Sometimes having company
Is the biggest blessing
It shatters your shell
And you get
To embrace
Childhood
Once again
It feels so good
To laugh
And to remember
How long its been
Since you really
Experienced joy
In all its wonder
Watching children
Hula hoop
And draw
And not tethered
To a screen
Is true happiness
For me
To see
Your Word
The lamp
Onto my feet
The guidebook
For my life
To manage
The fear
The doubt
The what ifs
That wreak havoc
On this soft soul
To remain soft
In a hard world
That seems
To approve
Of the worst
Of humanity
May I follow
Your will
Not my own
My will
Gets me
In more trouble
That I can
Ever say
Lord
Give me
A heart
That seeks
The best
In all
I’m to do
Happy Saturday.
What are you up to today?
Enjoying the sunshine before it gets cold and rain
Looking forward to finding a new book to read
Want to find new healthy recipes to try
How about you?
Grateful for friends that feel like family.
A nice meal out
Unexpected gifts
A friend telling me I’m a luxury item
Snail mail
Your turn?
Thursday update
Thank you for your love and prayers. They are the gifts that always multiply
Therapy today
Bought new brand of granola. Excited to try.
Trying out a new pair of sneakers.
Have a beautiful day.
Pray for me
Anxiety is high
Within these
Bones of mine
Peace
Come rest
Inside me
As I shut off
The doubt
That has
Me reeling
Hug me
Wrap me
Tight
So I
Don’t escape
Or seek
An emergency exit
What’s on your heart?
What’s bringing you joy?
What or who is making you smile?
What’s your greatest desire?
What’s in your cart?
Coffee
Bagel
And Jesus
Making my
Morning complete
May I seek
You as
You find me
And search
My inner being
Happies this week
Left my phone at home mistakenly. Enjoyed a ride to a neighboring town without digital interruption. It was glorious. Observing nature and people watching was just what my soul needed. Highly recommend.
Tried on new sneakers. Didn’t purchase yet. Enjoyed the outing nonetheless.
Enjoyed a good late lunch out. Nothing like good Southern cuisine. Love sweet tea. Don’t need the sugar so I ordered water.
Enjoying listening to new musical artists to me. Who are your favorites?
Finding a new shirt during thrifted from a brand I love
What are your happies this week?
And because I’m nosy, what’s in your grocery cart?
Growing pains
It’s what
This is
I should
Be grateful
You deem
Me worthy
Of great assignments
Of which
I do
Not yet
Know
What a privilege
A blessing
I can’t
Fully understand
In this moment
What is bringing you joy? Pure joy. One you can’t contain. Big and small
I’m just learning God can and will convict you at any time, any place. It was a very humbling experience. I’m just grateful to learn and be corrected in real time.
Off to therapy soon. Pray for my muscles and my mind. Thank you.
Let what
I say
Be pleasing
And honoring
I don’t have
To like
Everything
Or Everyone
But I am
Called to love
The Command
That doesn’t waver
Rest day here. Sore is an understatement. Not very crafty, but want to try anyway. What is something you want to do, but aren’t very good at?
I love thrifting, but I’m not the best
I like jewelry making, but for dexterity challenged people it is indeed a challenge.
Would love to see your answers.
I saw something from John Grisham on Instagram about being a successful writer. It isn’t if what you write is good. It is just that you do it every day. You cannot use the excuse of writer’s block. Which I’ve done just that. Consistency even when in doesn’t feel good. This is a metaphor for life. Consistency builds character. It’s not sexy. It’s not fun. If my body spent two years in decline, these past months are teaching me what I’m doing is not glamourous. It’s just necessary. Have my muscles screamed in agony. Yes. They do everyday. They will always scream. Do I have strategies to help. Yes. Do they always work. No. I just trudge along.
I no longer have the luxury of skipping a stretch day or strengthening day. My rest is scheduled like appointments would be on a calendar. To make dreams come true, Jesus and reality meet everyday. It takes a lot of work to get my brain to regenerate. If I’m not consistent, it’s lost. Let me tell you, I can’t lose it again. I don’t have answers yet. Right now, the answer is secondary to the process. And I’m doing what I don’t like. Why is that? What I don’t like is healing my body from the inside out. And healing is more important than what I think I want.
So am I cleaning up and clearing out. Yes. I haven’t loved the body I’ve been given. I just complained. I’m doing exactly what I said I would never. God is laughing. Does my body need a lot of more work ahead. Yes. I don’t sugarcoat that. However, I now see the reason, even as I still don’t understand. If I thought I understood being broken down to the bottom before, I really had no clue. Each day, I recognize how God heals versus my interpretation. I will preface this by saying I hope you don’t have to endure a precipitous decline like I have. Ten out of ten, do not recommend.
Am I in the best physical shape of my life. I’m getting there. Mentally, I’m getting there as well. It’s all a process. Process over perfection. I heard someone say it. I don’t remember who so I could give credit. Here’s to the process friends.
What is on your heart?
What are you cooking?
What are you baking?
What is one thing you bought that you’re happy about?
If I looked on your playlist what artist is playing?
The news is on constant loop
Chicken parm
Want to bake banana nut muffins
Forrest Frank
Lord
Please hear
Our plea
Protect your
Children
And give discernment
To those
Who need
It most
The world
Might be
On fire
But I need
Peace in
My heart
To withstand
A barrage
Of emotions
That I
Feel utterly
Unqualified
To handle
Loving Greek yogurt and granola
Wordle
Reading the newspaper
New stationery
Finding new blogs
What are you reading? Need new books to read. Thank you.
Any wins this week?
Happies
Seeing friends
Such good food
Beautiful trinkets
Peace in
The process
Not the
Desired outcome
What’s in my cart edition 2
A new book
Magnesium spray
Sweet treats
Love looking at new stationery
Foreign magazines
New recipes
Your turn?
Learning is
A process
You will
Make mistakes
You didn’t know
That they were
And you will
Have wins
You didn’t
Think they were
Giving myself
Grace as I
Would give
To others
Love yourself
Forgive yourself
You only
Have One
To answer to
My friends
Love you
Be joyful
And blessed
In every affliction
Good morning lovelies. Haven’t done this in awhile. Thought today might be the day. Any prayer requests or praises?
I’m learning
Not to stoop
Not to engage
And trust
The Father
When I ache
When I wonder
And when
Nothing makes
Sense
To bring
My anger
My despair
And my rage
For He is
The answer
And anchor
Of my being
Mind
Body and soul
Happy for the US yet sad for Canada. I love you both.
Looking at different fashion magazines for inspiration. Love Porter and Tatler particularly. Vogue and Town and Country come next. I love travel magazines too.
Happy baseball season is back.
Enjoyed some chili for lunch.
Tell me one win for you from this week?
PT and OT are working.
What are your favorite healthy snacks? In a food rut.
Love your neighbor and yourself.
About to post on rkrsrue.blogspot.com. Stop by if you could
What’s on the agenda today my friends?
Going to relax after having PT and OT back to back yesterday, and enjoy listening to the rain. I may to some dot to dots or word searches or read a book. A boring weekend. I need boring though.
Have a beautiful weekend.
Friday happies
Happy mail arrived
I woke up
My family is well
Two delicious dinners out
Legs are being strengthened
Your turn
Thank you so much for your love. I don’t deserve it. I’m humbled by it. You see my heart for what it is, even when my sinful desires take hold. The way you love me is what Jesus preached. I have accepted that my body will not be healed like I once prayed. God knows if He cured me, I might think I didn’t need Him or want Him. As I am, I’m constantly reminded of my need for Him, but mostly my want for Him. And that’s what He wants most from me. And I serve at His pleasure, not my own.
He’s taking me through valleys I never thought I’d touch again. I’ve touched them, however. I’ve resided there. There is purpose in the pain. Purpose in the process. If I’ve written these words before, it’s because I have. And they still are true. The years that pass don’t nullify their validity. It amplifies them. I’m a human being who sometimes wants things too easily or right now. I’m imperfect. I accept that I will not be everyone’s cup of tea. I have champagne taste on a beer budget. Do I wish I didn’t. Sure do. That’s God’s job to convict me of. If He uses another human being to do it, who I am to question.
This is not directed at anyone. These are the random thoughts of my heart. I’ve tried to change my heart, but He hasn’t done that yet either. I’m also learning that if I don’t ask, I don’t receive. Do I expect it, no, but if I don’t ask I will never know. And I’ve lived with enough regret for a lifetime questioning my worth. And I refuse to do it any longer.
Peace, hope and love my friends
Regine
Good morning friends. If yesterday’s post left a sour taste in anyone’s mouth, I’m very sorry. I will do better. I don’t want anyone to feel any obligation to me in any way.
Sometimes, I make mistakes, and seek forgiveness. I’m very sorry.
Sending love
Your way
And hoping
For grace
As I learn
And continue
To do so
Every day
Just came home from another procedure. Let me tell you, procedures don’t get easier. My body is not normal. If I already didn’t know it before, the narrative just got reinforced. I have some new products to possibly consider trying. The health and wellness space in the market are having a field day in my online shopping cart these days. I’m having to read reviews for the best product for my needs. On a lighter note, I’m off to rest. I must say you all were right on target with what you’d send me, but Sheri at Red Rose Alley really has me pegged. I’d love to see what you’d pick for me, if you actually sent something. Wishing you a beautiful afternoon.
Love,
Regine
It’s Ash Wednesday. A time of quiet reflection. Of what in me needs to be more like Him. What am I giving up this Lenten season. Self-doubt would be wonderful.
Now for a fun question
If you were to send me snail mail or a surprise based on what you know about me, what would you send? No need to send anything, just curious to see your responses.
Sending love your way
Who knew the contents of my online shopping cart would be a hit. I guess it will become a regular post.
Some tidbits about me
My love of unexpected surprises knows no bounds
Snail mail is a love language
I collect lip products. Same for nail polish
I love word searches
I use cream in my coffee. Vanilla preferably.
So I’ve never found myself very interesting. I’m just a human being in need of Grace, but I was asked to share what was in my cart.
So here is what’s in my cart.
Head x Veronica Beard tennis skort
Ascent chocolate protein powder
Colace stool softener
These are not glamorous purchases
Would I rather buy pretty pens, stationery and dresses yes. My wishlist is definitely more fun. You didn’t ask for that though. So we’re sticking to the boring essentials.
What’s in your cart or on your wishlist?
This afternoon on the treadmill I had a moment of sadness. I remember the days when I could walk on it for an hour with no problems. No fear. No worry. Now, don’t ask how long I can last. It’s not even close to an hour. I started to wonder. Wonder what if. I realized quickly that thought wouldn’t serve me. I just shook my head, and continued walking.
I don’t know how long it will take for me to recover physically, but it will be much quicker than my mental recovery. There is no doubt about that assessment. I didn’t understand what my therapist meant the last time I spoke with her. I get it now.
Pray I can forgive myself for something I couldn’t control. Something I never saw coming. The decline was slow, yet rapid in a way I can’t explain. An oxymoron, I understand. To tell you the state of my soul, it feels like my online cart looks like new workout gear, protein powder and supplements. Rinse and repeat.
Coming out of the weeds of denial is a much harder issue to tackle. It’s being tackled, however, because for grief to be dealt with properly; it must be.
I’m learning slowly what it looks like to be my own cheerleader, until then my online cart purchases will be.
Sunday sermons by Rich Villodas @richvillodas
On IG: @jtedscott has posts he calls Sunday sermons. They’re so good.
My two favorite follows lately
My friend FaceTimed me from a favorite stationery store so I could pick out what I wanted.
Another friend sent a text that I’m keeping. It meant that much.
And God He shows up when I least expect it.
What are you grateful for today?
Any Valentine’s Day plans today?
Loving cinnamon raisin bagels
Unexpected gifts
Snail mail
Not having to cook
Coffee
Red and pink
Hearts
Stars and sprinkles
Has me
Dreaming of
A beautifully decorated
And delicious
Cookie cake
For Valentine’s Day
Happy Valentine’s Day to all. Know you are all loved by me. Sending hugs across the miles.
To do today
Compliment someone
Smile more
Pray for people when they’re on my mind
Just be kind
Y’all add any I’m not thinking of please
How may I pray for you today?
Physical therapy is testing me in ways I imagined, and in ways I didn’t. I anticipated the physical toil. I didn’t anticipate how much. I’m worn out each and every time. PT is followed by nap time. Endurance is what I need, I just don’t know how long it will take me not to be so exhausted by it. This is not the biggest adjustment.
My mental health is undergoing an overhaul. Gratitude mixes with frustration way too often. Grateful for an opportunity to get better, yet a frustration that my body deteriorated so badly that I don’t know when it will return.
And I started OT today too.
Do what
You do
Even as
I continue
Not to
Understand
The plan
Will be giving a PT update soon.
Some wins
Seeing some friends yesterday
A nice lunch out
An unexpected sweet treat
Admiring beautiful craftsmanship in local stores
Tell me yours.
Questions
Did you watch the Super Bowl
Did you make a feast?
Did you watch the halftime?
What is making you smile?
Instagram handle?
Yes
Chicken wings
Yes
Learning God loves surprising me
@reginekarpel
Loving
Jesus
Online shopping
Italy
Avocados
Diet Sprite. Even if I shouldn’t. Don’t drink it often
Dreaming about
A Cortina peak
Covered in snow
As I enjoy
An aperitif
At the foot
Of the Dolomites
Staying sane
Is of utmost importance
These days
And my soul rejoices
In simple pleasures
Until my body
Is ready for
A dreamy adventure
Friday thoughts
Therapy again today. May my spirit rejoice and be glad in it. My wallet may not be full, but my heart is. He’s never cared about dollars and cents, but with my heart. My heart has been on a roller coaster full of what ifs and regret. Wondering if at 42, I let opportunities go, thinking I had time. Right now, I’m getting better, but at a much slower rate. I have to trust, that all I’ve done past and present, He knew would happen. And He’s not surprised, even if I recoil in shock. I have to trust the Author. I just know I’m not Him.
I love you all if you didn’t know.
Regine
Breathing out
Exhaling
As I
Realize
That nothing
Is hidden
From you
Even as
I try to hide
Less of me
More of you
Seems so simple
Yet its execution
Is beyond me
Right now
Flawed
And taking
The time
To do
The hard work
Which is
To look within
At self
Not at others
Externally
My soul is yours
I just never
Really ceded authority
And I’m not
The Author
And finisher of
My faith
Loving
Trying new hair products’
Cherry chapstick
Thrifting
Seeing old friends
Eating good food
Your turn?
Yesterday in therapy was a challenging day. Let’s just say working on my balance left me highly inbalanced. And it didn’t feel too good. I saw old apparatus and equipment that left me shaking inside. I was conquering the fear in real time. My fear was not hidden. My face showed it all. My discomfort and my fear were on full display. I will say that the others in the office watch me with great awe or craziness. Who pays people to whip them into shape like this. I sometimes wonder if sometimes I’ve lost my mind.
Please pray that I can stay the course, as I continue to be very uncomfortable, with no end in sight.
Love you all
Regine
Every day
I’m returning
To a version
I recognize
Yet still is
So foreign to me
I’m letting
The disappointment
Roll off me
I’m doing
The things
That petrify me
I’m finding joy
In places
Formerly marked
With disdain
I’m not taking
On unnecessary pain
Taking on discomfort
Is not a
Badge of honor
Unless he
Ordains it
Or allows it
I’m fully aware
That my problems
Will never cease
I just no longer
Give them
The power
To overwhelm me
To topple me
I’m strong
Yet very fragile
I’m the contradiction
The exception
To every rule
And there
Is grace
In accepting
What was once
So vehemently
Denied
Denial
The river
In Egypt
No longer
Resides there
God says move
This isn’t your home
Not anymore
Anyway
Lord Jesus
Focus on You
Not on worldly
Desires and wishes
May me heart
Be warmed
By your faithfulness
Not the deception
Of man’s crudeness
Be mine
Be ever mine
Lord,
Guard my tongue
Guard my heart
It really needs it
As much as
I need air
My Sunday prayer
Grateful for
The breath
In my lungs
And of those
I love
As a brand
New day
Awaits our
Hands and feet
Preparing for snow
Preparing for crisp clarity
Creation showing
How good
Surrender becomes
As I
Let it be
Another appointment. Another doctor possibly added. I could be down, but oddly enough, it gives me comfort to get another set of eyes, a new perspective to try and figure out this brain of mine. So today, a new day. I smile and take the win. Having to find silver linings with everything I have. Therapy today. May my body withstand the beating it will take.
Love you all
Regine
What is making you happy
Writing cards and designing them
What are you eating
Special K Red Berries
What are you drinking?
Water
What are you buying?
Groceries and activewear
What are you dreaming of
Possible future travel destinations
Lord,
We may have another storm coming, and frankly, I’m barely hanging on after this one. Trying not to eat my feelings. And if one more person questions global warming because it’s cold, I have some oceanfront property to sell you in the middle of nowhere. My nerves are frayed. My soul is tired. Don’t ask me my thoughts on world events. You won’t like it. You never said it would be easy, but I’m wondering…don’t finish that sentence, Regine
I know this isn’t the happy post you all are accustomed to seeing. I’m sorry. Maybe I’m not. It shows you my humanity. God is good. I never will dispute that, I just don’t like His methods sometimes. So, I will search for the bright spots even as my mind is chasing the rabbit.
Your turn?
Roads are too icy. It’s way too cold. A day at home.
Happies
A pretty new nail polish
Snail mail. You all keep my mailbox full, and I LOVE it.
Online browsing and shopping
New friends
Making new discoveries
Your turn?
My job lately is to live well. Live in the promise of His Presence. To display the goodness of Christ. Christ alone. I profess to be a Christian, but there is NOTHING redemptive about me, but the love of Christ. If my life doesn’t emulate Christ, I’m doing something wrong.
Love
Is all
There is
At the
End of
The day
Grateful for all of you.
Happiest for the week
Browsing at the House of Ford. If my wallet would afford, I’d buy one of everything. I just love it. Plus, the owner is a dear friend. Style and a good heart. Can’t beat it.
Sugar boutique is a local spot for me. I stop by every week. It’s just a little spot of happy for me. I love Sandi the owner.
Clipping coupons for things I need. I miss getting the newspaper and searching for them.
Good skincare
Gummy bears
Stay safe friends. Love you all.
Getting ready for the winter storm. Please pray. Trying to stay calm and prepared.
Any good books or magazine articles?
Favorite meals to make?
Any tips or tricks of the trade?
Love you all
Why I am an anxious
Worried soul
Who thinks
They must fix everything
And never mess up
Trust and obey
You can’t
Control anything
So stop
It now
For your
Own sanity
Thank you for all your love. I don’t know if I will ever be able to repay it this lifetime. Being rebuilt physically will take time, but the mental one may be even longer. And I don’t know how prepared I am to exorcise those demons. The excruciating pain that will come. I’m realizing everyday my mind and body are not set up for immediate gratification or results. Everything and anything takes time. And this child hates waiting.
So I don’t know what to pray for anymore. I don’t know if its for surrender or just your will be done. I’m in a place I can’t accurately describe. Thank you for listening. Reading. I’m ever grateful.
Regine
Let me tell you friends. My mind and body are at war with each other. Trying to fight my desire to speed up the process with the need for rest. I know I can’t rush. I just want answers so badly. As my friend told me yesterday, my body is a unicorn. It marches to its own drum. And sometimes I detest its uniqueness. Alas, it is the body I’ve been given.
If I could ask that you pray that my mind and body be at peace with one another. That my balance improves. Let me tell you if you’ve ever had balance issues, this needs no explanation. Feeling so off-kilter is just making me so mad and sad at the same time. And the fact that I don’t know how it happened or when it will return to baseline is knocking me for a loop.
With it being MLK Jr. Day, I won’t leave with his quotes. I will leave you with this. Love each other as we have been called by Our Savior. Love when it hurts. Love when it feels good. Just love.
God Bless you
Regine
As I watch the Bills lose, I realize that I root for teams that come up painfully short. I don’t regret rooting for these teams. What I have in common with these teams is we have heart, maybe not the killer instinct or the breaks. I realize, however, at the end of the day, that winning a trophy is outward adulation. Why do you Toronto and Buffalo, adept in surviving frozen depths, teach me the most important lessons. Lessons I don’t want to learn, but do anyway.
It seems like I will always root for the affable loser, than the triumphant victor. I don’t know what that says about me. We losers know how to win where it really counts: LIFE. God, never stops teaching. Let’s hope I never tire of learning.
God bless you all. I love you.
Saturday Q and A
What is making you smile?
What are you making?
What are you buying?
What are you reading?
Some unexpected snail mail. You all know the way to my heart
Muffins
Mainly just browsing. Getting inspiration.
Garden and Gun magazine
Your turn. Go!
It is a bone chilling cold kind of day. It’s also therapy day. Time to get working. I know my body will thank me for it later. I’m just grateful. I just have to trust the process. And let me tell you I don’t like the process, but process is what I need.
Here’s to
Another day
To start over
And get
It right
Have a beautiful day my lovelies. Hugs. xx.
Yesterday as I was thrifting, I saw some beautiful pieces. Did I want them? Yes. Did I get them? No. I would be able to use them. They would just sit and look pretty. I couldn’t use them. They would collect dust. Nothing else. The shoe is meant to be used not merely admired.
If you’re wondering, the same applies to faith. It’s not just there to be applauded and congratulated. It’s to be active. Ready to be put into practice as at any moment. If my faith is not in use, it does little to no good. Did I get much sleep last night. No. Instead of God take my worry, I decided to take action in a sleepy haze. Let’s just say, it’s not until I gave it over, did I rest.
As I was thrifting, I took a look at the prices. After the item in question has been used to a certain, its value plummets exponentially. Thankfully the Lord doesn’t regard His creation the same way. My soul and body have been put through the wringer, and my worth has never declined. What a promise.
Life isn’t easy
And maybe
That’s the
Secret to
Its beauty
Not everyday is a good one. With each day I’m a conqueror. Conquering the fear. Trying something new. I don’t like change. Not many do. I understand that. Right now, I’m in the one day at a time space of time. I always like to plan. I’ve always said I wanted peace. No, I don’t. I read something, and it said I wanted control. I can’t follow Jesus well if I want control. And newsflash: I really do want control, something I can’t have.
I’m a control addict. Pure and simple. Taking the reins off everything is testing my faith. Do I trust Him or my own misgivings. Don’t answer that question. I know the answer. I want, want, and want some more. Well in this season, another day, same lesson. This is what you need. Your wants won’t be met, because your needs need to come first before I can give you your wants.
Why do we ask the same questions, expecting different answers that we’re not going to get. Maybe I can change God’s mind. God didn’t come for my comfort, or my personal genie popping from the lamp, yet that’s what I demand.
Lord, when will I learn. Jesus isn’t giving me instant gratification. That character is being held to the fire. My legs are on fire. My muscles hurt so good after therapy. I hate it yet love it. Each bead of sweat is earned. Nothing like hard work being evidenced.
Character building. I guess that’s the name of this season.
I need some happy in my post today
So dear friends: what is bringing you joy? Share it, spread it.
Books, puzzles, substacks. Anything?
God is giving me through you the will to move forward. You feel my positivity. And all I feel is bitter. It’s the horse tranquilizer size pill they’d give you when you’re sick, and expect you swallow it with ease. Grief and gratitude are so intertwined it’s hard to see where one starts, and the others end. It’s exhausting. The blessing or not depending on how you look at this is how many more medical professionals get to be educated. For all their formal training, and God Bless it, some of the brightest minds in the world need an education. All that to say is I really wish I wasn’t the one to dispense it. Whoever said carousels as a child were fun, never rode them as they got older. Whole different story. Ballgame.
I’m trying to get back into writing my whimsical dreams, but God has other plans yet again. And sometimes it stinks. So if you want whimsy, I don’t know when it will return. I wish I knew. Off to therapy to get my butt handed to me.
God Bless you and keep you
Regine
Happy Monday. It’s a good day because I’m alive, and grateful for all your love on my previous post. Somebody asked in the previous post that they’d need to know my medical history to understand why I wrote what I did. Let me tell you, if I understood it myself, maybe I’d share. The fact is, I don’t. My doctors don’t. Right now, I don’t know how or why what happened happened if that makes sense. I can’t worry about the why right now. All I can focus on is repairing the damage. I’m under no illusion that I can recover it all. I’m just on a journey to rebuild what can be rebuilt. There is no toxic positivity here. I just have to remain hopeful. If my mind goes, so goes the body. And that is something that I’m in position to lose.
I’m learning daily that my mind needs to be fed the same or better than my physical body right now. I’m having to be boring. No travel for awhile. My body needs to be strengthened to a certain degree before everyone is comfortable with me leaving to go anywhere but to the doctor’s office. Reality can be a buzzkill. So right now, I vacillate between a dream and a reality I must face.
Love you all
This is the season of being planted where I am. There’s no glamour here. Just hard truth. My body needs my full attention. As I get older, I can’t ignore any longer what I’ve done for years. My body is undergoing transformation in the hardest and slowest way possible. It has to be this way for a very long time. My physical recovery has no timetable because the fact that I may need physical therapy for the rest of my days is a painful pill to swallow. I can look at it and be grateful I have access to it, and I am, but there is pain too.
Pain that for all the work I put out on my own is no longer enough. I need qualified personnel to kick my butt is something I’m trying to come to grips with. When you realize this flies in the face of what we Americans are taught every day. Work hard enough, and it will come. Wrong.
Do I hate that my mission field is a doctor’s office. Yes. It’s not the mission field they teach you about in church. I’m being taken on a journey I don’t recognize. Maybe that’s the point. My mission field will never be the third world, it will be the one I live in. It will be teaching people that if you can walk without pain on a daily basis, not need naps daily, have a cabinet full of supplements along with too many Rx’s please and respectfully be quiet.
My whole life I’ve made life look good almost seamless. Age and reality have made this prior approach obsolete. Forevermore. Let me tell you, my dream travel destinations have access to the best hospitals and doctors. Before I even think of going anywhere, doctors must know and clear me for my own benefit. If you’re wondering this eliminates more than half the globe.
I write what I know, but Lord knows, I’ve never wanted to write about any of this. I find it redundant and depressing. Yet, God, brings me back here. Again and again. Every prayer asking for another assignment leads me back to this one. Message received. So yes I’m beyond exhausted having to educate people. Then, I think, so many others in worse shape, can’t do this. So on behalf of others, I continue.
Teaching you all
To see me
As a human being
In need of
Help
While acknowledging
My desire
For dignity and respect
I saw something that said to be like Jesus is to love someone who can do absolutely nothing for you, and loving them anyway. Honestly I don’t know if I’m doing absolutely anything for you. I question it daily. Yet you love me anyway.
Love you all
Regine
Let my focus
Be on you
Not my
Own grievance
My own desires
My own timing
For I know not
Why I can’t
Wait on your goodness
In what’s to come
And right now
Presently
Be content
Where
I’m at now
There is
A reason
For every season
Even the waiting ones
My life
Is not a
Social media reel
With endless smiles
And designer bags
It’s a hard slog
One that
Isn’t at completion
By a long mile
I’m learning again
Not the prettiest
Picture painted
But it’s
The most authentic
In a society
That desires
Style over
Substance
Here
We are
The substance
No matter
How much
The truth hurts
When you start to get answers you’ve long sought, it is a relief. It’s not comfortable. The truth rarely is. Getting what you need versus what you want is the season I find myself in. I’m having to trust. And I don’t trust much. I’m learning so much in being uncomfortable. Not that I want to stay here. I want the good stuff. The hard stuff is bending me to a point I’ve not experienced before. How I’m not breaking, I don’t know.
Speaking up for myself and my treatment as a human being is testing my resolve. I’m being told when I speak I go into fight mode immediately. I’m reactive. I’m a live wire ready to be lit. Forty plus years of being a doormat will do that to you.
Some things I’d like to explain, not that I owe it to anyone.
First, it takes time for me to succinctly describe what I need from you
Two, learning to communicate properly is a journey
Three, It always seems like I need to give a life history to get people to care.
Not everyone is me. I can’t expect. Human decency is rare. We teach our children how to make a dollar, but we don’t mold their character.
I don’t need to be liked, but I ask that you respect my right to exist. To live.
I’m not getting my champagne wishes and caviar dreams era. I’m getting the school of hard knocks. I don’t like them, but I must need them.
Happy Friday.
Yesterday was hard. Today is new.
Grateful for some snail mail that arrived that made my whole afternoon.
Lord have mercy
Lord be near
Grant me peace
As I go
Through each day
Love however
Hard
Seek peace
Within self
Before communing
With one another
Enjoying a
Warm day
In January
Feels like
An early
Smile
From you
That this
Year
May be
Better
Than expected
Spending time
Being grateful
For the past
Thankful
For the present
AND
Hopeful
For the future
For all of
The goodness
Grief and strife
Have forced me
To confront
The demons
The skeletons
That are no
Longer hidden
But fully
Open
To scab
Heal
And set
The soul
Free
That is me
Dreaming
Of Caribbean blue
Italian frescos
And French baguettes
While firmly rooted
In red clay
Until God
Says it’s
Time to move
And chase
The dreams
Making them
Memories instead
It’s a good day
To have
A good day
Cheerios
Coffee
And a story
Percolating
Waiting for
Me to write
Have a beautiful day. Love you all
This Sunday I’m realizing that as I’m regaining strength, my stamina has not yet caught up. It is absolutely frustrating. I’m having to take a nap every day like clockwork like a baby. It is embarrassing. I’m having to put my pride to the side. I’m having to give my body what it needs. I’m having to readjust goals and plans already this year. I’m having to understand that dreams may be delayed once again, but I know God knows the desires of my heart. My dreams aren’t dashed. I guess I need more preparation in the process. Trying to not follow my timeline is the biggest the biggest reminder.
I’m proud of my progress in the process. I’m having to count the wins. I didn’t think I would see them again. Or if I knew it internally, my brain couldn’t conceive it externally. So God, I’m here. As I am.
The fire
And a good book
Are my companions
This morning
As I enjoy
A wet, dreary
And damp day
That is oddly peaceful
2026.
We are here
May you be
Kind and gentle
Exude a peace
That surrounds
This body
In the
Best hug
Ever received
2025
Taught me
That we
Make plans
And God
Says look here
Listen
And trust
What I’m
About to
Do
