Apples

 Lord,

Another doctor, another day. It takes a village to care for a body like me. And yet, You continue to provide. I was listening to some worship music this morning. It was talking about human timelines versus His. My toes got stepped on, but it didn’t anger me like it would have in the past. I’ve been asking for something for years.  It has not been granted yet. It doesn’t mean it won’t. It means my request is not on His timeline yet. It makes perspective a bit more palatable.  The faith of my birth has a very important holiday happening now. I will observe in my own way if I feel led. The faith of my birth, and the one that saved me ten years ago intersect. Jesus and I are intertwined in the sweetest of ways. I used to denounce my former faith, but I no longer can. God chose it. It has taught me lessons I won’t forget me. Faith saves me from myself. It’s growth for me to recognize and acknowledge that my past has a purpose. My past for as painful as it’s been, has been good as well. Not everything is a bag of rotten apples. Thank the Good Lord for that fact. I would be eating lots of bad fruit. That would be neither fun nor pleasant. 

Love yourself and one another

Regine

Fall

 Cherry pie

And ice cream

Rainy days

Orange leaves 

Autumn days

I’m ready

For you

Build

 Build them up

Raise them up

Fuel the fire

That lights up

The next generation

And see what 

God will do

Thoughts

 Lord, 

As I age I am starting to understand. I don’t conform. Give me James Taylor and Carole King. Give me foreign films over Marvel. I’d rather speak any other language than English. I reread my favorite books all the time. The memories I swore I wanted to forget are now the ones I long to remember. I long for the recipes of my grandparents. I’ve tried to recreate it, but it doesn’t compare. The people I didn’t want to be like as a child, are the ones that I wish I could see again. I don’t know if forty is magic, or if I’m too tired to fight fate. God brings you to your knee, but if needed, He will sit you down Indian-style like a child. Don’t ask how I know. My mind just went blank. The tears are falling. They’re not sad, but bittersweet that I’m becoming the person You desire me to be. I always thought following God’s will or plan was a chore. I’m starting to wonder if what I’ve fought for years is now a blessing. An honor and privilege. I don’t know if my bank account will make me amenable of societal love and adoration, but I will say that the fullness of contentment in my bones is worth it all. 

Show

 When surrender 

Is actively practiced 

Freedom is not 

A passive pursuit

Taking the handcuffs 

Off God

Is when 

The fruits

Of the Spirit 

Are allowed 

To shine

In a broken body 

And sullen heart

Spoiler alert

 Let me say this:  it’s past time. I’m coming up for air, finally. One commenter said yesterday after my post that I’m very blessed. I wasn’t very pleased with the post when I hit publish. Five little verses or however many spoke to so many. What I thought was lackluster turned into one of the most loved by so many. It taught me a lesson. God turns our lemons into lemonade when we least expect it. It taught me that eloquence and big words are not what He’s after. He wants my heart. The broken vessel. The authentic self. He makes a poor soul very rich. I’m not talking about my bank account. Yesterday, I felt very useful to society even if that’s not to be my aim.  I’m very blessed in that God finds me still to a precious commodity worthy of being used for His glory. It’s the biggest honor. A few weeks ago I hit bottom. It wasn’t comfortable. He had to get my attention. He has it now. Being brought to your knees will do it every time. I realize my stubborn self will be brought to my knees as many times as He sees fit. When I am it is so I can look up. It is to remind me who is in charge. Spoiler alert:  It’s not me

Joy

 Lord

Grant me 

Your joy 

Your hope

And all

You desire

For me