Stretch

 Right now 

Muscles feel

Like glue

Off to

Stretch 

And feel

Brand new 

Truth part 3

Thank you for all your support these past few days. I am truly grateful. All my life I have been sensitive about my condition. I have tried to pray it away. For years. That is not the reality. I have begrudgingly acknowledge that to be understood, I will have to let people in to my world. I have resisted that for the most part. I’ve given faint glimpses. When I let the curtain open, I didn’t fully know what to expect. In real life I’m not the greatest communicator, because that’s what I have chosen for so long. I’m seeing that doesn’t work these days. So in order to be understood, I am trying to understand, myself. It’s a learning curve. Please bear with me. Thank you again for your love and support. I am truly grateful. Love to you all. 

On a brighter note:  What is making you smile today?

Truth part 2

 I need thought I would do this, but there was a question raised in the comment section regarding the baclofen pump. This comment wasn’t meant to harm, but it hurt. For me, there is no alternative. Taking the baclofen orally was not working for me. I had no quality of life. I was existing.   As for the access and availability in poorer countries I can’t speak of. Which brings me to something more pressing. I can’t speak to equity of most anything in the developed world versus the developing world.   Does it anger me? Yes. Does it sadden me? Yes. I’m realizing that I can’t internalize the struggles of the world of which I have no control. I do my best each day to make the most of my blessings that is pleasing to God. The most difficult questions to answer are above my pay grade. When I share my experiences, I do so in hope. That you have hope. And that you fight a battle that is not mine. I’ve harbored too much guilt trying to reconcile why some have access while others do not. I’ve fought that battle. It got me nowhere, but to a therapist’s chair. I’ve asked why of God regarding my condition that will not leave me. I believe in God, but Cerebral Palsy is not leaving me. It’s acceptance. It is what it is. In an ideal world, disabled people wouldn’t feel compelled to always explain something that has no explanation or one I want. I would apologize for this post, but for once I’m not.  Explanation done. I hope this ends this conversation. Blessings my friends. 

Truth

 I have debated writing this, but the time has come. I’m on day two of rest.  Monday I had my baclofen pump refilled. I love and dread it all in one breath. It’s the day I affectionately call meeting with the needle. It’s where precision and patience must meet. The needle must locate the pump and fill.   I have stopped looking at the needle because I know when it meets. It’s not exact and precise all the time. It can take time. In that time I search for kind eyes and small talk. Once done, I leave and carb load so I can have a few hours of energy to walk, shop and enjoy. Once the window closes, exhaustion sets in. The next few days are peaks and valleys of energy. I get bursts. One minute, I feel wonderful, the next I struggle to now doze off. The most mundane tasks become acts of courage. After about a week, I return to the person, I often take for granted. I’m a child of grace, blessed by a benevolent God who gives me access to healthcare many the world over could only pray for friends. I give you this brief looks into what it takes to maintain mental and physical health. Science and Jesus work in tandem in my life. Let me tell you every race, every creed, every religion has treated me. The immigrant has loved me. The treatment rooms are the melting pot. When the needle goes in, what or who you are matters not. I’m American born and bred, but my first word was not uttered in English. The Ukrainian and Cuban grandmother who I swore I was nothing like, is the one I miss most. The one who deepened my faith in Christ was a college professor I had who was a hardened atheist. You can be proud of your heritage and be a patriot in the same breath. My only desire is that you love people truly, deeply and without reservation. I don’t tell you how or what to believe. What you do, I don’t answer for. The Maker of Heaven and Earth knows your heart. He judges accordingly. We are all His children whether we profess His Omnipotence or not. Blessings my friends

Cocoa

 Hot cup

Of cocoa

Marshmallows

Rising

To the top

Breathing 

In the aroma

Of coziness

Rest

 Resting today

I have 

To remind

Myself

It’s okay

And necessary

Thought

 Trying to take

The day in

Let things

Come as

They may

And not fret