I’m learning that life will keep knocking you down. My mind needs conditioning as much as my body. Maybe more. And for me, that’s a bold claim. For if you’ve been here any length of time you are aware of how much care this body of mine needs. Two years of physical decline with no answers have left my mind grasping for straws. I don’t know how much time it will take the body to recover. And not knowing that has left my mind reeling. Frustration because who knows how long dreams and plans may be delayed. Who knows how long it take to return to my normal. My endurance and stamina are abysmal. And, I need that to return desperately. My body has been given a manual for improvement. The mind doesn’t work with manuals, I’ve tried. The mind is its own entity. You all tell me patience. He knows what I want. All of what I want. He knows what I don’t want. This is forced dependency on God. I know it’s best. When has humanity ever wanted what’s best for it. Or maybe you’re better humans than me. It’s a road with lots of forks in it. I’m used to struggle. I’m just tired or being so intimately acquainted with it. If this is too depressing. I’m so sorry. My friend begs me not to apologize. Some habits are hard to break.
I’m emptying the well. Mentally hanging in there. My body is recovering nicely. Thank you Lord. My mind hasn’t received the memo just yet. The bitterness hasn’t totally left me. Am I afraid to admit, that I just put it out there. Why yes I am. But, the truth isn’t very common these days, we’re bringing it back.
Love and hugs,
Regine
Sometimes the daily struggle just sucks. I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time of it. Sending you hugs!
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ReplyDeleteThank you for your honest and frank words. I'm glad your body is healing and your mind knows where to turn. However, feelings of bitterness and frustration are so normal! I'm glad you're writing about them as well as giving them to God. Who knows what He has in mind? Maybe complete healing, maybe not, maybe you writing a book (:)) who knows. Sending hugs!
ReplyDeleteStay strong
ReplyDeleteI'm with you. My body doesn't want to do what I want it to do either. My husband is in great shape and four years older than I am. He's going hiking tomorrow with a group of our friends. I can't go. He's going kayaking and biking early next week with the same group of friends. I can't go. For a couple of years he's been telling them no because of me. I finally said for him to just go. He didn't have to be punished because of me so he's grudgingly going with them.
ReplyDeleteI've told myself that just like Paul had some kind of "thorn in his flesh" which many think could have been his eyesight, maybe my issues are my "thorn" and I just need to learn to live with them and praise the Lord for them. How hard is that? Oh boy! I haven't learned the praise part yet Regine. But I'm trying.
I will be praying for you my friend.
Blessings and love,
Betsy
Thank you for pouring out your heart, Regine.
ReplyDeleteGod knows the depths of both body and mind, and He’s walking with you through every fork in the road.
Praying peace and patience over your journey. 🙏💖
Writing and expressing one's deepest internal feelings are good for the soul and body. When we are able to release those feelings and thoughts, it loosens up our minds as well as our bodies and releases the tension that has built up within. We don't mind being your sounding board...let it out. Breathe in God's comfort and peace. He's healing you day by day. It just seems like it takes too long, but in the bigger picture, you are getting better each day. Being able to talk about it is a sign that you are growing and healing. We are here for you. So keep writing.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it takes awhile for the mind to catch up! Think of how far you've come already!
ReplyDeleteHugs. We must stay strong.
ReplyDeleteIt's so frustrating, isn't it? Bodies do a big number on our brain (and maybe vice-versa, though I think that one is a little harder to pull off.) But you ARE hanging in there. And you ARE recovering. It's hard. But give yourself a big pat on the back for actually DOING it and seeing progress, even if it isn't always as fast as you'd like.
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