Revel in reality

 I was out yesterday. Someone asked me what I put on my face. Apparently, it was clear and smooth. My face was radiant. I never really pay attention. The question floored me. I don’t wear makeup. I don’t use cleansers or serums. I use sunscreen, chap stick and witch hazel. That’s it. When I thought about it, the only thing I could think of was that I was drinking water continuously, getting good sleep and eating better. 

I may be undergoing slow physical metamorphosis, my mind has started to realign. I still have bouts of anxiety. If you told me however, that at the onset of anxiety, I would stop in the middle of Wal-Mart and practice deep breathing, I would have laughed.  I now no longer laugh.   Yesterday I stopped in the middle of an aisle, and started to count as I took a breath. I did it for as long as it took to calm down. Thanks to my sister I have a watch now to track my heart rate and blood pressure among other things. And when the numbers are too high, I breathe, release until the readings stabilize. 

My physical body and mental state must work as a cohesive unit. I’m finally paying attention. I’m having to accept the deck I’ve got as painful as it is. I must love what I’ve been given. My body doesn’t give me luxury to fantasize. Reality is the only place for me today. I’m having to accept that my body needs more water, better food to maximize energy and more sleep than I care to admit.  I’m reminded that I’ve got a medical device that gives medicine to my body 24 hours a day. Once I remembered that reality, I decided to give myself a break. 

Grateful is being able to walk each aisle of the grocery store, and not be winded. Grateful is the ability to buy baby carrots and hummus. Relishing that healthy food can be nourishing and satisfying. Grateful is finding peace in what I used to hate.