I usually don't address this, but I will. Disability. That darn D word.
What has it cost me?
Independence- Asking to be driven everywhere. To the doctor, to the bank, etc. I just can't decide, oh i'd like to get an ice cream today.
Privacy- I need help with ordinary tasks like cutting my toenails, doing my hair or flossing my teeth.
My pride-It is extremely embarrassing to ask for help for some of the things I need help with sometimes.
Folks, on the outside, I look fine, and maybe I've helped emphasize this fact so fellow humans couldn't see reality. For that, I'm sorry.
What I've gained
Christ- I don't know if I weren't disabled, if I could embrace Christ and accept his gift of salvation.
Perception is not reality, it's all in perspective.
I'm doing now what I swore I'd never do.
A small glimpse into my life as a disabled individual.
R
Regine, we all have points, burdens in our lives that make us say, "If it wasn't for this, I would never have turned to God..." And ofttimes we look at these and say, "This is a failure on my part- not that I turned to God, but that I waited until X happened to turn to Him." But here's the thing. It is not because of our failures that we turn to God then. God reaches us in THE BEST WAY FOR US. Whether we are disabled or fit, well grounded or struggling with temptation, God leads us to the best way that we, as individuals, will respond. A testimony not to our infirmities but His great love. It's big picture stuff, and I know that you have more reason to say "what a lot of hooey" than I do.
ReplyDeleteBut I truly think you are too hard on yourself. God KNEW the choice for Him you would make. He designed your life to get you there the best (in His eyes) way possible.
When I really started getting serious about my faith, God shared a little secret with me. One night I was thinking about all the times I had driven home drunk and wondered why it wasn't me that hit some innocent car and took some innocent lives. And He told me, "Because I could reach you without it having to go that far. And that is the ONLY difference between what did happen and what could have happened." In retrospect, I can see that His great patient love saved me, a would be vehicular manslaughterer, no better than if I'd hit someone.
What I'm trying to say is, I really think that the measure of suffering He allows us is a compliment to what we can handle. I have not had a lot of disability or disaster in my life. God hasn't gotten me to follow to the point of being able to handle that. You see your weakness when you struggle, but I see the strength that I don't have. Not yet, anyway. I pray Christ will hug you tonight and give you a measure of peace and comfort.