Tuesday, June 18, 2024

Grace in failure

 This body. The one I’m in. The one I hated for years, walked two miles yesterday in miserable heat. I’m learning to work with the body I’m in. I walk through pain and discomfort. My body will always know pain and discomfort. I accept what I cannot change. I can’t change Cerebral Palsy. I can’t change how age changes how this condition affects me. I’m learning to accept exhaustion. I’m learning to welcome sleep. Everything I said I would never do, I now do without apology. 

I walk in the rain. Dance in the streets. Sing in the shower. Yes to all three. Walking downtown yesterday with a friend, I realized I’m an old dog sometimes. Sometimes you can’t teach me new tricks. Sometimes you can. Depends on the day. This truth no longer hurts my feelings. Too old to give a darn. Honesty really is the best policy. The head is finally understanding the assignment. 

Stop wanting the world to understand and validate you. Most times won’t happen. I’m not upset by it. It’s a reality I wanted for most of my life.  That is until found this desire to be futile. My best friend told me she will never understand my pain. My grief. She is only here to empathize. If my best friend can’t understand, how am I to expect the world to do it. 

I got a note today that is helping me to use what is at my fingertips to answer my own questions. God, thank you. You know why. And because you know why, I can rest, not knowing my next moves. I don’t know the meaning of life. I don’t know if what I do makes a difference. Resonates. I don’t know much about much. I just trust that what I do, and who I am enough. Enough for you. Enough for me. Enough for God. 

I’m having to trust in this season, as I embark on a new journey. A new mission. A new direction. That when I don’t understand. I empathize. I give myself the grace to fail and fail again until success is mine. That is my hope for you as well. 

16 comments:

  1. Empathy for others is such an admirable gift. When someone shows it to you, you can shine their light upon others. Blessings!

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  2. Dearest Regine,
    We always can trust God and we always can ask God for strength—more strength that is.
    Jesus endured so much suffering and pain, so we can too.
    One day it will all become clear to us what the reason of it all was. We will earn our heavenly reward.
    Hugs,
    Mariette

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  3. We don't need the world to validate us as long as we have people who see and empathize with us. Your best friend sounds like a blessing and I bet she feels the same about you. I just had oral surgery so I'm laying low this week but I'm always in your corner friend <3

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  4. You are an inspiration! Good for you for that walk!

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  5. You are learning through your pain and weakness how to be truly strong. This reminds me so much of what the Apostle Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 New King James Version
    8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." Learning to accept our weakness actually gives us more strength and we also become more of an inspiration for others who may be struggling with their own trials and tribulations and weaknesses. Thank you for your honesty. You are teaching us about grace. And yes, "great job walking 2 miles". I know I can't do that anymore no matter how hard I try. You are to be commended on your perseverance.

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  6. Being present in the day with who we are. That's an encouragement to me, thanks

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  7. You are such an encouragement. I believe each day will give you more strength and you will never stop believing in all you can do. Trust the Lord, He will walk along with you. You are a strong and brave woman. It is good to know you here.

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  8. Deep thinking and wonderful acceptance of that which you cannot change. To trust God is not always easy in adversity, but you are leading the way with you words
    Blessings
    Maxine

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  9. That's great, More power to you. God Bless.

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  10. Congratulations on walking 2 miles! Sending lots of hugs and healing <3

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  11. You are a gifted writer. Your words resonate with so many, you write and truth. And it touches every heart. Praying for you my friend.

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  12. Well, if it's any consolation, you did better than I, who did not walk two miles anywhere, but especially in our oppressive heat. We are part of the heat zone! I appreciate your honesty and your self assessment. It's what moves you ahead.

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  13. Very well done for walking two miles.

    All the best Jan

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  14. I wish you.. succeed . I wish we all do.
    HUgs!

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