I'm listening to Britt Nicole's song "Stand", and all I can think is I must STAND UP to this battle with anxiety that is plaguing my mind. i have left the word anxiety all in lowercase, because capitalizing it gives that word power to me, and I believe that my GOD IS BIGGER than my battle with anxiety. I think for the most part I am battling God's will for my life. I am battling everything i have ever known. i am coming back to the thing that is most natural for me. Writing. I stopped. I quit it, didn't think i needed it anymore. God is telling me to use the gift He has given me. See, i doubt everything about what God says when it comes to me. it's the truth, it hurts. I don't like what i see in the mirror. Never have. have always felt less than in my own mind. having to train my brain otherwise. am i ashamed to admit this...so much so that i am crying knowing i am typing this, for the first time, publicly admitting my shame, my truth. Do I want to erase this....Yes....I feel like I have been a bad girl this year, as if this year Santa won't bring me gifts this year. Don't know whether to publish this. Emotionally spent, physically swept. If I publish this, it's because I am listening to this song called Redeemed by Big Daddy Weave.
"I am Redeemed, You set Me Free"
Having to remind myself of that fact every second of every day.