Letting the cards fly.

I don't want to let you in. I don't want to feel this pain. This utter despair. I can't dwell in this utter hopelessness. I had to be told point blank that people will never be able to give you what you give. You can't fight. I feel like my body and everything within me is broken. I'm not patient in affliction. I feel like God is imploring me to let it go. Stop looking at calendars when things are supposed to occur. When they're scheduled. I've had more issues than I can count. It seems when you think it's fixed, another part breaks. My body I realize is being compared to a car, something God said no to long ago.  If this sounds ungrateful I won't apologize. I've apologized for so much I have lost count. My perspective is skewed. My soul is tired. I'm worried.

Do it

Know you make a difference
With every breath you take
Every word you utter
Everything you write
Make a difference
Despite the fear you fear
the obstacles you face.

Pride

Why is it so hard to ask for help
To admit we need assistance
To put our pride
Where it belongs

Pray

Prayer requests?

Pick

A day in Naples
An evening in New York City
An afternoon in Paris

Thursday

I have let the desires of the flesh overwhelm my need for God. I've gotten caught up in the fear of missing out. What glamorous location, good food or miscellaneous fun will I miss. I have to realize that God decides it all, and He does everything for my good even when I don't understand why He does what He does. I'm not that powerful. I have to trust even when I don't get His choices. I need a heart free of jealousy, envy and what if. Help me, Lord

Monday

Making a decision to put the gift to use. God deserves it.