Humbling

 I’m contemplating what to share. I probably will in due course, but right now, I’m sitting with it. Every day I accept even more parts of the story that God is showing me. I have to remember this:  It’s not for my glory, but for His. If I share now, my pride and pain will show. Each day is like shedding a layer of skin. A layer of that soft exterior that leads to a hard interior. I know what I fear, I’m just trying to extract it delicately. An event happened this weekend that only He could use for others, but for me too. There isn’t a manual for how deep rooted emotions can occur from something good happening. God didn’t bless me to be a multi-tasking human. Walking and chewing gum at the same time is as much as I can handle. A euphemism yes. A lie, no. I often wonder how many layers we humans have. It’s honestly exhausting.  There is work to do on my soul, mind and body. More than I can say. More than I want to admit. I’ve been a perpetual work in progress for years with no signs of abating. Learning how to be independent physically is mentally draining. It’s a task that needs to be done. It’s not linear. It has more zigs and zags than a maze. Please treasure your independence. It’s a pain to gain. When people can’t see your disability and you have to spell it out and prove it, it is humbling. All this to say, I’m healing, but there is still more to be done. I pray you all are well.