My way

So folks

I’m still

Being molded

I’ll take small wins

All day long

Because my 

Batting average

Lately

Is nothing

To write 

Home about

These days

Questions

 How was your weekend?

What’s for breakfast?

What’s on your heart?

What is your cart?

What are you reading?

Pretty good. Had some company over. 

Honey Nut Cheerios

Too much. 

Food and not much else

A new book by Lorraine Brown. I just started it. No review yet. 

Happy Monday

Fails

 Good morning

What do you

Want from me

To be me

Without pause

To not question

My love for you

To trust

And put 

Your faith

In the One 

That never fails

saturday.

 I’m learning in all this that the complicated things don’t faze me, it’s simple mundane tasks that give me anxiety. I’m realizing that asking for help is not something to ashamed of even if I still do feel shame. Full dependency on God looks like His fellow children every day. It seems I have to ask for help every single day. I have to not see this as failure. My mind has to rewired completely. I wish I were joking. To be so intelligent, yet feel so inept. So inadequate. The things I have to ask help with would make you laugh. If it were funny that is. I’m embarrassed of all the things I need help with these days. You all said to let it out, so here it is. I’m glad God doesn’t laugh at my needs. Some days it feels like I can follow directions correctly 

Sending love on this Saturday

Wet

 The rain is 

Cleansing for

My spirit

As I 

Savor the 

Stillness

That is 

Calming me

Down with

Each raindrop

That pelts

The roof

With impunity 

Friday happies

 Friday happies

Downloaded a new book to read

Watching clay court tennis

A good cup of coffee

A good blueberry muffin

A good nap

I never thought I’d enjoy a nap. I guess with age I learn new things everyday. Share your joys with me please. 

Thoughts

 I’m learning that life will keep knocking you down. My mind needs conditioning as much as my body. Maybe more. And for me, that’s a bold claim. For if you’ve been here any length of time you are aware of how much care this body of mine needs. Two years of physical decline with no answers have left my mind  grasping for straws. I don’t know how much time it will take the body to recover. And not knowing that has left my mind reeling. Frustration because who knows how long dreams and plans may be delayed. Who knows how long it take to return to my normal. My endurance and stamina are abysmal. And, I need that to return desperately. My body has been given a manual for improvement. The mind doesn’t work with manuals, I’ve tried. The mind is its own entity. You all tell me patience. He knows what I want. All of what I want. He knows what I don’t want. This is forced dependency on God. I know it’s best. When has humanity ever wanted what’s best for it. Or maybe you’re better humans than me. It’s a road with lots of forks in it. I’m used to struggle. I’m just tired or being so intimately acquainted with it. If this is too depressing. I’m so sorry. My friend begs me not to apologize. Some habits are hard to break. 

I’m emptying the well. Mentally hanging in there. My body is recovering nicely. Thank you Lord. My mind hasn’t received the memo just yet. The bitterness hasn’t totally left me. Am I afraid to admit, that I just put it out there. Why yes I am. But, the truth isn’t very common these days, we’re bringing it back. 

Love and hugs,

Regine

thursday thoughts

 Lord

Another day

To be 

Outwardly courageous 

Inwardly strengthened

Resolved to trust

In a good Father

That doesn’t change

Even if 

It would be

Easier if 

He did

I don’t know

If the battle

Is with 

Him or 

My flesh

Having to believe

With all that

I am

That He 

Doesn’t require

Assistance

Await

 Awaiting wet droplets

Like a kid in

A candy store

Being told no

Sometimes

It’s how

I act towards

The Father

If I’m 

Not careful

thank you

 Good morning my friends

Gratitude list

All of you. I keep reading your kind words, and it just makes me smile. 

Friends sending unexpected gifts

A bagel and cream cheese

Good music

Good news

Questions

 Appointment today. My mind is a little occupied so let’s play a game

Dream destinations:  The European continent holds the places I hold dear

Favorite food:  I love a good slice of pizza or Chinese. Gelato for dessert

Favorite item of clothing: Jeans

Favorite books:  Photography of travel’s hidden gems

Favorite place to shop:  local boutiques or thrift shops

Your turn?

Thank you friends

 Having a little dance party tonight. Letting it all go. Letting my body move and groove is doing some wonders for my psyche. Reality is still reality. But, ever so slowly I’m learning to rest. Rest is not giving up. It’s pausing the noise. Just for a little bit. I’ve been on autopilot for awhile. And I need a careful disembarkation. I’m leaning into this joy initiative. If I wait for all I want to happen to be happy, I’ll be waiting a while. And, folks, to not embrace goodness however it comes, is not smart for me. So I will sing off key, read books over and over again, and dance in the darkness. Party for one right here. 

I’m learning to enjoy my own company. Took me long enough.  That’s a story for another day. When you think you don’t want to learn another darn thing is exactly when you learn something new. I’m glad God never gets tired of the same prayers I pray. I think He needs a reminder. Cough cough. If you’re older than me and chuckling, I get it. I really do. These young whippersnappers have so much they don’t know. And, I’m painfully aware of that. Very aware. I can’t believe I’m admitting a lot of this. Yet to heal, truth must be told. If the adage is true, that the truth truly sets you free. It’s when you realize, you need to be free more than being stuck in your own brain. 

So I feel like I’ve been writing the same posts in some familiar iteration for years, but apparently you humor my redundancy. And for that, I don’t know whether to thank you or just be grateful that you love me enough to humor me.  So thank you. 

Hugs. 

Regine

Thoughts

 I’m realizing I have to manufacture joy these days. It’s almost why I walk daily. Sure it’s for physical health, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit it’s for my mental health. I didn’t feel like it this morning, then I just got up and did it. Did it make me feel better. Yes. It forced me to be in the present. It’s not a place I’m not accustomed to being. Trying to speed up life to see if the dreams happen. Trying to speed up the answers. Trying to speed up everything because your life is living in the waiting or so it seems. 

So as I walked up and back the gravel driveway multiple times, I just let the natural world become my oyster forcing my eyes and ears elsewhere. Did my sneakers get dirty? Did I sweat profusely?  Yes. With every step I enjoyed listening to music, watching animals meander. With every step, I was reminded that I can’t rush the process. It seems I must learn the same lesson daily. As soon many of you who are older than me tell me I still have time, I’m just impatient. Maybe I lack trust. My body is getting better, you’d think my brain would be grateful. I’m grateful, I’m just trying to make up for the two years that were lost in decline and sadness. 

I’m finally accepting reality that my body needs constant maintenance and upkeep. That appears in many forms. I’m having to trust what I don’t understand. And what I don’t understand multiplies days.  So this was an honest reflection. It doesn’t paint me as an ideal human being, but that’s okay. I’m just a girl emptying her thoughts in the universe. If it helps, great. If not, it helped me. I no longer have it rolling around in my mind. 

Happy Sunday friend. 

Regine

Rain

 Thank you Lord

Those beautiful

Water droplets

Hit the concrete

And that aromatic scent

Was heaven sent

fun facts

 Things about me

Trying to curb my shopaholic ways. So hard, but doable. 

Love sweets but curbing that or finding healthier options 

Rereading old favorites weekly. 

Enjoying my daily walks. So good for my health in every way. 

Always looking for new blogs. Miss the old days of blogging. 

Questions

 What is making you smile?

What is on your heart?

What is in your cart?

What are your weekend plans?

What are you reading?

My cute dogs

Too much

Protein bars and books

Rest. Body seems to demand it

A book about tennis courts. Oddly interesting

Your turn

Coffee shop chronicles

 There is 

Nothing like

Feeling the 

Wind sweep

Through 

Every follicle

Riding along

Until you

Arrive at

A favorite 

Coffee shop

Awaiting

The best smoothie

As you commence

The best spectator

Sports ever invented

Watching other patrons

Milling about

loving right now

Enjoying reading a new book

Admiring new stationery

Love funny stickers

New pens are a favorite

Loving browsing new clothing arrivals

Nice surprise was snail mail from a blogging friend

Enjoy watching tennis from Madrid

You

 To be loved

By you

Is a privilege

Even if

It means

I choose

Your ways

Again and again

The world disillusioned

By willful ignorance

Depraved indifference

Greed

That is humanity

Not You

And I need 

To remind myself

Everyday

That you are good

Even when

We are not

We will always

Fall short

Of what

You expect

You know it

Even as

Your love

Transcends color

And creed

You love the poor

With as much fervor

As the rich man

For the poor one

Seems to appear

More receptive

To your plea

It is

So hard

To love

Thy neighbor

These days

And yet 

You still demand it

Loyalty is given

To You

For in six days

You made

A place

Whose beauty 

Brings me 

To my knees

You want it all

My whole heart

Because you 

Gave me yours

Willingly and

Without reservation 

Process in progress

 Basking in

Sweet surrender

Means skipping

In fields of 

Clover and dandelions

Checking for weeds

Knowing those

Have a purpose too

What we detest

Is there

To teach

Our human hearts

How to love

And appreciate 

What we

Can’t stand

It’s in the

Tall and unruly

Clumps of weeds

That I’m learning

To live

With what 

I thought

Was long conquered

And in 

The rear view mirror

The process

The progress

The setbacks

All are part

Of a plan

I’m yet not

Privy to

And maybe

That’s the mission

Trusting

Despite 

Not knowing

The prognosis

Daydream

 Daydreaming

Of the seashore

Salty sprays

Cool sand

Coffee cups

And crisp 

French bread

Are soothing 

My soul

This Sunday

Bliss

 Enjoying the 

Dogs running

The deer prancing

The goats playing

And the birds singing

The natural world

Marching to

It’s own drum

And happily

Basking in

Total bliss

Friday happies

 Old school hits

Lunch with a blogging friend and her daughter

Fresh fruit

Down thirty plus pounds

New magazines

Shopping small

Good morning

 Rise and shine

My precious people

Praising Him 

For a new day

To sing along

With creation

Greet

 Calm my 

Nervous heart

As I stop thinking

And just let

It all be

Peace

Greet me

Like the 

Fresh morning

Dew

Questions

 What’s in your cart?

What is making you smile?

What’s on your heart?

What are you reading?

What are some new blogs or Substacks you like?

OT equipment

Your kindness

Trusting your Will

Travel books

Looking for reccomdations

Lord

 Lord

You know my 

Anxious thoughts

Take them

From me

As I

Seek Your

Face once again

Love

 Enjoying this day

And not focusing on

Tomorrow

And what 

Could be

Your love

Never leaves

I just need

To pay attention

To Your voice

Not my own

The way

 Your Word

Says not 

To worry

And what

Do I do

Exactly

I need 

To trust

That You

Know every ailment 

And have a solution

Or pathway

To handle it

Doing it

On my own

And ruminating

On how it happened

Is not the answer

I’m just miserable

And like 

Oscar the Grouch

These days

hi

 I try to keep this light and airy here most days, but let me tell you I’m being tested. Finished OT and PT to fix some body parts, and now I may have to fix more body parts. Is this the joy of getting older?  The thought of maybe having to fix more is exhausting, frustrating, humbling and scary. I had to have a friend remind me that I do the hard and unsavory things every day, and I will do it again. 

Onto a brighter note, it is Friday, it’s brisk outside, and maybe I’ll see another butterfly on my walk today. 

How are you all?

Hope

 Cool brisk morning

As I awake

To new beginnings

Breakthroughs

And a 

Sustainable hope

That can’t be

Broken

thank you

 Thank you Lord

You haven’t

Fixed the issue

But my eyes

Have been

Redirected

For today

I’m grateful

Nonetheless 

Prayer

 Lord

Guard my thoughts

My heart 

Soul

And mind

In perfect peace

As walking 

Through the 

Waiting is

Emotionally draining

And utterly exhausting 

Questions

 What’s on your heart?

What is making you smile?

What’s in your cart?

What’s for breakfast?

Last thing you read?

Praying for peace and joy in my heart as I’m in a waiting season. Been here awhile. 

My dogs

Physical therapy equipment 

A piece of wheat bread

Old books and magazines

Your turn?

Easter

 Happy Easter

You rose

You’re alive

And in 

Resurrection

Joy can

Be found

life

 Finding beauty

Amidst the pain

The story

Of life

The secret

Hold fast

Hold on

Until the

Storm passes

Or teaches

You something

Restore

 Refresh my spirit

Restore me

Back to 

Calmness

And serenity

Please

Good Friday

 Today 

You bore

A cross

Took on

Physical death

Brutality

The price

My sin

Wiped clean

Slate fresh

Because

You shed

Your blood

creation

 Be still

He says

Ironic the

Only way

That happens 

Is when

I’m surrounded 

By creation 

april

 No joke

April is here

To welcome us

With goodness

And grace

Hello my friend

Be good 

To us

Path

 March

You were 

A month

That tested

Everything in me

April

I don’t know

What even

To ask

Be still

My heart

As I 

Walk along

A path

Unfamiliar

To me

Thoughts

 In the swells

Lashing uneven terrain

Peace is found

For perfection

Is not present

In the Presence

Of hardship

Cracks splinter

When exhaustion

Supplants the 

Need to be

A producer

Yet the need

Is in the

Hands of

Lowly and

Forgotten consumers

Who have nothing

To gain

But a quiet afternoon

Where commentary

Isn’t desired

It’s mission

Is simply being

One with self

And the thoughts

Thought

To be long buried

How wrong

Human

What isn’t met

Returns

To sender

Man

 Nobody is

Coming to 

Save you

The bottom

The valley

Will show

You 

Your sin

Without regard

For your feelings

Life laughs

At those

Darwin

Had it right

And Jesus

Demands

That I care

For the temple

Mine

Love 

Peace

Strength

Perspective

From a very

Smart man

Today

 On the agenda today

Eat 

Stretch

Drink tea

Online browsing

Read

What’s on yours?

Thoughts

 A friend asked one simple question.  Care to make a guess what it is?  Any ideas?  Why is surrender so hard?  One day this week I was on top on the world, the next I felt upended. I’m very impatient. I don’t like waiting. I want the answers now. As if having the answers will make me feel better. Have the roadmap. Wanting to see if the dreams I’ve held for decades finally come to fruition. 

I don’t know if surrender truly and really is a minute by minute exercise for me. It may very well be.  In the meantime it’s an R and R day as I recover. 

Friday questions

 What is making you smile?

What’s on your heart?

What are some of your favorite easy recipes?

What’s in your cart?

What are you drinking?

Your replies to my posts. 

Being convicted to follow the Spirit hourly right now

Don’t have any right now. Need some

Protein bars. Workout gear

Earl Grey tea with honey and lemon

Thank you

 Thank you Lord

For sitting 

With me

In every season

No matter

How lonely

Painful

Or filled 

With glimmers

Of hope

For dreams

Don’t perish

With You

They are 

On the 

Back burner

Until we’re

Prepared 

For the enormity

Of the blessing

And the privilege

Its reality

Brings

Thoughts

 God

You will 

Convict the heart

So fast

I needed it

Even if 

I didn’t want it

Tough love

The God way

Will bring you

Back down 

To the valley

If need be

I’m needing to learn

The valley

Is not punishment

It’s preparation

For the next step

I long to take

The valley doesn’t mean 

Abject failure

But deeply rooted

Internal exploration

And examination. 

Thoughts

 Protect my mind

Body and soul

As I enter

The world

Unsure of

What I 

Might find

Today

Heal me

From the 

Inside out

As I follow 

Your will

And not 

My own

Beautiful days

 Good morning dears. 

May you 

Feel the love

As the birds

Sing sweet lullabies

The flowers emit

A beautiful fragrance

And the rain

Wash away

Yellow pollen

As I read

The latest 

New release

In my hands

Thank you

 Thank you for all your love. Whenever I doubt that fact, you show up to show me how wrong I am.  THANK YOU SO MUCH. I love you all. God bless you. 

Prayer

 Lord

Hear my 

Prayer

Petitioning you

As I am

So tired

My strength

Must come

From you

Hug me

Please don’t 

Let me

Wander not

From your sight

Questions

 What’s on your heart?

What’s is bringing you a smile?

What is in your cart?

What’s for breakfast?

One thing you want?

Contentment

My Earl Grey tea

Granola and a shirt

Bagel with butter

If I go with the material answer. Quite a bit

If I go with another answer. Contentment

You

 Pray

I don’t lose

Hope as 

I wait

For the 

Desires of

My heart

To become reality

Enjoy the present

Until

The future

I want

Comes to 

Fruition

Love me

In all my

Brokenness

As I

Become

Whole in

You

Presence

 May the sun

Kiss your face

The wind

Brush your hair

Rain to wash

The tears away

And God

To be

Present

In every season

Happy St. Patrick’s Day

 Happy St. Patrick’s Day

Not Irish. Wishing you all the joy, love and peace. 

Hugs to you all

Joy

 Sometimes having company

Is the biggest blessing

It shatters your shell

And you get

To embrace

Childhood

Once again

It feels so good

To laugh

And to remember

How long its been 

Since you really

Experienced joy

In all its wonder

Watching children

Hula hoop 

And draw

And not tethered

To a screen

Is true happiness

For me

To see

Seek the best

 Your Word

The lamp

Onto my feet

The guidebook

For my life

To manage

The fear

The doubt

The what ifs

That wreak havoc 

On this soft soul

To remain soft

In a hard world

That seems

To approve

Of the worst

Of humanity

May I follow

Your will

Not my own

My will

Gets me

In more trouble 

That I can

Ever say

Lord

Give me

A heart

That seeks

The best

In all

I’m to do

Saturday

 Happy Saturday. 

What are you up to today?

Enjoying the sunshine before it gets cold and rain

Looking forward to finding a new book to read

Want to find new healthy recipes to try

How about you?

Grateful

 Grateful for friends that feel like family. 

A nice meal out

Unexpected gifts

A friend telling me I’m a luxury item

Snail mail

Your turn?

Beautiful day

 Thursday update

Thank you for your love and prayers. They are the gifts that always multiply

Therapy today

Bought new brand of granola. Excited to try. 

Trying out a new pair of sneakers. 

Have a beautiful day. 

Love

 Sending hugs 

And lots

Of love

Your way

Emergency exit/ hugs

 Pray for me

Anxiety is high

Within these 

Bones of mine

Peace

Come rest 

Inside me

As I shut off

The doubt

That has

Me reeling

Hug me

Wrap me

Tight

So I

Don’t escape

Or seek

An emergency exit

Heart

 What’s on your heart?

What’s bringing you joy?

What or who is making you smile?

What’s your greatest desire?

What’s in your cart?

Sunday

 Coffee

Bagel

And Jesus

Making my

Morning complete

May I seek

You as

You find me

And search

My inner being

Happies

 Happies this week

Left my phone at home mistakenly. Enjoyed a ride to a neighboring town without digital interruption. It was glorious. Observing nature and people watching was just what my soul needed. Highly recommend. 

Tried on new sneakers. Didn’t purchase yet. Enjoyed the outing nonetheless. 

Enjoyed a good late lunch out. Nothing like good Southern cuisine. Love sweet tea. Don’t need the sugar so I ordered water. 

Enjoying listening to new musical artists to me. Who are your favorites?

Finding a new shirt during thrifted from a brand I love

What are your happies this week?

And because I’m nosy, what’s in your grocery cart?

growing pains

 Growing pains

It’s what 

This is

I should

Be grateful 

You deem 

Me worthy

Of great assignments

Of which

I do 

Not yet

Know

What a privilege

A blessing 

I can’t 

Fully understand

In this moment

Joy

 What is bringing you joy?  Pure joy. One you can’t contain. Big and small

I’m just learning God can and will convict you at any time, any place. It was a very humbling experience. I’m just grateful to learn and be corrected in real time.  

Off to therapy soon. Pray for my muscles and my mind. Thank you. 

Pleasing

 Let what

I say

Be pleasing

And honoring

I don’t have

To like 

Everything

Or Everyone

But I am

Called to love

The Command

That doesn’t waver

Let’s have some fun

 Rest day here. Sore is an understatement. Not very crafty, but want to try anyway. What is something you want to do, but aren’t very good at?

I love thrifting, but I’m not the best

I like jewelry making, but for dexterity challenged people it is indeed a challenge. 

Would love to see your answers. 

Process

 I saw something from John Grisham on Instagram about being a successful writer. It isn’t if what you write is good. It is just that you do it every day. You cannot use the excuse of writer’s block. Which I’ve done just that. Consistency even when in doesn’t feel good. This is a metaphor for life. Consistency builds character. It’s not sexy. It’s not fun. If my body spent two years in decline, these past months are teaching me what I’m doing is not glamourous. It’s just necessary. Have my muscles screamed in agony. Yes. They do everyday. They will always scream. Do I have strategies to help. Yes. Do they always work. No. I just trudge along. 

I no longer have the luxury of skipping a stretch day or strengthening day. My rest is scheduled like appointments would be on a calendar. To make dreams come true, Jesus and reality meet everyday. It takes a lot of work to get my brain to regenerate. If I’m not consistent, it’s lost. Let me tell you, I can’t lose it again. I don’t have answers yet. Right now, the answer is secondary to the process. And I’m doing what I don’t like. Why is that?  What I don’t like is healing my body from the inside out. And healing is more important than what I think I want. 

So am I cleaning up and clearing out. Yes. I haven’t loved the body I’ve been given. I just complained. I’m doing exactly what I said I would never. God is laughing. Does my body need a lot of more work ahead. Yes. I don’t sugarcoat that.  However, I now see the reason, even as I still don’t understand. If I thought I understood being broken down to the bottom before, I really had no clue. Each day, I recognize how God heals versus my interpretation. I will preface this by saying I hope you don’t have to endure a precipitous decline like I have. Ten out of ten, do not recommend. 

Am I in the best physical shape of my life. I’m getting there. Mentally, I’m getting there as well. It’s all a process. Process over perfection. I heard someone say it. I don’t remember who so I could give credit. Here’s to the process friends. 

Monday fun

 What is on your heart?

What are you cooking?

What are you baking?

What is one thing you bought that you’re happy about?

If I looked on your playlist what artist is playing?

The news is on constant loop

Chicken parm

Want to bake banana nut muffins

Forrest Frank

Handle

 Lord

Please hear 

Our plea

Protect your

Children

And give discernment 

To those

Who need 

It most

The world

Might be 

On fire

But I need 

Peace in 

My heart

To withstand

A barrage

Of emotions

That I 

Feel utterly

Unqualified 

To handle

True

 Lord

You know

My every thought

Take it captive

Purify it

And 

Make it 

Holy and true

Friday

 Loving Greek yogurt and granola

Wordle

Reading the newspaper

New stationery

Finding new blogs

What are you reading?  Need new books to read. Thank you. 

Any wins this week?

Happies

 Happies

Seeing friends

Such good food

Beautiful trinkets

Peace in 

The process

Not the 

Desired outcome

Chilled

 A little chilly

This morning

Warming up

With coffee 

And a hug

And sending

One 

Your way

What’s in my cart?

 What’s in my cart edition 2

A new book 

Magnesium spray

Sweet treats

Love looking at new stationery

Foreign magazines

New recipes

Your turn?

affliction

 Learning is

A process

You will 

Make mistakes

You didn’t know

That they were

And you will

Have wins

You didn’t 

Think they were

Giving myself 

Grace as I 

Would give 

To others

Love yourself

Forgive yourself

You only

Have One

To answer to

My friends

Love you

Be joyful

And blessed

In every affliction

Thank you

 Good morning lovelies. Haven’t done this in awhile. Thought today might be the day. Any prayer requests or praises?

I’m learning

Not to stoop

Not to engage

And trust

The Father

When I ache

When I wonder

And when 

Nothing makes

Sense

To bring 

My anger

My despair

And my rage

For He is

The answer

And anchor

Of my being

Mind

Body and soul

Sunday happies

 Happy for the US yet sad for Canada. I love you both. 

Looking at different fashion magazines for inspiration. Love Porter and Tatler particularly. Vogue and Town and Country come next. I love travel magazines too.  

Happy baseball season is back. 

Enjoyed some chili for lunch. 

Tell me one win for you from this week?

PT and OT are working. 

What are your favorite healthy snacks?  In a food rut. 

Love your neighbor and yourself. 

About to post on rkrsrue.blogspot.com. Stop by if you could

hockey

 It’s Hockey Day in North America

Who’s watching?

Good game fellas. 

Win or lose I love you both

Weekend

 What’s on the agenda today my friends?

Going to relax after having PT and OT back to back yesterday, and enjoy listening to the rain. I may to some dot to dots or word searches or read a book. A boring weekend. I need boring though. 

Have a beautiful weekend. 

Friday happies

 Friday happies

Happy mail arrived

I woke up

My family is well

Two delicious dinners out

Legs are being strengthened

Your turn

My heart

 Thank you so much for your love. I don’t deserve it. I’m humbled by it. You see my heart for what it is, even when my sinful desires take hold. The way you love me is what Jesus preached. I have accepted that my body will not be healed like I once prayed. God knows if He cured me, I might think I didn’t need Him or want Him. As I am, I’m constantly reminded of my need for Him, but mostly my want for Him. And that’s what He wants most from me. And I serve at His pleasure, not my own. 

He’s taking me through valleys I never thought I’d touch again. I’ve touched them, however. I’ve resided there. There is purpose in the pain. Purpose in the process. If I’ve written these words before, it’s because I have. And they still are true. The years that pass don’t nullify their validity. It amplifies them. I’m a human being who sometimes wants things too easily or right now. I’m imperfect. I accept that I will not be everyone’s cup of tea. I have champagne taste on a beer budget. Do I wish I didn’t. Sure do. That’s God’s job to convict me of. If He uses another human being to do it, who I am to question. 

This is not directed at anyone. These are the random thoughts of my heart. I’ve tried to change my heart, but He hasn’t done that yet either. I’m also learning that if I don’t ask, I don’t receive. Do I expect it, no, but if I don’t ask I will never know. And I’ve lived with enough regret for a lifetime questioning my worth. And I refuse to do it any longer. 

Peace, hope and love my friends 

Regine

Have a great day

 Good morning friends. If yesterday’s post left a sour taste in anyone’s mouth, I’m very sorry. I will do better. I don’t want anyone to feel any obligation to me in any way. 

Sometimes, I make mistakes, and seek forgiveness. I’m very sorry. 

Sending love

Your way

And hoping 

For grace

As I learn

And continue

To do so

Every day

Home

 Just came home from another procedure. Let me tell you, procedures don’t get easier. My body is not normal. If I already didn’t know it before, the narrative just got reinforced. I have some new products to possibly consider trying. The health and wellness space in the market are having a field day in my online shopping cart these days. I’m having to read reviews for the best product for my needs. On a lighter note, I’m off to rest. I must say you all were right on target with what you’d send me, but Sheri at Red Rose Alley really has me pegged. I’d love to see what you’d pick for me, if you actually sent something. Wishing you a beautiful afternoon. 

Love,

Regine

Love

 It’s Ash Wednesday. A time of quiet reflection. Of what in me needs to be more like Him. What am I giving up this Lenten season. Self-doubt would be wonderful. 

Now for a fun question

If you were to send me snail mail or a surprise based on what you know about me, what would you send?  No need to send anything, just curious to see your responses. 

Sending love your way

Know

 Who knew the contents of my online shopping cart would be a hit. I guess it will become a regular post. 

Some tidbits about me

My love of unexpected surprises knows no bounds

Snail mail is a love language

I collect lip products. Same for nail polish

I love word searches

I use cream in my coffee. Vanilla preferably. 

In my cart

 So I’ve never found myself very interesting. I’m just a human being in need of Grace, but I was asked to share what was in my cart.

So here is what’s in my cart. 

Head x Veronica Beard tennis skort

Ascent chocolate protein powder

Colace stool softener

These are not glamorous purchases

Would I rather buy pretty pens, stationery and dresses yes. My wishlist is definitely more fun. You didn’t ask for that though. So we’re sticking to the boring essentials. 

What’s in your cart or on your wishlist?

What if

 This afternoon on the treadmill I had a moment of sadness. I remember the days when I could walk on it for an hour with no problems. No fear. No worry. Now, don’t ask how long I can last. It’s not even close to an hour. I started to wonder. Wonder what if. I realized quickly that thought wouldn’t serve me. I just shook my head, and continued walking. 

I don’t know how long it will take for me to recover physically, but it will be much quicker than my mental recovery. There is no doubt about that assessment. I didn’t understand what my therapist meant the last time I spoke with her. I get it now. 

Pray I can forgive myself for something I couldn’t control. Something I never saw coming. The decline was slow, yet rapid in a way I can’t explain. An oxymoron, I understand. To tell you the state of my soul, it feels like my online cart looks like new workout gear, protein powder and supplements. Rinse and repeat. 

Coming out of the weeds of denial is a much harder issue to tackle. It’s being tackled, however, because for grief to be dealt with properly; it must be. 

I’m learning slowly what it looks like to be my own cheerleader, until then my online cart purchases will be. 

Sunday happies

 Sunday sermons by Rich Villodas  @richvillodas

On IG: @jtedscott has posts he calls Sunday sermons. They’re so good. 

My two favorite follows lately

My friend FaceTimed me from a favorite stationery store so I could pick out what I wanted. 

Another friend sent a text that I’m keeping. It meant that much.

And God He shows up when I least expect it. 

What are you grateful for today?

saturday happies

 Any Valentine’s Day plans today?

Loving cinnamon raisin bagels

Unexpected gifts

Snail mail

Not having to cook

Coffee

Cookie cake

 Red and pink

Hearts

Stars and sprinkles

Has me

Dreaming of 

A beautifully decorated 

And delicious 

Cookie cake

For Valentine’s Day

Friday happies

 Happy Valentine’s Day to all. Know you are all loved by me. Sending hugs across the miles. 

To do today

Compliment someone

Smile more

Pray for people when they’re on my mind

Just be kind

Y’all add any I’m not thinking of please

How may I pray for you today?

The plan

 Physical therapy is testing me in ways I imagined, and in ways I didn’t. I anticipated the physical toil. I didn’t anticipate how much. I’m worn out each and every time. PT is followed by nap time. Endurance is what I need, I just don’t know how long it will take me not to be so exhausted by it. This is not the biggest adjustment. 

My mental health is undergoing an overhaul. Gratitude mixes with frustration way too often. Grateful for an opportunity to get better, yet a frustration that my body deteriorated so badly that I don’t know when it will return. 

And I started OT today too. 

Do what 

You do

Even as

I continue

Not to 

Understand

The plan

Joy

 Will be giving a PT update soon. 

Some wins

Seeing some friends yesterday

A nice lunch out

An unexpected sweet treat

Admiring beautiful craftsmanship in local stores

Tell me yours. 

All

 Renew my body

My spirit 

My soul

And my mind

From the 

Inside out

Take over

All of me

Is with

All of You

Hands

 Calm my 

Anxious heart

Soften me

To your wisdom

And leave

My cares

In your 

Willing Hands

Super

 Questions

Did you watch the Super Bowl 

Did you make a feast?

Did you watch the halftime?

What is making you smile?

Instagram handle?

Yes

Chicken wings

Yes

Learning God loves surprising me

@reginekarpel

Sunday

 Loving

Jesus

Online shopping

Italy

Avocados 

Diet Sprite. Even if I shouldn’t. Don’t drink it often

Adventure

 Dreaming about 

A Cortina peak

Covered in snow

As I enjoy

An aperitif

At the foot

Of the Dolomites

Staying sane

Is of utmost importance 

These days

And my soul rejoices

In simple pleasures

Until my body

Is ready for

A dreamy adventure

Friday

 Friday thoughts

Therapy again today. May my spirit rejoice and be glad in it. My wallet may not be full, but my heart is. He’s never cared about dollars and cents, but with my heart. My heart has been on a roller coaster full of what ifs and regret. Wondering if at 42, I let opportunities go, thinking I had time. Right now, I’m getting better, but at a much slower rate. I have to trust, that all I’ve done past and present, He knew would happen. And He’s not surprised, even if I recoil in shock. I have to trust the Author. I just know I’m not Him. 

I love you all if you didn’t know. 

Regine

Self

 Breathing out

Exhaling

As I

Realize

That nothing

Is hidden

From you

Even as

I try to hide

Less of me

More of you

Seems so simple

Yet its execution

Is beyond me

Right now

Flawed

And taking

The time

To do

The hard work

Which is

To look within

At self

Not at others

Externally

My soul is yours

I just never

Really ceded authority

And I’m not

The Author

And finisher of

My faith

Loving

 Loving

Trying new hair products’

Cherry chapstick

Thrifting

Seeing old friends

Eating good food

Your turn?

pray

 Yesterday in therapy was a challenging day. Let’s just say working on my balance left me highly inbalanced. And it didn’t feel too good. I saw old apparatus and equipment that left me shaking inside. I was conquering the fear in real time. My fear was not hidden. My face showed it all. My discomfort and my fear were on full display.  I will say that the others in the office watch me with great awe or craziness. Who pays people to whip them into shape like this. I sometimes wonder if sometimes I’ve lost my mind. 

Please pray that I can stay the course, as I continue to be very uncomfortable, with no end in sight. 

Love you all

Regine

Anyway

 Every day

I’m returning 

To a version 

I recognize 

Yet still is

So foreign to me

I’m letting 

The disappointment

Roll off me

I’m doing

The things

That petrify me

I’m finding joy

In places

Formerly marked

With disdain

I’m not taking

On unnecessary pain

Taking on discomfort 

Is not a 

Badge of honor

Unless he 

Ordains it

Or allows it

I’m fully aware

That my problems

Will never cease

I just no longer

Give them

The power

To overwhelm me

To topple me

I’m strong

Yet very fragile

I’m the contradiction 

The exception 

To every rule

And there 

Is grace

In accepting 

What was once

So vehemently 

Denied

Denial

The river

In Egypt

No longer

Resides there

God says move

This isn’t your home

Not anymore

Anyway

Lord

 Lord Jesus

Focus on You

Not on worldly

Desires and wishes

May me heart

Be warmed

By your faithfulness

Not the deception

Of man’s crudeness

Be mine

Be ever mine

Heart and mind

 Lord,

Guard my tongue

Guard my heart

It really needs it

As much as 

I need air

My Sunday prayer

Hands and feet

 Grateful for

The breath

In my lungs

And of those

I love

As a brand

New day

Awaits our

Hands and feet

Be

 Preparing for snow

Preparing for crisp clarity

Creation showing

How good

Surrender becomes

As I 

Let it be

hope

 Another appointment. Another doctor possibly added. I could be down, but oddly enough, it gives me comfort to get another set of eyes, a new perspective to try and figure out this brain of mine. So today, a new day. I smile and take the win. Having to find silver linings with everything I have. Therapy today. May my body withstand the beating it will take. 

Love you all

Regine

Questions

 What is making you happy

Writing cards and designing them

What are you eating

Special K Red Berries

What are you drinking?

Water

What are you buying?

Groceries and activewear

What are you dreaming of

Possible future travel destinations

Prayer

 Lord,

As I take another 

Breath

I thank you

For all you

Are

For all 

Of me

The thoughts

 Lord, 

We may have another storm coming, and frankly, I’m barely hanging on after this one. Trying not to eat my feelings. And if one more person questions global warming because it’s cold, I have some oceanfront property to sell you in the middle of nowhere. My nerves are frayed. My soul is tired. Don’t ask me my thoughts on world events. You won’t like it. You never said it would be easy, but I’m wondering…don’t finish that sentence, Regine

I know this isn’t the happy post you all are accustomed to seeing. I’m sorry. Maybe I’m not. It shows you my humanity. God is good. I never will dispute that, I just don’t like His methods sometimes. So, I will search for the bright spots even as my mind is chasing the rabbit. 

Your turn?

happies

 Roads are too icy. It’s way too cold. A day at home. 

Happies

A pretty new nail polish

Snail mail. You all keep my mailbox full, and I LOVE it. 

Online browsing and shopping

New friends

Making new discoveries

Your turn?

Christ’s love

 My job lately is to live well. Live in the promise of His Presence. To display the goodness of Christ. Christ alone. I profess to be a Christian, but there is NOTHING redemptive about me, but the love of Christ. If my life doesn’t emulate Christ, I’m doing something wrong. 

Love 

Is all 

There is

At the

End of

The day

Warm

 Keep me warm

Figuratively 

And literally 

Lord

As the 

Winter storm

Approaches my door

Happies

 Grateful for all of you. 

Happiest for the week

Browsing at the House of Ford. If my wallet would afford, I’d buy one of everything. I just love it. Plus, the owner is a dear friend. Style and a good heart. Can’t beat it. 

Sugar boutique is a local spot for me. I stop by every week. It’s just a little spot of happy for me. I love Sandi the owner. 

Clipping coupons for things I need. I miss getting the newspaper and searching for them. 

Good skincare

Gummy bears

Stay safe friends. Love you all. 

suggestions?

 Getting ready for the winter storm. Please pray. Trying to stay calm and prepared. 

Any good books or magazine articles?

Favorite meals to make?

Any tips or tricks of the trade?

Love you all

love yourself

 Why I am an anxious 

Worried soul

Who thinks

They must fix everything

And never mess up

Trust and obey

You can’t 

Control anything

So stop

It now

For your 

Own sanity 

Tuesday thoughts

 Thank you for all your love. I don’t know if I will ever be able to repay it this lifetime. Being rebuilt physically will take time, but the mental one may be even longer. And I don’t know how prepared I am to exorcise those demons. The excruciating pain that will come. I’m realizing everyday my mind and body are not set up for immediate gratification or results. Everything and anything takes time. And this child hates waiting. 

So I don’t know what to pray for anymore. I don’t know if its for surrender or just your will be done. I’m in a place I can’t accurately describe. Thank you for listening. Reading. I’m ever grateful. 

Regine

love

 Let me tell you friends. My mind and body are at war with each other. Trying to fight my desire to speed up the process with the need for rest. I know I can’t rush. I just want answers so badly. As my friend told me yesterday, my body is a unicorn. It marches to its own drum. And sometimes I detest its uniqueness. Alas, it is the body I’ve been given. 

If I could ask that you pray that my mind and body be at peace with one another. That my balance improves. Let me tell you if you’ve ever had balance issues, this needs no explanation. Feeling so off-kilter is just making me so mad and sad at the same time. And the fact that I don’t know how it happened or when it will return to baseline is knocking me for a loop. 

With it being MLK Jr. Day, I won’t leave with his quotes. I will leave you with this. Love each other as we have been called by Our Savior. Love when it hurts. Love when it feels good. Just love. 

God Bless you

Regine

Life

 As I watch the Bills lose, I realize that I root for teams that come up painfully short. I don’t regret rooting for these teams. What I have in common with these teams is we have heart, maybe not the killer instinct or the breaks. I realize, however, at the end of the day, that winning a trophy is outward adulation. Why do you Toronto and Buffalo, adept in surviving frozen depths, teach me the most important lessons. Lessons I don’t want to learn, but do anyway. 

It seems like I will always root for the affable loser, than the triumphant victor. I don’t know what that says about me. We losers know how to win where it really counts: LIFE. God, never stops teaching. Let’s hope I never tire of learning. 

God bless you all. I love you. 

Smiles

 Saturday Q and A

What is making you smile?

What are you making?

What are you buying?

What are you reading?

Some unexpected snail mail. You all know the way to my heart

Muffins

Mainly just browsing. Getting inspiration. 

Garden and Gun magazine

Your turn. Go!

Friday feelings

 It is a bone chilling cold kind of day. It’s also therapy day. Time to get working. I know my body will thank me for it later. I’m just grateful. I just have to trust the process. And let me tell you I don’t like the process, but process is what I need. 

Here’s to

Another day

To start over 

And get

It right

Have a beautiful day my lovelies. Hugs. xx. 

What’s it worth?

 Yesterday as I was thrifting, I saw some beautiful pieces. Did I want them?  Yes. Did I get them?  No. I would be able to use them. They would just sit and look pretty. I couldn’t use them. They would collect dust. Nothing else. The shoe is meant to be used not merely admired. 

If you’re wondering, the same applies to faith. It’s not just there to be applauded and congratulated. It’s to be active. Ready to be put into practice as at any moment. If my faith is not in use, it does little to no good. Did I get much sleep last night. No. Instead of God take my worry, I decided to take action in a sleepy haze. Let’s just say, it’s not until I gave it over, did I rest. 

As I was thrifting, I took a look at the prices. After the item in question has been used to a certain, its value plummets exponentially. Thankfully the Lord doesn’t regard His creation the same way. My soul and body have been put through the wringer, and my worth has never declined. What a promise. 

Life isn’t easy

And maybe

That’s the 

Secret to

Its beauty

Character building

 Not everyday is a good one. With each day I’m a conqueror. Conquering the fear. Trying something new.  I don’t like change. Not many do. I understand that. Right now, I’m in the one day at a time space of time. I always like to plan. I’ve always said I wanted peace. No, I don’t. I read something, and it said I wanted control. I can’t follow Jesus well if I want control. And newsflash:  I really do want control, something I can’t have. 

I’m a control addict. Pure and simple. Taking the reins off everything is testing my faith. Do I trust Him or my own misgivings. Don’t answer that question. I know the answer. I want, want, and want some more. Well in this season, another day, same lesson. This is what you need. Your wants won’t be met, because your needs need to come first before I can give you your wants. 

Why do we ask the same questions, expecting different answers that we’re not going to get. Maybe I can change God’s mind. God didn’t come for my comfort, or my personal genie popping from the lamp, yet that’s what I demand. 

Lord, when will I learn.   Jesus isn’t giving me instant gratification. That character is being held to the fire. My legs are on fire. My muscles hurt so good after therapy. I hate it yet love it. Each bead of sweat is earned. Nothing like hard work being evidenced. 

Character building. I guess that’s the name of this season. 

Share. Need recommendations

 I need some happy in my post today 

So dear friends:  what is bringing you joy?  Share it, spread it. 

Books, puzzles, substacks. Anything?

Tuesday things

 God is giving me through you the will to move forward. You feel my positivity. And all I feel is bitter. It’s the horse tranquilizer size pill they’d give you when you’re sick, and expect you swallow it with ease. Grief and gratitude are so intertwined it’s hard to see where one starts, and the others end. It’s exhausting. The blessing or not depending on how you look at this is how many more medical professionals get to be educated. For all their formal training, and God Bless it, some of the brightest minds in the world need an education. All that to say is I really wish I wasn’t the one to dispense it. Whoever said carousels as a child were fun, never rode them as they got older. Whole different story. Ballgame. 

I’m trying to get back into writing my whimsical dreams, but God has other plans yet again. And sometimes it stinks. So if you want whimsy, I don’t know when it will return. I wish I knew. Off to therapy to get my butt handed to me. 

God Bless you and keep you

Regine

Monday love

 Happy Monday. It’s a good day because I’m alive, and grateful for all your love on my previous post. Somebody asked in the previous post that they’d need to know my medical history to understand why I wrote what I did. Let me tell you, if I understood it myself, maybe I’d share. The fact is, I don’t.  My doctors don’t. Right now, I don’t know how or why what happened happened if that makes sense. I can’t worry about the why right now. All I can focus on is repairing the damage. I’m under no illusion that I can recover it all. I’m just on a journey to rebuild what can be rebuilt. There is no toxic positivity here. I just have to remain hopeful. If my mind goes, so goes the body. And that is something that I’m in position to lose. 

I’m learning daily that my mind needs to be fed the same or better than my physical body right now.  I’m having to be boring. No travel for awhile. My body needs to be strengthened to a certain degree before everyone is comfortable with me leaving to go anywhere but to the doctor’s office. Reality can be a buzzkill. So right now, I vacillate between a dream and a reality I must face. 

Love you all

Where I’m at

 This is the season of being planted where I am. There’s no glamour here. Just hard truth. My body needs my full attention.  As I get older, I can’t ignore any longer what I’ve done for years. My body is undergoing transformation in the hardest and slowest way possible. It has to be this way for a very long time. My physical recovery has no timetable because the fact that I may need physical therapy for the rest of my days is a painful pill to swallow. I can look at it and be grateful I have access to it, and I am, but there is pain too. 

Pain that for all the work I put out on my own is no longer enough. I need qualified personnel to kick my butt is something I’m trying to come to grips with. When you realize this flies in the face of what we Americans are taught every day. Work hard enough, and it will come. Wrong. 

Do I hate that my mission field is a doctor’s office. Yes. It’s not the mission field they teach you about in church. I’m being taken on a journey I don’t recognize. Maybe that’s the point. My mission field will never be the third world, it will be the one I live in. It will be teaching people that if you can walk without pain on a daily basis, not need naps daily, have a cabinet full of supplements along with too many Rx’s please and respectfully be quiet. 

My whole life I’ve made life look good almost seamless. Age and reality have made this prior approach obsolete. Forevermore. Let me tell you, my dream travel destinations have access to the best hospitals and doctors. Before I even think of going anywhere, doctors must know and clear me for my own benefit. If you’re wondering this eliminates more than half the globe. 

I write what I know, but Lord knows, I’ve never wanted to write about any of this. I find it redundant and depressing. Yet, God, brings me back here. Again and again. Every prayer asking for another assignment leads me back to this one. Message received. So yes I’m beyond exhausted having to educate people. Then, I think, so many others in worse shape, can’t do this. So on behalf of others, I continue. 

Teaching you all

To see me

As a human being

In need of 

Help

While acknowledging

My desire

For dignity and respect

I saw something that said to be like Jesus is to love someone who can do absolutely nothing for you, and loving them anyway. Honestly I don’t know if I’m doing absolutely anything for you. I question it daily. Yet you love me anyway. 

Love you all

Regine

Love the substance

 Let my focus

Be on you

Not my

Own grievance

My own desires

My own timing

For I know not

Why I can’t 

Wait on your goodness

In what’s to come

And right now

Presently 

Be content

Where 

I’m at now

There is 

A reason 

For every season

Even the waiting ones

My life 

Is not a 

Social media reel

With endless smiles

And designer bags

It’s a hard slog

One that 

Isn’t at completion

By a long mile

I’m learning again

Not the prettiest 

Picture painted

But it’s 

The most authentic

In a society

That desires

Style over 

Substance

Here 

We are

The substance

No matter

How much

The truth hurts

Friday

 When you start to get answers you’ve long sought, it is a relief. It’s not comfortable. The truth rarely is. Getting what you need versus what you want is the season I find myself in. I’m having to trust. And I don’t trust much. I’m learning so much in being uncomfortable. Not that I want to stay here. I want the good stuff. The hard stuff is bending me to a point I’ve not experienced before. How I’m not breaking, I don’t know. 

Speaking up for myself and my treatment as a human being is testing my resolve. I’m being told when I speak I go into fight mode immediately. I’m reactive. I’m a live wire ready to be lit. Forty plus years of being a doormat will do that to you. 

Some things I’d like to explain, not that I owe it to anyone. 

First, it takes time for me to succinctly describe what I need from you

Two, learning to communicate properly is a journey

Three, It always seems like I need to give a life history to get people to care. 

Not everyone is me. I can’t expect. Human decency is rare. We teach our children how to make a dollar, but we don’t mold their character. 

I don’t need to be liked, but I ask that you respect my right to exist. To live. 

I’m not getting my champagne wishes and caviar dreams era. I’m getting the school of hard knocks. I don’t like them, but I must need them. 

Happy Friday. 

Yesterday was hard. Today is new. 

Grateful for some snail mail that arrived that made my whole afternoon. 

Love

 Lord have mercy 

Lord be near

Grant me peace

As I go

Through each day

Love however

Hard

Seek peace 

Within self

Before communing

With one another 

Love

 Enjoying a 

Warm day

In January

Feels like

An early 

Smile

From you 

That this

Year 

May be

Better

Than expected 

Memories instead

 Spending time

Being grateful

For the past

Thankful

For the present

AND

Hopeful 

For the future

For all of

The goodness

Grief and strife

Have forced me

To confront

The demons

The skeletons

That are no

Longer hidden

But fully

Open

To scab

Heal

And set 

The soul

Free 

That is me

Dreaming

Of Caribbean blue

Italian frescos

And French baguettes

While firmly rooted

In red clay

Until God

Says it’s

Time to move

And chase 

The dreams

Making them

Memories instead

Good day

 It’s a good day

To have 

A good day

Cheerios 

Coffee

And a story

Percolating

Waiting for

Me to write

Have a beautiful day. Love you all

Sunday sermon

 This Sunday I’m realizing that as I’m regaining strength, my stamina has not yet caught up. It is absolutely frustrating. I’m having to take a nap every day like clockwork like a baby. It is embarrassing. I’m having to put my pride to the side. I’m having to give my body what it needs. I’m having to readjust goals and plans already this year. I’m having to understand that dreams may be delayed once again, but I know God knows the desires of my heart. My dreams aren’t dashed. I guess I need more preparation in the process. Trying to not follow my timeline is the biggest the biggest reminder. 

I’m proud of my progress in the process. I’m having to count the wins. I didn’t think I would see them again. Or if I knew it internally, my brain couldn’t conceive it externally. So God, I’m here. As I am. 

Real peace

 The fire 

And a good book

Are my companions

This morning

As I enjoy

A wet, dreary

And damp day

That is oddly peaceful

Today

 Please Lord

Release me

From my

Anxious thoughts 

Handing them

Over to you

In Your

All knowing

Ways

The year ahead

 2026. 

We are here

May you be

Kind and gentle

Exude a peace

That surrounds 

This body

In the 

Best hug

Ever received

2025

Taught me

That we

Make plans

And God

Says look here

Listen

And trust

What I’m 

About to 

Do