I have refrained from these posts for far too long. Surgery took a physical toll, but what it did mentally, I don't know if I can explain. I became a recluse. As many well wishes as I had, I had too much fear, anxiety and disdain for self. I didn't want to take pain medication, but I ended up taking it. I lost weight. I felt like I was existing, not living. Some days, I still feel this. I didn't communicate on Facebook or this blog much. I still haven't given it all to God. This is all still so fresh. I want to bash these keys in frustration.