Fails

 Good morning

What do you

Want from me

To be me

Without pause

To not question

My love for you

To trust

And put 

Your faith

In the One 

That never fails

saturday.

 I’m learning in all this that the complicated things don’t faze me, it’s simple mundane tasks that give me anxiety. I’m realizing that asking for help is not something to ashamed of even if I still do feel shame. Full dependency on God looks like His fellow children every day. It seems I have to ask for help every single day. I have to not see this as failure. My mind has to rewired completely. I wish I were joking. To be so intelligent, yet feel so inept. So inadequate. The things I have to ask help with would make you laugh. If it were funny that is. I’m embarrassed of all the things I need help with these days. You all said to let it out, so here it is. I’m glad God doesn’t laugh at my needs. Some days it feels like I can follow directions correctly 

Sending love on this Saturday

Wet

 The rain is 

Cleansing for

My spirit

As I 

Savor the 

Stillness

That is 

Calming me

Down with

Each raindrop

That pelts

The roof

With impunity 

Friday happies

 Friday happies

Downloaded a new book to read

Watching clay court tennis

A good cup of coffee

A good blueberry muffin

A good nap

I never thought I’d enjoy a nap. I guess with age I learn new things everyday. Share your joys with me please. 

Thoughts

 I’m learning that life will keep knocking you down. My mind needs conditioning as much as my body. Maybe more. And for me, that’s a bold claim. For if you’ve been here any length of time you are aware of how much care this body of mine needs. Two years of physical decline with no answers have left my mind  grasping for straws. I don’t know how much time it will take the body to recover. And not knowing that has left my mind reeling. Frustration because who knows how long dreams and plans may be delayed. Who knows how long it take to return to my normal. My endurance and stamina are abysmal. And, I need that to return desperately. My body has been given a manual for improvement. The mind doesn’t work with manuals, I’ve tried. The mind is its own entity. You all tell me patience. He knows what I want. All of what I want. He knows what I don’t want. This is forced dependency on God. I know it’s best. When has humanity ever wanted what’s best for it. Or maybe you’re better humans than me. It’s a road with lots of forks in it. I’m used to struggle. I’m just tired or being so intimately acquainted with it. If this is too depressing. I’m so sorry. My friend begs me not to apologize. Some habits are hard to break. 

I’m emptying the well. Mentally hanging in there. My body is recovering nicely. Thank you Lord. My mind hasn’t received the memo just yet. The bitterness hasn’t totally left me. Am I afraid to admit, that I just put it out there. Why yes I am. But, the truth isn’t very common these days, we’re bringing it back. 

Love and hugs,

Regine

thursday thoughts

 Lord

Another day

To be 

Outwardly courageous 

Inwardly strengthened

Resolved to trust

In a good Father

That doesn’t change

Even if 

It would be

Easier if 

He did

I don’t know

If the battle

Is with 

Him or 

My flesh

Having to believe

With all that

I am

That He 

Doesn’t require

Assistance

Await

 Awaiting wet droplets

Like a kid in

A candy store

Being told no

Sometimes

It’s how

I act towards

The Father

If I’m 

Not careful