3 am

 I haven’t wanted to post. I never thought I’d cry at the loss of power and water. Yesterday was not pretty. Got up at 3:30 am in search of water and fuel. It was found. You’d thought I’d won the lottery. 

Never thought I would use a tree as a restroom. Collect rainwater for a quick bath. Thank God to use sparkling water to brush teeth. Watermelon and mint. Not recommended. 

A few hours from me is Western North Carolina. A place where my soul find rest is destroyed. 

Nature can be brutal yet beautiful at the same time. 

I’m doing well. I just feel very primitive and isolated right now, even when I know I’m not alone. Very blessed still. 

It’s hard to comment on cell phone. I’m sorry. 

Pray. Or do as you feel like you need to do. 

Grateful

Grateful after a rough day yesterday. 

Need book recommendations to keep my mind busy. 

Love you all

Update

 Quick update. No power or water. Holding on. Trying to keep calm. Thankful. Just in a waiting pattern. 

Honestly. Have so much. Yet still so exhausted 

Starry sun

 Strolling yesterday

Muscles loosened

Mind free

Let the sun

Warm

The toes

To the head

Walk into 

The shop

Surprised by

A smile

Of someone

I haven’t seen

In years

And the love

On their face

As we greeted

Each other

Was a wonderful surprise 

Orchestrated by

The Father

Of Heaven

And Earth

When the day

Isn’t structured 

The Star

Isn’t obstructed

By unnecessary 

Noise

Needed

 Praying

In the shower

It’s where

No distractions

Exist

Just the 

Scent of cucumbers

And the need

To expel

Negativity

And sing

Some John Denver

Picturing those

Country roads

That bring peace

Because they’re 

Rarely used

Or traveled

Loving the silence

I detested

For years

Until what 

Needed

Is more imperative

Than what 

Is desired

Supremacy

 In my own strength

Laughing out loud

Coming back

To trust

When will

Full surrender

Last more

Than a few minutes

Lord

This child

Needs

Constant reminders

Of who

You are

And what

You do

Control

And surrender

Can’t be

Battling

For supremacy

Path

 Change

Inevitable

Yet 

Welcome

Without it

No improvement

Is ever sought

Or made

And that

Is truly

Sadness

Meeting 

Reality

Pray without ceasing

Move with discomfort

Align with grace

Be merciful

To those

Who grace

Your path

Prayer

 Prayer requests and praise reports?

Please pray for a friend who got a diagnosis she wasn’t expecting. Thank you. 

Heart

 Fighting the fear

Each 

And every day

Lord

Hold me

Don’t release

Me

Tethered

To the

Garment

Coming up

For breath

Lift my head

My feet

Stumble not

When You

Are the 

Head of

My heart

Rest

 Rest 

Recovering

Sore

But loosening

Health

The wealth

That never ends

If I don’t get to you all today, I’m sorry. 

Love yourself and one another

Point

 Be brave 

Fear ceases

At the 

Point 

Of Faith

Find

Seek

Receive 

Father’s palm

 On that school bus

Years gone by

Began 

The search

For You

Scared

But knew

Strength

Was not

In my grasp

So I silently

Relented

Big yellow

Let me

To the steeples

And spires

Now it 

Isn’t the steeples

That keep me

Running

Back into

That strength

Fear brings

Me back

Your love

Keeps me

Firmly rooted

Planted in soil

Richly protected

Holy water

At hand

In the Father’s palm

Knees

 On bowed knees

Praying 

That 

What 

Isn’t 

Verbalized 

Is still

Heard

By the 

Father 

As the

Ocean 

Roars

Tosses

Me around 

Like measly 

Seaweed

Swallowing 

Bitter water

Gasping 

For air

As choking 

Up lungs

Is commonplace 

Lord 

Walk on

Water

Declare 

Rise up child

Ye of little faith 

The Savior’s here

How

 I was asked recently a question that has me thinking. Would I swap one disability for another. Would I rather have my mind, and suffer physically or reverse it. I don’t know if theirs is a comparison to be made. 

I don’t know if there is a right answer. And for once. I’m glad I don’t have to make the choice. I just pray that He holds me together as I struggle with trusting the will of God. 

With each day I live I worry what my future looks like. Will I survive the doubt?  The fear?  Do I trust?  Disability strips you of certainty. It can sink confidence faster than icebergs. Disability as a child is a fantasy compared to the reality I am facing. 

Full dependence on God is something I always feared. We’re taught self-reliance. I’ve never really known that concept. Truth sets us free. I know it. But, do I trust what I do know. The question. The question is this. I now ask is no longer why. The question is how?

Freesias

 In a garden

Of daisies

Tulips

And freesias

A pink

Sundress

Accompanied

By a soft pashmina

Where dainty

Ballet flats

Are muddied

Because

The desire

To become

One with

The flowers

Supersedes

Any notion

Of propriety

Peace

 In the quiet

Let me 

Be present

In the Presence

That brings peace

Peace

Coffee and music

Are my companions 

This rainy morning

Thankful that 

Life is beautiful 

With my family

Joyous 

And peace

Is within

Cape days

 Thinking back

On travel

From years

Gone by

The seaside days

Savoring buttered 

Lobster

And red potatoes

Hydrangeas

In pinks

Purples

And the lightest

Sky blues

Striped swimwear

Linen coverups

Barefooted

Sandy

And sated

In summer sun

Cape days

The soul aglow

In natural bliss

Set off 

By the scent

Of Hawaiian Tropic

Will

 Chit chatting 

As I sip

An iced coffee

While enjoying

Crisp air

I take 

A moment

To say

Thank you

Hoping

To never forget

The small things

Being able

To walk up

A flight

Of stairs

Without 

Being breathless

Enjoying the 

Feeling of freedom

That my muscles

Allow me

Thank you Lord. For as much as I whine, my body holds. Yes I need more rest right row, but that is more than a blessing. I still detest my total dependence on You many days. I realize its where I’m meant to be. And I’m learning. I’m learning I’m no match for Your Omnipresence 

Acceptance

 Solemnity

Solidarity

Remembrance

Determination

To be

Better

Than 

You 

Found 

Us

Time

Doesn’t 

Heal

All 

Wounds

Adaptation

Is learned

With a reality

We can’t fathom

Yet are forced

To accept

Diamond delight

 Pink stripes 

Diamonds

Hugging 

The collarbone 

As the sun

Sets on 

Another day 

As I praise

For worth

Is not

In adornment 

It is

In 

Beauty

That eclipses

Those precious 

Stones

Refined

From Earth 

To the 

Finished product 

That makes

Most women 

Squeal 

In delight 

Once the

Gift

Is opened

From that 

Red box

Hope

 Thank you

Lord

For doing 

What 

I couldn’t do

And giving me 

Hope

I never wanted to write like this. I never found myself that interesting. I’m just me. I’m someone so flawed. I felt that my shame was beyond sharing. I’m no celebrity. I wield no power. No billions to my name. Could a poor sinner with a list of daily grievances do it. Make it writing each day with no idea what to say each day?  I know now it’s possible. In those early days, I was a lost little girl with no faith in much of anything, yet alone myself. I’ve lost count of the years, but this place has given me something I can’t pay back in dollars. Has writing cured me?  No, but I’m different because each day you humble me. Humble me with your love. 

I still need therapy and medication. Cerebral Palsy is unrelenting on my body and mind. As I’m privileged to age, I recognize what I need versus what I want. All this to say is that this community has helped save me from my own negative thoughts. Thank you. 

If you would please pray for Mix and Match Mama. Check out her blog post if you’re so inclined to read and pray. Thank you. 

Providence

 As steps

Are shadowed

In sand

Figured

In wholeness

Presence

Allowed

To prosper

Purposefully

Known

No agenda

Simply

To stand

In reverence

Of nature’s

Providence

Smiling in raindrops

 Taking it back

To jumping 

In mud puddles

Pigtails

Swinging round

In colored

Rubber bands

As my giggles

Can be heard

Round the block

Recruiting

Others

To join

In the joy

Of pleasure

Derived

From

A five minute

Thunderstorm

Ears

In my stillness

Speak

Open up

All of me

Receptive ears

Await the voice

That supersedes 

The rest

Wrap

 Wrap me

In the arms

That never 

Cease to love

And comfort

My anxious ways

Let me find

My peace

In the place

That never fails

Or abandons ship

When the seas

Want their say

Offering

 In the dark 

Resting in

The knowledge 

That the whole world 

May celebrate 

One soul

But You

Only ask 

That my

Soul

Only answer 

To the One 

Who gives 

Healing 

Acceptance 

And love 

To a heart

Who’s delight

Is kept

In arms

More capable 

To hold me

Until the 

Storms 

Of life

Quell

Or I’m willing 

To confront 

A reality

That requires 

A strength 

I don’t want 

To face

But must

Trust 

Even if

Understanding 

Is not 

In the offing

Exhalation

 Shoes on the rock

Towel too

Jumping off

Diving in

To the 

Cold waters

Plunging

Into natural bliss

As surfacing

Is second nature

Doggie paddling

As breath is caught

And a deep exhalation

Is taken in gratitude

Life and joy

Mix in

The depths

Of creation’s majesty

Picturing the scene

This morning

As rest

Is on the docket

This beautiful

Thursday

Love

 Walking along

In a clarity

Only found

When my

Surroundings

Became the

Focal point

The pink flowers

To marvel

The greenery

To admire

The temps

Mine to satisfy

The longing

For the new

As I look

Back only

So that

The present 

Can be relished

Sometimes

Being surprised

Is the gift

Whose return

Is everlasting 

In its attempt

To be

The lesson

We remember

When days

Seem to ask

More questions

Than necessary

A sweet lady’s

Colorful dress

Prompted an

Encounter

That has

His fingerprints

Everywhere

Maybe the answer

Isn’t meant

To be known

As I saw 

Somewhere

And my mind

Went spinning

Faster than

Legs

On a peloton

He uses 

What I may

Not like

To help 

Me see

The mission

The mission

Lovelies

To love

Love well

No proselytizing 

The Savior

Is alive 

And kicking

In the being

Of one

Regine

Talia

Karpel

That

Is the

Meaning of life

Again

 What are 

You showing

Me today

I’m worthy

No need

To put 

Up a front

Or a mask

To make

Myself more

Palatable to take

Going to 

The creek

Just to 

Hear my

Little waterfall

Slowly empty

Again and again

Little miracles

Make the 

Big ones 

Possible

Loving

 Some things I’m loving

Sunscreen with a scent that reminds me of childhood

Upcoming thoughts of NC apples. 

Snail mail

Reminding myself some writing hits and some misses. Keep at it. 

Limiting social media

Cozy pjs

Not loving

That I fight doubt every day

Prayer requests and praises?

Whiskey

 Drinking whisky

No tumblers

The bottle

And I

Are

One tonight 

Drowning 

Our worries

Til morning

When the real

Work begins 

Seeking atonement 

For our 

Wayward ways

And misguided 

Perceptions 

Of reality

Loving God

 What feeds your mind

Frees or enslaves

Pick wisely

Choosing quiet

This morning

Enjoying a 

Buttered English muffin

And a medium roast brew

As I stare out

At the grass

Still lush 

And green

Not rushing

The seasons

Letting them

Be the compass

Of my 

Own self 

Soul listen

Heart align

As the guiding force

Known as 

The deity

I serve

Comes 

To cup my cheeks

With a sweet

Acknowledgment 

Of Presence

Revelry

 Taking a walk

Down the gravel road

Off to the mailbox

Checking to see

If I have 

Wonderful surprises

Ahead of me

Taking simplicity

Making it

Extraordinarily joyful

Because in all travels

The memories made

Are ordinary interactions

In everyday spaces

In the backdrop

Of the magnificent

Cathedral

Is the Father

Asking if 

Anything is needed

On my end

As I dream

Of wild surf

Crashing against

The cliffs

With a chilled air

I realized

I’m humming

Yellow Submarine

On a cloudless

September evening

Full of 

Anticipatory revelry

Mine

 Let my heart

Not be shattered

By the weight

Of my own

Doubt

The best 

Surprises

Take time

And yet

Here I am

Struggling

To be happy

In the wait

I don’t want

To question

I know 

Great is

On the way

I just can’t comprehend

The timing

Lord

You know

What I want

Is it that grand

That the ground

Would shake

And tremble

With the magnitude

Of its blessing

Would you pray

For me

I want to rejoice

In others good fortune

Until mine comes