Quick update.
No service still. Missed church to wait on someone to show up. My patience is fried. I would name this company, but I want my service restored. Pray for me. And to think I didn’t want to fight or do battle anymore. What sweet yet delusional thinking.
I could write a book on corporate dysfunction. Lord, hold my tongue. I’ve already laced enough expletives to need time in confession.
I’m tired. I heard it said: ‘All frustration is borne out of unmet expectation’. Bullseye.
I turned on cellular for a moment to post. I’ve been without internet for a few days. Don’t know how much longer it will be. This experience explains why we don’t like corporations. People don’t take pride in their work. Don’t even ask me how they treat the disabled. Gave them the short version. They don’t care. They don’t care about rural America. On a brighter note, you’re all very loved.
Have a beautiful day.
Regine
Happies
Learning I don’t have to argue with people. I don’t need to prove a point. I’ve got a bigger calling than crave a high being right.
I’m running on fumes right now. My body is right now a mixture of strength training and stretching to stay loose.
I’m keeping myself grounded on the Word. The minute I depart I start feeling insecure.
I’m enjoying stopping by my favorite boutique where the owner and I have spirited chats while trying on new pieces. I get to be a model. 😂
I’m enjoying the simple pleasures. A new flavor at the coffee shop. Reading the newest magazine on the newsstand. Buying the newest pen. I’m amassing a collection.
The US Open tournament. Wish I were there. In the meantime, Vamos Carlitos.
The Rock
The Savior
Of a soul
In need
Of 24/7 surveillance
To rid my
Heart and mind
Of cynicism
In a world
That operates
In a shade
Of grey
Lacking nuance
Logic
Reason
The ability
To think critically
Or have faith
In something
That can’t
Be explained
Lord
Show up
Show up
Because I
Know You
Are real
But the
World
Now deifies
People
Places
And Things
The only
Time
You’re desired
Is when
Bottoms
Are falling
And our
Hearts shatter
At the cruel
World
We thought
Would
Save us
Until it didn’t
With each day I’m reminded of the immense privilege I’ve been given. God provides all for our good. I’ve had to learn continually learn that patience isn’t punishment. Waiting is not an inconvenience. I’m having to understand the profound blessing on my life, in my life to wait this long.
I’ve had to meditate on Scripture. I’ve had to let His Word be the only Guide I follow. I’m having to relish being fully reliant on God. Honestly, I’ve hated it. Now I’m having to learn what I can’t stand.
Oh how the mighty have fallen. These are painful lessons shared so you don’t have to repeat my mistakes. Don’t learn the same lessons.
Monday
You’re here
Again
I choose
Not to fear
But praise
As God
Is too
Good
To succumb
To a doubt
That doesn’t
Need an
Entertained audience
At the end of church we had baptisms. As I watched two young people profess their faith, I remembered my baptism day. It made me almost bawl like a baby. You’re always told it’s the best decision you will ever make. I didn’t always agree, but now years after profession, do I understand and agree.
After a recent bout with depression and faithlessness, I’ve come to see how Christ has carried me. I didn’t feel His Presence. It was through a physical pain and profound mental anguish that it stuck. I needed that pain to be taught His Power. The test provides the platform for His Power to shine as you take your faith into fierce fire.
Maybe soon I will have the peace to share how my world got rearranged so God would be glorified. Out of me, into we. Think it can be done alone? It can’t. Unless you want to learn how devastatingly brutal His lessons can be for His children.
I still don’t like the torment I went through. It had and still has a profound effect on me. It had a purpose. I had to be shown Who is IN CHARGE. The answer is it’s not me. What a shocker! Right?!
Trusting You
Should not
Be difficult
But my
Humanity
Can make
Simple instructions
Feel like
A child
Only wanting
To eat
Chicken nuggets
Every day
I was asked in the comments what is making me happy.
Reading the Bible slowly. No Bible in a year. If you can great. It was making me anxious, and I gave up. Communion with God should not be anxiety producing.
Savoring food. I used to eat for just fuel. I never enjoyed it except on vacation. Food is an experience.
Finding the good in people. I spent an hour in CVS yesterday having the pharmacist find a gummy vitamin without certain allergens among other helpful employees.
Getting my steps in. Movement helps me physically, but the benefits to my mental health is awesome.
Finding my inner child. Who knew buying more pens and classic legos could bring a smile. Thirty dollars well spent. I don’t know if a Chanel purse could do that right now.
Your prayers and love for me lift me so high. Thank you for honoring me with your time and support. I will never be able to repay the blessing it is to be loved by you.
Love yourself and one another.
Right now, my body is a chameleon. Feels great one day. Meh the next. Pain the next. I’m not complaining, I’m just mentally taking each day as it comes. My words make not pretty like Swan Lake. I’m in battle mode. Fight when I must. Rest when I can. Goods not ridding me of the mountains, but fortifying my ramparts. I’m just asking for prayers. It may become a daily occurrence I heard a pastor say I needed to surrender the outcome, the process and the timing. This one statement has shaken me in the best but hardest way. I have always asked why. I may have an answer, I may not, but with each day the spark grows with increasing intensity.
Jesus
Be near
As the
Flames
Surround me
Surrender into
The only
Equipped
To handle
My needs
What is making you smile?
Any last minute vacations?
What are you making?
Tell me anything random about you?
Have a blessed day.
Sometimes joy
Is detachment
From a culture
That idolizes
Some human beings
To the detriment of
Of others
Focusing
On those
Whose mission
It is
To glorify You
Is leading me
To be a
Person of
Passionate purpose
Not merely
Pervasive popularity
Lessons from today
Learning surrender
Happens when
Expectation
Isn’t present
Maybe
In every moment
We’re being
Taught
That the meaning
Of life
Isn’t something
To be sought
But uncovered
In secret spaces
Brought to life
In beautiful
Miracles
Today my
Joy is
Not a T. Swift
Album
It’s the peace
In knowing
That my
Eccentricity
Is valued
And acceptable
To the
Lord of
Heaven
And earth
Grateful for
A peace
I’ve not
Felt in
Months
Maybe
Not chasing
Invisible clocks
An an
Imperfect expectation
Is freeing
The soul
From outside
Forces
Grace finds
Me in
The most
Unexpected ways
And Lord
Seeking
Your loving
Face
Is now
The joy
I’m to
Prayerfully
Pursue
Lord
I don’t like
This season
For the fear
And pain
Are right
In my line
Of sight
The rear view mirror
Is gone
Is it
Time to
Face the elephant
I’ve despised
Since we
Met two
Decades ago
Why are
The things
Meant to set
You free
Are so
Darn odious.
Lord
I wake up
Cranky
Like a baby
Who has
Been
Denied
A bottle
And I
Go to bed
Unsettled
And my
Only desire
Is that
You draw near
As I battle
A tumult
You saw
Coming
Finding joy
In an old country tune
That takes
My soul
Back to beach days
Lathered
In a sunscreen
That smells
Like the
Tastiest pina colada
Following God
Can be
The most lonely
Place
I’ll ever
Be
I know
That if
Loneliness
Begets
Holy grace
I’m right
Where
I’m needed
Oh Jesus
My circumstances
Were never
For my
Comfort
Your glory
Comes
My need
To be coddled
I’m not
To chase
An idol
That only
Brings
A sorrow
You carried
Because
My words
Were read
But that’s
Where it stopped
The only way
To get you
To worship
Me and not
Your selfish greed
Was to
Wreck your dreams
To give
You
Better plans
Mine
It’s my birthday today. And as I’m blessed and privileged to blow out forty-two candles, I realized a few things.
I didn’t remember how old I was turning.
As I get older, I realize that when asked what I want I can see that God can be the only deliverer of the few things I truly desire.
If you want a list: snail mail. Unexpected surprises. Candles and stickers.
I’ve only started to find joy, once my inner child was allowed to be.
Despite the difficulties, the ability to dream wildly is returning. As is my creativity. That is so important for me.
Thank you for giving me the best gift ever. I think it gets redundant, but you give me your love, support, acceptance and reassurance of my own worth. You celebrate my humanity. My eccentricity. My being. You give me your time. The most valuable commodity to speak life into a person. Searching. Seeking. Hopefully making the world a better place than I found it. I love you.
Love yourselves and one another.
Here’s to another 42.
Regine
