New

New Year
New hope
New grace

2017

I hadn't realized the year was coming to a close till this morning.  Two thousand sixteen, how do I commemorate you?  Surgery, weight loss and more.  The year of so many emotions.  A year where I sought logic, a reason.  I couldn't find it, and I resolved to stop seeking it.  I am realizing God is constant when everything else defies everything I've learned.  And so, I go to the Father whose lessons don't leave me with a bad taste.  His lessons are out of love.  In 2017,  love myself as He does.

Pick

Hong Kong
Beijing
Hanoi

Love

Smile today. I'm blessed. Love you.

Pick

laduree
Sugarfina
Pretzel

Waiting

Have a hard time waiting. It's all I seem to do. I'm tired. Exhausted. Letting go is not easy. I'm stopping tears from falling. Its almost a new year and I'm looking in the wrong direction. God, oh Lord take my burden.

Q's

socks or sneakers
Games or Internet
Amazon or Nordstrom

Prayer

God let my heart, mind and soul trust I You.

Christmas

Best Christmas memory?

Favorites

Share your favorites?

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas Eve. Blessings to you.
Jesus loves you.

Favorite

Favorite Christmas song?
Jingle Bells
Mary, Did you know?
Oh Holy Night.

Pick

Nordstrom
Kmart
Bass Pro

Pick

St. Barts
Paris
Quebec

Thoughts

How do we show Jesus to others?  Do we resemble Christ?  Is the living Christ living in His child?  Me.  Feeding my soul is so important.  I need an injection of Him.  Learning to love self and others well is a task I'm learning.  I'm learning that I'm comfortable letting the tears flow in church.  There is something about church that brings peace.  No matter, the only thing that brings peace is Jesus.  Finding positive is hard sometimes, but I need to find it.
Thank you, Lord

Pick

Vienna or Salzburg
Prague or Kraków
Paris or the Loire
The Rhine or the Danube
Budapest or Bucharest

Fun on Friday

cookie or candy cane
Conde Nast or Travel+Leisure
Jeans or leggings
Heels or wedges
Flats or espadrilles

Pick

Morocco or Egypt
Seychelles or Mauritius
Kenya or Botswana
South Africa or Namibia
Burkina Faso or Uganda

Favorite

Favorite clothes?

Picks

Turks&Caicos
Bahamas
Barbados
Mustique
St.Barts

Take your pick

How real do we want to be?

 Sometimes I'm afraid to be honest. I'm afraid to be real. I'm afraid to say what I feel. I try to decide if's worth it. Do you want real or not?  I say I want real, then can't deal. I'm one flawed human.  Is civility dead?  I am trying to be quasi real?  Real is reserved for few.

Shoes

Favorite pair of shoes?

Perfect

What does a perfect day look like?

Favorite

Favorite Christmas cookie?

Believe it

Sometimes, you have to believe you can make a difference.

Splurge

Latest splurge?

Thoughts

To be filled with utter disgust and anger and write may not be a great combo, but here it goes.  Am I disgusted by what I see and hear.  Yes.  My anger doesn't give me a right to be bitter.  If I prayed for everyone that caused me discontent, that would be doing something.  If I let God do what He does, maybe my anger would dissipate.  Maybe if I didn't think that giving it to God was giving up, I wouldn't be so despondent.  I've often thought if I stopped giving a darn, but it's not who I am.  Today, I want God to do His Job, I'm not.  I will pray for changed hearts, knowing I can't, but He can.

Friday fun

Christmas tree or pine cone
White or red
Smile or grin
InStyle or Town&Country
Ski or snowboard

Some Qs

loud or quiet
Feisty or goofy
Chatty or meek

Retrain

I don't understand the world.  I feel like we are losing our soul.  I'm greedy.  I feel like a part of me is just crying out in a frustration that is explained, not fixed.  Our values are different and that makes me mad, but more profoundly sad.  Not all is bad, but the bad seems to outnumber the good, or my perception is skewed.  My brain needs retraining.  I must find the good, even if it is harder.  My self can operate in this negative manner.

Christmas

Starting new Christmas traditions?

thoughts

I have been in a funk.  Acceptance of the election, sickness, indifference. PITY, all of it has me lost.  Just writing this leaves me shamed, stupid and ungrateful.  I love Jesus, but Christmas no.  I hate this at Christmas.  I don't want you to see this.  If I could be in denial of this, I would.  Facebook is a depressant, I can no longer take.  Writing this post angers me.  I have so much respect for Jesus for loving a world that wouldn't give love back.

Splurge or save

gifts
Games
Gadgets

Favorite

Favorite Christmas decorations?

Splurge or save

Candy
Shoes
Bags

Obedient

Some days you just put away your pout and thank God for His Goodness.  I'm going to look at the glass half full.  I'd like to understand, but if that's not good, then ok.  I need God approval.  I need to be worthy of the job.  Mired in the grind isn't.  I need to know better. I need to be obedient.

Favorite

Christmas treat

Christ

There is so much I can't begin to get.  Testing every part of me.  It's in these times that only God will do.  I'm having to stretch.  Faith doesn't explain, it simply is there to let me know that I don't have to get anything.  Do I have fear?  Yes.  To lie and say no doesn't cut it.  Can my faith trump my fear?  Can the certainty of God heal all uncertainty?  Christmas.  I want Christ back.  Rule in my heart.  Take the weight of my mind.  I'm inviting you in.  I don't do anything well without You.

Reading list

Cupcakes and Cashmere
Mix andMatch Family
Couture Carrie

Add yours?

Friday fun

Salt or pepper
Cumin or cardamom
Oregano or basil
Chili or paprika
Nutmeg or vanilla

Encouragment

Could use some encouragement.

Museums

Best museums?

Discern

Discernment.  It's something I struggle with.  I wonder what to say or if to say at all.  I have a battle with words:  choosing them.  Is the truth necessary?  No matter how much I try I'm not hard-wired to hate.  I'm not hard-wired for any of it.
And right now I'm without a word.

Favorite

Movie
Dress
Shoe

Where

No matter where I go, God is there.  He uses anything or anyone for His purposes.  I've been desensitized since the election, and for the first time I looked at the world and saw.  And I did see.  The homeless man, a lady who greeted me with a smile, and the privilege to eat a warm breakfast and not worry about the tab.  This is enough to be grateful.    And I haven't been.  I have taken the ordinary for granted.  My thoughts are skewed.  We all want to be Donald Trumps' and not enough of you.  The boy who would become my Messiah is my example.  When I look at myself, I hope you can see Him.  If not, change is my answer.  I have to trust that God is here with me, He's everywhere. My faith is lacking, my hope depleted because I've put in a source that depletes.  Man.  In all my attempts at perfection, I have failed.  When will I listen?  God tells me to be still and know that I am God, but I can't even do that.  Stillness.  We live in a world that values busyness, and work.  I've complicated stillness.  I color to keep mentally still and yet physically active.  I've equated stillness with boredom or antiquation, or both.  The fact that we can grasp a Punnett Square yet can't master stillness tells us what we treasure.  Knowledge is great, but what I need is not more computation.  What are you worth?  Are you worth another man's life?  Jesus thought so.  He needs to matter, and we have to care.  Does the homeless man matter less to Jesus?  Do I, a handicapped one matter less to Jesus? No!  And I need to say it everyday.  And i don't just need to love you in holiday times.  No.  Christ isn't only in Christmas.  He's in everything.  And, I need to remember that.  Jesus, I owe you an apology, maybe a thousand.  Forgive me for I have fallen short of everything you'd like of me.  I don't deserve you.  But You give me a merciful reprieve over and over again.  I have not loved you well.  I have not loved Your children well.

Favorite

Favorite winter destination?

Christmas wish

Christmas wish?

Cyber Monday

Cyber Monday deals you have?

Share the good

Church was great yesterday.
Continue.

Christmas

Christmas in one word?

Shopping

Have you gotten any good deals lately?

Thoughts

Fidel Castro is dead.  All i can think about is I hope he made peace with Jesus.  I will not celebrate his death or life.  God bless us all.

Friday fun

Joy or love
Faith or mercy
Leonardo or Rafael
Sweet or sticky
Rice or beans

Grateful Grace

I am grateful for a best friend who loves when I won't, who makes see what my negativity does to me, doesn't complain when I moan for hours and reminds me I am worthy of love. To see a person you don't want to know is a reminder that brokenness can be fixed if we stop to let God do a Job not meant for us. God blessed me with a friend who gives me what I'm unwilling to give myself:  Grace. It's embarrassing to admit that she has a faith in me, I don't have in myself.  Thank you.

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving. Enjoy fun, fellowship and food.

Thankful and Blessed

Thankful and Blessed.

Shop

Hardest to shop for
Easiest
Online or in-store

Traveling

Traveling for the holidays?

Christmas cards

Anybody love Christmas cards?

hope

Church is good for the soul.  I'm thankful.  I get trapped in what I want, not what I have or need.  To be loved is everything.  And to know you're love is having no words.  I hope you know you're loved.
I love you.

Christmas List

What I'd like for Christmas:

Christmas cards
Peace on Earth
A kindness movement
The love of Jesus to surround me
Paris

Friday fun

pumpkin or pecan
Green beans or cranberries
Mashed potato or sweet potato
Rice or gravy
Turkey or ham

christmas traditions

Any Christmas traditions?

Give it

I'm blessed.  When you take your blindfold off, and see all you have, it's hard to complain.  These weeks teach you some truths, perceived or otherwise.  America has a kindness deficit.  Compassion what's that?  Yes, I can see the generalization, and I know there is some good, but.  There is a but.  In a land of plenty it's sad that some have so little.  If I could encourage you today, find one blessing, and then pass it on.  I may not meet you, but I love you.  God does too.  Wishing the love of Christ on us all today.

thoughts

in this season I will focus on all that is good in the world.  I'll start with me.  I thought I had to be political to make a difference.  Politics and policy don't make the world go round.  Politics makes me a person I recognize, but wish otherwise.  I wish people weren't like me.  That is wrong.  Maybe if there were more like me:  physically broken, mentally spent we would treat others better.  Maybe instead of hiding pain, I should show it.  Let you see the human in me, not some stoic being.  Maybe I've been doing you and me a great disservice.  I don't want to see the label R or D, I want to see your heart.

Thanksgiving

Favorite Thanksgiving food?

Light

In being the light in the dark world, here are my thoughts.
Words hurt.  The tongue can be vicious.  Mine too.  If I speak, speak love.  If I listen, really listen.  We don't listen.  I don't listen.  If you see, see the good.  God is in the convicting business.  If I hear, hear all.  God knows all.  I lean on Him, not the world.  When you pray, pray deeply.  I'm going back to living water.  Love His people well.(We're all His people.)

Food

Favorite food?

Christmas

On your Christmas list?

Homes

If you could have a second home anywhere, where would it be?

Christmas

Dreaming of Christmas.

Fighting fear with love

After all of this election news, i have to fight the fear with love.  Love takes breaking the walls that have guarded my heart.  It takes faith to love.  It takes being kind to love.  It takes being quiet.  It takes being still.  We are not conditioned or content when still.  Love takes vulnerability and patience, things I don't want.  Jesus Christ, help me love others as you love me.
God be with this world.

a thousand thoughts

I often wonder.  Is it worth it?  How much to say.  To say something?  Do I try?  Or give up?  I've never known how to stop fighting even I say a thousand times; I give up.  Part of me never will.  This election is a lesson I won't soon forget.
God Bless

Friday fun

crayon or pencil 

Marker or stamp

Soy or almonds 

Tennis or football

Guess or Gucci

Thankful

I've given this thought.  In the season of Thanksgiving I will say I'm thankful for Trump.  Yes, I said thankful for Trump.
This is why.
I can't and won't let others perceived notion of me get me riled.  I'm done changing you or fixing you.
I will only fight fights worth fighting.
I will not internalize the pain, it only kills me.
God calls me to more.  Plant the seed.  That's it.
I deserve better.
Like and love are two different things entirely.
I believe God loves me, and I need to act like I believe this.
My heart loves, but I am understanding what it is to guard it.
Time to love me better.

Lead

I'm still in a disbelief, but not shock.  But I have hope, and I will not relinquish that.  I have family and friends that love me enough.  I was talking to someone who is wonderful who told me I listen to understand, I don't listen to respond.  It hasn't left me.
Love.

Stress

How do you handle stress?

Election

It's been a night I'd rather forget, but reality as it is Congratulations to President-elect Donald J. Trump.  It's hard to admit defeat, but I will.  I respect the will of the people even if I don't agree with it.  My faith, upbringing and more dictate such an imperative.  I have to respect the process, the Electoral College is what it is.  I fought a fight not many agreed with, but I fought.  I only want to fight a battle worth fighting.  I took this fight on knowing who I am, and even in defeat I stand knowing I gave my heart to something I wouldn't have.  I fought with a voice I refused as a child, and for that I'm proud.  I lost a battle, not the war.  Trump brought out a voice I really prayed I wouldn't want to use.  Hillary didn't lose.  I didn't lose.  The American people won.
God Bless these United States.
deflated not defeated.

splurge

Any splurging?

Vote

Vote
And God Bless America.

Think

When you have no control of anything, and are dependent on people, on God, you operate differently.  I'm different, always have been.  I wonder to this day if that's a good thing.  Some days, yes.  Most days, no.  I have to accept all of this.  I have to accept not all have my compassion even if they try.  I must realize God made me different in more ways than the one I focus on.  My tolerance level must increase to live in a world I don't understand or a world that makes me not want to.  I must be willing to stretch.  Just because others won't doesn't mean I should not.  Accept people as they are not as I'd like them to be.

Moi

All about me.
R's rue:  rue means street in French and R is the letter of my name. I love anything French so there you go.
In all things French:
Favorite French thing?

fun on Friday

The or And
Tennis or shot put
Grammar or vocabulary
Veal or chop
Tea or coffee

death of a democracy

Death of a Democracy
I no longer know the country of my birth
I no longer understand its people
Taxes are akin to treason
Guilt is assumed until otherwise ruled
The haves have imposed their will
To think a billionaire speaks for the proletariat is absurd
I'm awaiting the Bolshevik
Putin's laughing all the way to the bank
I wonder if all Christians worship the same Jesus
The love of money is the root of all evil
And yet we will elect lovers of money
We excuse one sin and applaud the other
This isn't my country.
I'm glad I'm a Christian now
because i don't display His love
At least my country doesn't
And to every non-Christian
I have failed Christ
And you ought to know
The Jesus who saved me
When life wasn't where I wanted to be
When a promised kept
And a trip
I'll never forget
Brought to a country of splendor
Where I realized that my birth country was beyond anything
I could ever articulate
And now I see demise on the horizon
I see faction
racism
and division
and despondency has set in
but for a man on Calvary

Name

Story of your blog name?

Yikes

This election has me thinking.
Buyers' remorse should mean buying an expensive handbag, not a candidate.
Is forgiveness for a chosen few?
Christ isn't dead, but fairness is.
After Election Day will I have four years of denial?
I mourn the loss of morality, goodness and decency.
I mourn period.

Fall

Favorite fall things?

Four years

Four years of blogging. It is a gift for which I'm grateful. I am thankful for what started as a way to vent my frustrations has become so much more. I'm grateful. Thank you.

Halloween

Favorite Halloween memory?

Friday fun

Glamour or Self
Graham crack or saltine
Salt or Sugar
Coffee or chai
Tamarind or cumin

Trick or Treat

Are you trick or treating?

Thought

With the election ever approaching, I am nervous.  I can't watch the news.  Facebook is unbearable.  I know I'm to have faith in Christ, and I'm clinging to it because humanity leaves me...mad.  Cerebral Palsy has given me empathy, and sometimes I wish I had the nerve to say what I felt without feeling guilty if I've hurt your feelings.  I know God will take care of me, but I worry for others.  Maybe I shouldn't care.  Maybe I should take care of myself, and say f*** you to the rest.  It's the Trump playbook.  Give me your huddled masses needn't apply.  Maybe we should all pray for a silver spoon or be born normal.  No need to worry about the future, or who wants to get over on you.  I'm angry and hurt.  We talk about praying in schools, yet we don't display Christian love there.  Bullying and suicide attempts.  What if we displayed decency.  The most basic fundamental.  Being decent displays a love that speaks volumes.  Christ is decent.  Christ is good.  Christ is great.  Bullying didn't get me because I have siblings who defend my value.  Some do not.  Christ implores us to defend the less fortunate.  Do we?  My heart hurts because I see a nation buckling to self-will rather the good of all.
My goal today is to be kind to one another.  Smile or give a compliment.  My friend Carrie has a great sense of self.
Regine

Splurge

What are you splurging on?

Getting to know you

Do you ski?
Favorite bath product?
Cookie or cake?
Europe or Asia?
Golf or tennis?
Dress or pant?
Italian or Mexican?
Chinese or American?

grateful

After today's sermon at church, I'm realizing several things.  I realize that I still need pruning.  I still need guidance.  I still need teaching.  I realize my selfish desires.  I realize my need for a Savior.  I realize that my need for communion with God is great.  I realize my flaws, and those are the ones I need to work on.  My life is not to make judgment on yours.  I am grateful for God and His love for me.  I realize you cannot change the circumstances of your birth, you just have to let it be a blessing to others.  CP shapes my view.  My fight is bigger than me.  I'm proud that I'm still fighting, that's the battle.

Friday fun

Candy corn or Candy bar
People or animals
Movie or music
Hallmark or HSN
British or Australian

Relax

What relaxes you?

Craving

What fall food are you craving?

Truth

Sometimes, I get mired in quicksand.  I worry, and I know it's a sin.  It is the hardest sin for me.  I worry about what to eat.  I hate food most days.  I eat to live, if I didn't have to, I wouldn't.  Acceptance is not a nice friend right now.  Honestly, I don't wait or like to.  I expect my body to listen.  Not happening.  I am not sated with my body.  Satisfied or content, I'm not sure.  I don't know who I fight more.  I am trying to be more positive.  That is a work in progress.   I don't know what I'm fighting more:  the answer or the outcome.  It's almost four years of this journey.  I don't know what else to call it.  I wonder if I still have anything left to say.  If it's worthy.  Then we get to numbers, but it's not that or is it.  The number feeds my ego.  Thinking you have made it, and then come to find out you make it daily.
This may not be popular, but here it is.  I have discussed politics because if I don't say something, no one else will.  It is isolating, frustrating, and wonder if it matters.  I didn't ask for this, did God give me more than I can handle?  Ask Him.  The fact is humanity has left me in a quandary.  Does Disability disqualify me.  Or does it give me a look into the world nobody wants to be?  Sometimes positive is saying yes to a reality you didn't choose.
In 33 years, some days fight is a word I fight.  I go down the hole of no return.
I fight battles I want for no one.
God Bless,
Regine

Grocery store

What is something you always buy at the grocery store?

God

In this season of everything I wish wasn't, I look to You to restore my brokenness. I do work best that way.  Don't restore my faith in humanity, strengthen me in You.   When I'm not in you, I know it. Love me like you do. I think of You in that Assisi church then and now, and realize what a blessing it is to be Yours, fully Yours.   I know my purpose, and sometimes I want to vehemtly deny it, but I can't.   Thank you Lord for that Assisi church that gave me awestruck feelings and still leaves me speechless.

Splurge

How did you splurge today?

Introduce yourself

Introduce yourself.

Friday fun

Fun or sun
Rhyme or reason
Logic or faith
Sun or rain
Mountain or beach

25

Twenty-five days:
of nasty political crassness
of sides
of factions
of hate


In this election cycle I have question what it is to be a Christian.  I have always wonderful why one party is labeled the party of Christian conservatives.  I have never understood why any other party be Christian.  It's a false narrative.  When I label me, I label you.  I just want to lead a life pleasing to Him.  Your judgement matters not.  Jesus does label us conservative or liberal.  He just knows we're sinners in need of Him.  I no longer believe in lesser of two evils.  Evil is evil.  Sin is sin.  Love.d

The things we don't say

I have to say I'm shocked.  Maybe I've been too sheltered or naive to know when blatant racism occurs.  People will leave you shocked and shattered.  I didn't want to believe I could see racism right in front of me.  I never knew going into to Lowe's would land into Obama bashing and having a Trump-fest, when all that was sought was a light bulb.  For those loving on Trump,how  can you say  don't support the man, support the stance.  That doesn't apply.  He was a Democrat for years.  I don't really know if he opposes it.  Donald Trump has made it known he doesn't appreciate women, the disabled or anybody who is not like him.  White, rich and entitled.  If you think he speaks for you, I hope for your sake, you're right.  God help us if you're not.  Nobody likes history, because it doesn't matter, but think again.  When I decided to get my head out my ass, and follow my own advice again, My heart could have empathy.  My Southern friends, Hillbilly Elegy should be required reading.  Facebook and blogs are not reading, though I wouldn't mind if you kept reading.  I am seeing America through a lens I never thought I would.  It's sad, yes, but change can be made.
Will you and I do just that?

Thanksgiving

Favorite Thanksgiving meal?

Meditating

Meditating on Scripture today. The state of American politics leaves me where if I can't be nice, I won't say a word because silence says more than divisive words ever could.

Splurge

what do you splurge on?

Dear Christian

Dear Christian brother and sister,
Do you realize that we have let one man divide us, tear us in two.  We are as the body of Christ supposed to seek unison not division.  I can't make judgements on this man.  It is not my job, but I can't not say it's tempting.  I can't worry about tomorrow, but I do.  Part of me wishes this were not real because this man is doing the most heinous things, trying to have discord among believers of Christ, the one man who can save us all if we want it.
Let me say, I used to love politics, until I saw what it could do not used properly.
God Bless our souls.

No fruit

If my life doesn't start and end with Jesus, I need to stop and reevaluate.  If my life doesn't show the Love of Jesus, I'm failing to do my job.  If you can't see Jesus in me, I've failed.  For me, America is not it's greatest because we've failed to love as He loves us.  We've failed to be the hands and feet of Jesus.  We've failed to humble ourselves.  We've increased while Jesus has decreased.  Our wants have increased, and our desire to help others have decreased.  What if the only thing I really wanted was Jesus could I be happy, content and joyous.  Could the living water keep me quenched.  Could He keep me sated.

Who God made me

Some days are better than others.  It's not what I want, but I'm grateful for today.  I'm grateful.  The blessings overwhelm me.  I just want to be who God made me.

The kettle is black

My heart hurts folks.  It is pained.  I may bash Donald Trump, but truth is he needs the world to pray for him.  Hillary Clinton needs them too.  I must speak on this though.  Forgiveness goes both ways.  There are some ready to forgive Donald Trump, but give Hillary Clinton the heave ho.  We all need forgiveness.  What if God worked that way.  Jesus forgives you, but not me, he finds you too deplorable per Hillary's word.  She offended his base, but he offends me.  Instead, per a wise man's words provoke you, not offend you.  I once had a friend tell if my writing is not offending you, I'm not doing my job, but let me borrow the wise man's words.  Let me provoke you.  Who deserves forgiveness or grace or mercy?  If man had his way none of us, but God through His Son Jesus willing gave and still gives us these in abundance.  I expect this from the unsaved, but my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, no.  This is an indictment on myself too, I just don't get anymore.  We aren't supposed to cast the first stone, but we do it anyway.  I realize we all have racism and prejudices in us.  And we can't accept that fact.  Until we accept that fact, we can fix the problem.  We are to be the light not extinguish it.

"Broken to be used"

There are some days when your soul just sings,  You see God as the Only Authority.  When I started getting real and being honest God has blessed me.  On Halloween, it will be four years of this blogging journey.  For about a year and a half, I didn't want to share my fear, my worry.  Who wanted to read about one broken girl who was saved by Jesus, but living as if I didn't know.  I found no joy in my misery.  I felt as if I should give up on Paris, myself, all of it, but I couldn't.  When you are disabled, you are not your own.  You are an investment to which many contribute.  Not capitalizing on investment is not something you take lightly.
Purpose.
Why?
Two things I've thought long on.
I've known my purpose for so long and denied it, until God had to to give me the kind of sign only hardheads can't see.
The truth must be painful to see me free.
Today our guest speaker said something that broke me.  "You must be broken to be used"  Amen.
Thank you Reverend Harling for allowing God to use you to minister to my broken everything.  Thank you to Dr. Blake Harwell for pointing out the obvious.  And to Lauren Blind, for leading me to the one who saved my soul.  Jesus, if I could love people like you love me there may be be hope for the 7 billion.

Christmas destinations

Where do you go for Christmas?

Paleo

Best Paleo Restaurant?

Friday fun

Pumpkin or cinnamon
Candy or fruit
Costume or makeup
Joy or gloom
Grace or mercy

Coffee creamer

Coffee creamer recommendations?

Perfection

Last night I went to a painting party.  I enjoyed it immensely.  I realized that habits are hard to break.  I kept critiquing myself about how my painting wasn't perfect.  Nothing we humans ever do will be perfect.  It's just a fact of life.  Accepting our life and reality may be hard, but it's necessary or we may never find happiness.  Or joy or contentment.  When I look at my painting today, I love the imperfection because I made it.  And when imperfection meets imperfection that equals perfection.  I want to find joy in my circumstance, because I need to believe that God did not fail when He made me.  I need to accept a decision that changed my world.  I can accept the small victory in that last night I asked for help for what I could not do.  Small steps.

Christmas shopping

Have you started Christmas shopping?

Surrender

I'm learning that your purpose may not be the one you wanted, but the one God wanted you to have.  I see my purpose clearly, I just didn't want it.  I wanted something more glamorous, and not an iota of pain.  My purpose doesn't garner red carpets.  It demands a revocation of pride.  It's requiring me to put all my wants aside.  I have a lot of wants.  I'm being refined, and it hurts.  Humility is painful.  When dying to self becomes a joy, I will appreciate humility.  The Casting Crowns song "Just be Held" says there is freedom in surrender, but I wonder is total surrender is ever possible for me.  Is surrender a good thing?  I stopped asking questions because I knew I didn't want the answer, or I didn't want an answer that would cause more questions than the question itself.  Is surrender when you just stop trying?  Is that a bad thing?  I stopped asking because I've always known that the questions I have have no right or wrong answer.  And it's not a type of question I like.  Folks, when you have to lower expectations of others and self, you will be free.  Surrender is freedom indeed.

Favorite

Favorite fall decor?

Pain

This is painful.  Years of deceit have left me teary-eyed right now.  I deceived myself and others into believing a myth I so wanted to be truth.  The pursuit of normal has only left me reeling.  The pursuit of normal has been the lie I couldn't quit until I no longer had to energy to prove otherwise.  I realize that I will always eat Paleo.  My stomach decides that, because my mind can't handle anything less than harmony.  In the end, I can't control my stomach, but I can do all can to see that's it's happy.  As with food, my gut hates my anxiety and I can't worry about how many times I go a day.  The pursuit of normal has led to apologize for and hate who God made me.  The last thing I wanted to be is special.  Special being code word for different.  The pursuit of normal has led to me having to tell you what task I can complete physically, but intellectually as well.  That hurts folks.  I'm learning that my body reacts to drastic change in not nice ways some days.  My life tells me that dependence is not a business model for success.  It's a roller coaster of small victories and maybe larger defeats.  I have to be thankful, because for all my pain, if God can show you the purpose.  Go on.  I may go to Monaco one day, and yet not race Formula 1.  The point is Monaco represents the journey and Formula 1 is the destination.  My health dictates that Monaco is what matters.  The truth hurts because it's means something.  No wonder Jesus said "I AM the way, the Truth, and the Life, no one comes to the Father but by me.  The Jew who was nailed to the Cross, saves my life, my soul and so much more.

Thoughts

Since when is not paying taxes something to aspire to?  Since when is being a bully something to aspire to?  I don't care if it's legal.  It becomes a moral issue. I now understand why the Bible warns about the love of money. Once you have it, you never have enough. When is enough?  God help us all if this is what we've become.

Lipstick

Favorite lipstick?

Thank you

Thank you for loving me.

Double standard

Romney once had a statement that said 47 percent of Americans didn't pay their taxes. According to a Mother Jones article the 47 percent were "freeloaders" and "irresponsible".   Mr. Trump it was just revealed lost almost a billion dollars. That's some countries GDP.   Romney lost an election over this. We had a fit because a rich man blasted poor people, yet when another rich man admits he's "smart" for not paying them, we applaud him. Is the difference that Romney was a nice man, and Trump is well not so nice?  Where's the outcry?  Trump may win the election, but not much else.

Buy

Latest purchase?

Hillary

Thoughts?

Drink

Favorite fall drink?

Making America great again

Let me analyze this statement.  America has always been great.  It allows you and me to pray freely.  It allows you loopholes not to pay taxes.  It allows you to make erroneous claims about the President's place of birth.  It allows you to discriminate against anyone who opposes you.  It allows you to make your wares that you peddle in other places, but America.  Your not paying taxes and taking write-offs for everything means we the taxpayers paid for your wife Melania's 2,645 dollar Roland Mouret dress.  A French designer.  At least, Michelle Obama promoted the American fashion industry wearing ensembles from J.Crew and the like.  If you gave a darn about America at least you could pretend to do so.  Don't pretend to want to the American people any favors.  Good business and greed aren't mutually exclusive.  Good business is one thing, but greed is another.
You are a good showman to have middle class America believing the lie that you will be their champion.  You've have opportunities and squandered them.  You mock a disabled reporter, call Lester Holt's questions unfair, say that your former campaign manager Corey Lewandowski wasn't a little too close with a woman at the event where he later spoke with the Florida police.  You mock a Venezuelan beauty queen for adding a few pounds or calling Rosie O'Donnell a fat pig.  You have fooled the American people, but I will not be fooled.
Make America great again?  Start leading by example.

Trump

What is Trump's allure?

Thoughts

Thoughts on the candidates?

Debate

Watching some of last night's debate has me saddened.  We have a bully who touts his own arrogance, claims it smart not to pay taxes.  He may get elected, because we are a me country.  JFK quote about asking not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country has been reversed.  We don't give a damn who we hurt as long as we are unhurt.  We only have pride in ourselves.  Frankly, we laud his boorishness and label him an outsider.  An outsider in politics.  No, if you believe that I've got a bridge to sell you in Alaska.  We love him, because he exhibits all we are.  Loud, brash and unrepentant until it bites us in the ass.  The silver spoon billionaire does not speak for me.  He lashes out at people who call him on his shit.  Sound familiar?  And if they offend you, call them fat or whatever fits you that day.  We are uncompromising SOB's until we need to brownnose.  I don't like communism, but it's appeal can be alluring for some.  I know I must vote, but this election has me dismayed.  Whomever wins, gridlock seems like a given.  I wonder what Jesus would tell us because He epitomizes the good of the whole.  This election feels like inni, mini, mini, mo.  Frankly, the problem, we don't read books anymore.  We don't enhance or expand our minds, we fill them will delusions of grandeur.  We watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians.  I bet you can name them including significant others, but can you name the first six presidents, or tell me what the Magna Carta is?

Fridge

What is in your fridge?

Pride problem

This girl has a problem with pride and it ain't pretty.  Asking for help is treachery.  Letting my guard down is something I've never really done.  I hate being vulnerable.  I'm so used to projecting an image of strength that letting you see my weakness is a non-negotiable.  Pride will kill you faster than weakness.  Weakness shows you're human, something I always felt was a cop-out.  Maybe that's why I hate doctors' offices.  They have to find my weakness so I can be strong.
Truth is a b, even if it does set you free.

Change

Cerebral Palsy will never leave me and that's a hard part to swallow.  I was just thinking this year has given me lots of change.  Surgery and weight loss have taken its toll.  Right now, I'm fragile.  I appear strong, because it's my default.  I can't admit that stretching right now is a high intensity workout for me.  Physically, I look good.  Mentally, feels like a shattered glass.  It's hit me in blogland, I am an open book, who has written about constipation.  What will they think if they met me.  Here goes the trifecta.  The previous post addresses those.  God help me.

Take a pick

I have been ruled by three things. Anxiety, Fear and the Unknown.  Anxiety, will I ever be good enough for anyone, anything, or the expectation of myself.  Fear, that whatever I become is enough.  The Unknown, because precisely the fact is I don't know.  The one thing about American ideal is that we seek the best unless you want to be pigeonholed.  That is scary.  Why does the truth hurt so damn bad?  The truth has no way to categorize, it has no shades of gray.  The truth is there just waiting for you, whenever you ready.  The lesser of two evils as I'm listening to CNN is the background is a lie.  Evil is evil.  Choices have ramifications, and inaction leads to a consequence much deeper, regret.  Regret and resentment lead to apathy.  Apathetic people lead to anarchy.  And frankly, history is repeating itself right now, and as much as we say we care.  We don't.  If we did, we wouldn't have candidates running to secure a title.  This election reminds me of a monarch versus a autocrat.  The coronation or divine right.  The election is much like me.

Live

After these posts, I'm learning that I'm feeling.  The spigot won't stop.  I don't know if I can go back now.  I worry what will they think?  I can't do it.  Years of suppression will overload the locks.  Should I let you see my brokenness?  Dreams are what keep me alive.  Maybe that's why I haven't been to Paris yet.  It's the one dream that keeps me going.  The City of Light unlocks my darkness.  In truth it's Jesus.  Without Him, I can't survive.  Every human disappoints, He does not.  I can't argue with a world I don't understand, and thusly doesn't get me.  Slowly, I come to grips, that I'm not everyone's cup of tea.  I have to be okay with that.  I keep thinking back to that church in Assisi in which my soul sang, and for a moment my heart delighted pure joy.  There is something about an empty church with me and the crucifix and everything feels right.  I have suppressed everything thinking that's how you live.  It's how you survive.  Survival isn't for the fittest.  Anyone can survive? Will you live?
My life's goal is to live.
The 64,000 dollar question.
Will you live?

Disabled

What will disability teach you?  It will teach you that you are viewed as a second-class citizen unless you the disabled person proves to the contrary.  The only privilege you have is the one to take shit, and thank such oppressors for said shit.  Have I faced inequality and felt the need to apologize for my CP?  Yes, and I have done so.  Then, I realized that wasn't in my job description.  If it sounds like I'm angry, I am.  I have to prove I'm disabled.  The burden of proof is on me.  For every good person,  I meet a bad apple that makes me question every faith in humanity I have.  I have to prove my self-worth, because for some it seems God doesn't determine that.  I can hear the commentary, you should be grateful you live in this country, because in others they institutionalize you.  Let me say this, I didn't feel I had a right to speak about this, because it feels like complaining to me, and the last thing I am is ungrateful.  What I am doing is honoring this nation by voicing my grievances because it gives me the right to do so.  Folks, I have just realized that I have to speak for myself or be discounted.  Thank you Donald Trump, for the kick in the ass.
Don't mock us.

Favorites

It's Fall.
Any favorites?

Being real

After yesterday's response, I feel I need to continue.  Letting people see the real me is difficult.  For so long I have sprinkled fairy dust on the problem hopefully making it whisk it away.  I have known God is nudging me to this.  I can't deny it.  My writing talent is there, but my heart wasn't.  My heart may never fully be there, but God beckons and who am i to deny Him.
Cerebral Palsy and Constipation:  The two C's I have come to dread.  Spinach and Stretching are what help.  I look over at the rice at just wince.  I used to love rice until I realized I would hate it days later.  Stretching, a chore, I detested because it required work, and I'm lazy.  My body wants instant gratification.  Stretching reminded me that my body wasn't normal, and I hate working for something I should already have.  God and I fight.  My faith includes screaming, crying and everything I would rather not say.  You know you are getting better when you don't mind praying for God to help you go number two.  Disability ain't pretty.
Acceptance still is a b.  I just try to maintain grace.  A grace I don't deserve.

Jeans

Best boot cut or wide leg Jean?

Thank you.

Thank you for the love on yesterday's post. It is so much appreciated. It made my day. Thanks again!

It's here

Cerebral Palsy and I have always been friends, though not of my choosing.  God gave me the biggest blessing.  Being a trooper is a matter of necessity.  Life has taught me that once you clear a hurdle, you are not finished.  Cerebral Palsy has been as much a mental battle.  I rise and shine, then as some point during the day have a battle.  It's a daily fight.  I fight boredom, negative thoughts and tight muscles.  I listen to Christian music to bring me hope.  I have to fight me to have faith.  I have to fight  every perceived and real slight.  Being disabled in American society is a struggle.  Being disabled yet not clearly fitting in the box is harder.  When society thinks you can pass for normal, but know different is a fight everyday.  All men were not created equal, I don't believe that.  The deck is a pendulum in which some keep swinging hoping for some clarity.  And I fight because who else will?  A disabled reality is trying to fit a square peg in a round hole hoping the powers that be realize ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL.  Don't get me started on politics, because we know the candidates don't speak for me, and one finds me a disgrace to humanity.  And apparently, my disability doesn't show unless I give you my medical history.  Trump and Clinton, maybe you'd have to disclose yours if you were in my shoes.  What a damn luxury.  The doctors' office knows my voice when I call, can you say that?

Let me make a HUGE statement that you can recall:
I am a disabled square peg that doesn't fit into a round hole.

Thoughts

These are my thoughts.

I've lost fifty pounds.  I get complimented constantly that I look great, but folks I don't feel great.  I've lost fat and tissue in my feet that it makes it painful to walk more than two hours.

Acceptance and Cerebral Palsy are kicking my ass.

I live in a small town where fried and fat food is a way of life.

I eat Paleo, or that's what I tell folks.

I've tried more dating sites.  Promise leads then falters.

Paris is a dream.  I thought losing weight would prepare me to walk around the city, and now I can't deal.

Award

Did you watch the Emmys?

Buy

What are you looking to buy FO fall?

God

God is good, and all the time God is good.

Salad

What do you put on your salad?

Fall

Any fall vacations?

Question

What movie do you want to see?

Perception

I haven't blogged about life or my thoughts recently, and frankly I have my opinions.  Are they kind? Are they needed?  I don't wish to divide.  Division is all I see if I watch the news.  As an individual who has felt marginalized by society, I am learning a few things.

You can only be marginalized if you allow a perception to become your reality.
Victimization is different than victimhood
Acceptance of what is versus what could be
I'm only seeking to change myself.
I have dreams for myself that I chase.


Changing the world is only possible when and if I change myself.

Favorite

Favorite ice cream flavor
Favorite app
Favorite football team
Favorite football food

What are your greatest blessings

What are your greatest blessings?

Who do you admire?

Admire?

Q

Latest joy?

Fun Q

what do you love?

Tell me

Favorites of any kind?

Please pray

Please if you wouldn't mind, pray for my friends, The Shulls as they go to China today to meet their new daughter.  Shay is the blogger at Mix and Match Mama.
Thanks.

Favorites

Favorites for fall?
Clothes?
Candles?
Shoes?
Food?

Shoes

Favorite shoes?

Blessed

Who do you like to call?

Summer

Favorite things about summer?

Thing to do

Best rainy day thing to do?

First car?

First car?

Secret talent?

Secret talent?

Favorite treat?

Favorite treat?

Best

Best restaurant you've tried?

Favorite

Favorite lesson?

Q

Describe yourself in one word?

Qs

What brings you joy?

Remember

Favorite thing to remember?

Looking forward

Looking forward to anything?

A Question

Favorite place to be?

Favorite

Favorite quote?

Friday five

swim or synchronized swimming
Platform or springboard
Basketball or volleyball
Kayak or canoe
Sail or paraglide

Grateful

What are you grateful for today?

First

First word as a baby?

Favorite

Favorite traits in people?

Hey.

How are you?

Favorite

Favorite jewelry?

Q&A

Q&A
Nickname
College mascot
Three people to have a discussion

Bon Bon
Bearcat
God, Jesus and Muhammad

Recent favorites

Recent favorites?

Fall

Favorite fall destinations?

Fave

Favorite fall look?

Favorite

Favorite summer destination?

Favorite

Favorite summer memory?

Indulge

Latest indulgence?

Olympics

Olympics fan?

Favorite

Favorite nut?

Favorite

Favorite loungewear?

Best dessert

Best dessert?

Favorite

Favorite recipe?

Favorite

Favorite sport?

Favorite

Favorite weekend activity?

Favorite

Favorite recent purchase?

Favorite

Favorite coloring book?

Favorite

Favorite city in your state?

Friday fun

Russia or Ukraine
Speak or listen
Jog or walk
Scream or whisper
Sock or shoe

Favorite

Favorite fruit

God Bless

Movie

Favorite animated movie?

Favorite memory

Favorite memory?

Movie

Movie you want to see?

Friday fun

Germany or France
Newport or the Hamptons
Joy or hope
Faith or love
Grace or mercy

Fashion

Favorite fashion?

Humming

What are you humming today?

Joy

What's bringing you joy?

You

How are you?  I'm thinking too much which isn't good.
God Bless.

Speed dial

First person on speed dial?

Favorite

Favorite thing to buy on Amazon?

Friday fun

Dog or cat
Sandal or slide
Hat or cap
Swim or walk
Glitz or glamour

God Bless,
R

Favorite

Favorite scent?

Favorite

favorite beauty product?

Thoughts

All this political is making me so mad.
Donald Trump says the system is rigged.
Unless you are disabled, poor or a minority you have no idea of what a rigged system is.
Give me a break.
R

Favorite

Favorite arcade game?

Favorite

Favorite show?

Blessed

Have a blessed day.
God Bless,
R

Friday fun

popsicle or sherbet
Magazine or book
Sudoku or word search
Pool or beach
Float or noodle

God Bless,
R

Great

Greatest desire?

Favorite

Favorite thing?
God Bless,
R

Life in another lane

Disability: it doesn't define me, but it doesn't leave me.
It leaves me dependent, frustrated and baffled.
It leaves me awestruck.
It forces ugly truths down your throat.
It leaves for a broken, battered soul.

The roller coaster ride
The swinging pendulum
You keep me rocking.

Manage expectations
Manage life
Manage nothing

Dream big
Or not at all
Middle ground
What is that?

Yet God pushes me from
The edge of all the adjectives
I could despise

When you're me
God is the only One
who can provide Hope
for what ails me.

Favorite

Favorite book?
God Bless,
R

Favorites

Favorites these day So?
God Bless,
R

Friday fun

Sun or sand
Clouds or rain
International or domestic
Love or kind
Peace or peace

God Bless,
R

Favorite

Favorite purchase?
God Bless,
R

Loving lately

what are you loving lately?
God Bless,
R

you

How are you?
God Bless,
R

heart

Vacation was nice. Missed you all.
What's on your heart?
God Bless,
R

Blessed

Very blessed. 

God Bless,

R

Grace

God Bless us all today!
God Bless,
R

great

Have a great day.
God Bless,
R

heart and faith

What's on your heart?
Anxiety and faith
God Bless,
R

Hi

How is your day?
God Bless,
R

Praise Him

I'm struggling.
Trying not to let negative self defeating talk in my brain.
Trying to trust Jesus.
I have so many wants.
Joy...
God Bless,
R

Aah

Rainy, dreary day.
Blog you are coming from?
God Bless,
R

Friday fun

mustique or St.Barts
Sun or cloudy
Flower or bush
Sweet or savory
Smile or grin
God Bless,
R

Thank you.

Thank you for the love, support and prayers.
Have a blessed day!
God Bless,
R

Pray for UCLA

Pray for UCLA. 

God Bless,

R

pray

Could you pray for me?
God Bless,
R

heart

What's on your heart?
God Bless,
R

love

Sometimes it feels good to let people love you.
God Bless,
R

Friday fun

baseball or basketball
Gym or ride
Tennis or golf
Pie or ice cream
Friday or Saturday
God Bless,
R

love

God be with me.
Love me.
God Bless,
R

loves

Watermelon
Tennis
God Bless,
R

Question

Breakfast
Music
Book
God Bless,
R

question

Favorite food
Favorite TV show
Favorite drink
God Bless,
R

Friday fun

Sleep or fun

Jam or jelly

France or England

Emoji or not

Funny or silly

God Bless,

R

thursday

Raining here...trying to get woken up.
God Bless,
R

smiling

Just smiling today.
God Bless,
R

Prayer

My prayer is that I don't be You.
God Bless,
R

Humility

I went back to the church that has held wonderful memories, to the church in which I first acknowledged my need for a love no man could provide.  As I allowed myself to sing and be present, I let myself be real.  There was a point on humility.  I don't really remembered where He said He got the definition, but I'm poaching it.  Humility is accepting who you really, really are.  You want to cut like a knife, a razor blade.  That was a steep, but quick cut.
Accepting who I really am.
Here goes...
I eat for fuel, not for enjoyment. Saw this in a magazine, and I got it.
Accepting life for me means no instant gratification.
I am good at being bitter, but not showing it.
Christ saved me on my date of profession of faith, but He saves me every day.
Life takes work.

If I live the Ephesians 4 life, this is what it comes to.
When you allow God to be in you, the world can change, because you have.

I'm not Gandhi, Aristotle or anyone else, I'm me.

God Bless,
R

Friday fun

Tea or Coffee
Fish or Chicken
Amazon or Rue La La
Book or Kindle
Morning or night

God Bless,
R

Best

Best chocolate
Best lunch
God Bless,
R

broken soul

With You
I no longer seek
What I can't do
I know You
Are You
The Ultimate Reedemer
For the broken soul.

God Bless,
R

loving

What are you loving these days?
Salad and mixed nuts.
God Bless,
R

great day

Still haven't woken up.
Had a great weekend.
God Bless,
R

heart

A joyful song in my heart.
God Bless,
R

God Bless

God Bless you all.
Have a great one.
God Bless,
R

God

For the Lord is good.  I have to remember that.  You are more than anything.  I'm just me.  It's all you.  My being needs you.
You are you.  I am letting you be You.
God Bless,
R

Loving

chocolate
Good tv
Good blogs

God Bless,
R

LOVE

Yesterday at church we had baptisms, and it brought back so many memories.  I remember the experience so fondly.  In all this time, Jesus has been good.  Life with Jesus is not easy.  Your heart will be stretched.  Your love will explode.  And sometimes your humanity will show through.  Loving people as Jesus commanded can be the hardest work I will ever try to do.  Christianity commands love and responsibility.  Being a Christian has been hard work.  Having faith is hard.  I have been shown my flawed nature, and how much Jesus redeems me.
My faith has given me more than I can say.
I have Jesus, but I am still human.
My need for Him grows, because of who I am.
Who He is, is beyond compare.
I'm alive because of who He is.
God Bless,
R

yes

What's on your heart?
I am blessed to know and believe in Jesus.
God Bless,
R

loving

May love be everywhere
May He be a kiss of Light
The darkness is no more

God Bless,
R

love

Thinking on the love and grace of the Lord.
Bless you all.
God Bless,
R

Question

What to do when a blog comment gets interpreted the wrong way?
What do you do?
God Bless,
R

reading and eating?

What are you reading lately?
Eating?

God Bless,
R

A song

There is a song in Wicked I heard, and it stung.
Here are some lyrics:
I'm limited:
Just look at me-I'm limited
And just look at you-
You can do all I couldn't do
So now it's up to you
For both of us
Now it's up to you

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you

This song has hit me hard.
There are more lyrics.
I wonder if I get weary from teaching or being taught
I didn't want to type out the lyrics
I'm lazy, it takes time and I'm crying.

I wonder if a calling
is not always typical
God grant me what it is
I need
I can't say it now

God Bless,
R

Observe

I was in Dallas this weekend, and it was good for my soul.
Here are some observations.
Being disabled is a pain in the a**.  You have some kind people of which I'm grateful, and you have those who make you question.
An airport to me is a love hate relationship.
I saw the musical "Wicked" and while I enjoyed it, it hit a little too close to home.
Sometimes pain is incurred in moments unexpected.
Not much is easy.
While I think I teach others, God teaches me.
We hate what we don't know.

God Bless,
R

I'm back

I'm back.
God Bless,
R

Friday fun

teal or blue
Morning or night
Manicure or blow out
Cream or lotion
Show or movie

God Bless,
R

praise

Your Praise will ever be on my lips. Aaron Shust

What is your legacy?

What did you give?
How did you love?
Who did you love?

Lord let me Praise you, love others, and love them well.
God Bless,
R

Thoughts

Thoughts
On the Tubman 20
Trump
Live with Kelly and Michael

Have a blessed day.
God Bless,
R

Thoughts

Children are blessings even if I don't have any.
I'm learning what grace is when I extend it to myself.
Love one another.  It's our legacy.
I heard something this morning. Religious people feel a need to do good things, As Christians we want to do good things.
I don't need to learn to pray better. I need to pray.
Jesus didn't come to be served, but to serve.
God is everywhere.
God Bless,
R

Loving right now

sunshine
greenery
love
marble
white

God Bless,
R

prayer

What's on your heart?
Any prayer requests?
God Bless,
R

Prayer

Thank you for all the birthday wishes for my nephew.
Prayer:  Trust You, Wait, and Let You be You.
Run my race.  Don't be selfish, jealous or envious.
Be joyous for others.
Have faith.
God Bless,
R

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Mason!
Five today!
The boy who gave me the best job ever, Aunt.
God Bless,
Tia Gigi

Chasing

If I have to chase you
You don't want me
I'll be a priority
Not just a choice
I've spent many a year
Chasing.
I don't want to anymore
I'm tired

God Bless,
R

Friday fun

grape or strawberry
red or white
stripe or dot
cotton candy or funnel cake
spark or spunk

God Bless,
R

Confession

With losing weight, comes trying on new clothes.  I've love to default Amazon.com, but I won't.  I'm afraid certain things won't fit, and I'll put pressure on myself to lose more weight because of a number.

I need healthy recipes with veggies, chicken and beans preferably.

I love gummy sweets, but have stuck with chocolate.

Eating healthy isn't glamorous, but worth it.

I love baubles.

I want to trust His timing.  I don't do this well.

God Bless,
R

favorites food

I'm loving dark chocolate raisins

Trail mix

Berries

Hershey bars

God Bless,

R

favorite

Favorite purchase?
Favorite food?
Favorite dessert?

God Bless,
R

ah

Favorite rainy day activities?

God Bless,

R

Monday

How are y'all today?
Sleepy.
God Bless,
R

Broken blessed

At church today the pastor made a point that stuck.  Are you willing to be broken to be blessed.  I never equated brokenness with blessing.
Right now, I can't quantify my brokenness.  I don't know if it's brokenness.  I'm learning me.  And who me is I will find out soon enough.  I was listening to music, and artist described their song as "asking God for the hard things".  Do we really want to ask God for the things we are".
Right now, it's where I'm at.  I know what I want, but do I know what I want?  Right now my pants are loose, my feet are callused and yet I still ask why?  I cooked a chicken and ate chocolate, and still ask why?  Real life is real right now.  I look great, but I don't feel great.  And that's okay.  It's where I'm at.  I know I ended with a preposition, but I'm okay with that.  Acceptance right now is a daily goal, not always achieved.  Where I'm at, not where I want to be.
Another day, another lesson, another blessing.
Broken, not so bad.
God Bless,
R

Friday five

hope or love
Koala or kangaroo
Porter or Vogue
Home or car
Smile or high five

God Bless,
R

confession

My confessions
Eating healthy takes works, but is worth it.
I love fried eggs
Being in Belk's shoe department made me a little sad
I resented these braces for a minute
Chocolate is good...any picks?

God Bless,
R

Favorites

Book
Song
Style

God Bless,
R

God Bless

Good morning.
Struggling lately.
Hope you're well.
God Bless,
R

thoughts

Hey
I'm listening to my praise and worship songs, and I wonder:  Am I letting God be God?  I'm too busy scared and comparing.  That's a combo I don't need.  I need to cede control.  I'm to busy wondering if time has passed for me to see my dreams, to give up on them.  Am I quitting?  I don't want to fight.  Are my dreams worth fighting for?  God, grace me with Your Presence, Your Love, Your Grace.  Only You will do.  Love me when I can't.
Be Sovereign like the song by Chris Tomlin is titled.
God Bless,
R

Thanks

What's on your heart?

Thankful.

Love
Hope
Mercy
Goodness
Kindness
Salvation

God Bless,
R

Friday fun

Snap, Crackle or Pop
style or fashion
Yes or no
Love or hope
Type or write
God Bless,
R

love

I'm proud of who I am becoming for the most part.
Thank you for reading, for encouraging my heart.

Blessings overflow
love does too
hope is there
always hope
grace, smile on me
mercy, i need you

May my heart find joy
in Your love
love
conquer my disdain
With You the world thrives
without You it falls

God Bless,
R

Thank you

Feels so good to know I'm not alone.
I'm grateful and humbled.
Thank you
What are you looking forward to about spring?
God Bless,
R

heart and human

What's on your heart today?
I struggle with fear and what-ifs.
I struggle with what tomorrow will bring.
I struggle with perfection

I am human.
I am human.
Who struggles everyday
What do I do?
Acknowledge it's there
And let God do the rest.

I don't do that enough.
Please pray that I can

God Bless,
R

Monday confessions

Confessions for a Monday

Sometimes you need someone to affirm you, to say it out loud.  After surgery, my self-esteem along with other issues has been shaky, so my ego got a boost.  I usually wouldn't be happy with my ego getting a boost, but I needed it.

I'm not used to being bold, but I'm learning. My comfort zone is being shattered, and for the first time, I'm learning it's okay to be so vulnerable.

I don't like people seeing me cry.  As I type this, I am holding tears back.

Church is good for my soul.

I am liking chocolate, more and more these days.  I'm trying to get away from my love of swedish fish and marshmallowy goodness.  Peeps are a weakness.

Amazon.com loves my wallet.

Part of loving Jesus is loving who He made you.

God Bless,
R

Good Friday

Thank you Jesus
And my thanks will never be enough.
God Bless,
R

Friday fun

Smile or grin
Spring or Summer
Paper or plastic
Green or Yellow
Scrambled or fried

God Bless,
R

Dear Jesus

Dear Jesus,

Here is my life.  I truly didn't appreciate life before I met you.  I was consumed by what I considered my demise, Cerebral Palsy.  I blamed Your Father.  I blasphemed Your Father's Name, His creation, me. I cursed everything I could.  I felt denied, cast out.  If you loved me, why did you make me with this visible demarkations and scars.  I often wondered what love would be, seeing as I couldn't love myself.  I blamed self for something of which I couldn't change.  Right now, I weep. I grieve the loss of never truly understanding that my life will never be what I thought.  I grieve the loss of knowing that my life will always know pain in some way.  I accept this.
I have Jesus as the greatest example.
He came to Earth as a man, knew he would be loved, then scorned and bled out for those "they know not what they do."Could you do the same?
This saint is a sinner.
I've heard it said- "Love the sinner, hate the sin."
I came into the world not know Cerebral Palsy would afflict me.  It did. It has.  If Jesus can heal the any and all afflictions in the Bible. I know He can heal me.
The thing is I don't think I will be cured from this affliction.  I serve Him better in affliction.  I firmly believe this.
Do I still get frustrated that certain things require help? Yes.  But my need for help from others, also requires my need for Him.  I shouldn't say need.  When God uses other for your benefit, no matter their intent, my proud heart wants God to guide me in dealing with others. I want what I can't have.  In my shoes, instant gratification doesn't exist.
I can't hope in a car and just drive away.
I can't run and hide.
I have to face the music.

I have a good idea why you chose me this way.  Most days, I can deal.
Some days it's not happening.

Paris, one day you and I will meet.
But for today, I thank you for the people you put in the path.

Joy is knowing that my nephew, Mason, wrote about me in a sentence for his class, and I'm just grinning.

Jesus, Thank you for this post.  Your Sacrifice.

God Bless,
R

Pondering

i was just scrolling through Facebook, and a friend posted a quote that hit me.
"Occasionally, weep deeply over the life you hoped would be. Grieve the Losses. Then wash your face. Trust God. And embrace the life you have.
John Piper

I don't do any of this often. If I weep, it's in private.  I don't grieve.  Or if I do, I wouldn't know what it looks like. Washing my face, not even, I just use water. Trust God:  I honestly don't do this well. I question Him more than anything.  And embracing the life you have. I am trying to do that because the life I have is great, but more importantly it's the one I have. I will continue to dream, believe, and cling to the Cross.

I believe I don't weep or grieve because what good comes from it.   Does it change what's happened? I don't want to grieve because my grief may embitter me, and I have no time for that.  Washing my face, Trusting God, and embracing the life I have is difficult even if does get easier.

God Bless,
R

Travel

Favorite travel destination in the US?
Any recommendations for the Mid-Atlantic and Northeast?

God Bless,
R

Favorites

Easter Favorites

Candy-Peeps
Food-Ham
Activity- anything with kids
Any good Easter children's books?

God Bless,
R

Prayer

Let me love You
Let me let You love me
I may not understand
I must trust
God wrap up Your World
In Your Arms
Faith, is what you ask
Please Guide us Lord
Prayers for Belgium
Prayers for hurting souls
You will soon bear a Cross
I should have
But I know Resurrection will come soon
You bore my grievance
Your blood cleansed mine.
God Bless the World
Your World

God Bless,
R

Child

My soul refreshed
My heart happy
Sometimes it's so nice to have fun and be a kid again.

The face of a child
The heart of a child
The imagination of a child

I have been news free
And it feels good
Jesus rules
I just follow along

As Easter approaches
I have to remember
He sacrificed for all
I'm to love even what I don't understand

We are all His people
Let Him love you
He is here
Everywhere

God Bless,
R

Discomfort

I saw something on Facebook mentioning comfort zones, and I'm getting out of mine. It may be liberating, but scary too.  In the past month I have experienced all kinds of discomfort, and It's made me better.  I just pray God use my discomfort how He sees fit.
God Bless,
R

Friday fun

love or faith
Music or books
TV or Internet
Paris or Milan
Grace or Mercy
God Bless,
R

Dreaming

Dreaming of:
A tropical vacation
Eating Easter candy
Elections being over
A hug from my niece and nephews
God Bless,
R

Thoughts

Checking my Facebook feed or watching CNN has me resigned, upset and frustrated, so I will try to limit my use of these.
I often wonder what George Washington would think if he were alive.  Jesus too.
I am starting to read books again.
What are you reading?
It's been one month post surgery.  Getting there physically and mentally.
That first workout on the treadmill will be rough, but I need to do it.
Scars bring pain, but they bring progress as well.
In life pain is a given.
I can't wish it away.
The more I do, the more pain I experience.
I'm stubborn.  I question everything.
I accept that I have trouble with acceptance.
I accept that Mom is usually right.  Usually.
This Political Science major wasn't cut out for politics.
Nice people get swallowed whole by politics.
I don't need to be in politics to be of service.
I wanted to change the world
I still can
Just not in the way I wanted.
I wanted to escape who I was
No matter my resistance, where God is, there I will to be.
God Bless ya'll,
R

PSA

We are a divided nation. Faith versus secular. Right versus left.  City versus country.
We all come from God. We are human.  We all struggle. Politics isn't the problem. We have a compassion deficit. We fear what we don't know.  We fear what we do. We dig trenches. We build walls. We harden our hearts. I do it too.  We say we love.  Do we really?  It this offends, is there truth to it?  If I don't challenge myself, am I doing a disservice to myself and others?  Love one another, it may be the best thing you do today.
God Bless,
R

Confession

i love trying new restaurants
Finding a good book
Indulging in wanderlust
Online shopping
Nice compliments
You?
God Bless,
R

Jesus

Faith:  more than a word.
Means different things to people
The human I am has had more crises of faith
I just pray that I look up to Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith.
God Bless,
R

love

Love trumps hate
Hope over despair
Light versus darkness

Have a great day
God Bless,
R

What are you grateful for today

This political nonsense and division has me wanting to do something different today.
This is the Lord's day, I will rejoice and be glad in it.
What are you grateful for today?
America, even with all this mess, there is no better country in which to live.
The ability to walk.  I look at my abdomen with thanks.
The ability to express my faith.
God is still with us, we just have to look up.
The cross that invites and does not deny.

God Bless,
r

friday fun

Monaco or Morocco
sleep shirt or robe
swedish fish or chocolate
pedicure or manicure
love or hope
God Bless,
R

Confession

I have control issues bad.  The control issues control me.
Anxiety and fear are no fun.
Perfection is a concept I know is wrong, yet still seek it.
Perfect people don't exist, yet I want to be one.
Why confess this?  Jesus knows it already, so why not.

Living each day is a task right now.
It's not always pretty.
Why do it?
You just do

You can hide for only so long before you crack
The crack become cracks, cracks become tears.
I write what I don't want you to see.
God Bless,
R

Teach

God is teaching me, He is.  In what way I'm seeing along the way.  Being back in this space, a space I need is welcome.  He is the Light.  I'm claiming that the darkness is lifting.  What is God teaching you?
God Bless,
R

Thank you

I have to say thank you for the love and support yesterday on my post.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  Means so much really.
God Bless,
R

God Bless

I have refrained from these posts for far too long.  Surgery took a physical toll, but what it did mentally, I don't know if I can explain.  I became a recluse.  As many well wishes as I had, I had too much fear, anxiety and disdain for self.  I didn't want to take pain medication, but I ended up taking it.  I lost weight.  I felt like I was existing, not living.  Some days, I still feel this.  I didn't communicate on Facebook or this blog much. I still haven't given it all to God.  This is all still so fresh.  I want to bash these keys in frustration.
God Bless,
R

Heart

Morning.  How are you?  What's on your heart today?
God Bless,
R

yes

It's cold here.

What signifies Spring to you?

God Bless,

R

Friday

Israel or Ireland
Vogue or Town&Country
Magazine or blog
Corned beef or chicken
Love or peace

God Bless,
R

Questions

What are you reading?
Drinking?
Eating?
Dreaming?

God Bless,
R

Joy

It's a choice
What is bringing you joy today?
God Bless,
R

on your heart

How are you all today?
Thinking about love, forgiveness, hope
and fun
What is your definition of fun?
God Bless,
R

today

Today

i love that people love me
that all it takes is a mustard seed
That hope isn't dead
Or forgiveness either

God bless us all
R

Friday

watched clips of the debate-wow
love sleeping by the fire
there are some clothes I just love to wear

God Bless,
R

what to say

Today, I live day by day.  I can't do it any other way.  When you are like me, disabled in some sense it's the only day. I got away from blogging, because I didn't want to complain, b, or self-pity. I cannot wish for something else. I've tried. I could say a lot about life.  I'll say this life is salty, sweet and much more.  The only thing about life s to live it.
I need to live.
God Bless,
R

It's a great day
God Bless,
R

Pride

something I have   I haven't wanted to bother people, because I find it self pity. I am in pain.
God Bless,
R

wow

How honest to be?

Don't want to talk.

God Bless,

R

oh

In pain.  My mind is in a thousand directions. Need to not think.  Thinking a vacation to Monaco might help. Right now, breathe in, breathe out.  Any thoughts?
God Bless,
R

In pain

in pain today.
God Bless,
R

Grateful

Grateful for the love.
Mind and body...
Any good magazines...
God Bless,
R

Surgery

I had surgery today. I am exhausted.  Mentally.  On the verge of tears writing this. Anything makes me sad. Anxiety, off the charts.  It takes everything I have to eat and drink. I know, I should be a lot of things.
God Bless,
R

Truth

Worry has left me in a sad state.
I worry with all my heart, if only my faith...
Acceptance is that thing
Denial...


What's missing?
Love
Truth

God Bless,
R

Good

God
Hardee's
 friends
God Bless,
R

Fight

Folks, my posts...well...my heart hasn't been in it.  I'm in a fight for my very mind.  I'm not just scared...I'm absolutely going ape.  I'm fighting everything.  I wonder who this person is in the mirror. My name is every negative word.  It hurts to admit this much.  I keep wanting to end this post, but I won't.  I do don't want to write.  The fight continues.
God Bless,
R

There is so much I'd love to share, but I'm at a loss.  I'm scared.  I need Jesus.
Could or would you pray for me
R

God Bless

Christ, I need to surrender.
R

Rainy day here.
Enjoying the day
God Bless,
R

love

Love
A good meal

My sweet one

It's a certain boy's birthday.  The one who calls me Gigi.  The one who gives the best sugar.  The one who has my stolen my heart.  My niece and nephews are have my heart.  I love you Andrew.

Some things I'm learning:
I am constantly amazed how much God and others love me.  It amazes me.  Thank you, Lord.  I'm grateful.  I'm struggling.  God knows it.  I don't like sharing my problem.  I wrestle with the faith vs.human discussion.  And I'm torn.  My heart knows the answer, the head, no.  I struggle nonetheless.  Focusing on God.
God Bless,
R

Favorite things

Favorite things:
Cheerios in the morning
Delightful blog posts
kind words
God's grace

God Bless,
R

Faith, what a word.
Jesus be with me.

God Bless,
R

Today I thought of the verse of working for God, not man and it made me smile.
God Bless,
R

Brave

It's a new day, a new week.  I'm having to trust God.  Sometimes you can't control things, and letting go is so hard, but so necessary.  I'm having to remind myself of Philippians 4:6-8.
Pray for me.
God Bless,
R

confession

Confessions

Trying to live in today.
Oh to be a kid again.
Quiet sometimes can be good.
It feels great to be loved.
Singing songs in my head, Dora too.

God Bless,
R

Thoughts

Enjoy the small things.

A cup of coffee
A sweet kiss
A hug
A baby giggle
And so much more.

God Bless,
R

children

My niece and nephew. What a pair!
R

suggestions

Here babysitting my niece and nephew.  Any tips for activities with a soon to be 3 year old?

God Bless,

R

Friday fun

Pandora or Spotify
NFL or NBA
beach or mountain
domestic or international
wine or beer

God Bless,
R

Prayer requests

Praying for Jakarta
Praying for unspoken requests.
Any prayer requests?
R

thoughts

Loving:  Daydreaming of warm places.
A beach sounds good.

Some fun indoor activities.
puzzles galore

Good workout.
Treadmill, anyone?

What are you loving?
God Bless,
R

happy

Perception vs. reality is a big difference.  My heart is happy, joyed.
It's been a great day!
God Bless,
R

On my mind

Go Tigers.  South Carolinians are behind you.
Seeing my nephews and nieces makes me happy.
It takes practice, but I am enjoying the little things.

What is making you happy?  Or being joyous?
God Bless,
R

Thoughts

One of my favorite things to do is read The New York Times list of 52 places to go each year.  There are many places I would like to go, but I've narrowed it down to three.

Malta
Toronto
Providence, RI

As much as I love traveling, I realize the blessings of being a US citizen.  So many die to try and attain the American Dream.  If you have the opportunity to travel overseas, the scenery will overwhelm your senses, but you will long for America.

I went to church today, another one of my favorite things, and we spoke of joy.  I don't express my joy enough.  When "Jesus is with you, you should feel joy".  As the pastor said when I leave the church, Jesus goes with me.  Jesus is with me, anywhere I go.  Knowing that I should be joyful.  I should be joyful when speaking to a customer service rep or in any task.


Have a blessed Sunday!
God Bless,
R

Powerball

what would you do if you won the money?

Tithe
Travel to Europe and the Caribbean
Save the rest
God Bless,
R

It's Friday

It's Friday.  It's a damp, cold rain.  These days call for soup and a book with the fireplace simmering in the backdrop.  I am excited to do some more of my puzzle or color in my new coloring book with my new color pencils.  The simple things bring so many smiles.  What brings you joy?
Sending many prayers out for whomever needs them.
God Bless,
R

Some things about me

1.  I love linkups so I can find new blogs.
2.  I love giveaways.
3. I love cooking.
4.  Looking forward to the Super Bowl
5.  Looking forward to reading new books.

You?
God Bless,
R

Recommendations

Any book or blog recommendations?
R

Confessions

Confessions

I would like to pray over what I post.  I want to be a light in this place.
I am enjoying eating Cheerios for breakfast in the morning.
I would like to pray in good times not just when I'm in distress.
I listen to Pandora every day.
I miss having a pen pal

God Bless,
R

favorite things

Some things I enjoy:
Jigsaw puzzles
Word searches
Reading

Favorite foods
Chinese
Hot dogs
Pizza

Healthy foods
Pears
Edamame
Whole grain pasta

Favorite drinks
Pellegrino
Lemonade
Diet Coke

What about you?
God Bless,
R

Thought

I went to church today, and I heard a sermon I needed to hear.  It was about LOVE.  The pastor talked about how the death and resurrection of Jesus provided us with the ability to love God, ourselves and others.  The Holy Spirit "poured" down on us through the death and resurrection of Jesus.  I always knew how much He loved me; but I didn't get that through His love for me, I could love others.  It is painful to love others who aren't nice. It isn't fair.  I struggle with loving not so nice people.  I was once told I have a good heart, and it's true. The expectation of people is daunting.  I can't expect people to have a good heart.  I can't expect anything.
As long as I believe in Jesus, I will continue to have a good heart.  A good heart doesn't have to be a bad thing.
God Bless,
R

Sunday

Have a blessed day!
R

A New Year, a new blog

Don't fret.  R's rue is going nowhere. I still have much to share with y'all. I have just realized that my role as a handicapped individual gives me a special insight into many different worlds, worlds I'd like to explore.  Am I scared?  Just nervously excited. If you'd like to stop by and say hi, please do.  Scoop From A Handicapper is my new endeavor.
Come join me.
God Bless,
R