Friday

 When you start to get answers you’ve long sought, it is a relief. It’s not comfortable. The truth rarely is. Getting what you need versus what you want is the season I find myself in. I’m having to trust. And I don’t trust much. I’m learning so much in being uncomfortable. Not that I want to stay here. I want the good stuff. The hard stuff is bending me to a point I’ve not experienced before. How I’m not breaking, I don’t know. 

Speaking up for myself and my treatment as a human being is testing my resolve. I’m being told when I speak I go into fight mode immediately. I’m reactive. I’m a live wire ready to be lit. Forty plus years of being a doormat will do that to you. 

Some things I’d like to explain, not that I owe it to anyone. 

First, it takes time for me to succinctly describe what I need from you

Two, learning to communicate properly is a journey

Three, It always seems like I need to give a life history to get people to care. 

Not everyone is me. I can’t expect. Human decency is rare. We teach our children how to make a dollar, but we don’t mold their character. 

I don’t need to be liked, but I ask that you respect my right to exist. To live. 

I’m not getting my champagne wishes and caviar dreams era. I’m getting the school of hard knocks. I don’t like them, but I must need them. 

Happy Friday. 

Yesterday was hard. Today is new. 

Grateful for some snail mail that arrived that made my whole afternoon. 

Love

 Lord have mercy 

Lord be near

Grant me peace

As I go

Through each day

Love however

Hard

Seek peace 

Within self

Before communing

With one another 

Love

 Enjoying a 

Warm day

In January

Feels like

An early 

Smile

From you 

That this

Year 

May be

Better

Than expected 

Memories instead

 Spending time

Being grateful

For the past

Thankful

For the present

AND

Hopeful 

For the future

For all of

The goodness

Grief and strife

Have forced me

To confront

The demons

The skeletons

That are no

Longer hidden

But fully

Open

To scab

Heal

And set 

The soul

Free 

That is me

Dreaming

Of Caribbean blue

Italian frescos

And French baguettes

While firmly rooted

In red clay

Until God

Says it’s

Time to move

And chase 

The dreams

Making them

Memories instead

Good day

 It’s a good day

To have 

A good day

Cheerios 

Coffee

And a story

Percolating

Waiting for

Me to write

Have a beautiful day. Love you all

Sunday sermon

 This Sunday I’m realizing that as I’m regaining strength, my stamina has not yet caught up. It is absolutely frustrating. I’m having to take a nap every day like clockwork like a baby. It is embarrassing. I’m having to put my pride to the side. I’m having to give my body what it needs. I’m having to readjust goals and plans already this year. I’m having to understand that dreams may be delayed once again, but I know God knows the desires of my heart. My dreams aren’t dashed. I guess I need more preparation in the process. Trying to not follow my timeline is the biggest the biggest reminder. 

I’m proud of my progress in the process. I’m having to count the wins. I didn’t think I would see them again. Or if I knew it internally, my brain couldn’t conceive it externally. So God, I’m here. As I am. 

Real peace

 The fire 

And a good book

Are my companions

This morning

As I enjoy

A wet, dreary

And damp day

That is oddly peaceful