I’m realizing I have to manufacture joy these days. It’s almost why I walk daily. Sure it’s for physical health, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit it’s for my mental health. I didn’t feel like it this morning, then I just got up and did it. Did it make me feel better. Yes. It forced me to be in the present. It’s not a place I’m not accustomed to being. Trying to speed up life to see if the dreams happen. Trying to speed up the answers. Trying to speed up everything because your life is living in the waiting or so it seems.
So as I walked up and back the gravel driveway multiple times, I just let the natural world become my oyster forcing my eyes and ears elsewhere. Did my sneakers get dirty? Did I sweat profusely? Yes. With every step I enjoyed listening to music, watching animals meander. With every step, I was reminded that I can’t rush the process. It seems I must learn the same lesson daily. As soon many of you who are older than me tell me I still have time, I’m just impatient. Maybe I lack trust. My body is getting better, you’d think my brain would be grateful. I’m grateful, I’m just trying to make up for the two years that were lost in decline and sadness.
I’m finally accepting reality that my body needs constant maintenance and upkeep. That appears in many forms. I’m having to trust what I don’t understand. And what I don’t understand multiplies days. So this was an honest reflection. It doesn’t paint me as an ideal human being, but that’s okay. I’m just a girl emptying her thoughts in the universe. If it helps, great. If not, it helped me. I no longer have it rolling around in my mind.
Happy Sunday friend.
Regine
