Received

 Walking in grace

Coddled by mercy

As transformation

From reckless sinner

To redeemed child

Commences

Perfectly broken

For your use

Go to work

Lord

And find me

Radically upended

In love

Not understood

Just received

love

 I’m raw. Trust me, I’m aware. I no longer ask why. Or am getting better at not going down that trail of disaster. I’m functioning on reserves of the well. Surrender happens when you no longer know what to seek. When the only thing you seek is the Face. Meet me eye to eye. Search my tears. Search my fears. Rid me of my bitterness and jealousy. Rid me of the need to know. 

God is the only One who can answer my soul. The mass delusion of the world. Thanks friend. Thanks friend for reminding me that we idolize celebrities and others who lives appear perfect. The happiest relationships. The money to not worry about anything. God is stripping me of false idols. The more I see, the more I need to disconnect.  Be happy and prosper. I’m finding that nothing is satisfying my soul. 

In seven days, I’ve been stripped bare. I’ve not been able to accept that you could love me as well as you do. But, you, are faithful in your love for me. And it’s your love keeping me afloat. You give me all of yourselves. Thank you friends. 

What I need

Manna from Heaven

Is your love

For this 

Sinner

Neighbor

 Lord

O my soul

Feet to fire

Under my bum

Can’t wait

For the world

To save you

It left you hanging

Letting the truth

Do the talking

Better love 

Thy neighbor 

Takes on

New meaning

We country folks

Getting it done

One mule

One horse

And a scruffy mutt

fire ants

 Some thoughts

In the five stages of grief. Don’t know how long this lasts. Those who don’t have empathy have lost me. I’m trying not to judge, it’s hard. I can’t watch news or the latest gossip. It just makes me mad. Don’t know what is says about me. In the past week, I’ve had the chance to see my unsavory ways. If I post something light, it’s not that I don’t care. I just need to dream again. I need to believe in goodness again. I’m not able to write without crying. My tears are watering the Earth right now. 

God

A blubbering mess

Who still

Dreams

Of walking

The rues

And carrying

The wares

Of Coco

Are in 

Stark contrast

To fire ants

Green grass

And southern drawls

Yes

 May you

Caress me

Like the 

Softest

Sweetest

Silk

Warm me

With crushed velvet

And hold me

In perfect peace

Her

 Lord,

My mountain home

In tatters

Only You

Can deliver her

Attention

She needs

Yet receives

Not

She’s the workhorse

The soul

Not the glamorous star

We want the flash

Forgetting the backbone

It’s those hills

That hug me

And love me

Like no other

Long read

 I’m okay physically. Mentally, I’m coming out of survival mode. I woke up last night reaching for a flashlight I no longer need. I rode to town yesterday, and as I looked around, how I have power and water is a miracle. I open up to write and tears flow. Tears of relief and guilt mix. I asked my therapist how long this would last. Her guess. A while. I prayed for one week for power, and one the seventh day, He delivered.  Honestly, I doubted after day two, but God was showing me something. I’m strong. You do things you never thought you would. 

I got rid of so many undergarments. Please don’t think going to the bathroom outdoors is an easy task for everyone. My pride had to go. Doing laundry by hand is exercise. The washing machine is a luxury. I know now why on the seventh day rest is commanded. 

I have power and water. Gratitude holds new meaning. I will continue writing, I don’t know how it will look. 

Grace 

What 

I need

As I move forward

Not forgetting

That suffering

Happens every day

Yet we persist

My life

Not my own

Anymore

Dreaming of 

Exotic places

And wild spaces

Yet knowing

The next steps

Will require

Courage

Navigating

Silver spooned

Blue blooded

Nature doesn’t discriminate 

Until the fire 

Refines you

Compassion

Is not a given

When the 

Trials of humanity

Come to the door

Yours

Do you 

Give freely

Willingly

And without pretense

What seven days

Shows

Is change happens

Even as our

Eyes are 

Wide open 

Gratefulness

And grief

Intertwine

Positivity

Meets reality

In a delicate dance

I never wanted

To partake in