Happy

 I was asked in the comments what is making me happy. 

Reading the Bible slowly. No Bible in a year. If you can great. It was making me anxious, and I gave up. Communion with God should not be anxiety producing. 

Savoring food. I used to eat for just fuel. I never enjoyed it except on vacation. Food is an experience. 

Finding the good in people. I spent an hour in CVS yesterday having the pharmacist find a gummy vitamin without certain allergens among other helpful employees. 

Getting my steps in. Movement helps me physically, but the benefits to my mental health is awesome. 

Finding my inner child. Who knew buying more pens and classic legos could bring a smile. Thirty dollars well spent. I don’t know if a Chanel purse could do that right now. 

Your prayers and love for me lift me so high. Thank you for honoring me with your time and support. I will never be able to repay the blessing it is to be loved by you. 

Love yourself and one another. 

Really revealing

 Right now, my body is a chameleon. Feels great one day. Meh the next. Pain the next. I’m not complaining, I’m just mentally taking each day as it comes. My words make not pretty like Swan Lake. I’m in battle mode. Fight when I must. Rest when I can. Goods not ridding me of the mountains, but fortifying my ramparts. I’m just asking for prayers. It may become a daily occurrence I heard a pastor say I needed to surrender the outcome, the process and the timing. This one statement has shaken me in the best but hardest way. I have always asked why. I may have an answer, I may not, but with each day the spark grows with increasing intensity. 

Jesus 

Be near

As the

Flames

Surround me

Surrender into

The only 

Equipped 

To handle 

My needs

Questions

 What is making you smile?

Any last minute vacations?

What are you making?

Tell me anything random about you?

Have a blessed day. 

Mantra

 Breathe

Release

Surrender 

I may have 

To do this 

Repeatedly 

Today 

Sunday

 May your 

Day be

Full of rest

And quiet

Reflection 

Global girl

 Savoring quiet

In a good book

That has

Me globetrotting

In my mind 

Friday

 Friday faves

College Football 

New workout clothes 

Good friends 

Tuna fish salad 

Yours?

Mission

 Sometimes joy

Is detachment 

From a culture 

That idolizes 

Some human beings 

To the detriment of

Of others 

Focusing 

On those 

Whose mission 

It is

To glorify You 

Is leading me

To be a 

Person of

Passionate purpose 

Not merely 

Pervasive popularity 

Secret

 Lessons from today 

Learning surrender 

Happens when

Expectation 

Isn’t present 

Maybe 

In every moment 

We’re being 

Taught 

That the meaning 

Of life 

Isn’t something 

To be sought 

But uncovered 

In secret spaces

Brought to life 

In beautiful 

Miracles 

Learning

 Today my 

Joy is 

Not a T. Swift

Album

It’s the peace

In knowing 

That my

Eccentricity 

Is valued

And acceptable 

To the 

Lord of

Heaven 

And earth 

Free from condemnation

 Grateful for

A peace

I’ve not

Felt in

Months

Maybe 

Not chasing 

Invisible clocks

An an 

Imperfect expectation 

Is freeing

The soul

From outside 

Forces

Joy

 Bringing me joy

Pens

Magazines 

Peanut butter pretzels 

My kindle

Laughter of my niece and nephew 

Pursue

 Grace finds

Me in

The most 

Unexpected ways

And Lord

Seeking 

Your loving 

Face

Is now

The joy 

I’m to

Prayerfully 

Pursue

NC

 Mountain air 

Clear skies 

North Carolina 

Is showing 

How beautiful 

The planet 

Really is

Near

 Lord

I don’t like 

This season 

For the fear

And pain 

Are right 

In my line 

Of sight

The rear view mirror 

Is gone

Is it

Time to

Face the elephant 

I’ve despised 

Since we

Met two

Decades ago

Why are 

The things

Meant to set

You free 

Are so 

Darn odious. 

Lord

I wake up 

Cranky

Like a baby

Who has

Been 

Denied

A bottle

And I 

Go to bed

Unsettled

And my

Only desire 

Is that 

You draw near

 As I battle 

A tumult 

You saw 

Coming 

Old ways

 Finding joy

In an old country tune

That takes 

My soul

Back to beach days

Lathered

In a sunscreen 

That smells

Like the 

Tastiest pina colada

Loneliness

 Following God 

Can be 

The most lonely 

Place 

I’ll ever 

Be

I know 

That if 

Loneliness

Begets 

Holy grace 

I’m right 

Where

I’m needed

Setting the table

 Oh Jesus 

My circumstances 

Were never 

For my

Comfort 

Your glory 

Comes

My need 

To be coddled 

I’m not 

To chase

An idol

That only 

Brings 

A sorrow

You carried 

Because 

My words

Were read

But that’s 

Where it stopped 

The only way 

To get you

To worship 

Me and not 

Your selfish greed 

Was to 

Wreck your dreams 

To give 

You 

Better plans

Mine

42

 It’s my birthday today. And as I’m blessed and privileged to blow out forty-two candles, I realized a few things. 

I didn’t remember how old I was turning. 

As I get older, I realize that when asked what I want I can see that God can be the only deliverer of the few things I truly desire. 

If you want a list:  snail mail. Unexpected surprises. Candles and stickers. 

I’ve only started to find joy, once my inner child was allowed to be. 

Despite the difficulties, the ability to dream wildly is returning. As is my creativity. That is so important for me. 

Thank you for giving me the best gift ever. I think it gets redundant, but you give me your love, support, acceptance and reassurance of my own worth. You celebrate my humanity. My eccentricity. My being. You give me your time. The most valuable commodity to speak life into a person. Searching. Seeking. Hopefully making the world a better place than I found it. I love you. 

Love yourselves and one another. 

Here’s to another 42. 

Regine