Goals

 Goals for the New Year

Not fear mistakes

Not beat myself up for them

Enjoy the moment

What are yours?

New year

 As the year closes out

I remember

These things

Expectations

Are deceiving

And reality

May be better

Than you think

May the new year

Bring new perspective

And a spring

In step

Love it

 Live it

Love it

And give thanks

For all

You have.                                                                                 

The blessings we don’t count

 This holiday has been an eye opening experience. I’ve had to be fully present to be in the Presence.  I’ve savored silence so I can relish in the noise. There is a gratitude for so much, I can explain. And much that I cannot. I still have concerns, but I’m slowly releasing my need for an answer. Much of life I can’t formulate a response. That’s why I have to turn to the Greatest mystery yet the certain truth of life. I’ve never fully appreciated what a gift it is, to express emotions in this way. The written word. Every time I type, I get giddy anticipating your response. Thank you for being here for me and with me. I’m beyond grateful. Thank you. 

Seeming

 For my joy

Is yours

When my

Heart transforms

And mind resets

The soul reframes

The world brightens

As He reclaims

Tonight

With a cry

And the weary

Smile

For the first time

Or so it seems

Questions

 What are you making for Christmas dinner?

Are you traveling?

What are you watching?

Love

 I want to wish you all the very best of the season. Where hope exists.  It reigns supreme. For me, the hope comes from a Savior who sought me before I had a name. Whatever you believe, may joy abound, peace be yours, and love edified. Every day you give me the best gift. Your presence. It means the world. There are no adequate words for the humbling love you provide. This Christmas, I’m grateful. Thank you. You are therapy for the mind, heart and soul. Merry Christmas from my corner of the world to yours. Where are you joining me from?  Love, Regine

Christ

 Christ in me

Christ within me

I’m not daunted

By what

I can not see

The manger

Couldn’t know

The significance

Of a babe

That epitomizes

Grandeur

Masked in

Simplicity

Best of

 Best read

Best purchase

Best meal

Tell me… would love to hear your answers

Claim

 I’ve finally come to the realization that with a disability I will have to hide my pride. Go to every doctor’s appointment, ask for help and realize that no question is ever stupid. My life requires continual maintenance. I just need to praise Him for having access. I’m tired of the fear. I’m having to lay every anxiety to the side. I’m worthy. I’ve fought for everything and everyone. I need to fight for me. The world tells me I don’t deserve it, but He says I do. God, I claim good health, and abundant joy. I claim it. I will prosper and not fail. Claim it too. 

Joy

 May my joy

Not be conditional

On what I feel

Or what I fear

Love

 With each day

May I replace

Worry

With

Praise

Questions

 What is bringing you joy?

What are you making?

What are you baking?

What can I pray for?

What is making you smile right now?

I have several unspoken prayer requests. Would you pray?

Monday

Finding joy

In your Providence

Provision

And hope 

Friday

 Rainy 

Damp 

And 

Cold 

Outside

But

Toasty

Inside

Thursday

 Who are you grateful for?

What are you grateful for?

The place that made you grateful?

Mom

Change within self

It’s been more than a decade since I stepped foot in Assisi, Italy. I remember it like it was yesterday. Gingerly walking in that church filled with incense and organs, I was transported into a holy experience. The tears welled up. It was a culmination of a dream that became real. A God who made the impossible, possible. The joy of the Lord is when you appreciate the journey as much or more than the destination. 

Part deux

 Gratitude is the awareness that even when I can’t see the road ahead, I trust the path. Gratitude is a warm hug you haven’t had in years.  Gratitude is having hummus with celery. Gratitude is treating the mundane as an extraordinary gift. Share yours. 

Gratitude

 Just a thought.  For the rest of the month I will practice gratitude. It will be active, not passive. I am sore today, but I will relish that. To be able to do one hour of physical activity is amazing. To be able to go into downward dog is even more fulfilling. Is it perfect?  No. Did I just order some occupational therapy aids just now. Yes. The gratitude is two-fold. One the strength and flexibility to do it. The second is the strength it takes means I’m have to strengthen other muscles. My hands need help. Those OT sessions of youth are coming back to me. I’m releasing the pride. I refuse to deal with unnecessary pain when maybe a twenty dollar tool can help fix the problem. Tell me your gratitude today.

Monday

 Happy Monday my friends. How are you today?  What is on your heart?

Gratitude list

Exercise

A good meal

All of you

Your turn?

Friday feelings

 Just enjoying the stillness

A nice tune

The season

That tells me

Not to rush

Into busyness

And relish

Relaxing

Questions

 What are you ordering?

What are you reading?

What are you eating?

What are you listening to?

What are you watching?

Christmas tree

 In this season, warmth is returning to my heart.  My soul is breaking the walls. I’m enjoying the ordinary, making it extraordinary. I’m relishing victories. Accepting defeat. I’m riding the waves of emotion instead of letting them consume me. I’m taking the pleasure along with the pain. I’m aware that both can coexist. I’m writing each Christmas card with joy unspeakable. My mailbox opens a whole new world each day. It’s communication I treasure much like this blog, but in a different way. I look at my Christmas tree much like life. A little shiny, a little complicated, but a whole lot to unwrap. May your day be blessed, and your countenance find a reason to smile.  

Happies

 Today’s happies. 

Sunny day

Candy canes

A nice ride to town

Yours?

Morning

 This chilly morning I have to count my blessings. I woke up, took medicine and am letting my bones warm up before I exercise.  God, thank you, for doing what you do without me noticing. I fail to notice how much I’m loved half the time. I’m absorbed in what I lack. And I lack very little. I worry about the details, the burden, the likelihood of change. I just have to sit back, and let it ride. So today, I try, no matter the outcome. 

Happies

 Saturday happies

Put up the Christmas tree

Made Christmas cards

Had apple pie

Questions

 What sales are you shopping?

What was your favorite side yesterday?

What are you reading?

Unspoken prayer request. Please pray. Thank you. 

Thanksgiving

 Thanksgiving Questions

Who’s coming?

What are you cooking?

What are you drinking?

What are you watching?

What time are you eating?

Thoughts

 I never realized how much mental agony I’ve been holding on to for this long. As much as I despise being vulnerable, I’m being set free. I’m being taught as I teach. I’m being unchained from the bondage of self-imposed secrecy of not being seen. Am I on the verge of tears. Yes. They need to be let out. It all comes back to trust. Do I trust You enough to let go, and give you the key. When I look on it, God has fulfilled my every desire, save one or two. Pray that I can trust with my whole heart. This is the closest I’ve been to total surrender I’ve been since I gave my life to Christ that April day. On this cold and clear morning, may my soul be warm and receptive. 

Part two

 Two cups of coffee deep, and I’m going to give another glimpse into the testimony. I will say this:  My mental state was absolutely in shambles, and therapy would come later. I found that my journey to the church and worship music started to break the walls of my torn soul. I had a particular friend who on many instances would mend the pieces of me, I couldn’t fix. I still listen to worship music daily. As for the church, that’s another story. I can’t go into without my emotions getting the best of me. I also started to write. The tears that came after years of repression were needed. I will never forget sitting at my Sony Vaio bawling listening to Michael W. Smith. As I would write, the words I would read back were something I couldn’t handle. I couldn’t come to grips with getting older, and the what ifs of what my future would hold. If your disabled, and watched your family worry about you as you age, it is downright terrifying. If you have, I don’t need to explain. If you haven’t, it’s one of your greatest blessings. Disability wouldn’t kill me, but my reaction to it, almost did. I see myself being in therapy for the foreseeable future. I need to say this. God saved me more times than once, and therapy helps me stay sane. This is part two

Rainy

Rainy days

Cuddled up

Movie 

And a beverage

My day

Is made

Quiet

 Seasons of trial

Seasons of turmoil

Turn into 

Seasons of silence

When I realize

I must be quiet

And still 

My own voice

To You be 

The Glory

Enjoy the rest

That He is providing

Joy

This week’s joys

Chat with a friend

New books

Coffee

Christmas cards

Wholly brokenness

 This post will be done in installments. 4-13-03. Feels like a lifetime ago. The journey to Christ officially began. I never would have predicted how much my life has changed because I made a choice to be free.   What’s changed since. My mindset. I still have days where I question why. More than I want to admit. These days, I stay because of who He is, not who I am. I’m still learning I can’t judge the character of Christ because of those who profess Him. I’ve had to read the Bible for myself, and trust. I ask as I tell this story, be gentle. I’ve thought of keeping it private, but if it brings Glory to Him, I will do it. My journey to Christ was never in doubt to Him, it was to me. I never thought I’d get tired of fighting my flesh. I still fight it every day. I’m fighting it right now. Shedding the pride is very hard. I’m trying to tell the story perfectly, and that may be the hindrance I’m facing right now. I’m finding that the path to Him isn’t narrow and straight. It has stops and starts. The brokenness that brought me here, is joining me once again. Remove the pride that hindered my path to You then, and the pride that is reappearing now

Rest

 Be gentle

Wait

Rest

The reward 

Is on 

The way

Coffee

 Hot cup of coffee

On a frosty morning

Sets this heart

Into gratitude

As my body

Gets an instant

Pick me up

Anything bringing your heart joy?

Monday

 It’s Monday 

Another day

To start anew

To try

And trust

Sunday

 On this Sunday, as I sit in stilled silence, I’m contemplating what to share. The question is this:  My testimony then that I shared of my decision to follow Christ, is different than why I remain devoted to Him. My love for Him as I grow older is more that I am being cracked wide open. He isn’t hidden from me, and I am no longer hidden from a world I can’t change. My exhaustion is leading to peace. I’m starting to dream again. So the question is do you want the original testimony of what brought me to Him or what keeps me there. Nothing I’ve shared lately makes me comfortable. To be free, I must be uncomfortable.  Very uncomfortable. 

Making Christmas cards today, and hope my mailbox is full of them too. 

Happy Sunday. 

Regine 

In the world

I’m lost

And shocked

In the center

Of the will

Of God

Is everlasting

And amazing

Freedom

Question

 In the weeds

I go again

To find parts

Of myself

I’ve neglected

Since my story is so compelling as you say, what do you want to know?

Questions

 What are you eating?  Raisin Nut Bran

What are you ordering?  Books

What are you drinking?  Water

What are you watching?  Christmas movies 

What are you making?  Dinner in the crockpot

Vulnerable

 I’m finding that after all the vulnerability I’m tired.  I don’t regret it.  In bravery comes freedom. I’m humbled that you come to this space daily to affirm me, to love me, and lift me. It’s very humbling for me to be loved and genuinely prayed for simply because of I dared to be bold enough to ask. God has been waiting for me to be bold. And last week, I don’t know what finally got me to break the barriers of my own soul. I thank you for your prayers. Just to know they are there brings me to tears. Thank you. 

Thankful

 Thankful for

Your love

A good book

And 

Good food

Your turn?

Prayer request

 Im learning in every aspect of my life, I can’t rush time. I can’t snap my fingers right now, and make it happen tomorrow. I have to trust. There was a question about my personal life, and if and when I’m ready to fully discuss that to the last detail I will. I will say dating while disabled is a whole different animal. I have good experiences, where it wasn’t the right fit.  And then we have stories that are not fit for publication. I at first was offended by this comment. This comment, however, has opened the door for me to sincerely ask for prayers in this area of my life. So for the family here that loves me here, please pray for me in this area of my life. I can’t receive the desires of my heart, if I don’t ask. I’ve asked God for years. I need intercession. Maybe I’ve been asking for the wrong things, and didn’t know it. So I ask:  if you would grace me with your prayers, I would be most grateful. One of you said, when you are most vulnerable, you allow love to flow to you.   Im claiming that. I’m tired of trying my way. I’m exhausted. I’m tired of feeling I’m too broken, unworthy. It’s growth. I can’t believe. Im about to hit publish. 

Stretch

 Right now 

Muscles feel

Like glue

Off to

Stretch 

And feel

Brand new 

Truth part 3

Thank you for all your support these past few days. I am truly grateful. All my life I have been sensitive about my condition. I have tried to pray it away. For years. That is not the reality. I have begrudgingly acknowledge that to be understood, I will have to let people in to my world. I have resisted that for the most part. I’ve given faint glimpses. When I let the curtain open, I didn’t fully know what to expect. In real life I’m not the greatest communicator, because that’s what I have chosen for so long. I’m seeing that doesn’t work these days. So in order to be understood, I am trying to understand, myself. It’s a learning curve. Please bear with me. Thank you again for your love and support. I am truly grateful. Love to you all. 

On a brighter note:  What is making you smile today?

Truth part 2

 I need thought I would do this, but there was a question raised in the comment section regarding the baclofen pump. This comment wasn’t meant to harm, but it hurt. For me, there is no alternative. Taking the baclofen orally was not working for me. I had no quality of life. I was existing.   As for the access and availability in poorer countries I can’t speak of. Which brings me to something more pressing. I can’t speak to equity of most anything in the developed world versus the developing world.   Does it anger me? Yes. Does it sadden me? Yes. I’m realizing that I can’t internalize the struggles of the world of which I have no control. I do my best each day to make the most of my blessings that is pleasing to God. The most difficult questions to answer are above my pay grade. When I share my experiences, I do so in hope. That you have hope. And that you fight a battle that is not mine. I’ve harbored too much guilt trying to reconcile why some have access while others do not. I’ve fought that battle. It got me nowhere, but to a therapist’s chair. I’ve asked why of God regarding my condition that will not leave me. I believe in God, but Cerebral Palsy is not leaving me. It’s acceptance. It is what it is. In an ideal world, disabled people wouldn’t feel compelled to always explain something that has no explanation or one I want. I would apologize for this post, but for once I’m not.  Explanation done. I hope this ends this conversation. Blessings my friends. 

Truth

 I have debated writing this, but the time has come. I’m on day two of rest.  Monday I had my baclofen pump refilled. I love and dread it all in one breath. It’s the day I affectionately call meeting with the needle. It’s where precision and patience must meet. The needle must locate the pump and fill.   I have stopped looking at the needle because I know when it meets. It’s not exact and precise all the time. It can take time. In that time I search for kind eyes and small talk. Once done, I leave and carb load so I can have a few hours of energy to walk, shop and enjoy. Once the window closes, exhaustion sets in. The next few days are peaks and valleys of energy. I get bursts. One minute, I feel wonderful, the next I struggle to now doze off. The most mundane tasks become acts of courage. After about a week, I return to the person, I often take for granted. I’m a child of grace, blessed by a benevolent God who gives me access to healthcare many the world over could only pray for friends. I give you this brief looks into what it takes to maintain mental and physical health. Science and Jesus work in tandem in my life. Let me tell you every race, every creed, every religion has treated me. The immigrant has loved me. The treatment rooms are the melting pot. When the needle goes in, what or who you are matters not. I’m American born and bred, but my first word was not uttered in English. The Ukrainian and Cuban grandmother who I swore I was nothing like, is the one I miss most. The one who deepened my faith in Christ was a college professor I had who was a hardened atheist. You can be proud of your heritage and be a patriot in the same breath. My only desire is that you love people truly, deeply and without reservation. I don’t tell you how or what to believe. What you do, I don’t answer for. The Maker of Heaven and Earth knows your heart. He judges accordingly. We are all His children whether we profess His Omnipotence or not. Blessings my friends

Cocoa

 Hot cup

Of cocoa

Marshmallows

Rising

To the top

Breathing 

In the aroma

Of coziness

Rest

 Resting today

I have 

To remind

Myself

It’s okay

And necessary

Thought

 Trying to take

The day in

Let things

Come as

They may

And not fret

Halloween

 Today is Halloween. A day for the candy and costumes. Today though is the anniversary of the start of this blog. Thank you for staying with me for the long haul. I was listening to James Taylor, and all I could think is how sweet it is to be loved by you. Your dedication to come here each day amazes me daily. Something I have to remind myself of every day. 

Give me grace

To accept

The great things

You bestow 

On me 

Without

Even asking

Friday questions

 What are you ordering?

What are you reading?

What are you eating?

What are you wearing?

What are you watching?

Are you trick or treating?

Cup of tea

 Rainy and cool day

A nice cup of tea

Cookies

A good book

And a soup 

Simmering 

On the stove

Any prayers or praises today?

Upward

 Look up

Not down

Your path

Is forward

Backward

Is not an option

For your caliber

Magic

 In the early morning light as the sun comes up taking a ride I am seeing Your beauty is wherever and whenever I look. How many times do I put down my phone, and take in creation. The natural world right at my fingertips. I see bright pink and purple hues in the skies, the autumn leaves fading and falling, and I’m giddy. Happiness is the time I take to enjoy the cool winds, dripping drops and twirl into a puddle of possibility. The poetry of life is found in every sigh and every smile. Every tear and every lipstick smear. Every day, the magic is always there. 

Questions

 What did you do this weekend?

Last thing you ordered?

Last thing you read?  Besides this blog

What made you smile?

Have you started Christmas shopping?

Pride

 Hug the ones

You love and 

Adore

Speak life

In the valleys

Scale the mountains

With pride

Release

 Release the fear

Experience the joy

That each day

Allows

Because I’m alive

To see it

Your blessings today?

Servant

 The salve

The balm

To a soul

That needs

To need You

Wants to 

Want You

Smile down

On your loving

Servant

Happiness

 Happiness for today

Great sleep

A smile

Yummy breakfast 

Your turn?

Breathe

 Lord

I need 

To trust You

Because my life

Depends on it

Breaking down

In tears

This morning

Over what

I can’t control

Is telling me

I need to breathe

And when I can’t 

Bring it 

To the feet

Of the Father

Honestly

I need prayer

To rid

Me of 

The rage

I’m angry

Tired

And need

To hydrate

Desperately

Pray

 It’s Friday. I hope you have a wonderful day and weekend. Any prayer requests today?  Anything on your heart my friends?  Sending hugs to all who need them. Hugs. 

Thursday happies

 Thursday happies

Breakfast with a friend

Shopping at Trader Joe’s

New water bottle

Your turn?

Eloquent

 With a hint of darkness still obscuring natural light this morning, I’m huddled in my thinking chair. I have been giving God a running wishlist for years. The miraculous is that He has obliged my whims and given more than I can imagine. When I look around me, I’m just in awe that He takes such good care of me. As a disabled person, you need an inordinate amount of help daily.  God provides every day. All He asks is that I accept His mercies with a grateful heart. This morning, my thoughts are not smooth or succinct. I’m just grateful for it all even when I can’t express it eloquently. 

Nature’s lead

 In the simple still of Monday I sit here remembering that valleys don’t last forever. I’m climbing out and upward not dwelling in the places and spaces I don’t belong. In autumn, I’m coming alive to the possibility that life gets sweeter when answers aren’t found. The leaves fall to the ground and change colors in hopes of brighter tomorrows.   I’m taking nature’s lead. 

Questions

 Highlight of your weekend?

Last thing you ordered?

Last thing you read?

Have you seen fall foliage?

Favorite fall destination?

Yum

 Mountain roads

And a cool breeze

Bring peace

Add doughnuts 

Some cute

Nieces and nephews

And my day

Is all set

Happy Friday. Any weekend plans?

Question

A blog commenter said “Does God take up challenges?”  The question hasn’t left my mind yet. It’s a great question. It’s one I haven’t given much thought. God is omnipotent. Nothing is a challenge for Him. I do think He offers Himself everyone who sincerely still has questions as to whether to trust. God has been waiting for me to give it all to Him without caveats. I still cling to my own strength. I do it more than I want to admit. I don’t know if I’m answering the question.  All I know is I’m only free when I stop asking. I hope that God gives you peace. The challenge is:  Will you accept the gift?

Wednesday

 Last thing you bought?

Last thing you baked?

Dream destination?

Favorite book?

Biggest hope?

Lord

 Thank you Lord 

For doing it

Again and again

Calming my mind

Relaxing my heart

And taking care 

Of me

When I think

I can’t. 

Good

 How good 

Is my life 

Too good 

To be true 

But it is

A true miracle 

From whom

Not much

Was expected

But God said

Challenge accepted

October

 Brisk temperatures

Hot beverages

Long walks

Hearty food

Ready for 

You October

Any prayer requests and or praises?

Questions

 Last thing you read beside my blog?

Last person you complimented?

Last book you loved?

Last random act of kindness?

Last thing you cooked?

Heart

It’s the simple things that teach me the most. God, You use anything. Always using the ordinary to prove a point. Lacing up my new braces this morning left me almost in a fit of rage. As much as I appreciate the new, I was ready to embrace the old, comfortable and worn in braces. They’re dirty and battered. I’m acquainted with them. The new ones are not exactly the same shape, consistency and feel. The laces are different. They look similar, but not the same. I notice I can complain about blessings. The braces are blessings. It is a privilege to walk. Putting one foot forward after the other is an honor. It’s not something I’m fully cognizant of until I sit and let it simmer.  My complaint is another’s blessing. 

My gratitude list

Cerebral Palsy-you have given me more than I deserve. Seeing the world in a way I would never have otherwise. You break my heart daily. It’s not a bad thing. It gives me a gratitude for the nation of my birth. I’m granted the desires of my heart almost every day. 

God-  When I honestly and wholeheartedly seek you, I’m truly stunned at what You do in every moment. Why, no longer matters. I still want to know, but I’m afraid I already know. Without Cerebral Palsy I wonder if I would fully depend on you.  It’s true. I am too stubborn for my own good. I think I know it all way too much. CP humbles me in a way that shatters me. I am left gasping for breath. In need of air from the giver of my life. 

Broken, reimagined and rewoven. Each and every day. 

The song says “You can have my heart”. You made it. I just share it back with its Creator

The message

 May my life

Be a light

A beacon of hope

A fruitful endeavor 

A journey

That yields

Perseverance 

And a strength

To do 

Your will

Speak to me

Listen

Do not respond

With your desires

For that 

Is when

I miss 

The message

Faith

 Jesus and coffee 

I need them both

A shot of energy

Forgiveness and fortitude

To live in a world

That confounds this mind

Yet leaves it mystified

At the same time

Grant me

The wisdom

To be an instrument

Of Your peace

And lean

Not on 

My own understand

But a faith

That says 

Why not

Anyway

Once more

 Breaking in

New braces

Means 

Learning 

To walk

All over again

A task

I must conquer

Once more

Dew

 In the cool dew, my feet are awakened to a renewed peace. The winds of time give me pause to smile. God is doing what I need, when I just put aside my desire, and let it be. He works when I stop giving instructions. I fall back. He rises up. Rest the soul, and He makes Himself known. The fixer in me halts, and He meets my feet. What a thought. 

Meet me 

In the middle

And see 

The magic

That happens

When the Master

Lifts His Hands

Questions

 Last thing you bought?

Last restaurant you visited?

Last dessert you ate?

Last thing you made?

Last vacation you took?

Presence

 Chasing water like it’s my job. It’s the one thing that gets me going. It hydrates, cleanses, refreshes and restores. I’m awaiting the rain to fall, and my soul rejoices. Another chance to relax while enjoying seeing God work. Stepping back so I can be present in the now. Taste it.  Smell it.  Touch it. Let my senses glisten in anticipation. Presence is the best present. Try it. 

Monday

 Good morning

My friends

Make your

Monday grand

Tell me 

Something good

Sunday Q’s

Sunday questions

Favorite worship song?

Scripture verse?

Prayer?

Praise?

Happy for the day?

Sight

 For the past few days I have put my fear to the side, and truly enjoyed life. My body has been one with nature, and my mind has reaped the benefits. Salty sweat and cool breezes have been constant reminders that initial discomfort later brings me joy that I haven’t felt in years. I have a beauty that says makeup is not needed. When I look at pictures, the old me is there. And it is a sight I long to see. My soul is returning, and my mind is clear. Small victory my friend. I’m savoring it. You should too.  Every victory reveals characteristics not lost, just dormant. 

Happies

 Things making me joyful

A long walk downtown

Being in nature

Sweat

Good food

New braces

Your turn?

Speak

 Speak up

Speak out 

Or merely 

Watch the world

Pass you by

Cake

 Birthday cake 

Sweetness

Of another year

I’m glad

To celebrate

My princess

Niece 

Hailey

Love

 On this day of reflection, what are you grateful for?  My hugs and prayers for a greater humanity full of hope, joy and love. 

Getting to know you

 Last thing you read?

Last thing you bought?

Favorite fall treat?

What’s your middle name?

Guilty pleasure?

The Cheat Sheet by Sarah Adams

Groceries

Apple cider doughnuts

Talia

Two Dots

C’est la vie

 A bowl of Grape Nuts

After a sweaty session

Feeling grateful

For the knowledge

That acceptance

Is growth

I can be

Proud of

My answer is no answer. I don’t need to speak to make a point. Silence speaks louder than my words ever could. So many times lately, I’ve had to not comment on what I see. I shake my head in disbelief on a daily basis. I no longer count. I no longer actively seek to change the world. If it happens, I’m greatly appreciative.  If not, it’s not the end of the world.  The seeds of change happen each day when I look in the mirror and purposely smile. Think about it.  

Mom

High road

Despite

The low blow

The ego

Takes a bruising 

When you reform

Your way of thinking

Every action

Does not

Require

Reaction

Disappointment is inevitable. Of that I am sure. I’m having to reframe the situation. Every setback brings an opportunity to find the reward meant for me. Slapping on the band-aid and commencing in a forward direction. Practice what you preach, girl. Live it out. Climb the mountain, swim the lap, find your footing. The world is my oyster. Mom always says there’s more than one way to achieve the goal. Pivot, don’t despair. Each day I have to remember this. Live it out, once again, I say. 

Best advice, Mom ever gave?

Monday

 Dreaming of strolling

Rolling around 

In the warm grass

As bright blue skies

Skim my skin

In delight

As I savor summer, I realize I must acquaint with the real world. Facebook isn’t it.  My life needs to be surrounded by truth, love and the beauty of humanity. I wonder when we will actually form opinions from experience not purported falsehoods. I’m glad my youth was formed by a love of books and critical thinking. Cerebral Palsy continues to teach me that I don’t bury my head to pain, but I actively seek what feeds the soul. I miss walking to the mailbox and chatting with my neighbors as I would bring them my old issues of fashion magazines I had accumulated.  The small chit chat would lead to meaningful conversations I can still recall.  Coming inside for some snacks and ice cold coke. What would be a few minutes, would end up being an afternoon. One that brings a wry smile to my face. The good ole days can still survive if we make the time. 

Feet

Smooth feet and pedicured toes. The podiatrist chair. I didn’t want to go at first, but at the end I was so glad I completed the task. If I let my anxiety subside, I can lay back and enjoy the process. My feet are callous free for the first time in a year. This brings me to thinking that what I just put off as mere annoyances were actual impediments. I’m learning that my anxiety and fear has jackknifed my happiness in so many ways.  I shouldn’t withstand annoyance, perceived or otherwise, when there are easy remedies. God,

You keep

Showing up

In each chair

In each room

And saying

I’m with you

What’s the problem

Don’t you feel better

I love your feet

Now you must 

Do the same

Dirt

 A season of daily graces where everything makes you grateful. The treadmill with the fan beside me with eighties hits cheering me on. It’s on that machine as the app’s trainer puts me through the paces that the tears and sweat mix. If you ever told me, I’d be able to walk on a treadmill without fear, I couldn’t fathom it. I don’t know how many milestones I’ve hit despite the doubt. It’s now as my freshly showered body is seated on this comfortable couch that I am realizing that success happens when fear is overcome by sheer curiosity and an iron will. With each day I regain the confidence lost. It’s not lost, just being unearthed once again. Challenge yourself and watch the dirt disappear.  

Unlocking the heart

With the key

You misplaced

Many eons ago 

Cane pole

 Cane pole

Some worms

A coke

And Lance crackers

A day on the lake. The wind and wake combine to form ecstasy. Late summer sun with a breeze as my portable fan. Just cruising around looking at my favorite homes. Which one do I pick?  It’s almost like I would jump out of the boat, swim and introduce myself to the owners. I could only imagine them sipping sweet tea on that veranda. My only offer is a hearty hey there. When I got home, I’d just shower and collapse into my clean green sheets. My dog would still smell like lake water after he fell in, thinking he had twinkle toes as he made his way around the boat.  He would soon find out to the contrary. I can taste the sunscreen and melted Hershey bars that made a mess of my beautiful and carefree countenance. 

Simple

Summer

In the 

South

Leaves

Me wanting 

More

As Autumn

Waits to make

Her Grand Entrance

Candy

 I ask myself lately this question. What is that?  Does God my full attention. Not to complain. Not to right others’ wrongs. Am I giving Him all of me so I can do His perfect and pleasing will. With the anchor of God, each day is a reset. Daily I need to step into His word and live it out. When I veer, pain is on its way. I desire the candy of life, but it leaves me hungry for the food that nourishes. I need the broccoli and beef not Swedish fish or Sour Patch Kids. As much as I like the latter, it leaves me yearning not long after being consumed. Satisfaction comes from hard work. It comes from doing the necessary. It comes from the silent determined face that is quiet that speaks without uttering a word. 

In Your prescience

I look up

I don’t join

In worldly arguments

I just persevere 

Knowing

Vengeance is 

Not mine

My job

Is here

To complete

With these keys

You’ve put 

Before me

Sense

 I’ve lost track of days, but you get the gist. Tired from a good workout yet mentally energized. Something about moving the body. It’s so true. I made it through the entire workout without stopping. How many times have I quit before the finish line. I’m in the valleys, and it’s not where I desire to be.  I’m accepting that daily. I don’t multitask at all. Certain tasks if not all take my undivided attention. I must be fully present walking, talking or doing anything.  If I don’t there are consequences. I have taken spills because I wasn’t watching where I was going. Every action requires a precise reaction. I think I programmed myself to always be on the move, without regard to what was best for me. I took societal cues, ran a race not designed for a me, and played a game where the odds weren’t in my favor. I took gambles’ I shouldn’t have.  Run my race, not the one I wish I had. Success will come when it wants. The path is long, but taking the shortcut is rougher in the end. 

The journey

Is tougher

When I let 

My wants

Trump

Common sense

Creation

 Coming to you today from a place I know well. What’s this place called?  Doubt. Faith and doubt don’t mix. Like oil and water. Or do they?  Writing is like weeding a garden. Trying to protect the good, while getting rid of the unwanted pests. In my garden between the sweet, red tomatoes are the weeds that try to overwhelm the fruit. I’m always still amazed tomatoes are a fruit. As I’ve gotten down on my knees plucking the unwanted to preserve the desired, I’m reminded of how parents do the same. My will has run wild much to my own detriment. I hate to admit when they’re right. I don’t like to say that I’m still young enough to not know everything. With each and everyday I only learn when I put my selfishness aside in the admission that with acknowledgement that as long as I breathe, I am being molded into the best creation I can be. 

Settles

 Day Five

What will I come up with today. The Sunday Sermon is coming. I’m stretched and going.  I only need some joe and I’m ready to rock. Help me come up with not just mere words, but kindle in my soul a desire to be me. Who I am is more than okay. Every day is one to speak life into an imperfect body and frazzled mind. Releasing anger and frustration, and being humble enough to tear the veil. I’ve held back, and it has cost me peace. Peace is too darn expensive. Time and peace.  The only things I really desire more of in this life. Realign and prioritize. 

In this

Sunday situation

Sit in the stillness

Of summer sizzle 

And stall 

The soul

Until

Sweetness

Settles

Molehills

 In my favorite jeans

On Day Four

Am I willing 

To be wholly uncomfortable

With what I’m about

To say

I’ve learned nothing but bad habits by being comfortable. I always need to be stretched physically and mentally. I need to sweat. I’ve never liked the weeds, but it’s where I learn to thrive. I’ve learned survival skills there. And survival for me includes learning how to communicate. I don’t do it well in person at all. I detest it honestly. I make mountains out of molehills because I misconstrue or misinterpret what others say. I’m very literal. I don’t tell jokes. I don’t let people in. I’m changing that. I will always have to teach. 

I share this with you because I’m eating crow. I always complained that I didn’t want this to be my assignment. And here I am.  I’m doing exactly what I said I wouldn’t. If this is the first part of surrender, Lord, I’m under Your wing. 

Abandoned cove

I long to return 

To the days

When I didn’t

Have to create

Joy and hope

It was as easy

As breathing

In and out

Repeat

Enigma

Mystery

Unique

I relate

That’s part

Of the allure

I surprise myself every day. Honestly, I wonder to what depths I will go. The armchair traveler, I’ve seen it called. The world teaches me so much. I recall my travels often not for what I’ve seen, but the people I met. The best conversations happen in the airport as I’m being wheeled to the gate. It amazes me what I’m told in a span of minutes.  If I’m willing to listen, I will learn. God is convicting me here. How many times, I wonder where You are.  You’re everywhere. I just don’t pay attention. What is the correlation. In the airport wheelchair patience is necessary.  With God, I desire an answer immediately. If I give Him time, He will allow me to answer my own question. I want an elaborate display, but the answer comes in the abandoned cove. 

Old school soul

 Day Two:

In the weeds I go. Time to get scraped, itchy and dirty. Strapping on the braces of discomfort. Please relish youth. You don’t get it back. I harken back to days of trying to drive a go-kart and failing miserably. I drove it in the gate five times. Covered in cow manure and sweat. Can you imagine?  An editorial for Vogue awaits me.  As frustrated as I was that day, it’s now a treasured memory. A keepsake of driving. I long for something I can’t do, but that day I did.  Failing in open spaces. Farm life gives you lessons that now cost hundreds in the therapy chair. I don’t regret either. I need both. I need to fall down, feel the earth and then discuss it.  It’s a pattern, I’m sure I don’t have the right to trademark. I’ve tasted grass, hay bales and bugs. There is no limit to what you encounter in the woods of Carolina. The morning call of the chickens has me brewing coffee at four in the morning. It’s not lost on me that the life I lead is a dream to many.  It’s only know as I sit and ruminate, that we don’t realize when mistakes become the biggest sources of gratitude.   Vogue cover girl am I?  Chanel dipped in old school soul.  Funnier things have happened

Lemonade

 The muddy water. I’m wading through it. Metaphor. I know, it’s life. Each day I feel the need to walk down to the pond and meditate. Let the summer sun take me away. Be one with the mosquitoes and bees. Take a swim in that water with the fish right beside me. Be one with the land. Let God’s creation envelope me in a hug. One I’ve denied myself for far too long. Maybe as we children, we have it right. Too much thinking, not enough doing. Jump, don’t hesitate. Not everything with bite unless we try. When I say we, I mean me. I’ve put off writing, beyond what I’ve gotten comfortable with, and that’s not when you grow. I want lots of things, but I’ve not put in the work. Anything worth doing takes effort, even if that is to remind myself to breathe and hydrate. I’m reading others’ words.  I need to read my own. That means I must write them. What’s the good with talent, if you don’t use it. It goes wasted.  I have always worried, and God has always said:  Go!  I won’t let you fail. If you do, it is alright. We’ve made failure a bad word. I need to embrace it. Success comes from repeated failure. I’ve stopped failing, because I stopped trying. The world’s must successful failure. I like the sound of that. Making lemonade again. It feels so good to get into the weeds again. Will you join me?

Cheek

 As I sit

In the silence

I remember

A goodness

That life has

When I stop

And recall

The beauty

That God

Blesses me

With every day

The green grass

That tickle my toes

The water hose

That sprays

My face 

So coolly

As my red cheeks

Rejoice

Seek the good

Searching for 

The miracle

That isn’t hard

To find at all

Peach

 The aroma

Of peach muffins

Has my 

Attention

This morning

Smile bright

Smile wide

The world 

Needs your light

Today

Dancing

 Dancing

This morning

To a favorite song

From another era

A sweet memory

That makes me

Smile this morning

Share your joy 

My friends

It’s so useful

In a world

That focuses 

On what’s wrong

And doesn’t celebrate

The good things

Get to know

 Last thing I read- Tatler magazine travel article

Last thing I ordered- Gloves

Last thing I ate- Pancakes

Last thing I drank- coffee

Last blog I visited- Maxine’s. 

Your turn. Go!

Saturday

 Saturday happies

Almond milk 

Good tunes 

Coffee

Comfy couch

You

Smiles

 Rough night

Can’t forgive myself

For a mistake

I made

Tell me

Something good

That’s happened 

To you

Sun

 Sunny days

Tall trees

Sweet berries 

And whip cream

What I see

Today 

Friend

 Friends

You give me hope

God supplying 

My needs today

Is all I can say

Thank you

For supporting

A lowly girl

Searching 

For answers

In a cruel world

Searching for direction

Going

 What is it

You seek 

Of me

Is it 

Complete surrender

Surrender everything

I’ve ever wanted

For striving

Has caused 

More strife

You never

Said anything

Worth doing

Would be easy

Give my heart

The desire 

To keep going

Questions

 Last thing you bought

Last thing you read

Last thing that made you smile?

Last thing that broke your heart?

What are you cooking tonight?

Praise

 Lord

I claim 

Your promises

As my flesh 

Is weak

But my 

Strength 

Is renewed

By reading 

Your words

What is on your heart today?

Friday happies.

 My favorites today 

A nice shrimp dinner

Happy mail

A new word search

Vaccines 

And most importantly, I don’t have to convince of my opinions. 

That’s not my job

It’s to love you

Despite your shortcomings 

As I try

To the same

For myself 

Please pray for a dear friend’s husband as they determine the type of cancer and it’s severity. Thank you so much for your prayers. 

Yesterday and today

The memory of yesterday 

Propels me forward 

To see

The beauty 

Of today

Share with me any favorite memories. 

Sweet delight

 Fruit so sweet

Kissing my lips

The smell an elixir

The taste divine

A perfect start

To a day

I am grateful

To be able

To experience fully

What a you grateful for today?

Fruit

 To bear fruit

I must be pruned

In surrender

Silent and still

In growing

Learn

That the wait

Produces

The harvest

Of my soul

Monday fun

 Last thing you made?

Favorite savory treat?

Last thing you bought?

Favorite school memory?

Favorite exercise?

Pray

 Prayer requests or praises?

Pure necessity

 Ebb and flow

Not always linear

I’ve not always

Addressed the albatross

The elephant 

I’ve not shaken

Depression 

And 

Anxiety

Much like Disability 

Show up 

At unexpected times

With each blessing 

Comes a bittersweet reality

That doesn’t release

And I have 

To come back

To coping mechanisms 

I abandon

Until I realize

I’m not cured

But a daily

Work in

The fruits

Of the spirit

Some of us

Just learn 

To deal

Out of 

Pure necessity 

Coyote

 Early morning fun

When coyotes roam

Right outside

Perfect view

Through

The windowpane 

Body and soul

 Stretch

Your body

Your soul

Might 

Thank you

For giving

Love to something

You’ve neglected

For too long

Chin up 

Child

It isn’t 

The end

But a 

New beginning

Tired

 In the storm

You don’t delight

In my pain

Suffering

I don’t like you

Please renew

My faith

I’m so tired

Of trying 

To do right

It seems futile

Heat

 Hot

Steamy

And sweltering

Summer in the South

Here’s to a cool treat

To ease the strain

Thank you for the birthday wishes. I appreciate it. 

Whole

 Lord

In this thirty-eight year

Please let me live well

Praise effortlessly

Pray with intention

And those 

That hurt me

Love them

So that they

Can do 

The same

Regine

Don’t 

Be 

Offended

How they 

Treat you 

Is not

A reflection

Of your character

But theirs

Lord

You know

My heart

Refine it

And make

It whole

Favorite

 Favorite desserts- cake and brownies 

Olympic sport- Table tennis

Caribbean Island-Anguilla

Writing utensil- Precise V5 Pen

Calming activity-Word searches 

Philadelphia

 In my red tee

Liberty bell

Across my chest

And all I can feel

Is abundance

For seeing 

A world

I only 

Dreamed 

Of before

Getting away

My mind shifts

My heart

Expands

And my soul

Is revived

Knowing

With each space

And every place

I shatter expectations

My own

And that gift

Is the one

My eyes

Get to see

Because of the faith

I cannot

Thought

 This flawed one

Seeks affirmation

From others

That formula

Only brings

Disappointment

For approval

From fellow man

Is a recipe

For regret

From a source

That cannot fill

Our deepest longings

For the One 

Who sustains

Me

Is 

The fixer 

Of my soul

Creates

 I’m sorry

If my words

Are lacking

I’m having

To work 

This muscle

I’m comparing

What I write

And wondering 

Is it too frivolous

Is it meaningful

Does it matter

And 

I still 

I get the privilege

To do it

Maybe some days

I wonder

Whether 

To keep 

At it

But to improve

I must continue 

Despite the doubts

My mind creates

Million bucks

 Dreaming of 

Pizza 

Wine

And 

Gelato

Once you

Visit Italy

It never

Leaves

The heart

Memories

Make me

Feel

Like a million bucks

Tunes

 Pumping up

The tunes

Letting the beats

Take me

To a joyful place

Where the mission

Is to get my 

Body in 

A groove

That lasts

All day

Questions

 Some questions

What’s for breakfast?

Last book you read?

What are you watching?

Where did you go to college?

What is your favorite hobby?

Cheer

 Red

White

And 

Blue

The Olympics

Allow us

To root

On our 

Compatriots

See

 That easy 

Breezy Friday 

Feeling 

That enveloping me

With the warmest hug

One that I need today

To remind me

Of all the goodness

I see

Wisdom

 The view 

Outside 

My window 

Is only 

Evidence

That the 

Lord provides

In my soul 

The knowledge 

Is there

That reminds

Me of 

Your faithfulness

Even when

I am not

Give me wisdom

To not rush 

My wants

For what

You command

Blessing

 Lord

Help us

To see

Each day

As a blessing

We are fortunate

To see

Please pray for the Robson family as they mourn the loss of their daughter Charlotte. 

Settle

 Weeding out the mess

To find the diamond 

Within

Lord, I know 

I shouldn’t  settle

But waiting

Is so hard

Perseverance doesn’t 

Come easy

Downpour

 Downpours

Like life

Are unexpected

But can 

Be exactly 

What is 

Needed 

Bread

 Warm

Crusty

Bread

Soft

Butter

Olive

Oil

The Mediterranean 

Beckons 

Beach

 Sandy beach

Warm heart 

Cold toes

A picnic

Of charcuterie 

And wine

To make 

My day 

Complete

TV

 Rainy day

Here again 

With 

Law&Order

And a coffee cup

What are you doing today?

Questions

 Where do you live?

Favorite place to travel?

Lifelong dream?

Favorite place to eat?

Tell me one fact about yourself not many people know?

Baseball

 Summer fun

Bats swinging

Sunflower seeds

And peanuts

Cracking

Play ball

As the fans

Sweat in

Their seats

Anticipating

Routine fly balls

And towering

Home run bombs

Hopeful desire

 God 

Thank you

For reminding

Me 

Why I write

It helps

Others smile

Think and love

That is my earnest

Desire

Please

Lift

Others

Up

Don’t 

Destroy 

Humans are fragile

In need of compassion

Pray

 Do we have

Any prayer requests

Today

Or praises

To celebrate

Space

 Watching the 

Billionaires battle 

In space 

With awe

As I have

My popcorn

Twizzlers

And chocolate bars

Beside me

Boating

 Boating down

The river 

Chasing the breezes

And a dinner

Of delicious fish

Berries

 A nice bowl

Of oats and berries

With some almond milk

In my coffee

To get my day

Started on

A bright note

Capri

 Strolling down

The runway

With a Bellini 

In my hand

Capri on

My mind

And in 

The rear view 

Mirror

Peach

 Juicy peach

Running down

My chin

Licking my lips

Not minding

The mess

I’ve made

Love

 Today

I’m grateful

To see

To hear

To breathe

And love others

Just as 

He loved me

Pond

 Down by the pond

Pooch by my side

Watching the water wade 

As the fish feed

Is peace 

In real life

If only momentarily 

Independence Day

 Smile bright

Smile wide

It’s Independence Day

Let’s celebrate

Sweet treat

 Sweet treats

Salty feet

On the holiday

I’m enjoying 

The fruits

Of what

Freedom can bring

Heat

 Getting out 

The hose

And slip n slide

About to 

Beat the heat

The old fashioned way

Hot dogs

 Hot dogs

And corn on the cob

Ready to fire

Up the grill

For the Fouth

Of July 

Walking

 Walking 

In the tall grass

Accompanied 

By furry friends

Is the best place

To be

On this rather

Cool morning 

Sunny side up

 Rain

Breeds

Renewal

Sunshine

Brings 

Hope

The vine

 Foggy and dewy

Admiring the garden

Looking for

Ripe tomatoes

To eat

Right off 

The vine

Surfside

 Please pray

For Surfside

Round and round

 Round 

And round

The winding

Road we go

Up the mountain

To admire 

God’s creation

Friday

 Sweet puppy smooches

On the beautiful Friday

Being grateful

In the small details

That surround me

In every way

Remain

 Trust 

When I’m 

Not sure

Of what 

To believe

Anymore

You are 

With me

And that is

Where I 

Must remain

Santorini

 In the Grecian sun

I’m at peace

Among the

Blue hues

That mark

A landscape

I often

Dream about

Until we meet

Santorini

You are 

The fantasy

I wish 

To make real

Sheep

 As the rain falls

I let myself 

Go back

To sleep

And 

Not have

To count

Sheep

Summer

 Summer is here

Toasty rays

And sunscreen

Do battle

As the 

Nearest body 

Of water

Becomes my haven

😊

 Father

Thank you

For your love 

That doesn’t fail

Or disappoint

Amen

 Lord 

Thank you

For allowing me

To focus on 

The good

And letting go

Of what

No longer serves me

Flesh

 Fighting the flesh

With faith 

It’s a battle

Every 

Single 

Day

Optimism

 Starting off

My day

With an 

Optimism

That has

Been lacking

From 

My countenance

For far 

Too long

I’m grateful for all of you

Thank you so much

For pouring 

Into this

Vessel 

So faithfully 

Thought

 Getting out

Of my head

Is proving hard

Today

Gifts

 Blessed

By the 

Daily forgiveness

That is so freely mine

When I seek

The many gifts

You bestow 

On Your children

Joy

 Joy

One word

Seek you everyday

In hopes 

Of what 

I may find

True

 Nuggets of wisdom

In every bite 

Of life

I take

Father

 Gracious Father

Of mercy 

You continue 

To teach

If I only 

Listen

👍🏻

 Sweat girl

Feels so good

You won’t 

Regret it

Smile

 Smile child

It’s alright 

To be

Human

After all

A blessed gift

 Lord

Grateful

For life

Everyday

Is a gift

Worth celebrating 

Release

 Breathe

And release

Smiling

 Anticipating

The rain

And smiling

Blessings

 Lord

In your 

Mercy and grace

I’m very grateful 

For blessings 

I couldn’t imagine 

Free

 Free

What does

It mean

Somebody 

Gave their 

Life

In defense 

Of you and me

Thank you 

True countenance

 Wandering the back roads

Down gravel roads 

Off beaten paths

I find life

At its best

Delighted

By what

I didn’t expect 

That took my breath

And left my face

With a smile

I didn’t fake

Peonies

 Peonies

And picnics

Wine and cheese

I’m ready 

For you

This weekend

Blessing

Grateful 

Is a mindset

A choice

I’m making 

In this moment

Each day

Is a blessing

I often abuse

Round

 Twirling me round

As I lose myself

In summers’embrace

Hummingbird

 Drenched

In morning glory

As the hummingbirds

Sing accapella

Yard

 Sunning

In the heat

That bakes

The clover

In the yard

Faith

 Wait

Slow

Steady

Steps

Are 

Best

Desire

 Let me 

Lay my pride

Down at your feet

My desire

This day

That brings

Sunshine

And unlimited blessings

Rebuke

 Lord

May I be

Receptive

To instruction 

Not defensive

In rebuke

Lovely

 Stand tall

You are

A special creature

Made with love

Beautiful

 Clear head

Sleeping dog

Grateful for

A new day

Saying

I’m all yours

Love to

You 

Blessings

 Showered

Refreshed

Anticipating 

Your blessings 

Hands

 Pray

And 

Leave it

In His Hands

Joy

 Lord

I’m thankful 

For love

And family

That don’t 

Leave me

Each moment 

Is a chance

To restart

And set

A new intention 

Forgiveness

 Forgiveness 

I need it

I haven’t done

The best 

Taking care

Of myself

Today

Is another day

To make right

What is wrong

Rainy

 Rainy day

Watching 

And 

Letting it be

Yes

 Smile bright

Far and wide

Letting

The light 

Within you

Become the spark

For others 

To see

🙏

 I’m having to

Just take

One minute 

At a time

And pray

That all

Will be well

💕

 Thank you 

Waking up

With coffee

And a good friend 

Making 

The best 

Of situations

That cause growth

Even if 

I’m not comfortable 

Reach

 Valley

I really 

didn't want

to meet again

in the rain

i feel you

making it known

that you must

face the mountain

that has become

Goliath

Look up

The Rock

is here

Run to me

not limping

in shame 

and disgrace

Child

I didn't make

you in fear

Stand tall

I will not

Forsake you

Take my hand

it's always

within your reach

Thought

 Lord

People 

Frustrate

Me 

Is 

There

A button 

Where

You can

Stop caring 

Help me 

I don’t know

What to do

Anymore 

Name

 Clear out

The clutter

I’m going

To sing

For I’m alive

In Jesus name

My flaw

 In your World

You tell us

to refrain

From anger

Lord

I'm angry 

at myself

Who knew

the hardest 

person

to forgive 

would be 

the one

I can't bear

to look 

at in

the mirror

having to be honest

to grow

Acceptance

at its root

Problems

aren't fixed

until they're faced

I have rebelled 

help me conform

to Your will

Mine fails

every time

I always seem

to need reminders

that my strength 

will fade

While Yours

Doesn't

I replay

every mistake

each foible 

release me

from my need

for control

it's elusive 

and exhausting

Spring Sunday

 Sunday

Spring

Day 

Stepping on 

Dandelions 

As the

Earth beneath

My feet

Feels like

Home

Easy

 Take it easy

Like a cool

Early morning 

Breeze

Sweeping wisps

Of hair

From across 

My face

Fried egg

 Fried egg

On this Friday 

Has my heart happy 

Relishing the

Joy of

A good meal

Droplets

 Sweet droplets

Rain mixed

With salty tears

Cleansing

Of body and soul

Desiring rest

Above all

Bare feet

 Bare feet

Hit sand 

And immediately 

Sense serenity 

 I have to focus 

On goodness

My mind

Is spiraling 

With what if’s 

Reigning it 

Back in

With gratitude 

I want my way

And God 

Says no ma’am

Breathe

 Breathe in 

Breathe out

Small steps

Lead to progress

That’s what

You’re after

In reality

Walk

 Taking in

The sunshine 

Fresh air

And smelling

The roses

As I take

My daily walk

mantra

 Forgiving myself

is a daily act 

of grace

Acceptance

is a daily reminder

Cerebral Palsy

makes an appearance

Every day

What I tried

to wish away

is always with me

That is why

I must make

a call everyday

to the only One

who gives me perseverance 

to make those calls

deal with difficulty

and understand

that I have to 

make the decision

to be proactive

Cherish your health

and love yourself

no matter what

it costs

Friday

 How are you doing

My sweet friends 

On this beautiful 

Friday morn

Love and hugs

From my heart 

To yours

Restoration

 Stillness 

Is a practice 

I’m still learning 

Mind

And Body

Aligned 

With my

Creator

Praise

 Praising 

My way 

Into a great

Day

Nature’s aroma

 Pink nails

Red toes 

Picking yellow flowers

While honing in

On nearby 

Baby’s breath

And my feet

Get lost

In nature’s aroma

The simple pleasure

Is often

The best one

Merit

 Lord

This morning 

I’m speechless 

In awe

That a broken 

Sin-filled soul

Is given

Hope 

Again and again

In each moment 

Despite the fact

That I don’t 

Merit it

At all

Ride

 Let the mind

Wander

With the waves

Tasting the saltiness

Enjoying the ride 

Beautiful

 Love me

Every day 

In every way

For the heart

Beats 

Feels

Repeats

Water

 The boat’s wake

Looking back 

Clean lines

What once was

Now distant memories 

Etched indelibly 

Forevermore 

heart

 God guide me

Guard me 

from thoughts

that are not 

From you

Redeem me

Refine me

and return

to me

the joy

of my salvation

Prayer

 Lord

Please rid me

Of my need 

To be seen

Or heard

When I’m 

In your Presence 

All is well

And In 

The Hands

That can

Do no 

Wrong

Jesus

 Tennis skirt

Bus

Bible

And a friend 

Where my encounter 

With Jesus

Became real

Tulips

 Spring sunshine

Tulips bloom

And the sight

Of green grass

And bare feet 

Bring sweet renewal 

Thrive

 Smile 

Because 

You thrive 

Survive 

And make 

A difference 

Love it

Seeing You work 

Gives me hope

And a grateful smile

Walk

 Walk

Don’t worry 

I’m right here

Wherever you go

There 

I will be

Surrender

 I think of worst case scenarios

And I need to stop

it's killing me inside

The control freak

in me

can't decide

if I want answers

or can handle them

it's a week 

Where the more

i try to surrender

The more I'm not

getting it right

Who knew 

i ask for prayers

as i let go

And let God

Tired

but a friend

told me

it would take

exhaustion 

until I would 

embrace surrender

Again

 You’ve delivered me before 

You can do it again

I’m scared

With You 

Another testimony 

Will be written

❤️

 When will 

I learn

My answer 

Always comes 

Back to surrender 

😊

 You know 

What I need

Help me 

To trust 

Even if

I’m scared 

😊

 Praying 

And waiting 

With hope 

And expectation 

Perfection

Rest

In 

Progress

Not a desire 

For unhealthy 

Perfection

Desire

 Bring me

To the place

Where peace and 

Perspective meet

Heart is 

Full of joy

When I let

Expectations go

And faith

Rule

In a mind

Rooted in

Love

Not 

Selfish 

Desire

Little

 Enjoying

living

and simply

taking time

to savor 

the little things

Praise

 Help me 

To focus 

On all

That is good

And worthy 

Of praise and adoration 

Know it.

 God

You are 

Forcing me

To grow

And I 

Don’t even

Know it

❤️

 Give me grace

To be kind

When it’s hard

Trust

 Give me strength 

To take each day

As it comes

Have faith 

To trust

The process

Even when

It’s hard

Because 

Health

Is the greatest 

Source of wealth 

🙏

 Losing control

Is not bad

When it’s in

Submission to

Tou

Yes

 In your strength 

I rest

In my weakness 

I yield

To the

Only One

Who can

Make me whole

❤️

 Help me

Be the change

I want to 

See in others 

Walking the walk

Instead

Of talking the talk

Lemons

 Thinking about

A Girl Scout 

Cookie

My favorite 

Lemonades 

I’m grateful 

For the gift

Of sweetness

The thought 

Of love

And the Grace 

To give

What I get

Away

Graceful

 Wake up

Pray

Smile

Thank God

I’m alive

Coming out of

A long 

Dense fog

The tunnel

Lit with hope 

For the first time

Tough seasons

Are there

To show 

What true

Refinement 

Can truly be

Not the

Elusive mirage 

But really 

Reality

Being fulfilled 

In purity

Mercy and undeserved 

Grace

I AM

 Cozied up

In a blanket

Of protection 

From a Savior 

Who guides

My every move

The water rests

The mountains cease

And I remain determined 

To conquer 

The beast

What I am

Is underway 

By He 

Who is

I AM

Freely

 In lush green splendor

The rock formations 

That surround

The waters width

Amazed with serene peace 

As the beauty

Of the natural world

Beckons my attention 

With a simple greeting 

Hello, sweet friend 

Your invitation 

Harkens my surrender

Into an embrace 

I hardly ever forget

Today 

I let yesterday 

Be a memory 

And the present 

An opportunity 

Not to relinquish 

The joy

That may be

Sing the song

That sets

The soul

Free

Redemption

 In nature’s stillness

A lovely soliloquy 

Arises

And on the 

Angelic whispers

I come alive

In knowledge 

That my footsteps

Are never 

Unaided

For in

The Christ child 

Scarred beginnings 

Have uncannily 

Beautiful endings

In weakness 

Comes strength 

In surrender

Redemption 

Eternally

 The scenic vista

Of  the soaring waves

That ebb as I appear

I am a molecule 

In the grandeur 

That is creation

I envision 

A Tuscan countryside 

Made real

All those 

Years ago

Who knew

When a dream

Becomes reality

It’s possibility 

Remains 

And is etched 

In memory 

Eternally

Heart

 What’s on your heart today?

Hold me 

In the arms

That never 

Loosen its grip

From

My sweaty

Palms

Greeks

 Greek beach

My mind 

Needs respite

From a fatigue 

I can’t explain 

Dog

 Cute eyes 

Fluff ball

Is my

Baby boy

A poodle 

Named Tebow

😃

 Keep me

Near

My dear

Boat

 Latin rhymes 

And beats

Bring me 

Back to

Days on

Boats 

Soaking in sunshine 

And carefree memories 

Where my only decision

Was where

Do I want

To eat dinner

💛

 Caribbean blue

White sand

Take my soul 

Away with

The blue waters

Beside me

Loved

 Nice

Warm

Safe 

Loved

No place 

I’d rather be

❤️

 Smile wide

Often

And without hesitation 

Grace

 Give me peace

A life full of Grace

And mercy

For my every

Mistake

Love

 Faith child

It will

Be alright 

🙏🙏🙏

 Give me faith 

To not fear

What I cannot see

And belief

To trust 

In the God

Of all Creation

🐶

 Dog licks

Wags tail

Says 

Come here

Spoil

Me

😃

Warm

 Snuggle 

And cuddle 

Warm 

My bones

And put

A smile 

On my face

Faithful friend

 Friendship 

Honest 

Humble 

True

That’s 

Who

You are

To me

Pray

 Having trouble 

With control

I want it

So bad

And can’t have

It at all

Thank you so much

 Thank you

For giving 

Me a spark 

I’ve been dormant

In hibernation 

I’m meeting 

The world 

Once again

Yes

 Writing 

By moonlight

Creation abounds

When mystery

Becomes your reality

Desire

 Help me

Not regret yesterday 

But learn 

From it

Embrace

 Hug me

Wrap me

In a warm embrace 

As I crave 

A snowy ground

And piping fireplace 

Sing

 Let my heart sing 

Worry fade

Anxiety dissipate 

In Your name

Lord Jesus 

😃

 Smile

Give thanks

And be grateful 

You are loved 

Beyond compare

Beautiful

 Don’t worry 

About what

Others do

You make 

Yourself sick

Over

Which you 

Have no

Control 

Exile

 Staring at 

The screen

Wanting something 

Else but tears

To fall

When

Will I return 

From mental

Exile

Yesterday

 It’s so hard

To be present 

When all

You can do

Is replay

Yesterday 

Thoughts

 Anxiety

Depression

Panic attacks

The trifecta

COVID isn’t 

Getting me

It’s my thoughts

The battle

I fight

Is the one

With my mind

And I’m exhausted 

I can’t remember anything 

My concentration is gone

Focus lacking

I cry

All the time

I’m agitated

And emotionally wrecked

I can’t look

At myself 

In the mirror 

Tomorrow

 I am grateful 

For the chili beans 

In the crockpot 

The music 

That lets

My soul rest

Being content 

In today

Not worried 

About tomorrow 

😃

 One minute 

Moments in time

Be still 

Today 

❤️

 Grateful 

Hopeful 

Restored

Sky

 Morning sky

Morning light

Bright light

Starry sky

Mine

You are 

love

 Sanctify me

strengthen me

take my fear

make me 

a vessel

of brave goodness

Smile

 Smile

Just do it

Fake it

Make it

Struggling

 Jesus 

Anxiety 

Is deep

In my soul 

And 

I’m struggling 

Candy

 Sweetheart

Sweet tart

Candy days

In a candy haze

❤️

 Be grateful 

Have faith 

Believe 

Repeat

Hope

 Hope resides

Faith arises

When I acknowledge 

The weakness 

And know

Strength comes

When I accept 

Help

Appreciated

 Writing 

I hate

To love 

You

I need

You

More than 

I know 

Or ever

Appreciated 

Thank you

 Thank you 

For the support 

You give me

I’m humbled 

depths

 Disability and Depression

I don't know 

which one

has been 

a bigger nemesis

Disability and therapy

Are a lifelong affair

and accepting that fact

Right now

is the most clarity

I've had yet

i can't go back

in time

Because 

Therapy 

is a one hour exercise

in letting my brain exhale

I'm just finally glad

I'm articulating this

at this moment

it's amazing 

what listening

to european football

and music

on in the background

to get me to focus

God is editing 

my brain

so I don't 

scare you

or myself

wondering

how much 

to say

or leave

to the 

imagination

the level

of despair

to which

I can go

God happens

to be

The Only One

Who forces me

into the depths

so I don't 

meet the abyss

Navigate

 Each day 

A struggle 

To straddle

A world 

So hard

To navigate 

Not knowing 

Where

You fit

When 

You decide 

To make

An opening 

Your opportunity 

Surrender

 Plunging

Ocean deep

Where faith

and fear 

converge

wet

swimming 

not stopping

to ask why

Tongue

tasting

saltiness

and understanding

true surrender

hand

 I'm having

to meet you

every day

my heart

and mind

need to

be reassured

that your promise

doesn't rest

on what 

others do

i see you

as the One

who guards

and restores

the brokenness

i feel

I'm uncomfortable

unnerved

questioning

looking for

contentment

in Your hands