Rest

 Today is a day of rest for me. 

Things I’m loving

Sweetgreen

Souvenirs

Baseball caps

Yours?

Face

 Cerebral Palsy. I’m learning not to hate you. After getting news that the world may never have answers for how you affect my body, I’m learning to let go. God gave me answer. I didn’t like it, but it gave me peace nonetheless. I’m making peace with not knowing. God works best when I don’t have answers. I have more appointments upcoming, but I’m okay with that. I will be forever grateful for the doctor who told me to go on vacation. I was told to enjoy life no matter what my body may decide to do. So I go forth with living because it’s the only option I have. I know I’m blessed, but to be told I bless others is the best compliment. I sincerely hope I do just that, and that His glory is reveled in me. 

Thank you

For equipping me

For a battle

I didn’t know

I needed

To face

Learn

 Things I’m learning

You can’t please the world, and be happy

No one knows the extent of your battles

The greatest gift I can give myself is freedom

Freedom and disability are not mutually exclusive. When the latter allows the former, it is to be seized. 

I will not apologize for living. It’s time I did it fully and abundantly. 

Guilt has riddled my soul for years. I’m finally articulating my needs. It feels good. Forty and finally speaking my truth. 

My body handcuffs me most days, so with good days, I take them. 

I’m proud of what last week taught me about myself. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

I have to remember that not everyone will understand your decisions and champion them, and that’s okay. 

Love yourself and one another

My way

 Thriving by choice

Because I must

Believe

That I’m capable

To overcome

What comes

My way

DC dispatch

 What DC taught me

I am strong. I’m resilient. In a week I walked about 30 miles. I rode public transit. I let people help me. I accepted the kindness of others. I sought to love others. I sought to love myself. I asked questions even if I felt stupid doing it. I loved getting to know people. Every day was a possibility for a story. For the first time, each day I was writing my own. I sought God in nature daily. I enjoyed being anonymous. 

In Your presence 

I’m well known

When the world

Outside

Knows not 

My name

Writing my story

With each breathe

I take in

And promptly

Release

DC

 I’m back from a girls’ trip to Washington DC. It was a wonderful time of rest and discovery. You never know what you need until you get it. Adding to the memory bank. I’m glad to be home in front of the fire with my Christmas tree as I reflect and gather my thoughts. 

Love yourself and one another. 

Five

 Blissfully unaware 

Of the blessings 

Until I’m shown

That those

Are what make

Life worth 

Every tear

Savor

Five letters 

That have 

Taken on

A new meaning 

Entirely 

Thanks

 Sending a little love 

A lot of thanks 

For all of you

Who give me

Love so abundantly 

Only One

 As I let

My surroundings 

Envelop me

I’m taking 

The time 

To observe 

What peace

Can be

As I simply 

Become one

With the One

Who formed me

Rest

 Spending the next few days resetting my mind. I’m enjoying long walks and leisurely eating. I’m savoring food. Savoring life. The sights and sounds. I’m finding nature is the elixir for my soul. I’m finding that life away from the many screens of life is good. Life doesn’t have to be glamorous to be great. I’m enjoying anonymity for a bit. This week I want no answers. No questions. Being still in my skin. I’ve walked more in these past few days, and my body has never been more tired, yet more fulfilled. The braces have held my body up.  And God is giving me peace as I rest. I’m not saying every day that life won’t throw punches, but for me tonight, I’m just grateful for a brain quietly granting me with a genuine sense of serenity. 

Love yourself and one another. 

Regine 

Yes

 God,

It’s me here. Nervous and excited. You know the reason. Please be with me. Guard me. Armor me with your peace, your hope, your joy and your strength. Stay with me. Remain with me. With you, I’m safe. I’m equipped to be still and know

Love me

With all

That you are

So I able

To do 

The same

Yes

 Release me

From every fear

Every smear

Every little lie 

I believe 

And grace me

With the will 

To do Yours

Medicine

 Today I go to a doctor I’ve never seen before. Yes, I’m nervous, but it is necessary I go. Letting go is one of the hardest things I do on a daily basis. Letting God be in control, and giving up what I’ve thought my life should look like is the hardest things I’ve done. Honestly, my brain is a jumble of thoughts I have yet to unpack. I’ve never wanted to really. I’m too scared of what I may find. Will the answer give me peace or why did I spend years asking. This statement is the place I find myself. Will the answer serve to propel me or drive me in reverse. I shouldn’t apologize, but this post is a summation of my thoughts for awhile. If you can follow, God Bless you.  

Love yourself and one another. 

Regine

Commercial

 I saw a commercial this morning and its tagline said “Control means everything to me”. I understood the context in relation to the message conveyed by the commercial, but I still had to laugh. My pursuit of control has left me miserable and angry. My therapist is always reminding me to be careful what you wish for. I’ve sought control for as long as my brain could grasp the concept. Control does not give me answers, it robs me of peace. It has been suggested I pray for peace for myself. It’s a work in progress. I usually think to pray as I am under the warm spray. Perfect I am not, but it is a miracle I’m actually starting to listen. 

A lot of you are older than me. Share your wisdom. Please. And if you feel led please pray that I find peace, however God decides it looks for me. 

Thank you.

Love yourself and one another

Regine

Renovation

 Body is stretched

Mind is relaxed

Those endorphins

Do a body good

Worship is on

My parted lips

Restoration

For a softening heart

And calmer soul

Is my newest endeavor

Roll into quiet reflection

Peace that defies rules

And a joy

That seeps

Into every crack

Any crevice

The potholes

That humans despise

Because the unsavory 

Your children see 

With their eyes

Is your next

Master class

In renovation

Cashmere

 Dreaming of 

A white 

Silky snow

The cold

Brushing

The cheekbones

A natural rouge

Grace my body

With strength

My mind

Peace

Heart

With unrelenting hope

And my being

With infinite mercy

And possibilities

Draped in linen

And cashmere

Wrapped in coziness

And contented glee

Knowing

The desires

I seek 

Are within grasp

When aligned

With the Father’s will

God’s love

Lord,

Not every day will be sunshine and roses. Rainbows and hearts. Some days, I will revert to unhelpful habits. I will need to be reined in from my impending insanity. I’m having to welcome the maelstrom of the mind. The storm for me is as necessary as air most days. I’m being sharpened in the process of becoming one with self and my Savior. Suffering for you and with you is not something I ever thought I’d welcome. You want me to feel, examine and explore. Feel it all. Examine what makes my heart beat. Explore what drives the passion of the soul. 

Pain

My worst enemy

Not so much 

It brings me

Closer

To the heart

Of the Father

Where He accepts

Total surrender

With a happy sigh

For the child

Realizes

That not a thing

Can happen

Without the

Parental approval

Dependence

Surrender

Acceptance

The trifecta

That leads

To independence

Love

Four letters

One word

That embodies another

GOD

Mix

 God,

I feel like these letters are a daily occurrence. You are using my flaws to increase my dependence on You. You don’t want me to satisfy my flesh with worldly desires. You want all of me, all the time. Yesterday, I had a therapy session. I believe therapy is working for me because I’m willing to receive tough love. I’m able to receive constructive criticism. I’m willing and able. In the past, I was too combative. Therapy only works when I’m an active participant in my own healing. Doubt and worry still ravage my soul, but not as often so I will take the victory. Let my soul take comfort in not having all the answers. Right now, I’m searching my heart to cleanse it. Make it worthy of who You are. 

Let my life

Be a representation

That brokenness

Can be made whole

When truth

And authenticity 

Mix

Golden

 Golden silence 

Peaceful repose

Where the noise

Is not a distraction 

For The

All knowing 

One

Friday

 How has you week been?

What’s on your heart?

What is making you smile?

Victory

 Who knew

It would

Be a blessing

To learn

The hard way

Stability

The little 

Black dress

Of the wardrobe

It feels good

To be classic

Sturdy and steady

Hit the gas

Rev it up

Smile because

Your joy

Has been

A hard fought battle

Whose victory

Is a long time coming

Sunny

 Sunny days

In November

What a gift

The pleasures

Of nature

Is mine

For enjoying

Today

Broken souls

 God,

What are you doing to me?  Metamorphosis is happening. Anger occurs. You show up to show me what serves me. Anger is leaving me quicker these days. Acceptance is getting to be easier to swallow. I’m admitting when others are right. This one right here used to sting worse than a thousand bees. When I want to isolate, you aren’t giving in. You continue to shower me with what I need, not what I want. I’m finding what I want is not what I need most. What I need is what You are giving me. A love that is not transactional. A love that doesn’t need to be reciprocated. A love that is not dependent on external forces. You are loving me without preamble. You are loving me deeper when I am honest and broken. Broken souls make the best vessels. 

Love yourself and one another

Regine

Yes

 God

You knew

You know

What I’m needing

Before 

My mouth opens

The way

You love

Renders me

Speechless

And humbled

When you make

What I can’t stand

Into something

I can’t live without

Love yourself and one another

Braces

 This day I may be getting new leg braces, and I’m nervously excited. Growth is being grateful for things you once despised. I’m looking forward to stability. Stability is underrated. Form and function at the same time. I used to want to wear Blahniks, Choos and Louboutins. The shoes of the sleek and chic. Braces are not sexy, but falling isn’t either. Maybe the journey is to make braces the must-have accessory.  A girl can believe it. Maybe. Here’s to far fetched dreams. I’m writing this to remind myself that I may have growing pains. They’re expected. Usually, I don’t respond well. So maybe I need to treat braces like the fancy footwear they are. 

Love yourself and one another. 

Regine

Bring

 Cold outside

Warm inside

Breakfast is cooking

And my heart

Could burst

At the joy

Simplicity

Can bring

Gratitude

 Gratitude list

You all continue to lavish me with all the love and support. I can never thank you enough. 

Fireplace time. I love a good warm fire warming me up. 

The cutest fur babies. 

Leftovers

Tell me yours?

Gratitude

 Lord,

I don’t understand the purpose for what I’m going through. I’m having to trust what I don’t know. I’m scared. I know you’re with me. For that I’m grateful. Thank you in advance. 

Gratitude

Will be 

On my lips

No matter what

Love yourself and one another.