Thoughts

 I’m learning that life will keep knocking you down. My mind needs conditioning as much as my body. Maybe more. And for me, that’s a bold claim. For if you’ve been here any length of time you are aware of how much care this body of mine needs. Two years of physical decline with no answers have left my mind  grasping for straws. I don’t know how much time it will take the body to recover. And not knowing that has left my mind reeling. Frustration because who knows how long dreams and plans may be delayed. Who knows how long it take to return to my normal. My endurance and stamina are abysmal. And, I need that to return desperately. My body has been given a manual for improvement. The mind doesn’t work with manuals, I’ve tried. The mind is its own entity. You all tell me patience. He knows what I want. All of what I want. He knows what I don’t want. This is forced dependency on God. I know it’s best. When has humanity ever wanted what’s best for it. Or maybe you’re better humans than me. It’s a road with lots of forks in it. I’m used to struggle. I’m just tired or being so intimately acquainted with it. If this is too depressing. I’m so sorry. My friend begs me not to apologize. Some habits are hard to break. 

I’m emptying the well. Mentally hanging in there. My body is recovering nicely. Thank you Lord. My mind hasn’t received the memo just yet. The bitterness hasn’t totally left me. Am I afraid to admit, that I just put it out there. Why yes I am. But, the truth isn’t very common these days, we’re bringing it back. 

Love and hugs,

Regine