The completion of PT was Friday. Three months.
In those three months, I learned several truths
I like to sweat. It feels like accomplishment.
Once I start, I feel fierce
My body is a beast. It takes a beating, and keeps going.
Discipline is key
My mental health improves with each move
Sweat glistens
As I listen
To the sound
Of deep breaths
Exhaled
And my legs
Continue
To cycle
Round and round
What are you doing for exercise these days?
Lord, it’s me. I find that these are my favorite posts. I have to remember my own humanity. My own need for mercy and grace. I’m finding day by day that I need to free myself from having to explain myself. I must free myself from the need to please others. Sometimes being selfish is actually being selfless. Pray for me
Heading to PT today. One body part feels stronger, another feels weaker. Working on balance is testing my mettle. I’m a flailing whale, not a graceful gazelle. I know everything takes time, but do I feel pangs of what if. Why did God make me this way, where marching in place for thirty seconds straight makes my equilibrium shake. It also doesn’t help that I’m woefully out of shape. That’s a whole other issue. I can only handle one at a time. I had to talk to my best friend to remind me that CP is one part of my story, and I’m finally learning the other parts of my story. The world has defined so much by that one part, and so have I. Here’s to learning who I am. I really don’t know who I am now, versus who I was before. It feels so odd getting to know all of myself. It’s very odd, but a little exciting. Do I write the story of the scared being afraid of its own shadow, to breaking free of my own expectation. That is the question. I can’t answer that right now. I’ve spent a life, hiding. I spent a life seeking. I’ve spent a life in deep reflection and utter contemplation. I’ve wondered and wandered a globe searching for meaning for my life. My life that can’t be measured in societal standards and norms. No matter how much PT is working my body, my mind is undergoing bulldozing. Where what you once thought has been completely obliterated. God is using what I didn’t want to get me to what I’m in need of. Miraculous.
