Sense

 I’ve lost track of days, but you get the gist. Tired from a good workout yet mentally energized. Something about moving the body. It’s so true. I made it through the entire workout without stopping. How many times have I quit before the finish line. I’m in the valleys, and it’s not where I desire to be.  I’m accepting that daily. I don’t multitask at all. Certain tasks if not all take my undivided attention. I must be fully present walking, talking or doing anything.  If I don’t there are consequences. I have taken spills because I wasn’t watching where I was going. Every action requires a precise reaction. I think I programmed myself to always be on the move, without regard to what was best for me. I took societal cues, ran a race not designed for a me, and played a game where the odds weren’t in my favor. I took gambles’ I shouldn’t have.  Run my race, not the one I wish I had. Success will come when it wants. The path is long, but taking the shortcut is rougher in the end. 

The journey

Is tougher

When I let 

My wants

Trump

Common sense

Creation

 Coming to you today from a place I know well. What’s this place called?  Doubt. Faith and doubt don’t mix. Like oil and water. Or do they?  Writing is like weeding a garden. Trying to protect the good, while getting rid of the unwanted pests. In my garden between the sweet, red tomatoes are the weeds that try to overwhelm the fruit. I’m always still amazed tomatoes are a fruit. As I’ve gotten down on my knees plucking the unwanted to preserve the desired, I’m reminded of how parents do the same. My will has run wild much to my own detriment. I hate to admit when they’re right. I don’t like to say that I’m still young enough to not know everything. With each and everyday I only learn when I put my selfishness aside in the admission that with acknowledgement that as long as I breathe, I am being molded into the best creation I can be. 

Settles

 Day Five

What will I come up with today. The Sunday Sermon is coming. I’m stretched and going.  I only need some joe and I’m ready to rock. Help me come up with not just mere words, but kindle in my soul a desire to be me. Who I am is more than okay. Every day is one to speak life into an imperfect body and frazzled mind. Releasing anger and frustration, and being humble enough to tear the veil. I’ve held back, and it has cost me peace. Peace is too darn expensive. Time and peace.  The only things I really desire more of in this life. Realign and prioritize. 

In this

Sunday situation

Sit in the stillness

Of summer sizzle 

And stall 

The soul

Until

Sweetness

Settles

Molehills

 In my favorite jeans

On Day Four

Am I willing 

To be wholly uncomfortable

With what I’m about

To say

I’ve learned nothing but bad habits by being comfortable. I always need to be stretched physically and mentally. I need to sweat. I’ve never liked the weeds, but it’s where I learn to thrive. I’ve learned survival skills there. And survival for me includes learning how to communicate. I don’t do it well in person at all. I detest it honestly. I make mountains out of molehills because I misconstrue or misinterpret what others say. I’m very literal. I don’t tell jokes. I don’t let people in. I’m changing that. I will always have to teach. 

I share this with you because I’m eating crow. I always complained that I didn’t want this to be my assignment. And here I am.  I’m doing exactly what I said I wouldn’t. If this is the first part of surrender, Lord, I’m under Your wing. 

Abandoned cove

I long to return 

To the days

When I didn’t

Have to create

Joy and hope

It was as easy

As breathing

In and out

Repeat

Enigma

Mystery

Unique

I relate

That’s part

Of the allure

I surprise myself every day. Honestly, I wonder to what depths I will go. The armchair traveler, I’ve seen it called. The world teaches me so much. I recall my travels often not for what I’ve seen, but the people I met. The best conversations happen in the airport as I’m being wheeled to the gate. It amazes me what I’m told in a span of minutes.  If I’m willing to listen, I will learn. God is convicting me here. How many times, I wonder where You are.  You’re everywhere. I just don’t pay attention. What is the correlation. In the airport wheelchair patience is necessary.  With God, I desire an answer immediately. If I give Him time, He will allow me to answer my own question. I want an elaborate display, but the answer comes in the abandoned cove. 

Old school soul

 Day Two:

In the weeds I go. Time to get scraped, itchy and dirty. Strapping on the braces of discomfort. Please relish youth. You don’t get it back. I harken back to days of trying to drive a go-kart and failing miserably. I drove it in the gate five times. Covered in cow manure and sweat. Can you imagine?  An editorial for Vogue awaits me.  As frustrated as I was that day, it’s now a treasured memory. A keepsake of driving. I long for something I can’t do, but that day I did.  Failing in open spaces. Farm life gives you lessons that now cost hundreds in the therapy chair. I don’t regret either. I need both. I need to fall down, feel the earth and then discuss it.  It’s a pattern, I’m sure I don’t have the right to trademark. I’ve tasted grass, hay bales and bugs. There is no limit to what you encounter in the woods of Carolina. The morning call of the chickens has me brewing coffee at four in the morning. It’s not lost on me that the life I lead is a dream to many.  It’s only know as I sit and ruminate, that we don’t realize when mistakes become the biggest sources of gratitude.   Vogue cover girl am I?  Chanel dipped in old school soul.  Funnier things have happened

Lemonade

 The muddy water. I’m wading through it. Metaphor. I know, it’s life. Each day I feel the need to walk down to the pond and meditate. Let the summer sun take me away. Be one with the mosquitoes and bees. Take a swim in that water with the fish right beside me. Be one with the land. Let God’s creation envelope me in a hug. One I’ve denied myself for far too long. Maybe as we children, we have it right. Too much thinking, not enough doing. Jump, don’t hesitate. Not everything with bite unless we try. When I say we, I mean me. I’ve put off writing, beyond what I’ve gotten comfortable with, and that’s not when you grow. I want lots of things, but I’ve not put in the work. Anything worth doing takes effort, even if that is to remind myself to breathe and hydrate. I’m reading others’ words.  I need to read my own. That means I must write them. What’s the good with talent, if you don’t use it. It goes wasted.  I have always worried, and God has always said:  Go!  I won’t let you fail. If you do, it is alright. We’ve made failure a bad word. I need to embrace it. Success comes from repeated failure. I’ve stopped failing, because I stopped trying. The world’s must successful failure. I like the sound of that. Making lemonade again. It feels so good to get into the weeds again. Will you join me?

Cheek

 As I sit

In the silence

I remember

A goodness

That life has

When I stop

And recall

The beauty

That God

Blesses me

With every day

The green grass

That tickle my toes

The water hose

That sprays

My face 

So coolly

As my red cheeks

Rejoice

Seek the good

Searching for 

The miracle

That isn’t hard

To find at all

Peach

 The aroma

Of peach muffins

Has my 

Attention

This morning

Smile bright

Smile wide

The world 

Needs your light

Today

Dancing

 Dancing

This morning

To a favorite song

From another era

A sweet memory

That makes me

Smile this morning

Share your joy 

My friends

It’s so useful

In a world

That focuses 

On what’s wrong

And doesn’t celebrate

The good things

Get to know

 Last thing I read- Tatler magazine travel article

Last thing I ordered- Gloves

Last thing I ate- Pancakes

Last thing I drank- coffee

Last blog I visited- Maxine’s. 

Your turn. Go!

Saturday

 Saturday happies

Almond milk 

Good tunes 

Coffee

Comfy couch

You

Smiles

 Rough night

Can’t forgive myself

For a mistake

I made

Tell me

Something good

That’s happened 

To you

Sun

 Sunny days

Tall trees

Sweet berries 

And whip cream

What I see

Today 

Friend

 Friends

You give me hope

God supplying 

My needs today

Is all I can say

Thank you

For supporting

A lowly girl

Searching 

For answers

In a cruel world

Searching for direction

Going

 What is it

You seek 

Of me

Is it 

Complete surrender

Surrender everything

I’ve ever wanted

For striving

Has caused 

More strife

You never

Said anything

Worth doing

Would be easy

Give my heart

The desire 

To keep going

Questions

 Last thing you bought

Last thing you read

Last thing that made you smile?

Last thing that broke your heart?

What are you cooking tonight?

Praise

 Lord

I claim 

Your promises

As my flesh 

Is weak

But my 

Strength 

Is renewed

By reading 

Your words

What is on your heart today?

Friday happies.

 My favorites today 

A nice shrimp dinner

Happy mail

A new word search

Vaccines 

And most importantly, I don’t have to convince of my opinions. 

That’s not my job

It’s to love you

Despite your shortcomings 

As I try

To the same

For myself 

Please pray for a dear friend’s husband as they determine the type of cancer and it’s severity. Thank you so much for your prayers. 

Yesterday and today

The memory of yesterday 

Propels me forward 

To see

The beauty 

Of today

Share with me any favorite memories. 

Sweet delight

 Fruit so sweet

Kissing my lips

The smell an elixir

The taste divine

A perfect start

To a day

I am grateful

To be able

To experience fully

What a you grateful for today?

Fruit

 To bear fruit

I must be pruned

In surrender

Silent and still

In growing

Learn

That the wait

Produces

The harvest

Of my soul

Monday fun

 Last thing you made?

Favorite savory treat?

Last thing you bought?

Favorite school memory?

Favorite exercise?

Pray

 Prayer requests or praises?

Pure necessity

 Ebb and flow

Not always linear

I’ve not always

Addressed the albatross

The elephant 

I’ve not shaken

Depression 

And 

Anxiety

Much like Disability 

Show up 

At unexpected times

With each blessing 

Comes a bittersweet reality

That doesn’t release

And I have 

To come back

To coping mechanisms 

I abandon

Until I realize

I’m not cured

But a daily

Work in

The fruits

Of the spirit

Some of us

Just learn 

To deal

Out of 

Pure necessity 

Coyote

 Early morning fun

When coyotes roam

Right outside

Perfect view

Through

The windowpane 

Body and soul

 Stretch

Your body

Your soul

Might 

Thank you

For giving

Love to something

You’ve neglected

For too long

Chin up 

Child

It isn’t 

The end

But a 

New beginning

Tired

 In the storm

You don’t delight

In my pain

Suffering

I don’t like you

Please renew

My faith

I’m so tired

Of trying 

To do right

It seems futile

Heat

 Hot

Steamy

And sweltering

Summer in the South

Here’s to a cool treat

To ease the strain

Thank you for the birthday wishes. I appreciate it. 

Whole

 Lord

In this thirty-eight year

Please let me live well

Praise effortlessly

Pray with intention

And those 

That hurt me

Love them

So that they

Can do 

The same

Regine

Don’t 

Be 

Offended

How they 

Treat you 

Is not

A reflection

Of your character

But theirs

Lord

You know

My heart

Refine it

And make

It whole