Where I’m at

 This is the season of being planted where I am. There’s no glamour here. Just hard truth. My body needs my full attention.  As I get older, I can’t ignore any longer what I’ve done for years. My body is undergoing transformation in the hardest and slowest way possible. It has to be this way for a very long time. My physical recovery has no timetable because the fact that I may need physical therapy for the rest of my days is a painful pill to swallow. I can look at it and be grateful I have access to it, and I am, but there is pain too. 

Pain that for all the work I put out on my own is no longer enough. I need qualified personnel to kick my butt is something I’m trying to come to grips with. When you realize this flies in the face of what we Americans are taught every day. Work hard enough, and it will come. Wrong. 

Do I hate that my mission field is a doctor’s office. Yes. It’s not the mission field they teach you about in church. I’m being taken on a journey I don’t recognize. Maybe that’s the point. My mission field will never be the third world, it will be the one I live in. It will be teaching people that if you can walk without pain on a daily basis, not need naps daily, have a cabinet full of supplements along with too many Rx’s please and respectfully be quiet. 

My whole life I’ve made life look good almost seamless. Age and reality have made this prior approach obsolete. Forevermore. Let me tell you, my dream travel destinations have access to the best hospitals and doctors. Before I even think of going anywhere, doctors must know and clear me for my own benefit. If you’re wondering this eliminates more than half the globe. 

I write what I know, but Lord knows, I’ve never wanted to write about any of this. I find it redundant and depressing. Yet, God, brings me back here. Again and again. Every prayer asking for another assignment leads me back to this one. Message received. So yes I’m beyond exhausted having to educate people. Then, I think, so many others in worse shape, can’t do this. So on behalf of others, I continue. 

Teaching you all

To see me

As a human being

In need of 

Help

While acknowledging

My desire

For dignity and respect

I saw something that said to be like Jesus is to love someone who can do absolutely nothing for you, and loving them anyway. Honestly I don’t know if I’m doing absolutely anything for you. I question it daily. Yet you love me anyway. 

Love you all

Regine