This is the season of being planted where I am. There’s no glamour here. Just hard truth. My body needs my full attention. As I get older, I can’t ignore any longer what I’ve done for years. My body is undergoing transformation in the hardest and slowest way possible. It has to be this way for a very long time. My physical recovery has no timetable because the fact that I may need physical therapy for the rest of my days is a painful pill to swallow. I can look at it and be grateful I have access to it, and I am, but there is pain too.
Pain that for all the work I put out on my own is no longer enough. I need qualified personnel to kick my butt is something I’m trying to come to grips with. When you realize this flies in the face of what we Americans are taught every day. Work hard enough, and it will come. Wrong.
Do I hate that my mission field is a doctor’s office. Yes. It’s not the mission field they teach you about in church. I’m being taken on a journey I don’t recognize. Maybe that’s the point. My mission field will never be the third world, it will be the one I live in. It will be teaching people that if you can walk without pain on a daily basis, not need naps daily, have a cabinet full of supplements along with too many Rx’s please and respectfully be quiet.
My whole life I’ve made life look good almost seamless. Age and reality have made this prior approach obsolete. Forevermore. Let me tell you, my dream travel destinations have access to the best hospitals and doctors. Before I even think of going anywhere, doctors must know and clear me for my own benefit. If you’re wondering this eliminates more than half the globe.
I write what I know, but Lord knows, I’ve never wanted to write about any of this. I find it redundant and depressing. Yet, God, brings me back here. Again and again. Every prayer asking for another assignment leads me back to this one. Message received. So yes I’m beyond exhausted having to educate people. Then, I think, so many others in worse shape, can’t do this. So on behalf of others, I continue.
Teaching you all
To see me
As a human being
In need of
Help
While acknowledging
My desire
For dignity and respect
I saw something that said to be like Jesus is to love someone who can do absolutely nothing for you, and loving them anyway. Honestly I don’t know if I’m doing absolutely anything for you. I question it daily. Yet you love me anyway.
Love you all
Regine
You are absolutely doing a lot for me! Your words and testimony are a blessing, encouragement and also are sometimes just the prodding I need.
ReplyDeleteI feel like I need to be educated on your health to fully understand this post. Not that it is any of my business. I am so sorry you are not getting the answers you want and I am SO sorry that physical therapy is yours for life. Those are HARD things to deal with and accept. You are a blessing to many, do not let your feelings and discouragement convince you otherwise.
ReplyDeleteNon farti scoraggiare. Sei forte 💪💪💪
ReplyDeleteYour determination is my inspiration, Regine. Hang in there and know you have our prayers!
ReplyDeleteYour strength and determination I admire. You always find a way to continue regardless of the outcome. Keep being strong, there are tough days but there are also good days. Wishing you the best!
ReplyDeleteIt helps me to know that you're persevering and helps me to know that I can do the same.
ReplyDeleteBlessings and hugs,
Betsy
You are stronger than you think. Nehemiah 8:10 : "Do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength."
ReplyDeleteStay the course
ReplyDeleteEvery one of us has a "mission field" of some kind. My hubby and I prayed to go to Africa many years ago and serve the Lord there. We did all the paperwork and prayed the door would open, but God said NO. He said stay here and feed my sheep. Looking back, I know He did the right thing for us, and I am thankful for the little mission fields He gave us along the way. Now that we are retired, He still gives us little mission fields...some just happen to look like writing our thoughts on a blog and sharing our faith with people we may never meet in person, but God has us here for a reason. That is your mission. It may not be what you wanted, but it is what God wants for you, and yes, you do minister to us in ways you may not understand. We need to hear your stories and dreams and hopes and fears and disappointments and still know that you have faith in God. You bless us with your very being., So please continue to share your heart with us. Believe me, you are a blessing to so many. Someday you will see the big picture that God sees of your life, and it will all make such beautiful sense. But until then, keep the faith. God is with you.
ReplyDeleteI have realized getting older that I am limited on what I can do now, but there is still things I can and I am thankful for that. One thing today was someone in church that I sent a card too that is going through some health troubles and I mentioned that I am praying for her, and she said know that made it easier to face, I know that isn't a big thing but to her it was so good to hear, and praying for others is what I can do, it is hard changing and there doesn't seem to be that thing that can make it easier now but we are all still working for God no matter how big or small that may be.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you