Tuesday, August 16, 2022

Shattered

 I’m getting back to myself, but I must be honest. The physical scar at my abdomen, it hurts to look at, which is strange. That scar enhances my quality of life. No life of wheelchairs and painful contractures. I told the doctor I’ve had this pump almost twenty years. I don’t want to imagine life without it. Who knows if I’d have the strength to blog, to travel, to live a life most like me can only fantasize about. It’s not lost on me. I’m also reminded that physical scars are the evidence of their existence. The ones mentally only I know are there. The physical reminder is one that now fuels my desire to address with truth what holds me back. I will get there. I remember anything worthwhile takes time. My mental health is worthwhile something I didn’t believe. I thought as long my body could be dealt with my mental state would magically heal. Pure folly. I now know better.  I’m good at hiding. Gold medal performances that led to torture. I’m listening to this song now about control. I happen upon its arrival every day. God shows up even when I don’t seek Him outwardly. I hear the song, and His appearance is near. He knows I need Him.  I’m so tired of being dependent, but God says you are.  It’s not something to shrink from. It’s not a bad thing. It’s raw and true. The perfect combination that makes a great follower of mine. Accept the gift. The surgeon split you wide open and put you back together again. I’m about to do that to your broken soul. I do my best work with shattered shards. 

24 comments:

  1. May God keep giving you the strength.
    HUGS

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  2. Big healing hugs, Regine. ♥

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  3. Take care of yourself. Sending you warm thoughts.

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  4. Your story is so raw and powerful- thank you for sharing!

    -Ashley

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  5. Thank you for sharing your very special words this morning, Regine. Have to take another unexpected road trip this week, ugghh. Please say a prayer for safe travels. I appreciate it so much. Have a beautiful week, beautiful YOU!

    ~Sheri

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  6. So true, only God can heal our shattered bodies and minds, thankfully he gave wisdom to doctors to be the vehicle which he works through, May he continue to strengthen your physical and mental every day!

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  7. Words from your heart...stay strong and stay with God. ((hugs))

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  8. Take care. Thanks for your post.

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  9. Thsbk you for this beautiful, raw post this morning. I need to hear it.

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  10. You're so brave to be so honest and real. Thank you!

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  11. Add my hugs, hopes and healing wishes to your pile.

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  12. You are a blessing ~ you are a gift ~ be gentle with your self in recovering ~ Xo

    Wishing you good health, laughter and love in your days,

    A ShutterBug Explores,
    aka (A Creative Harbor)

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  13. Yes, I too am a 'hider', and God can't put us back together unless we are broken first... ouch. Submission and repentance are better... May you heal well, in all spheres
    Blessings
    Maxine

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  14. You are amazing, and a wonderful testimony of God's grace and beauty to us. Beauty is something much much deeper than our physical and outward appearance. It is a gift from God to our inner being, and it radiates outwardly as we share that gift with others, just as you are doing here. Where you see scars, we see beauty because of what God is doing through you. May God continue to give you that wonderful grace that flows out from you to us. One day at a time. Thank you for being so honest and real.

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  15. such a fantastic post from such a courageous person xo <3

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  16. You are brave as you move forward in healing mentally and physically. "Heal me Lord and I will be healed, save me Lord and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise." Jeremiah 17:14

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  17. By reading this post I can see you have much strength. Healing hugs your way!!

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  18. Thanks for sharing your heart and struggles so honestly Rue, I wish I could be so open. Hugs, Donna

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  19. This is such a thoughtful and introspective post, Regine, and I thank and value you for sharing it. You have great strength; you also have great wisdom.

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  20. Honesty is the first step to wholeness, and honesty sometimes comes in stages, as does wholeness. One of the truths in Psalms that I comfort myself with is that "GOD is good and all that He does is good." Sometimes what happens in our lives doesn't feel or look good, but He has promised His children He will make all things work for our good, to conform us to the images of Christ. Rom. 8.28,29. Thank you for sharing your heart, it helps me to look deeper in my own heart!

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  21. I wish you all the best in whatever goes on ...been catching up here. You are strong that's for sure and you know where the help really comes from ultilmately.

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