Letting the wall down

 I’m coming up on a big day. It’s a blogging anniversary.  Nine or ten years. I don’t know. Lost count years ago. It’s my most consistent relationship. What have I learned. I’ve learned that if I don’t meet you, know my love for you is endless. You show up. You love me. You don’t question. You seem willing to absorb my rants and frustrations. You fill a void. You mind the gap. You don’t erase my pain. You help me face it. Why I keep writing. To get out my head. To release agony. Ten years of pain. I’d thought I would have been rid of it all. No.  That’s the real answer. Let me honest. My life is damned near perfect. The problem is right between my two ears. I’ve been in therapy long enough to admit that. It’s the voice that’s asks me everyday:  Do I dare ask for more?  And I don’t know whether it’s right of me to ask God for more.  I can’t just believe I’ve written this. In ten years, this is progress. I don’t know how many will read this, but this is about as vulnerable as I’ve ever been. My heart is cracking. It is said one grows, when we break our own darn walls. The dam just burst.